In a rare instance of a work shift ending before restaurants close, I'm going to use my birthday money to take a man out for his birthday (at a restaurant I chose but I know he will enjoy.)
Saturday, October 03, 2026
Of course we know "The Rules" are not going to apply almost ever...
"What do you think of Fein / Schneider's book..."
Did you know the history of how the University of Cambridge started?
"Some larger context..."
Hari Kondabolu
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6xeQOu14Y/?stkn=MTI4ZXJ5MmtsczB6MA==
I'm taking the unplanned route.
I went to this fun little one-room schoolhouse that's not normally open most of the year and then a big train got stopped on the tracks and blocked me. And now I'm taking a long route and it's the same area I was driving around back when I was thinking about some Thoreau / Emerson type stuff in the winter months. Kind of weird.
Gosh, well, I'm sure I think things will get better.
I feel a lot of anxiousness and illness feelings right now. I really have to take care of this right now.
Plans are always changing.
I planned to go somewhere this morning before it got too hot since there's a heatwave, but as soon as I got in the car anxiety made me turn it around. So now I'm staying here for a while and taking supplements and flower essences and otherwise seeing what my body prefers to do instead. Also there's this weird thing going on with one of my on the upper left side so I have to take care of that now.
Dusting off the two-month-old ukulele right now.
Don't forget to tune it!
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow Iz Ukulele Tutorial Easiest Version"
JJMilare
I think it might take about two years.
Currently estimating that some people's friends will be better at behaving in ways that are a little more empathetic and compassionate towards other people's children in about two years, just based on some simple observations.
Earlier I was listening to a sound bath created by a woman.
Here's a sound bath created by a man! Not all men are... whatever. The Cornell 7. I guess.
"Brain Massage - Vibrations to Lower Cortisol (1 Hour)"
@HealingVibrations
This is so nice to children!
"Activists are pressuring Buffalo corporations to kick ICE out of the office building where it is imprisoning children."
By Derek Seidman , Truthout
Published October 3, 2026
"A Growing Movement Is Working to Evict ICE From Its Buffalo Command Center" | Truthout
This guy has more videos about how messed up fraternities are.
"My fraternity used hazing to reward obedience"
themutualman
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9sjddvLKL/?stkn=MTFuNnd3YWs5b3M4aw==
Have things gotten weird?
"Maybe the rage was never the dangerous part."
cozychaosrebellion
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DeAqNcwvzxy/?stkn=MW91dnA0OGxxMWlpcA==
"This study is so ass."
nathan_ing
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd_itLKRBIR/?stkn=bzFjMzE1dmlxbjhi
"We're done."
c. b. runko
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd_v1s0uj-k/?stkn=MWV0cjBpeTkyODQ5NA==
"In case you are a person with a brain"
toninagy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6vFUjvb4f/?stkn=ZG40YXJ4c213YWc1
I like how this one can make a cortisol surge in the dark hours feel all danceable and stuff.
Billy Joel - "Pressure (Official Video)"
How about those Epstein files?
"In case you are a person with a brain"
toninagy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6vFUjvb4f/?stkn=ZG40YXJ4c213YWc1
Watching both of these again is great for my mental health in these pre-dawn hours.
"Sometimes math is hard."
toninagy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9Y3q9y3UJ/?stkn=MTA4NGdxZXlpdWt3Yg==
"How I healed 👇🏼"
laurenoflove
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd_x-sUsJzV/?stkn=MWt6emw4bmprc3J5Zw==
Oh come on you guys. Don't make me older sister! Why???
I cannot tell you how much I think surviving or trying to help someone else survive the aftermath of a gang rape, a violation of your body in the worst way, torture that happens for hours, is different from recovering from somebody cheating you out of some money. As much as I'm sure that probably hurt! It is not the same.
I feel that I feel that
"Flughafen Tempelhof"
By Beth Ann Fennelly
https://www.americanacademy.de/berlin-journal/flughafen-tempelhof/
AND
The "My Indiana Muse" documentary
https://youtube.com/watch?v=UdVy3t6ZbAk&si=X_jUyhJK_V6IIqYd
pair quite nicely.
It's just so impossible for everyone to succeed or fail in the exact same way.
I don't ever hear about podcasters pressuring people about how to succeed in life by holding up Anne Frank as a role model, but she's been very influential!
Julia Jacklin - "Pressure To Party (Official Video)"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=CZFyqzTCt-I&si=wDsQ08HrUmXEDVx3
Billy Joel - "Pressure (Official Video)"
Friday, October 02, 2026
This evidence of the posthumously influential one.
And the Vicks VapoRub and the Herbert Rowbarge book that I'm taking forever to finish.
I can always look up the Transcendentalists when I need to feel more grounded!
I also have Vick's Vapo Rub, the collected works of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Lucy Maude Montgomery, and a cat that's whining on the other side of the door so I am going to let her in.
https://www.reddit.com/r/CatsBeingDramatic/s/bvUQBW2QGL
Sages on their stages! Don't forget to sage...
"The customers will tip better if you wear makeup and the boys will find you a much better dinner companion if you don't bring up rape."
I'm going to drink my sage in some blackberry herbal tea and go back to looking up my digital oracle card workbook.
I got my headache today after I tried to look at both MIT Technology Review and Times Literary Supplement. It was a lot.
But then my chickpea cookie dough recipe helped.
I think these are both still fun songs to listen to, sometimes.
Charles & Eddie - "Would I Lie To You?"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=G_UXvcr22rM&si=gnGY4e7SxQIrQyrV
Siouxsie and The Banshees -- "Kiss Them For Me"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ij6mFkZU8T4&si=_t83qn7PbmM0T9Qi
Yours in friendly solitariness.
I just know this is really important. It's a pivotal moment in the history of human rights.
"My fraternity used hazing to reward obedience"
themutualman
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9sjddvLKL/?stkn=MTFuNnd3YWs5b3M4aw==
"The fact that none..."
custom.made1968
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DeAln3UOR1G/?stkn=ODUwNWlzdXpsODcw
"How I healed 👇🏼"
laurenoflove
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd_x-sUsJzV/?stkn=MWt6emw4bmprc3J5Zw==
This recipe was my helper today.
"Chickpea Cookie Dough Recipe" - Mama Knows Gluten Free
https://www.mamaknowsglutenfree.com/chickpea-cookie-dough-recipe/
I made it with sesame seed butter (tahini) and date sugar instead of brown sugar, and dark chocolate chips, so it wasn't as sweet. When I went to the store, I honestly didn't feel like buying anything sugary because I could tell my body preferred the chickpea cookie dough to any of the desserts that they had in the store. But I did want to buy berries. And apple slices? Yes, the pre-cut slices I never would have bought when I was younger. But I've been tired and I have a weird front tooth and I don't like biting into full apples. So for some reason I felt like buying the pre-sliced apples was what I needed.
I also believe there are people out there who want to help.
However, they do not know how, and sometimes the situation is beyond what they can do, but they can offer prayers so that the person who is wrestling with the complicated situation can find the ones who can provide the help.
Lots of changes are needed 🎶🪷🕊️💗🙏🏻😇
I'm going through a rough patch and I know that U need to learn how to be better at accepting the healing gentle energies. And I don't need to prove to myself that I'm tough enough by watching a film that traumatized me when I was younger. These are silly things that I created in my mind because of our culture encouraging us to surmount tough obstacles and whatnot. My body is what I need to listen to the most right now. Sometimes my body is going to give me a far more information than my mind can, and then I have to ask the universe to help me know what to do with this information, and that's what's happening right now. Maybe this is why music helps some of us so much.
Sometimes goals change...
I did some reading, and got sleepy, and now I have a headache. I no longer have a goal of watching that film today. But perhaps some other day.
Goals...
I feel like if I stay nice and calm I might be able to finish that movie today. The one that's been unfinished ever since I was in 8th grade. But I don't know yet.
Actually my body needed the healing music more today.
Healing music playlist plus a workout out on the floor in a compassionate environment 💗.
My internal organs sometimes disagree with whatever is going on with my brain, and they think that I need more of the healing music.
This could be a step towards treating yourself better, too.
"Justice for Jane Doe"
blckbrdquitter
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd-EXUlBwHS/?stkn=NHhraXFtbTJpYW5j
"It's so easy to forget."
elazie
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9rV_mzDNN/?stkn=YTdpZ3RpZjNjczFq
"If you can't feel anger and empathy"
chuckforqueens
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9kCfRvdk9/?stkn=NGd5emEzMnJ0NDdr
A person, and not a quota.
"Wouldn't it be sick to be a person"
jordanjensenlolstop
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9eQr7gdDR/?stkn=MWs3NzBncWU4bTh6aQ==
Oh the humanity! Oh the quotas!
When some people act like they can't be bothered to care about horrible things happening to human beings, it reminds me of Nazis because right now I'm thinking about how the mother of Anne Frank's step sister (Eva Schloss) who became Otto Frank's second wife was recalling her time at Auschwitz in one of her daughter's books. She said that at one point, she was put in with a bunch of other people who were about to be sent to the gas chambers even though she wasn't supposed to be in that group, and everybody was freaking out and they knew they were all going to die.
But for some reason, she was able to keep her cool and when she had the opportunity she calmly told somebody in charge that she wasn't supposed to be on that transport, and the person in charge actually believed her and took her out. Then, the senior person scolded the other Nazi person who had put her on the transport. So she kind of saved her own life. Meanwhile, the two female Nazis bickered with each other, and the less senior woman was whining that she was just trying to meet the quota!
Oh the humanity, and you would think we would have been better than this by now!
Maybe this will help...
"Overcome Grief & Sadness | Find Consolation & Inner Peace | 396 Hz"
Inner Lotus Music
Grieve and be inefficient about it.
Grieve. Who needs to be efficient for the ruthless machine that is the carelessly violent and sad Patriarchy?
Things get very flowery on pages 24 - 25.
"All around the porch the lilac bushes were in bud, with just a few blooms among the branches, so that their delicate scent reached us only when a breeze picked up, but I remember the smell of lilacs in conjunction with Stephen's words, and the combination was such a generous offering in the mild weather..."
'The Family Heart"
https://archive.org/details/familyheartmemoi00dewr
Perhaps they're just a very caring family. Going through a certain situation, in a certain era of time.
I read page 21 at 1:21 so I feel I have to share.
What a drastic mother!
"I wandered up and down the stairs, in and out of the rooms, trying to reconcile all the disparate parts of our new situation. Finally, I made coffee and sat down in the kitchen. I had only managed to conclude one thing; I had decided we should move to San Francisco."
"The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew"| Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1123976.The_Family_Heart
Mind you, they're living in big two hundred year old house in Massachusetts. But now that her son has come out to her, she feels she must move the entire family to San Francisco.
Stephen must have been a very special son.
"Our house is sometimes very large and other times overcrowded. Locally, people often refer to it as big, sometimes as huge, but a friend of mine from Charleston, who lives in an antebellum mansion, summed it up as 'cozy.'"
That passage is on page 14.
First grade boys who liked to play with their cheese and crackers packets...
Would have had a lot of fun with Nutella & GO!
Sooo easy to pay attention to, but sooo difficult to actually fix any of their problems...I know something about those types of brothers.
I found a new one. She's just a misunderstood little child in this.
"Judy Tenuta (2/15/89) (RIP Love Goddess)"
Thursday, October 01, 2026
What could prevent that from happening again?
It's very next level to go to the next level like for instance to wonder about the circumstances that created the situation if you suffered...
It's time to restore humanity's faith in humanity's decent qualities.
"Wouldn't it be sick to be a person"
jordanjensenlolstop
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9eQr7gdDR/?stkn=MWs3NzBncWU4bTh6aQ==
"I was rolling around in my head just how many high profile men are abusers"
mysterenygma
What a variety of dreams I have had.
The best one was about saving cats, because I got to pet cats and tell them I love them. The guy who was supposed to be helping me save the cats was being super flaky and non-available though. I was very frustrated about that part but I was hoping that he was going to come back soon. Another dream was just about a bunch of throw up being all over a hallway and needing to clean it up. A mother figure in that dream said she didn't mind. I repeated the phrase after her. I didn't mind.
Now I feel very hot.
It's time to take my special hormone balancing supplements, which I've gotten kinesiology tested for, and I get retested for. But I neglected to take them this morning.
I feel like "How had we not noticed and been offended by it before?" can apply to lots of things.
"Wow. Listen to this. This IS a thing
love.ismyonly.energy
https://www.threads.com/share/BCLmx3jiPX/
...
@allisontaskcoach
@morganstrehlow
...
"Interpretive dance"
karen_elizabeth67
https://www.threads.com/share/_22dLajiD/
"The wrong people are being detained. This is Trump's America."
kikimaro
To be "relentlessly chipper and incurious" is an old pattern of behavior that's been passed down as a "safe" survival strategy, but it's actually not.
And also, the pastime of watching sports!
"Stephen must not have known what to do next. Charles and I were relentlessly chipper and incurious over the few days following the day he told us he was gay. We didn't ask any questions at all, apparently less interested than if he had told us he had read a good book, and I don't remember that Charles and I even discussed these new circumstances with each other.
In the evenings we sat with books before us, but we didn't read; it requires reflection. We watched any sports we could find on television. There was no refuge in anything else on TV, because we discovered right away that, in 1991, the most innocent of sitcoms almost invariably had a passive but definite anti-gay agenda. Trotting out a stereotypical gay man-- although rarely ever a lesbian-- was apparently always good for a laugh. Or at least it filled a little time in those generally mindless scripts. How had we not noticed and been offended by it before? We watched a lot of baseball."
~ Robb Forman Dew
Page 15
"The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1123976.The_Family_Heart
I'm reading the physical hardcover book I bought for $1, but I might have to put it down and tend to the headache if it gets worse. I also read a bunch of online stuff earlier.
I definitely want to watch this new East of Eden series.
"It's been adapted by Zoe Kazan, who spoke of her wish to approach the source material in as 'personal' a way as the original author, John Steinbeck, did. And that's the thing about historical fiction; texts written long ago, at a time and place we no longer have any real comprehension of, can still speak to us on a visceral, relatable level.
For Kazan, there's a very specific and unique connection. The 1955 film adaptation of East of Eden, perhaps the most famous on-screen depiction of the story starring the late Hollywood icon James Dean, was directed by her grandfather Elia Kazan."
~ Laura Jane Turner
"Florence Pugh is phenomenal in Netflix's East of Eden"
https://www.digitalspy.com/tv/a73924186/florence-pugh-east-of-eden-review/
What about all of the conversations people can start having with blades of grass and acorns and trees?
Kind of fun to think about solitary, unprincessy Thoreau sometimes, though.
What was normal yesterday? Might not be as normal today or tomorrow.
"There are men making reels like this one"
claritywithclint & callifindingjoy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6dp_BRp-l/?stkn=MW40NTNqYjQ0N2Fudg==
"I didn't expect my son to get emotional"
driven.byjamie
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6Y238MFSU/?stkn=ZHVoZHczMzd6aDBt
Right now, this is some of what's happening because great harm has been caused.
"Oh, and by the way"
rey_philosophy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd8D2srR9v9/?stkn=bnMyc2J2c3N2eHFh
Wednesday, September 30, 2026
The cat is a good creature.
I felt like my ego can't deal with how flawed I have decided to look for hopefully some higher purpose to serve the greater good and now my cat has decided that I am the best person for her to purr on and cuddle up with now. Maybe I'm here to help the cat ladies of the world. There's a lot of them.
I kind of feel like I did well enough for myself today.
I feel compassion for my younger self who was already in the middle stage of life and didn't know what to do and was looking for healing and community.
Tonight I was just by myself and I went to the Disneyland of pumpkin patches, and on this particular day, I could get in for free because I was a local. And now my curiosity is satisfied. I didn't feel tempted by any of their food because I had chocolate cake in the middle of the day. And I walked around for several hours.
I actually think I have more peace of mind now than when I was younger. And remember when I went to an event featuring Amma, the hugging saint. The entourage that was with her seemed not very friendly, so I decided I was only visiting their community. But I remember thinking I just don't know what to do or how to feel better.
Sometimes I would go to a free meditation class, with optional donation, and I actually felt like going to this class was helping me preserve my sanity. A lot of traumatic stuff was happening. But even there, the guys in charge would sometimes make these weird jokes. And I noticed that some women in the class would look at each other and frown, and I didn't really care for the jokes either. I was thinking things like, I'm trying to heal from some very serious stuff and you have to ruin the peacefulness with your joke even though you have all this wonderful meditation knowledge.
But some sexist humor was coming through even though the meditation man was with a spiritual girlfriend. But it's possible that somebody else talked to them about it or else they picked up on it psychically because then at another subsequent meditation session they were confessional and shame-faced about the sexist thoughts they'd had in the past. They said that when they were younger they used to look at women as makeable or not makeable, and then they realized that they were not well in looking at women that way.
Well, that was a long time ago but I was thinking about it lately. Even as I was walking around the pumpkin fair with my thoughts. There were some very young people on dates and two couples at two separate places asked me to take their picture. I'm kind of glad I looked like a safe person to them.
Back to my thoughts about the meditation guy, back in 2009 or so. I remember when he said he and some friends were on retreat and then they went out to get an ice cream cone and the sound of police siren went off nearby and they were in such a strange state of mind that they ducked under the car dashboard to hide because they felt like they were going to get arrested for indulging in an ice cream cone.
That was a funny story.
Way to take the edge off the end of another long work shift when you've hit rock bottom during that financial collapse in the 2000s.
Polyphonic Spree ~ "Light and Day ~ live Kimmel"
I skipped ahead to another section.
She also gives a very non-sentimental account of childbirth. Oh, this book is going to be good for me!
"The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1123976.The_Family_Heart
Just it opened my impulse, I mean, I just opened my impulse purchase.
And they are talking about this song!
Duran Duran - "The Reflex (Official Music Video)"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=J5ebkj9x5Ko&si=5I9JGqJe4usk2W58
I'm going down corridors to childhood today.
Today's impulse purchase.
Cost two quarters and five dimes.
"The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew"
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1123976.The_Family_Heart
I think it's because it's from the '90s...
The twins' father is such a character.
And their mother is such a character, too.
"Herbert Rowbarge by Natalie Babbitt" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/449892.Herbert_Rowbarge
I wish they would make this into a good film or a series. There's something about it.
"Herbert Rowbarge by Natalie Babbitt" | Goodreads
Herbert is such a character.
You can read this for free in the app.
Wow! The Sun's birthday was in September too.
"The Student Journalists Who Never Let the Cornell Assault Case Go"
"The student newspaper, The Cornell Daily Sun, covered the allegations of rape at a fraternity house since they were first made in 2024 and led the reporting on the case."
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/29/nyregion/cornell-daily-sun-newspaper-rape.html
Oh wait, my train of thought got interrupted again.
"The Student Journalists Who Never Let the Cornell Assault Case Go"
"The student newspaper, The Cornell Daily Sun, covered the allegations of rape at a fraternity house since they were first made in 2024 and led the reporting on the case."
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/29/nyregion/cornell-daily-sun-newspaper-rape.html
The stupid voice recognition thought I said "Oh wait, am I trying to f***" and I could not let that one go but it feels like there's this little jokester that sits on my shoulder who still thinks it was funny.
But then again, there's also literature to read and documentaries to watch.
"The norm was that people should be sexually open."
nicranson
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Ddw8gqKPiY0/?stkn=MTg2dWx0cGloZ3Buag==
Well I know it's just a post chocolate cake heys
Once upon a time we were all children, fresh and innocent and open to the possibilities of the world!
Now I just want to make fun of cults in a creaky voice. Please.
Just let me make fun of cults, just for a little while...
I also think people should be more concerned about the health of men, TBH.
What is it with patriarchal men and their incessant creepy dehumanizing sexual fixation with young girls.
"Weird. It's almost like this is how it works."
juliahub
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd4jsGTy_ea/?stkn=MWV2bjRvaWE0NWtpcw==
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)