Friday, May 28, 2010

The first time I heard a certain song

I thought, "huh, did the Stones do something new?" I'd never heard it before in my life. I was positive. So I looked it up.
No, it was far from new. It was old.
I started thinking about B.S., vaguely. I knew he liked that group. I started to think, hmmm, weird, maybe he liked to listen to them like I like to listen to...
And then I had a little internal mini-nervous breakdown in front of a computer. I think I had to leave and hide in a bathroom stall. It was a terrible feeling. It's pretty impossible to remember how it even felt. It was utter isolation. I think the words "blood on the brain" and "not even crochet could save me" came to mind when I was trying to describe it to myself afterwards. What was weird, was, earlier that afternoon I had taken a nap and it was the most blissful thing. It felt like angels touched me and I was in a state of mind that it was impossible to be unhappy. But then...just a few hours later, there was that deep pit. But I still somehow knew I could get myself out of it. I watched the "Stuck in the Middle With You" song and it broke the spell, good thing. And I thought, that may be the very last time I ever feel that bad about anything connected with B.S. ever again...Now it's just a song. It's not like the earth dropped me into a pit.
2000 Light Years From Home.

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