And I remembered how I liked the part of this book where the author called herself, as a young woman trying to teach English in Czechoslovakia, "a very trying girl." But now back to the documentary that her book led me to discover!
Friday, September 11, 2026
I need to listen to this 15 minutes in while I unload the dishwasher, and then back to the "My Indiana Muse" film!
"Kodachrome / Mabellene (Live at Central Park, New York"
Simon And Garfunkel
Everything is very, very cyclical.
Earlier today I got this very vulnerable feeling about me, especially around the heart area, and the only thing I could do was kind of curl up in a ball and lie on my side, and it's like I had my two feet with a little soft pillow in between them and it felt like the feet were just talking to each other, like helping each other out, in order to help the human process the experience.
But now I sort of feel normal again.
I don't have as much of that weird heavy feeling around the chest anymore.
Isn't that a blessing?
We'll see how long it lasts.
I also think a triangle model could be applied to other things in life, too.
Like, if you had an upbringing that was not necessarily so ideal, then when you're at the bottom of the triangle, you're still in a lot of murkiness and confusion as you're dealing with the pain and trauma. And then, as you get towards the top of the triangle, you can find more joy in fulfilling your destiny, which is to learn more about the nature of love when you've been given a certain set of challenging circumstances to deal with!
In my heart, I know I can provide evidence of experiencing all the levels! 😀
"Hope we all get to Level 7 ✨"
baddestbinthebldg
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdE0tF-RZ18/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Details from someone whose friend from NY is being detained unjustly.
"I have been fighting to get my friend Benny out of ICE concentration camps for exactly 270 days"
cheerupcharlye
https://www.threads.com/share/_wK6Mh7RY/
Fundraiser by CheerUp Charlye : Free Benny, Reunite A Family
https://www.gofundme.com/f/free-benny-reunite-a-family-rebuild-our-farm-restaurant
"About Benny: Benny was brought from Guinea, Africa to the United States in 2011 by a dance and acrobatics troupe from New York City. At the time, he was only 17 years old and arrived on a H2B visa to be a dance/acrobatics instructor in NYC.
Benny worked for the dance troupe for over 2 years without receiving a single payment for his labor. After his visa expired, Benny was turned out onto the streets of NYC to figure things out for himself. Barely an adult, he was able to find a job + room and board at a hotel restaurant in Manhattan.
Looking out from the sky-rise windows of his room over Lexington Avenue, Benny began to build a life in the city he had always dreamed of.
In 2018, Benny booked me as an audio engineer to record his music.
On Benny’s first day in the studio, he had an interpreter with him because he didn’t feel confident in his English. Halfway through the session, the interpreter told me that there was no point for him to be there because Benny and I understood each other even if we didn't communicate with the same language.
After that first session, we became fast friends and Benny started to come back to record every single week. Through 10 years working with me in the studio, Benny became fluent in English, and we recorded over 100 songs together. Over time, I witnessed Benny speak, sing, and freestyle in 9 different languages. Thanks to Benny, I became so much more aware of the effort it takes to learn English, but also the lack of credit polyglots in the United States receive. I was even able to learn a little SouSou and Patwah along the way.
During that time, it was us against the world!
Two young adults, barely drinking age, from small towns oceans apart. Me, a homeless disabled transgender audio engineer, and him, an African-Jamaican singer, trafficked to the US to dance.
We found each other fighting for the same dreams in the streets of NYC. Together we learned to sing our way through COVID, through societal collapse, through joy and suffering. In the day time, we both worked our asses off in restaurants; at night time, we would meet in the studio to record our stories
Our dream was, and will always be, our freedom.
For the past 12 years, Benny has worked to build a life here in the US.
Benny got married, he renovated a house in Queens, NY and used it to buy a farm in NJ to raise goats, and start a business. He has a beautiful 1yr old daughter and he loves his life here.
Last December, Benny was harassed on the street of Vineland, NJ.
Fearing for his life, he went into a police station to file a police report. While in the police station, an ICE agent heard his African accent, gave Benny a deportation form, and lied claiming it was a harassment report. Benny did not understand the legal jargon on the paperwork, so he trusted the ICE agent and signed on the dotted line for his own incarceration."
I want to be successful enough to make a pilgrimage to an island I used to live on.
And there's a song that reminded me of a particular place where commerce occurred and cats slept on the merchandise; they really liked doing that.
"We are restocked"
countrystoreandfarm
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUV6d4GjVU7/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"The weather is fixing to change"
countrystoreandfarm
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdHGV2qONg7/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"It's time!"
countrystoreandfarm
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaLUEZZB6fh/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Tim Noah - "Country Store"
Oh, this was terrible.
"#neverforget"
someguymark
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdKkLMNJ1pP/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Oh, he had me going. All indignant about how I was glued to the cable TV and freaking out and feeling alone in the house with my sister because our parents were still on vacation several states away in South Carolina and how there were friends who knew people who lost family members. Oh my goodness. Gracious. Well, the video game was clearly important to him.
Sometimes I have to remind myself of the fortunate times.
I did have some very fortunate times when I was growing up and I felt very close to Nature and I felt like spirituality was accessible and some of these books were lying around the house and making me feel like quite the wise little being before I knew how much life was going to knock me around when I got older. Why do you suppose we lose our way sometimes?
"Books by Sanaya Roman (Author of Spiritual Growth)"
I also feel like I need to honor this part of the experience of being here right now.
Like it was almost pre-ordained that people would need to learn certain lessons again.
"Terrible things are happening outside"
legeciii
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbbeUcDOLN4/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
These are just the sort of things the universe seems to want me to think about sometimes, you know?
"Tina Bell, who pioneered the grunge sound..."
lostwomenseries
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdFpe32Bj6w/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"A whole generation of us were quietly praised for being low maintenance"
confused_and_competent
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcbrLXGNdTP/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"Men and audacity"
zoe.lilou
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdJjpOrA1V5/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"We can and have to do better for the black cats"
houseofblackcatmagic
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaeGWW-NfFX/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"Baby Come Back" ~ Player
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vLtmmFjxSoc&si=csdNZe_S06IR1NMc
🫣🙏🏻🎵💗😸
I want to learn more about this one.
"Neuro Emotional Technique (NET)" - Atlanta Relationship Institute
https://atlantarelationshipinstitute.com/neuro-emotional-technique-net/
Some people have used it on me before and it really helped. But then the next day comes and the new stuff comes up. I wonder if I could use it on myself or something.
There's a part of me that likes being an empath because it's very interesting and even fun and I appreciate empathy.
I feel like I'm an empath and people don't actually need to feel like they love me in order for me to have empathy for them. Sometimes I start to get a lot of feelings of empathy and it gets overwhelming. Well, if I'm just lying in my bed, I can let stuff cycle through me. But most people in the standard workplace environment don't have that empath thing going on. I mean, if you're a big empath, you might feel the need to have a lot of alone time, I think. Because you're feeling a lot of things. And then sometimes empathy gets crisscrossed with hypervigilance and then perhaps being triggered into needing to protect the self or others starts to make things go a little haywire.
I think this passage is very interesting. It could speak to lots of different kinds of situations.
"I was in my mid-twenties when I first learned to understand love 'as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another spiritual growth.' It still took years for me to let go of learned patterns of behavior that negated my capacity to give and receive love. One pattern that made the practice of love especially difficult, was my constantly choosing to be with men who were emotionally wounded, who were not that interested in being loving even though they desired to be loved."
bell hooks
page 10
"All About Love: New Visions by bell hooks" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/17607.All_About_Love
This morning I was thinking about a song that reminds me of childhood and it's a bit nostalgic.
And I'm sure most of the time it's taken like it's being sung to another person, and that could be true, but right now now it almost seems like maybe it could be a song you sing to yourself. Like if you abandoned parts of yourself, you can sing it to yourself.
"Baby Come Back" ~ Player
I need to stay inside and cultivate more calm again.
Something that's really challenging about living through this time is knowing you're not performing to whatever other people's standards or your even your own standards were in the past because other things are taking priority instead. You have to adjust your expectations. You have to almost become a new person. A lot can change very quickly. It's happening. Change is happening.
I just can't tell you how amazing it is to get little glimpses of a better future sometimes.
Because it was not that long ago that I was sitting on the balcony of my apartment feeling like I was at the bottom of the barrel and nobody was ever going to feel like my experiences were important enough to be recognized and at the same time it was like there were spirits telling me things that were encouraging and I was like God, I just don't even believe them. But I did sort of make a little part of me believe them. But I just was like, I have no idea when things are going to get better. It'll be another couple decades and I'll be old by the time things start getting better. And I don't mean totally fixed. I just mean better. But now I'm starting to believe them. It's like spirits were whispering things in my ear several years ago that now seem possible. And they did not seem possible a few years back.
I feel it's giving rise to some other thoughts right now.
People have to believe that raising expectations and sometimes calling out and addressing hard things is going to be compatible with increasing their opportunities to experience all kinds of love and more kinds of pleasure in ways that are better for all of us on our planet.
People are feeling the need to call out violence and misogyny more now.
The culture is changing. I'm actually surprised. This was not happening as much a few years ago. A lot of stuff that used to be swept under the carpet is now being examined more openly and thoroughly by both men and women. But I don't know if it's just happening online or if it's also happening in spaces where I was and felt traumatized when it didn't used to happen. I don't know that at this time.
"We gotta watch the boys."
tactless_radio
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc7ic30OSjJ/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Next book?
"The Antidote by Karen Russell"
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/214537790-the-antidote
Starting off strong with a six-year-old boy getting pummeled by toxic masculinity in the prologue.
And so polished, too.
"A new personality was unlocked that day."
@erinmiller
https://youtube.com/shorts/3-6_qL2bUZs?si=Yz06ysQ7xy8FGZ-R
"Balsamic Glazed Roasted Vegetable Meatloaf Recipe"
https://jeanetteshealthyliving.com/balsamic-glazed-roasted-vegetable-meatloaf/
🎵Alice in Chains "Man in the Box"
purr.chaos.triplets
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcZ9TbKMgK1/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Scarred is like Southern talk for scared.
If the wickedness scarred you so much, how'd you get so much self-esteem to put out all that stuff?
"When your mom moves a quarter of an inch"
featherandtoothless
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbjgtmgPQpy/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
You're just a passe.
"Tori brought some Sugar..."
mrscrabbyapple
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcOhvvOx-tI/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"Identity theft is not a joke."
bobatea.fett
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DbyZhKNivAW/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"He's built like a sweet potato."
mikeymikeymotocykey
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdG1DZOz5zz/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"You can hide anything in there!"
brentterhune and shane_hartline
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdE4ChjvCsf/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"And we love and support that"
"You can hide anything in there!"
brentterhune and shane_hartline
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdE4ChjvCsf/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
In fact, she might even want to support me because of how ostracized I felt.
I feel more clean now, and I have decided that there's evidence that the Divine Cosmic Mother does not have a problem with me pointing out some of the imbalances and injustices that some people really haven't been wanting to look at too closely.
I'm going to reunite with a water element.
Actually, I have decided it's better for my health to be more chill and not too weird right now. I like how water can have a nice tranquilizing effect. That's a good thing about water, sometimes.
What does it mean? Is it more offensive if it's female or male?
"Offensively excitable behaviors in our era."
ERA!
We still don't have the ERA, the Equal Rights Amendment. Why is that offensive?
I think all people deserve to have healing and soothing spa experiences.
I would like to have some. I would like other people to have some. I would like for people to feel emotionally regulated and good a lot. I would like for myself to feel that way, too.
What do you think?
Would it be feminist to do a creative project about other people's moms, or would it just be rude if you don't get collaborative help?
I love how they're tapping into their inner children to create this amazing ditty!
"$50k seems a bit low for a soul"
goodcop_radcop
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdGwYzXASae/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Kitty cats!!! 💗😸🪄🎩
"I'm the trash man!"
_shadowcat08
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdENjanhRX6/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"Every time we meet another trucking kitty."
truckin_cat
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdG8PbCRGpi/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"She might prefer the streets."
pepperbepper
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdDW5mLJwzE/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
And we're not on Earth forever. 🌎🪱🏜️⛱️🗺️♻️
It doesn't matter so much if people don't like you for being "more feminist" right now, because a lot of times, they actually do respect your stance more later. Somehow, the passage of time seems to make it seem to make more sense to some people.
Unfortunately, the more people don't want to look at this stuff, the more I feel obligated to not go along with the crowd and to look at it.
And I do mean obligated, for multiple reasons.
"Two tiny siblings show how women are deeply socialized to become victims"
whathereallymeans
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdHeNk8OFh_/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
With the way the world's been operating these days, I think it's really good that this exists.
"The Zone of Interest | Behind the Scenes"
A24
Who knows, maybe they really did have a good relationship.
16 back then was like the modern-day version of 18 or 19 now?
"In April 1842, aged 41, Moltke married his 16-year-old step-niece Bertha Maria Wilhelmine Burt, known as Marie. She was the daughter of John Heyliger Burt, of St. Croix in the Danish West Indies, a member of a wealthy slave-owning planter family. Burt had married Moltke's sister Auguste after the death of his first wife, who was also a German.[32] It was a loving union and they remained married until Marie's death on 24 December 1868, although they had no children. Moltke never re-married. He was devoted to his wife, and long after her death still daily visited the chapel where she and her sister were buried to meditate."
"Helmuth von Moltke the Elder" - Wikipedia
Would I want to watch this right now, or not. Not too sure.
"'The Zone of Interest’ Producer Ewa Puszczyńska and Director Jan Holoubek Say ‘Wild, Wild East’ No Longer Feels Like a Period Drama: ‘It Can Happen Again. It Already Is’
Polish Second World War thriller premieres at TIFF"
It's just feelings and tastes vary.
I feel like if the book was about Elia and Olivia I would still think that the characters' love is not very deep. I mean, I'm not saying it's nothing. It's just like, compared to all the other loves in the universe, I think there's room to grow. And I think if it was about two lesbians I would think the same thing. Or if it was about a man and a woman, I would also think that.
Have to start repairing those things.
I feel like a lot of things that are happening now and back then are happening because so much of patriarchical culture is too messed up.
I don't know why humans have had to experience such things.
I think I was in a man's body during the era when the Holocaust happened. Or else, somebody who was in a man's body back then has done a good job of having their Spirit be a part of me.
It might still be unusual in this era.
Having the sort of consciousness that thinks oh you have memories like you were a boy in a really previous lifetime and it's both very close and far away from now.
Time flies when you're not falling asleep yet.
Perhaps we'll meet in Switzerland on a mountain someday!
Thank God for that. What a relentless dream!
At least I'm not a man who needs to make a sister feel like she's got to ditch women in order to prop me up.
I'm sure I can go back to sleep and have a less relentless dream really really soon.
Weezer, Best Coast - "Go Away (Lyric Video)"
Relentless! Even in my dreams the messages won't stop.
Why can't you stop betraying girls and women in order to survive your sexist culture?
You know in these times of deportations...
I had a dream that it was very serious thing to be a girl on a plane if it was going to a certain country. That is to say, a life or death type of situation.
Thursday, September 10, 2026
It's how a life unfolds sometimes.
I decided to show the messiness of what humans can go through but maybe from the messiness something good and beautiful and new can get created. But maybe I don't need to make it today. I just want to take a nap or something.
It would just be such a wonderful thing for this planet if more people really learned how to take care of themselves.
"Don't make me do it if I don't want to." It's like that thing when I was a kid and I got forced to travel and I didn't want to. And I would get sick. God I would hate for anybody to go through some of the stuff I went through. I'm not interested in anybody repeating that stuff. That was enough.
It's kind of nice imagery to think about that.
It's cool to think of letting a lot of stuff go up into the clouds somewhere where I / it can get recycled and like maybe in the future a new garden is going to get planted or something.
Things that take time take time.
I actually am really close to changing and letting a lot of stuff go. I guess I'm a slower one, sometimes? Well, there's a lot to process and let go of so you know it takes time and I'll have to learn how to get better along the way. What seems to be best for health? Are you supposed to advocate for a cause or are you supposed to just take care of your own body? And I'm starting to lean towards the water. I mean the latter.
Fly haven temple?
"Flughafen Tempelhof" - American Academy in Berlin
https://www.americanacademy.de/berlin-journal/flughafen-tempelhof/
Cult of personality culture may have started dwindling down for some very good reasons.
"Portland renames César E. Chávez Boulevard for all farmworkers"
Maybe there is growth. Not in feeling your POV is rejected, but in feeling more considerate of another POV...
Not everyone can have the same experiences at the same time because everybody's been born to different experiences. And when people are feeling better about themselves, maybe it is easier for them to be more considerate about what others might be going through as a result of how Society has been structured to treat certain people differently than others.
Maybe they were family in another time...
"My Indiana Muse (Movie Trailer)"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=hmf26ZFlnT8&si=cyrWG0IR6F7-qI44
"My Indiana Muse" (Documentary)
How cool is that t-shirt?
I think it looks really cool. An orange slice as a skirt!
"A Slice of Orange..."
nicranson
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdHCsRKOveL/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Pour them. Poor them. Why did they need to do that?
I think some of the cult leaders were way too irresponsible in how they manipulated other humans in the past.
That's the thing...
I feel like people who are good at challenging (what I meant to say was channeling) need to be a little bit careful. I don't know how somebody can feel like a normal person you can talk to in one moment and then like this ginormous force that you're not quite equipped to handle yet in another.
I cannot leave this house right now.
I need oceans of calm. I'm drinking D-Mannose in lemon water. It might be better later. Adding Ashwagandha.
Huh. I guess that was like being 18 back then.
"In April 1842, aged 41, Moltke married his 16-year-old step-niece Bertha Maria Wilhelmine Burt, known as Marie. She was the daughter of John Heyliger Burt, of St. Croix in the Danish West Indies, a member of a wealthy slave-owning planter family. Burt had married Moltke's sister Auguste after the death of his first wife, who was also a German.[32] It was a loving union and they remained married until Marie's death on 24 December 1868, although they had no children. Moltke never re-married. He was devoted to his wife, and long after her death still daily visited the chapel where she and her sister were buried to meditate."
"Helmuth von Moltke the Elder"
Like...
"He is often referred to as Moltke the Elder to distinguish him from his nephew Helmuth von Moltke the Younger (Helmuth Johann Ludwig von Moltke), who commanded the German army at the outbreak of the First World War." "He is notably the earliest-born human whose recorded voice is preserved, being born in the year 1800. He made four recordings; two that were recorded in October 1889 are preserved to this day."
"Helmuth von Moltke the Elder"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helmuth_von_Moltke_the_Elder
I just want to make fun of church so bad right now.
Freedom...🙏🏻💗😊🎶😸
Women's and Girls' Bodies should be less oppressed by Patriarchal Society and Thoughtless Men and Reproductive Rights are Very Important.
Sigh. Airports. ICE.
"Absolutely Disgraceful and Disgusting"
back.up.bruhhh
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc6KveRBIrV/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
I cherish creativity and the creative sentiments.
Sometimes, some people are here to make things feel more "Even Stevens" in this lifetime, as opposed to whatever was going on in another lifetime. But Cult Leader Dynamics do not make things feel more "Even Stevens."
It's a lot to process. Thank God for kitty cats!
"The army psychologist in charge of watching the Nazis during Nuremberg said their one unifying trait was a complete lack of empathy."
mmikehidalgo
I'll definitely get a chance to watch this again before I die!
"Private Benjamin (1980) Official Trailer" - Goldie Hawn
That's why we should have been trained to worship cats instead.
Cats are the best! You just have to treat them with basic respect and they are so f****** happy!
Emotions are stored in your hip flexors, so if you're a sensitive girl, you should do some yoga.
Video games is not your way.
Followed by another, more sympathetic thought.
Really, it is too bad the unwell patriarchal system doesn't treat all men with equal value and respect, huh?
Well that's an interesting belief system that's coming up based on real life experiences.
By the way, never expect a burnt out man to be interested in your dreams. It's not happening.
Oh, this is why this good book is hard to read sometimes.
"I was raised in a strict Catholic family, in a stately Victorian home..."
Page 72
"The Irish Goodbye: Micro-Memoirs by Beth Ann Fennelly" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/233411621-the-irish-goodbye
That's what my childhood should told me I should be more like. Besides skinnier. And lighter, and fairer. And the sort of person who would grow up to "marry well" and carry babies in her womb, and give birth to them.
People should read this essay.
Especially people who are all into manifesting a better life for themselves and whatnot.
"Flughafen Tempelhof" - American Academy in Berlin
https://www.americanacademy.de/berlin-journal/flughafen-tempelhof/
In which the author volunteers to help refugees at the same time as she got invited to stay in a chateau on a lake with her husband. It did the thing where it made tears come to my eyes and it also made kind of almost half sob. As I noticed that the place with the superior tea drink has an inferior breakfast sandwich. Sigh.
The place with my preferred tea drink is opening in 5 minutes. I have to get ready.
Songs will be playing in the coffee and tea shop. Songs that are so much more pleasing to my ear than that one song I'm honestly so sick of hearing! Why not give it a rest? What about all the other ones?
Lots of thoughtful comments are being bandied about.
"THE UnSPELLING PODCAST Episode: WHO WAS KING JAMES"
mamatraywilbon
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc-QYAOOCCh/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Imagine the other possibilities. *Shiver.*
I'm actually glad I'm too feminist for you. Or maybe, I'm not too feminist for you, and that would be extra joyful.
I don't know. I guess I'm sort of shell-shocked or something.
It's amazing how much more comfortable you are when it comes to going along with some truly abusive behavior than with having kind of like just a normal conversation.
If I go out of the house today, I think I should get a tea.
You might be acting like a twat who's scared of having a cup of coffee and that's understandable and you don't have to have coffee cuz sometimes coffee triggers anxiety and some people could just have a nice drink made out of tea instead.
I got the song in my head and then I found out there's going to be a documentary.
Do you think it will help?
"Oasis: Don't Look Back In Anger" | Official Trailer
Meh! That's not very motherly of them.
Children are getting put in concentration camps, and average adults are just getting more selfish and pathetic. People are pleasure seekers, and that's okay. But fascism is not okay.
I feel sisterly when I say this.
I do feel like I would like that one book character so much better if he wasn't such a selfish, entitled, spoiled f****** brat.
Thank God for not burning witches at the steak. Ha, ha. I mean stake.
Thank God for that in this Century.
How middle-aged?
Isn't it just so crazy how childish adults can be? I know this very well, because I can be a very childish middle-aged person, too. But people can be soooo childish, and it's like they seem like they don't even want to know what their mothers were really like. They just want their mommies to take care of them, and that's it!
I think we should work on a fun creative project about mothers.
I think we've only scratched the surface when it comes to certain topics, and they're so much more interesting then they've been given credit for, and there's so much more that could be explored and uncovered.
Anyways, let's hold space for this.
It's really obvious that the patriarchal culture does not want you to be feminist. You know, it's pretty obvious that the patriarchal culture did not ever reward you for having a feminist attitude, and that's why you're not very feminist. Who can trust you? Abusive men can trust you to do what the patriarchy trained you to do. That's what kind of sucks.
I mean, if that was the best you could do, then I guess that was the best you could do.
It's like, sure you're better than the worst and most chauvinistic abusers, but you're still so much more of an a****** than you actually needed to be.
I feel like my inner child is not reacting in a very happy way to this information right now.
Thinking about how entitled some people clearly feel to treat a lot of women and girls like crap just because of whatever traumas they've encountered throughout their lifetimes and all the societal pressure to fit in and go along with what others are doing and how others are behaving.
Wednesday, September 09, 2026
This could lead to some interesting discussion.
"GRWM
Let's talk about women who carry patriarchal water."
secondchancechick
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc_bb7MtbMi/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
It's as if the ridiculousness just has to crumble right now.
"THE UnSPELLING PODCAST Episode: WHO WAS KING JAMES"
mamatraywilbon
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc-QYAOOCCh/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
The system is failing right now.
"The system would fail"
newfoundland_witch_co
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdExX6vxH3M/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Just think of how we're still much more advanced in this Century.
We're not burning witches now, are we? No, we're not doing that. That's pretty cool.
Do you know that it's a very interesting feeling?
Feeling the cockles of your heart get warmer as you think, "I don't f****** care if you hate me for telling the truth. In fact, I kind of hope you do, if that's what it takes for something to sink in."
This is a writing prompt. And it's only one shot of espresso. It's just a writing prompt.
Some people are going to be fun and great in the future. Especially when they stop doing the exact things that have enabled the violent patriarchal culture to keep doing the stuff that f***** up your life.
These are four that are fun.
"You're not saving him, you're enabling him."
fromayoungmatriarch
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdDN5FrTGgM/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"Giving men the love that they deserve"
elleorlando
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcCJIodCa9E/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"You may feel extra emo"
katkallinglifts
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdDoMpINp2I/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"BOBCAT scared off by Floppers the cat"
jacobmossjeweler
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdDHPkAu2jk/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
What a relief! Just admit this is what is happening.
Some people are going to have to feel more able to heal their own things according to their own sense of timing before they can feel able reach out to others.
I had to change my assessment of a situation again.
I don't think I should have a treat in the evening that has any regular espresso in it. I took some stuff for anxiety. Anxiety is such a saboteur. Unfortunately, I wish Society would just change and be nicer. I don't feel like succeeding at anything right now. I do envy people who've passed on sometimes. I'm exhausted. This life has been too much for me. I don't want to do it anymore. But I will. I just need to reassess and change some things. People who have sensitivities and medium abilities need to take special care. That's my main thing I've taken away from my recent experiences. I don't care about anything else right now. I just need to feel a little bit better and probably go to sleep soon.
Actually I am tired.
Now I have to soldier on through the book.
Because all the markers of success that Society wants you to accrue are piling up.
But I did like the part where she talks about how sending Christmas cards with family photos in them stokes her vanity.
I'm driving into the sunset. 🌄
I believe one shot of regular espresso in milk with cinnamon was fine to have this evening.
Happy to be reading a good book for me at this time.
Information about hospice and information about traveling in the future is flooding my mind right now. And I accept it.
Well, I guess I should write something.
Formative experiences were had at the House of Horrors on Mackinac Island and this author is writing about the same thing in the same place, but only it's about whatever her experience was.
"The Irish Goodbye: Micro-Memoirs by Beth Ann Fennelly"| Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/233411621-the-irish-goodbye
Feel a bit choked up.
Sort of want to cry. Who knows. Maybe a feminine writer or two who's left their previous life when I knew them before is with me.
Imagining how it must have felt when she realized that. 😳
Oh my God, I just read a part where she stopped running because she would cough up black stuff and then later she realized that where she'd lived had been where Jews had lived during the Holocaust and that they were only 37 mi from Auschwitz and then maybe the reason the place was polluted wasn't just because of the coal dust but it was also the ashes.
"The Irish Goodbye: Micro-Memoirs by Beth Ann Fennelly" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/233411621-the-irish-goodbye
Sigh! Who even knows how long we're here for?
It's fun reading about her teaching English abroad in the Czech Republic experiences. With a tall iced cinnamon dolce latte. Oops! It's caffeinated. It only has one espresso shot, tho.
"The Irish Goodbye: Micro-Memoirs by Beth Ann Fennelly" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/233411621-the-irish-goodbye
Sometimes we can find moments of happiness even today, and I like that!
We're going through some stuff. We'll be happier together again someday!
But nevertheless, they can still do so much better!
Anyways, if any peoples of any cultures or backgrounds still feel the need to fawn over men more than they feel the need to treat women with respect on account of being reared in a patriarchal culture, I suppose that's to be expected.
The song just got into my head right now for some reason!
Barbra Streisand - "Woman in Love (Lyrics)"
It's good to know this.
"A Philadelphia nun named Sister Rose Kuhn drives to the immigration court in Harlingen, Texas every week to sit beside unaccompanied minors… the youngest being four years old.
Just so they don’t face a deportation judge with no lawyer and no parent. She is a true representation of Christianity, not Trump."
arianajasmine__
Is it really so normal to lack empathy?
"The army psychologist in charge of watching the Nazis during Nuremberg said their one unifying trait was a complete lack of empathy."
mmikehidalgo
Patriarchal culture is very harsh on certain kinds of people sometimes.
Sometimes women and / or men with internalized misogyny issues that they haven't resolved or don't want to talk about yet can't describe the bubbles of safety that they've put some men or other types of patriarchal people in as a result of their own survival strategies.
What can we learn about survival in our modern day society?
"The Bird Brain Epidemic"
@therealmanifestelle
I wonder if more people acting like they care would help stop the bad stuff from happening sometimes.
"San Diego City College says ICE arrests student, chases another onto campus
ICE agents in unmarked vehicles stopped a vehicle near the intersection of 16th and C streets, according to district officials."
"ICE operation cost Cook County businesses $1.2 billion"
https://thehill.com/homenews/state-watch/6079755-ice-operation-chicago-business-cost/
"New report shows the economic toll of ICE raids"
https://www.npr.org/2026/09/08/nx-s1-5955787/new-report-shows-the-economic-toll-of-ice-raids
As if to distract from how badly a lot of children are being treated right now, based on the current administration's callous misuse of Americans' tax dollars...
The audacity of some people to act like this is what they consider to be "an abusive mother."
"Virginia mom guilty of child neglect for letting son walk alone"
https://fox8.com/news/mom-guilty-of-child-neglect-for-letting-son-walk-alone-speaks-out/amp/
They almost look like twins.
"Werner Herzog says contact with David Lynch became difficult as he became absorbed by transcendental meditation"
You have (to) care!
You have to be curious.
"Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends interviewed, 2001 ♡"
Pbunny2004
Different shades...
"Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends interviewed, 2001 ♡"
Pbunny2004
https://youtube.com/watch?v=U-aLO4atuyM&si=g7rx9e61qHjJU1q_
I like this "Mushrooms" poem.
Read the poem ‘Mushrooms’ by Myronn Hardy
https://www.pressherald.com/2026/09/09/read-the-poem-mushrooms-by-myronn-hardy/
Tuesday, September 08, 2026
"Hey, you want to hear my tale of watermelon woe?"
X: So I bought this expensive watermelon at the specialty grocery store and I just cut it open and I'm glad that I put the cutting board on top of a cookie sheet because the juice filled up most of the cookie sheet. And then I opened it up and it's too watery, so I can't really eat it. So either I have to throw it away, or maybe I can make watermelon juice out of it, but it's got a lot of seeds. So if I do that, I have to pick all the seeds out of it!
Y: Hold on. I found the perfect song for your situation.
Weird Al Yankovic - "First World Problems (Official Video)"
I feel like it might be good to go on a retreat for the inner child or something.
Enigma - "Sadeness - Part i (Official Video)"
"Coming Around Again/Itsy Bitsy Spider" - Carly Simon
We're going to have to find healers who are more advanced than we are.
It's too painful. We have to get some help.
Just imagine! It's such a rude way to exist.
Just imagine having a life where you felt like your friends weren't so devastated by horrible things happening to them when they were small and therefore they were amazing at communicating and weren't flaky or prone to fawning over men and otherwise kind of acting like well, f*** ups, like a different version of the examples that they saw when they were tiny little beings. Imagine that miraculous event unfolding! I think I will.
Health is wealth!
"Energetic intervention"
thecosmicmavenofficial
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DYnCT4UR0BI/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Some people need to learn how to relax.
"Order up! She is on her way!"
chef.garycat
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdAV0tbJtsC/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Guess I better wake up.
"This is Un violador en tu camino"
a_daywillcome
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdAxfIRyKfb/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Terribly problematic.
In this lifetime
what if what's his name made his face look less smug and punchable?
With a good blanket.
I've decided I deserve to hang out on a yacht when it's in some very calm waters and the atmosphere is very chill and I just get to take a nap and there's no seasickness.
I changed the habit.
I used to order some clothes at a certain store to try on and then I'd go over to a certain place to say hi and hang out, and yesterday I ordered them to a different store because I just want to see what that's like instead now.
Also, can't wait to read some books on the Holocaust soon.
Such a relief, compared to dealing with some people.
I'm telling on them to some Spirit Moms and seeing if they have any good advice for me in the coming days.
Rude Brothers have Rude Boyfriends!
I agree with her. Sometimes.
Random memory retrieval - one time my mom was sick and very out of it and I was taking care of her and she told me you would make a good mommy.
Too bad my mother's mommy wasn't very often a good mommy for her. Too bad. Very sad.
Elders weren't healthy. They were warped by the Patriarchy. Let's be angry!
Sometimes I had some good insights that were decent to share, and some people didn't listen to them, because they weren't taught to respect those kinds of insights coming out of the mouth of someone such as this by their unhealed elders, huh?
Who do they think it is helping?
Why do people have to behave like jerks just because they got traumatized and had painful childhoods and some hard to process things happened to them. Why?
Humans can be horrible to others and it's time to heal the anger.
So much anger... auuuuugh.
"Patriarchy continues by upholding the myth"
fromayoungmatriarch
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc8goIOz4PB/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"What's your most eldest daughter behaviour"
juliekimcomedy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DKp5HZkObV_/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Sleepy reflections upon incidences of adult meanness in harsh times.
Oh my gosh, does she actually get two whole days off a week? That's so lucky!!!
"#vietnamwar"
karipinenimd
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdAIeyuh5wZ/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Some people whose dads were very mean to certain kinds of people when they were in survival mode became adults who are also mean to certain kinds of people, but they show it in a different way.
I just have to believe that that those good moments of revelation were really good.
And then look for other good moments of revelation.
Monday, September 07, 2026
These topics must be dealt with.🍷🎶🍏
And in the meantime, maybe I just want to go out and have fun. Maybe I just want to go to a winery. Or I just want to go apple picking, maybe. I just want to learn how to play some music. Maybe I'm just like that too, sometimes.
Maybe this is just another one of those darkest hours before daybreak moments.
Gosh, it's been disappointing to find out how prejudiced some people actually are, and how they really do react when stressful things happen.
And of course, some people suffered far worse than others because of it.
Maybe the Nazis took over in that other era just because a bunch of people were traumatized by their childhoods and didn't know how to talk about things. So then, they either went along with what was happening or they looked the other way (and in that way, they also sort of were going along with what was happening.) And then there were a few standouts who were, you know, trying to save the persecuted, scape-goated ones. And then there were the persecuted, scape-goated ones, and there was all sorts of a variety of people amongst that class as well.
"My survival strategy, which works out well enough for someone with my genetics, would never work for someone with your genetics."
"You just have the wrong genetics to pull it off. Sorry!"
I'm glad we at least have the opportunity to use our brains to think about these things.
What are the differences between what people in this type of body are rewarded for, and what people in that type of body are rewarded for, in this era?
King James was a lover of men who hated women and he had mommy issues and he burned witches.
And whose Bible were a bunch of us taught we were supposed to be reading? The King James Bible!
"King James hating women"
maydaypartyof5
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DdAXu6mtCJO/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Yes, I know some people think maybe you just shouldn't talk about the suffering.
And yet, it seems necessary to describe the suffering because so many people aren't curious enough to find out about it on their own. Why is it necessary to talk about the suffering? Well, because human beings aren't very bright sometimes, and when you don't talk about the suffering, things get worse and worse and eventually, children get their parents taken away from them, and people start getting put away in concentration camps and things like that. That's why I think you should f****** talk about the suffering. Talk about the f****** suffering. Jesus.
It's weird how the worst things seem to exacerbate everything else, too.
I know that it is a shame that people suffer on account of prejudices. It would be so much nicer if that did not happen. Really.
Maybe curiosity doesn't kill the cat.
Maybe it's time to get more curious about why certain types of prejudices that are so much more palatable to some people feel so painfully revolting to others.
Patriarchal Society is the worst and the most oppressed / oppressive.
Bleach!
"Aus gegebenem Anlass."
robot_alan
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc-p9S3umYP/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"The weaponization of 'Women Policing Women'"
speakupwithlily
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc-ofg7zCFQ/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"Hyping up the dolls"
magnoliaandwillow
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DchBalzyb76/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Why does the unwell Patriarchy seem like it wants to kill off newspapers?
So violent and so insecure. But anyways, I like how good reporters try harder than the average person to find out what's going on with other people.
Good sons and daughters of the Patriarchy know.
You know, it's not really important to the Patriarchy what their mothers experienced. What is really important is that they funnel their reactions and interpret how their mothers treated them in a way that the Patriarchy finds the most acceptable and palatable.
I certainly hope that changes sooner rather than later. Like maybe within this lifetime; that would be cool.
I'm pretty sure the gross imbalances affecting our society are half the fault of the men who are going along with them, and half the fall of the women who are going along with them.
I'll revisit this one, too, as I stuff salad into my PCOS/PMOS riddled body.
"Over 100 years have passed"
fiona_yoong
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dc_ErpuPGUB/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
But leaving all that aside, this was a good time.
"thank you for covering what no one else will"
brittymigs
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dcb5THjBRwD/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"I've had it"
brittymigs
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DcPLMTzhySo/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
"she signed an nda"
brittymigs
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaVslESPc4y/?stkn=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Anyways, this has been quite a learning experience.
I think what you seem to need and what people on the other side seem to need are two very different things.
I mean if you're going to find someone who's psychic at all, pick the right kind right?
What you seem to need is a skinny, blonde, blue-eyed "psychic" woman who's rich and lies to you.
I'm just so disappointed with the lack of honesty.
I don't think you've been honest enough about how worthless I am to your culture because in your culture, what I'm supposed to be is thin, preferably blonde and blue-eyed, and I should worship men and definitely not talk to the dead, and I should act like abusive men are more important than all women, including and especially any women who've been abused by men.
I think the idea of using colors for healing is a good one.
Different colors in paintings. Different colors in different kinds of lights. Noticing colors in nature. Noticing colors in the sky. Noticing if certain colors come to mind if you're experiencing certain feelings, or if you've got a particular piece of music playing in the background. Colors.
Hmmm.
Something that feels like a big deal to you emotionally is more like just an interesting story to other people.
Back to seeing what this book has to say.
"To create more freedom in your life, do not look at the areas in which you do not have freedom; look instead at the areas where you have created freedom."
Page 163
"Living With Joy Book Revised Anniversary Edition (LWJ)" by Sanaya Roman
Female empowerment too often gets sabotaged by patriarchal standards and norms on this planet.
The thing that I wanted to talk about earlier was how the fun I experienced the other evening now feels like a forbidden topic and that sucks. I feel like I'm on a planet of female enslavement. The minds of the traumatized seem to feel too enslaved to the attitudes of the patriarchy. For a little while, there was some progress. Now the person who was the medium who told me about Lucy barely talks to me if I go over there and she spends all of her time fawning over her ex-husband. The night that Lucy came through she acted like she wanted to be really great friends, and we were having a lot of fun, and now she just acts like it never happened. So that's the power of what happens sometimes when people reject the knowledge that was trying to come through. But everything is temporary.
I could try playing this again.
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow Iz Ukulele Tutorial Easiest Version"
JJMilare
https://youtube.com/watch?v=bQNQ1qdg9zc&si=ADXifaxHTHY9qI6F
I think the F chord is the one that my fingers have the hardest time with knowing how to be in the right position.
I was too sad to play, so I looked inside of a book.
"Evolved people are usually very gentle souls. Some evolved souls do not yet recognize who they are and may be too humble. They are most often generous, helpful, and friendly. It may seem as if they cannot do enough for you.
At a certain level of development where the personality does not yet recognize the level of the soul, people may be too humble, still wearing the cloak of self-doubt, of wondering who they are. You who are so kind and loving, yet too humble and full of doubts, are also full of light; you have so much to offer the world. It is important for you to take off your veil, for it hinders you in serving on a larger scale. When you pay attention to your doubts and fears, to that little voice saying, 'you are not good enough,' you are simply giving heed to your lower self. You have the ability to change your focus.
Pay attention to your higher nature and your lower one will simply wither from lack of attention.
You do not need to pay attention to those voices within you that create pain or make you feel less confident, smart, or able. You can simply act as if that part of you were a small child; hold it, reassure it, and move on. Do not let those voices attract too much of your attention and do not think that you are them, either. Learn not to pay attention to the little voices within that would have you think you are not so great."
Pages 70 to 71
"Living With Joy Book Revised Anniversary Edition (LWJ)" by Sanaya Roman
This is really nice. I will pick up the instrument and play it again.
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow Iz Ukulele Tutorial Easiest Version"
JJMilare
What to do if pleasure or peace get interrupted by pain?
People deserve pleasure and peace but when pleasure or peace get interrupted by pain then what do they do? Do they seek healing? Do they seek to more to know more about something that they didn't know about? Do they just need a painkiller? What's the best thing to do?
It's as if they lose a basic sense of perspective in some really fundamental ways.
I've started to believe that when some people become rich and famous, they acquire really bad entity attachments, and they no longer have reasonable discernment. Maybe they're being controlled by supernatural forces? I don't know. It actually doesn't seem so insane to think so, sometimes.
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