Monday, April 20, 2026

I miss my own innocence.

All the times I was innocent in the past.

When I was a young person in college who used to meet another young man on a hill and we would just talk about our lives and just be nice to one another, that was innocent. His name was Chris and he had a girlfriend who was a massage therapist and for some reason we would just meet and chat between classes. I feel like that was rare and special experience now. I think he was interested in hearing about my life and trips down to South America, the time.

And later, the innocence that one can experience about the idea of having children. Just thinking it might happen and that it would be what was supposed to be. I don't believe in that now. I feel wiped out, but like a survivor, as if a flood swept away my home and all of my possessions. I feel the horror. I feel the coldness and the self-absorption and immaturity of some people when it comes to have much they center their own experiences and how little they care for others. They refuse to consider others. They just can't seem to do it. How much they feel entitled to exclude others. Fables. These were society's fables that I had to break away from. These were tall tales. The tales excluded too many. These were not my fairy tales. They are still what others must cling to, but they're not for me.

Please help? Thyself and others. Maybe ask God to help?

"Literally everything except what would help"

valenoffline 

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW9dj1sgc_W/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

Sometimes I feel like this kind of attitude is really important and it is also like a form of love, because so many things really do need to change for the better.

Sunday, April 19, 2026

This could be a good take on humbling experiences.

Maybe some of us had humbling experiences this time around because that paved the way for us to go to a more refined level when it comes to how we perceive things, and maybe it can help us as we're developing our communication skills. Another thing I realize is that sometimes, as I live in this body, I experience things the hard way, and then I say, "Oh, but there was a kernel of truth in that piece about how holding onto resentment is not good for you." And yet, you know you want to acknowledge that when there is suffering and people feel the need to fight back, something is happening there which deserves respect, and is not to be belittled or discounted.

I'm watching part of the Thoreau documentary to get some perspective.

I have had dreams where I'm driving and I'm completely blind and I have no idea where I'm going but I'm still supposed to keep driving. And that would be a terrible thing to do in real life, but it kind of sums up a state that I feel like I'm in lately. Maybe it does feel like I sometimes have a habit of talking (?) or typing too much to deal with nerves. The habit is happening again. If I'm in trouble, it better be good trouble. I literally have no clue what's happening, sometimes, but it's not such a problem if I just relax.

Well, this is probably because people did not have things figured out as much as they pretended they did.

I do not act the way I thought I would as an adult of a certain age. As a kid, I thought I would have things figured out as an adult. And as an adult of a certain age, I keep feeling like I have to act like some kind of newborn thing all the time. 

I feel like other cultures value honest conversation more. But sometimes that happens here, too.

Trying to get things across to people can actually be a form of respect even if they don't realize it. It's like, you're trying to let them know that you think they're important, and you want them to hear what you're saying. And maybe it will get better later. In the future, maybe it would not seem so preachy. It would seem more like, I picked up some energy patterns to share and I need to get that across to the people who can understand them because it's important for this collective work we're doing. And then on another day, somebody else will pick up the other energy patterns and then you will be the one listening. On a previous day, you were the one who picked up the energy patterns and you were trying to share them.

I just watched something short and was sent something long which I will watch more of later.

"The police found video evidence.."

frankyydean

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXMZIg0je3U/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

Longer video that I will watch later:

"Columbine survivor opens her backpack"

https://www.reddit.com/r/TikTokCringe/s/6waL99Keun

I don't think a truly child-centric society would be as cruel to people as this one is.

This Patriarchal Society has been very cruel to many people who experienced certain kinds of challenges. I think we should try to create a more healing society because it would be so much better for so many people.

I don't like how this Patriarchal Society acts like you are an inferior person if you did not experience certain things. For example, people who experienced health setbacks and were not given adequate care. People who did not give birth to biological children, and who did not make more money or put out more artwork, are treated like inferior garbage compared to the most "successful" ones on a regular basis. 

Why should that be so? That's too mean. And exclusionary. And I don't find that way of life to be very uplifting.

A lot of people should be nicer to people who have genetics that are different than the ones the Patriarchal Society rewarded the most. Patriarchal Society wanted you to be scared to know about stuff like that. Because sometimes it can be overwhelming. But being so blind to people who are different from you in order to succeed in their setup is just like, a very sub-optimal level of living.

Have you noticed who's mostly successful at art and music? Have you noticed who's mostly doing the work of providing food and shelter and clothing for everyone else? And now there's going to be AI and a whole bunch of jobs that people used to rely on aren't going to be there anymore.

I need food and water and shelter and clothing and I'm very enriched by art and music but so sick of people acting like people who are talented artistically in musically are more important than the people who provide me with food and water and shelter and clothing. It feels like a lie!

I feel like I don't want to turn myself into somebody who acts like I'm better if I give birth to a child or if I make more money or I'm better if I put out more artwork. 

It feels an old mentality that's been really selfish and cruel to most people, honestly. I do not want to be a servant to that mentality. I do not need that. I need something better than that. 

If I can't make the same choices that others made, and I don't have their genetics, expecting me to repeat the same patterns that they've been repeating is like some kind of suicide mission. It's not going to happen. I have to figure out better ways to be here while I am here. I have to ask the universe for more help. 

It seems like when we are on Earth sometimes we are working with a limited consciousness. So we have to ask the universe for more help and then we can be guided to the next steps and maybe a lot of things can start to unfold more harmoniously soon.

How well is our society treating some human beings? Maybe it needs a lot of improvements.

Maybe we should figure out how to make the improvements more creative and fun and a fulfilling part of the journey, instead of excluding so many people for the comfort of such a limited few.

"How it works ✨"

valenoffline

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXHzApjAdcz/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"I advocated for a decade..."

mrs.wandrum and sickchickscle

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSs1YgKksnK/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"EDIT 3: THE YOUTUBE VIDEO WITH MY DAD IS UP NOW"

lokknessie
ericseanatwood

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWsJOy_ghPF/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

Good listeners can come from all kinds of different backgrounds.

It's good to meet somebody who knows how to listen when a lot of people were not encouraged to do so. A lot of people were encouraged to try to put their impressions of how things should be onto the world, instead of also learning  from others who are different from them. And maybe they would also be able to feel good about growing and learning a little more about the world, as a result, if they enjoyed listening to what others were experiencing.

Parents have the ability to make their kids feel like their experiences are so unimportant just because they didn't align with their parents' expectations or their understanding of what one is meant to do with a life.

And then, if the kids get the message that their stories are not important enough to be listened to, then some of the kids will never want to tell them anything. No, because there's a lot that many people don't want to know about when it comes to what's happening in the world, and sometimes it happens to their kids or to other people's kids, and then sometimes those parents do not become people who are going to know how to listen. They become the people who expect others to change to suit their standards. 

And then, maybe there is not enough room within in their psyches for some people to be able to feel that they can suit those standards. So that is a form of fragility that can feel very controlling and punitive and exclusionary.

Option Two: Ask yourself why you felt the need to repeat programming that was role modeled by others.

Healthcare for the people who have genetics that are different from yours, including the people who might have a combination of your genetics but nevertheless they will still not ever have your exact same genetics, is important.

Option One: Just pretend it didn't happen. It's more convenient for you that way!

Things you can do if you ever make your kids feel like they're genetically inferior compared to you.

I'll try some Peruvian food again soon. It's very good.

"Books by Kate Beaton (Author of Ducks)"

https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/2921970.Kate_Beaton

Anyways, it's a way to spend the time.

 

"I Played Woman Simulator and Now I Hate Men"

ToastyGames

https://youtu.be/K1bsownOrcQ?si=OaS72ujvqE9pYQEC

I feel like I don't always predict ahead of time what's actually relaxing?

Also, for some reason I'm thinking about how there was this one time when I was driving in the car at night and somebody got behind me and they really tailgated me closely for a very long time and kept flashing their lights at me and I was like, ack this is a stalker, ack, I must have accidentally cut this person off in traffic, ack, road rage, ack ack ack, and then finally they left me alone, and I was like, oh good, and then I realized my lights weren't on.

How dare my brain distract me from good, wholesome cat lady content with stuff like this?

 I should play this


video on 1.5 speed.

"Played Woman Simulator and Now I Hate Men"

ToastyGames

https://youtu.be/K1bsownOrcQ?si=OaS72ujvqE9pYQEC

Maybe you can imagine such things too.

Sometimes it's weird to think that I could have been born in another time and have lived through the decades and be an old Boomer guy, maybe even like a dad or a grandpa. It's crazy, man. I wonder how many of my friends would have voted for Trump.

Oh, I think need to watch both this video and the other one soon, too!

"The living rooms that didn't make the main video"

@kendragaylord

https://youtube.com/shorts/gvuVNQdrO8s?si=0wSaDE8Bdm5ptMBf

"Gee, dad, thanks for being such a great, morally sound role model."

"Son, always clear the stuck energy in your solar plexus before you embark on any exciting but also potentially dangerous activities."

Could help? Might not be bad to try.

"Solar Plexus Release | Let Go of Stored Trauma"

Jules_horn

https://youtube.com/shorts/gjhfGkYlhkQ?si=sxqTAlGDVNsdh29i

Mi dolor de cabeza es su dolor de cabeza?

Next topic, and for fun, experiences in regards to Greek life and college drinking traditions?




Consider why some takes might seem shallow sometimes.

"Do You Have a Right to be Upset? Are Resentments Justified?"

Wayne W. Dyer

https://innerself.com/articles/personal/attitudes-transformed/forgiveness/4227-are-resentments-justified.html

How about on behalf of others? What if the wrong person gets into the Uber of someone you're supposed to take care of? I actually like having these kinds of conversations; I actually have fantasies about having these kind of conversations. 

"I'm a female Uber driver."

justdrive85

https://www.threads.com/@justdrive85/post/DXTrFecluDF?xmt=AQF05FTcgz8QI5njLuRO102Q8FzbrD8j6Bcdl1FTELMU8RJQkzwhVgOto5rrQNN40vfo2uQT&slof=1

I am of the opinion that multiple kinds of people can look at the stuff that's happening right now.

And we have to make the world more equitable and safer for multiple kinds of people. And we have to start seeing and listening to multiple kinds of people. And it's not going to be perfect in our lifetimes. And it doesn't have to ruin everything if things get uncomfortable sometimes. However, it will take time and effort and patience.

Takes so much effort to try to start to do something fun...

 Relax and make some easy art! 

I have to laugh.

I believe I can understand multiple points of view.

And if I'm nice and calm and grounded, I can even integrate the goodness that can come from understanding multiple points of view, instead of feeling like they're making me ping pong around every place.

so grouchy

I really think inequity sucks a lot and I wish other people were just as mad about it as me, because why not? I don't care. I'm not that spiritual sometimes when it comes to those things. I'm not like the picture I deleted a talk by Wayne Dyer who thinks all resentment is unjustified. I don't really f****** care; just get mad. Neither spiritual friend nor hard-working Mexican American man shall be a chaperone to me if I end up going on a musical excursion. I actually thought spiritual friend might be able to do so because she lives with people who are in a band and her ex-husband used to be in a band, but on second thought, maybe that is not a good indicator.

Is a really weird time to be alive on Earth, you know?

 

"Felt like Paul Revere"

delanyy017

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTku4P2H6/

This looks cool. 🎶 Will listen to you later!

"Daily Dose of Protest: Gasoline Girls" – Tori Amos – The Ongoing History of Protest Music

https://www.ongoinghistoryofprotestsongs.com/2026/04/14/daily-dose-of-protest-gasoline-girls-tori-amos/

"Contains Gasolina - Daddy Yankee"

Dewwwdropzz

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZThPWpJ6Q/

Daddy Yankee - "Gasolina [Official Music Video]"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGKrc3A6HHM

🎶🎶🎶

Musical Eating Disorder Mommy Might Help?

"Ranking the best baby saying bad words"

https://www.reddit.com/r/funnyvideos/s/h0VgvgSfyN

BIG BIOLOGICAL BOY BRAIN

 ⏰🗓️🦸🏻‍♀️😳🚼👵🏻


"WHAT IS GOING ON 🚩"

dustinpoynter

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DULzDh-DTf8/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"Three years later I'm still piecing my life back together" amanda_standhope_official https://www.instagram.com/reel/DX🌠This is a really positive outlook, I think 😊.

🤞🏻Stuff that was acceptable when you were younger and that you went along with is getting less and less acceptable. So your kids and your grandkids are not going to be so pressured into being that way. Hooray for higher standards!🍀

Feeling grateful for increments of progress!

 The healing is underway! 💖

"dating in US"

slavgirlinus

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW66pwBgbxR/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"WHAT IS GOING ON 🚩"

dustinpoynter

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DULzDh-DTf8/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"Three years later I'm still piecing my life back together"

amanda_standhope_official

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXRKddKjCmy/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

🍞🥜Cute 🍇🤱🏻

Great! Grandma who was friends with Jehovah's Witnesses has reincarnated.

"Trying the viral peanut butter..."

armond.needs.rest

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DPNLRz4j6DD/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

I just don't like them, but you're fine.

 "Boomer moms the second you lose weight."

Oh good, Grandpa will have a story to share.

 And some stories get passed down for generations!


"What could go wrong hunting for turkeys"

r/Additional-Rub-153

https://www.reddit.com/r/Whatcouldgowrong/s/lo674YI2Zo

"Let's look at those Snapchat messages"

npc.zane

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXNPMoByCPx/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"Today's episode 8"

kirby_thecatboy

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXPaPerDUzL/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"I don't want to hear it anymore."

consistent.with.cleo

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXSiA-LDVvI/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

This just reminded me of some t-shirts I have now!

 Not at first, though!


"My Coachella would actually be Chickenchilla"

tetyanawrites

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXJwrXzJKwz/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

 
I told the cat to be a good poser and she didn't like it. She needs a gentler touch. She hogs the good chair all the time anyway. She also wrecked it.

What if you want your grandchildren to be vegetarians like you, but that's not what's best for their genetics?

 Don't be a jerk about it!


"Five foods that ACTUALLY help"

arc.woman

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW7eJ6FE3A6/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

Qué rico, this dish!


"Preparing the red rice to accompany the chicken mole"

Obduliah Ag

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTkuHyTTL/

THINK ABOUT THE GRAND

CHILDREN.

"Tell me I'm wrong"

juliareingoldproduction

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVHc4k-ge-d/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

WHAT ABOUT THE GRAND

"When a rich person invites you to a wedding #skit"

clairerammelkamp3735

https://youtube.com/shorts/qXOsDhBu50w?si=hIWRUtdByQ5JxTVR

CHILDREN ?

They will be reborn.

"Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker) (2005 Digital Remaster)"

The Rolling Stones 

https://youtube.com/watch?v=jhnn3St0i7U&si=XFg-tMb2H3Fm58hb

This reminded me of some stuff about how Patriarchy operates.

"It's going to have to affect their daughter before they feel it."

But actually, if it affects their daughter instead of them, that's really no guarantee, either.

Sometimes the opposite of perfection is exactly what happens.

Yesterday, when I was not in panic attack mode but still feeling triggered and nervous, my friend who normally doesn't really focus on the bad news of the world suddenly started talking about how AI could wipe out jobs and I said I can't talk about this right now and she said oh but there are people who are getting together and forming committees to address it, and also, sorry I didn't mean to trigger you but thank you for telling me. This is would be my tall and thin friend who has lots of people in her family who are the opposite of television (lol, tall and thin) and more like me. And she doesn't seem to have an eating disorder that makes her feel like she has to disrespect others just because she's been told thin is better. Also she's a mother of two but she doesn't have an attitude about it that makes you feel inferior or less than for not being a biological mother, and in fact she actually lost one of her children at a very young age. It is interesting how some people will teach you raise the bar when it comes to other people's behaviors, though.

Lord, is this progress?

I had a dream about an artist getting concerned about the welfare of others.

A friend shared this with me today.

"THIS ENERGY FOUND YOU…"

CosmicHealingMantras

https://youtube.com/watch?v=XZXSXyTmQBI&si=zGrtJSrkT_9dW4k1

After the restaurant experience triggered some stuff, we listened to one about tuning into goddess energy from 9 day ago and then also one about cord cutting, I think???

"🌻 YOUR INNER POWER IS BLOOMING… THE GODDESS WITHIN"

CosmicHealingMantras

https://youtube.com/watch?v=dRzRtr--12E&si=higd6xZ6wWOmMibn

Maybe everything is gonna get bigger and better soon?

Or something like that.  


"Get an actual life purpose"

valenoffline

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXKb2D9gSWa/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"A good man is someone who wants to stop harm"

streetlighteyesdontdie

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXSiQb0EYk_/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

chrisgqperry

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXPoTxikx7U/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"y'all deserve to be lonely..."

arc.woman

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXSrtyBkxA9/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"talk to plus size people"

lovejessicablair

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWW1AvTkZ3s/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"So so grim"

michaelulloapt

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSpM2GKjCG3/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

Saturday, April 18, 2026

This feels more grounding.

This is a "you learn more from the journey," and not so much a know exactly what you're supposed to do, or a figure out exactly how things are going to turn out in advance, kind of a thing.

On account of some parking issues, the evening got weird.

Gooooooooooooooooooooool.

Ended up in a Peruvian restaurant with futbol behind me, a couple with a baby in front of me, and Kamala Harris in Michigan on TV behind them.  

Wolfed down the food.

Told my friend in the car that romance and control issues are not good to experience, and it's not like a panic attack was happening, but it was nerves, and it was triggering.

But maybe this was a good thing to know about me! At this time. 

I'm disappointed that nobody wants to come to a concert with me. 


Well that's already a few days ago, and who knows what dreams are going to happen next.

One of my vivid dreams that I had when I went on my little retreat was there was a boy in the dream who was standing in front of a gas pump and he told me to pay him and then said if I turned around he would tell me he loved me and that was like a real thing he did for money and I was amused by this for some reason. So I was opening up my pocketbook to find some money to give him and something told me he was going to chew up the money in his mouth and open it and show me he didn't really care about the money, and then this one morphed into an adult man, kind of blond, tied to a tree with Cupid's arrow stabbing him in the heart and he was giving a performance. So I guess it was a combination of this and some other stuff that happened in the dreams that made me feel like I needed to heal my third / solar plexus chakra when I woke up. Anyways, it wasn't my worst session of vivid dreams, I guess.

Making space on the phone device is a good spring cleaning activity.

Apple blossoms from another year competing with pictures of apple blossoms from this year. 

And I believe after that there's a picture from last time I saw a show; it was Skating Polly.

I think I'll eat this for as long as I can keep getting pomegranate seeds.

Roasted endives with some olive oil, walnuts and the pomegranate seeds were added at the end. Probably will add salt and pepper, too.


Nature's being naturey!

Today there was a celebration of life for a poet and mentor and teacher who passed away so unexpectedly this month.

"Amble in the Woods"

https://ambleinthewoods.blogspot.com/

Because some people read poems he wrote about acorns, I decided I wanted to make something with acorn flour. I still need to do this. I have the acorn flour and the ingredients for the recipe I want to make. I always thought I would make it in the Autumn for Thanksgiving, but maybe it's good to have in the Spring. Our teacher's wife said he would love it if everyone committed a radical act of wonder. Right after the end of a zoom call something told me to go open the front door and I found a package. 

The star necklace came! 

Made by Nakamol

https://www.instagram.com/nakamolchicago?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

I never order jewelry but this was a piece I kept thinking about; I really wanted to order it, so I did.

It's beautiful! 

" A radical act of wonder, " I thought to myself.

Also, it's cool because when I visit that blog I can see a video of Quaker Lake, and I had decided to read one of the poems about Quaker Lake from his book. So I'm going to go watch that video now.

Another radical act of wonder!

"Quaker Lake in January"

johnbrantingham3255

https://youtube.com/watch?v=r9f5d9dH51Q&si=PTIKDV9PTpZhZjRL

I watched it while I was eating, and the roasted walnuts and pomegranate and endive with salt and pepper and also some tiny roasted zucchinis taste so delicious! Also, I shared some of my veggies with a harder working person who's eating a microwaved burrito in front of the computer in the other room. I'm pleased to be able to contribute roasted veggies to somebody's life!

How artistically interesting...

When I drove out to the desert, the billboards that seemed to stand out to me the very most were the ones for that " Something Very Bad..." Netflix show, and for Nine Inch Noize.

"[FRESH ALBUM]

Nine Inch Nails Boys Noize"

https://www.reddit.com/r/indieheads/s/Bk9YEjbd26

Suddenly, I kind of miss being in the van with my mom as a young person when she was laughing at the "Waitress" song by Tori Amos. (She was laughing in a good way. "I believe in peace...") I also have a memory of my sister telling me that our mother liked that Nine Inch Nails "Closer" song.

Moms can be so much fun when they're not getting brainwashed by Patriarchal bullies or trying to appease cranky controlling men, yeah...

Hmmm...

🎶🎶🎶🎶

"Look for The Castanets 'You Are The Blood'"

asthmatickittyrecords 

https://www.instagram.com/p/DXPdBUgFKAG/?img_index=1&igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

Why would I sleep when it's still dark out?

When I could get up and take out the trash and see this and take a picture of it?

Thoughts? Thoughts? Thoughts? Thoughts? Thoughts?

Secret secret secret secret secret secret secret secret

Actually, you should just do your healthy self-love thing. It's worked out pretty well for you.

Friday, April 17, 2026

Humans have to work harder than my cat.

It was fun and interesting to go away, but also there were some low moments. I viewed the place I was staying in a like a womb. It had very dark interiors. I had access to a hot tub and the stars were beautiful out in the desert, but I couldn't stay outside at night very long. Had to be inside. Time went by pretty fast. I guess I would have enjoyed the hot tub and stars more with company. But the point was to be on a solo vacation. I had vivid and disturbing dreams in the morning. I experienced some toothache stuff. The vulnerable after the vivid dreams feeling needed a chakra healing music video. The third chakra seemed to be the one that needed the most healing after those weird dreams.

Cat even thinks watching you do some house cleaning is fun.

The cat just wants to have fun. The cat just wants to have fun and go hunting and eat food and get petted and make messes and take naps and have fun... 🫴🏼🐈‍⬛😊🎶

Maybe more people would like to look at this one?

 A bunch of books that I haven't read are mentioned in it.


"The vintage top was made in the early 1980s"

lilliangoesvintage

and

auntyfeminist

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXMbTn7jv18/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

People should use their talents wisely.

People who sound a lot like someone else when they sing kind of remind me of when I read about how the neighbors used to say that Thoreau sounded so much (too much) like Emerson, especially if the person who's doing that kind of looks like a modern-day version of Thoreau with a beard and just that whole look.

What stories may she have to tell?

"'Maman is finally free!’: French widow, 86, flies home after ICE detention ordeal" | France | The Guardian

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/17/french-widow-86-flies-home-after-ice-detention-centre-ordeal

I kind of do feel a little bit more healed.

I'm also kind of like, they should talk more about how the rich people made the most fortunate kids the least likely to be put away in Manzanar.

Just another ingredient for evolving spiritually.

"Who is Alden Global Capital and Why Should You Care?"

https://marinpost.org/blog/2025/3/20/who-is-alden-global-capital-and-why-should-i-care

Evolve spiritually as you pay your $100 copay and work towards that deductible and know that these guys are only wanting to spring for the very cheapest when it comes to health insurance. But they do have other priorities.

"‘Vulture’ hedge fund accused of hollowing out local journalism is funding a Duke Athletics field" - The Duke Chronicle

https://dukechronicle.com/article/duke-university-alden-global-capital-vulture-hedge-fund-gutting-local-journalism-heath-freeman-soccer-lacrosse-field-donor-20251023

Body says people need more healing.

"Solar Plexus Chakra Healing Music" 

meditative mind

https://youtube.com/watch?v=8s8R8vR53n4&si=3u0LykClyfuoEE5E

Thursday, April 16, 2026

In the name of effervescent brotherly love, nothing can be rushed!

Okay, the side of me that's interested in narrative does not want to take a vacation yet, I guess, because I just remembered that when I was a little kid and I visited the shall I say not so friendly mom babysitter (poor woman, she needed to just take care of her son and not all of those other people's kids) I realized that I'm pretty sure her son's name was Steven. Was he The Little Prince of the household? Yes, he certainly was! He wasn't really my friend. Well he was too little, for one thing. The brown kid who the babysitter seemed to like the least of all was the most my friend. He loved me the most. I associate him with caring and embarrassment and a hot flush coming to my face. Because when I got off the school bus and he called out for me and I tried to run to him, the babysitter yelled at him and it was super mean and I felt so much empathy and love and shame and my face got very hot. Maybe I'll go under hypnosis one day and remember his name. But the universe has allowed me to remember that Steven was like the little prince of that domain. Isn't it funny?


"The Emperor's New Clothes" was playing on the radio as I thought about the amusingness.

Sinead O'Connor - "The Emperor's New Clothes (Official Music Video)"

This was a fun part of life yesterday.

I got a set of books for $4 (at a library used book sale before an appointment) and before I picked out the books, I thought the set of music I listen to in the car was pretty cool; I typed it into my notes before I walked into the library.

luscious Jackson naked eye 

rage against the machine testify 

silver chair tomorrow 

dumb by Nirvana 

The breeders cannonball 

Soundgarden rusty cage

U2 even better than the real thing 


Didn't really know I was going to walk out of there with "The Things They Carried," but I felt like maybe I would like to look at it again one of these days.

I like how unfettered by Patriarchal Society my cat feels...

 My cat acts happy every day. 

Actually, this is true.

Actually yesterday I met people who made efforts to be nice. It's just that they're working within a barbaric patriarchal healthcare system, and the stuff they have to do to conform in order to work within the barbaric system and get their paychecks kept poking and stabbing at me.

Everything's too weird. Glad I get to go away...

Flume - "Sleepless feat. Jezzabell Doran"

https://youtube.com/watch?v=V7-yAX9ijuM&si=mHQ8Tyk3nxp9wQ8h

Neutral Milk Hotel - "Oh Comely"

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Z-fjyEIgWik&si=ix2COjo5IqP-SqjO

The Neighbourhood - "Daddy Issues (Official Video)"

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_lMlsPQJs6U&si=H2QrLBaw6DQRgHGg

Angel Olsen - "Shut Up Kiss Me (Official Video)"

https://youtube.com/watch?v=nleRCBhLr3k&si=7xNrSbuezsarhNmM

ABBA - "The Winner Takes It All (1980)"

https://youtube.com/watch?v=8tE0GjSQpes&si=dessaZQCkoH7rxv_

Wednesday, April 15, 2026

You're supposed to make use of your talents....

"Close Encounter" - SNL

https://youtube.com/watch?v=PfPdYYsEfAE&si=U3RE0QiglP7g-yyJ

Cosmic mother and grandmother energy sees...

"That time when Canadian Government used humans..."

baishakhinath09

https://youtube.com/shorts/mefv0hnJd-o?si=_PM4wUmVgNOfoiQ7

"perspective, empathy, and real life truth"

Wholesome_Granny

https://youtube.com/shorts/a7aLuQye3W4?si=Hq2I7_JdpB2YS9W3

Talking about stuff. Help some people.

 Another way of saying that talking about stuff helps some people.


"iTS goT NoThInG..."

arc.woman

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVaBZj7k8Sb/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"No seriously..."

mads.made.for.more

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW1ZMKvkX1s/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==


I hope walking down steps feels better tomorrow, too.

Quadriceps were in a state I didn't altogether anticipate.

"A Monday morning reminder"

fitfatandallthat

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVY1Z2mAEct/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

"We have no problem accepting..."

novum.pcos

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVKFlj_E8ya/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==


Looking forward to a better day tomorrow.

I have made some very nice plans for myself tomorrow.


Such a variety of experience that patriarchal society doesn't even want to consider, but anyways, sometimes they come out nevertheless.

"We cannot have this conversation..."

mikzazon

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW7IZEHxwjR/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

There's probably a lot of forces that want some people to be that way.

Some people can be very addicted to their own ways.

Flowers were flowering...



A cute thing I did not pick out myself has been sent to me today.

"Children and cats"

https://www.reddit.com/r/funnycats/s/oWK2wGUYCv

And there are very humorous parts in it, so it's good.

Oops, good things can still happen in the future though.

Kind of another death like experience I don't hardly even want to talk about this but a medical visit  made me think it's a real shame that there's a lot of adults who are constantly walking around in a state of perpetual immaturity and insensitivity. They (trained professionals) will blatantly say stuff like they just want everybody to get a Mirena inserted even if that's not necessary for your body. It's like a cult that's not the right fit for your health. Then you have to walk back to your car afterwards and try to feel like not throwing yourself off a cliff again.

This is a restaurant job song...🎶

This song came on the radio recently and it reminded me of when I worked at a restaurant back when they still allowed smoking in the bars all the time.  I was over 30 years old with a master's degree and real bills and student loans and rent to pay and I was also trying to help out some unwell family members and I took little trips to see them and had a sort of flexible schedule. I got paid $10 an hour, and then I found out that another host who was an 18 or 19-year-old kid, got paid $13 an hour, and he was a boy. And sometimes I was nice to him because he would cover shifts when I had illnesses, such as getting a horrible yeast infection from my gut getting out of balance because of drinking free soda all the time, because that was the way to get through a shift; you could drank a lot of free soda. And then you were supposed to be upbeat and energetic and answer the phone with: "You've hit Rock Bottom!"

Puddle Of Mudd - "She Hates Me (Explicit)"

https://youtube.com/watch?v=r40gv3Y7FdA&si=chzBfEKtaRflI09W

The upward trajectory of hard won knowledge can also be such a blessing.

Although, wow, also kind of harsh and also ridiculous sometimes? Remember, kids, the flip side of a spell of limerence will eventually be a spell of anti-limerence.

It's April! I can make a pilgrimage to Corrie ten Boom's grave.

Hey, maybe when the guards are in a good mood, they show the parents pictures of the houses they can now afford to buy, and give the kids treats, and they're making some good memories.

"The Reluctant Traveler: Thanne Longen Folk to Goon on Pilgrimages"

https://travelreluctantly.blogspot.com/2012/09/thanne-longen-folk-to-seken-straunge.html?m=1

"Corrie ten Boom (1892-1983)" - Find a Grave Memorial

https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/22002/corrie-ten_boom

"Guideposts Classics: Corrie ten Boom on Forgiveness" - Guideposts

https://guideposts.org/positive-living/guideposts-classics-corrie-ten-boom-forgiveness/

Hopefully near me there's better access to the internet and good tunes. 🍀🎶🌼

"Love Letters"

Dex Romweber Duo

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Z9Ygo6lzee4&si=fqroJUDsodp5o_7c

🌹🎶✉️

"Westerbork Serenade" 

Johnny & Jones

https://youtube.com/watch?v=wWsczojYluo&si=t3TbEIBM_GRMvlge

🌷🎶🌱

"Ruins of Berlin" live @ Criminal Records

Dex Romweber Duo  

https://youtube.com/watch?v=GsYlSvc_6h8&si=yIac0ixzDrQlysZg

Gosh, I wonder if the psychic pollution would be worse if I lived closer to that desert?

"‘Psychological torture’: outcry over conditions at ICE desert detention camp" | US immigration | The Guardian

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/15/ice-desert-detention-camp-east-montana

An inquisitive Rubik's cube square just found itself. Wonderingaboutthat.

Do the kidnapped kids get to take lots of naps in the detention centers?

Humor helps!

 

"How to find out if your kid is asleep"

u/Leo6055

https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/s/9aIG4BBUdZ

I want to know when I get to be a garden gnome.

 

"Are you getting more conservative as you age?"

sidneymorss

https://youtube.com/shorts/iqzAON-eVOU?si=5wvGSkkNBAdvStiv

Someday, the Elder Siblings will get a break. Or some assistance.

"After her brother was detained in November, he was placed on suicide watch, according to his detention records. During Kifle’s visits, she had to speak to him through a thick pane of glass, using a telephone.  

Her brother told her some detainees screamed incessantly and hit their head against the wall. She could tell he was depressed.

'Murderers get better treatment than these immigrants,' Kifle said."

~ Ko Lyn Cheang

"ICE detainee's sister raises alarm about medical neglect at facility"

https://www.sfchronicle.com/california/article/ice-california-city-medical-crisis-22203807.php

"Did you know this?"

menopause_the_truth

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DW8cEdwkmxq/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==

👩🏻‍🎤 Prequel to The Suns and The Stars 🌠

 

"Those funny books 🤣🤣🤣"

@Us_funny_clips

https://youtube.com/shorts/IyX-UYZpEkg?si=d_xtntw-lODrbSTw

Thinking about thoughtful readers again ...

“'The Yellow Wallpaper' (1892) by Charlotte Perkins Gilman – Deep Cuts in a Lovecraftian Vein"

https://deepcuts.blog/2021/05/01/the-yellow-wallpaper-1892-by-charlotte-perkins-gilman/


So... What's up with this?

"i repeat KIDS. CANT. READ."

@mysweetrooker

https://youtube.com/shorts/rOkIeLFOpXk?si=7Dzgd8u52g6bewdL

"When the home school prom is going crazy."

@Lee_Houston

https://youtube.com/shorts/Wn7N_KwgfQ8?si=diOxTjRS1ehkIHDF

Gee, maybe some things have been orchestrated by a more optimistic corner of the universe...

Doubling the possibility of feeling on the verge of going insane for different reasons in pursuit of a brave experiment is worth the joys of acquiring knowledge through empirical methods, I guess, lol?

Lady Gaga - "Bad Romance (Official Music Video)"

https://youtube.com/watch?v=qrO4YZeyl0I&si=ilx4u8uPkmdJLXrA

How thoughtful of her to bring along lots of dancers to entertain Mr. Science Variable as he just sits and stares and drinks whatever he's drinking. He's probably processing a lot of information and learning so much. Oh wait! He's got also a whole bunch of scientists...he's got like a team with him. This is being concocted by the aliens' intelligences. Actually, I feel like it's like dance tryouts in front of judges. What happened at the end. Did he spontaneously combust?

And of course, it made me think about the yellow wallpaper, too. Sigh...

"a TedTalk but it's Victorian"

KarolinaZebrowskax

https://youtube.com/watch?v=FmwnI7Jc5Gk&si=9hf-MIDro1lNl4UT

🫟

"Charlotte Perkins Gilman on Why She Wrote 'The Yellow Wallpaper'”

https://lithub.com/charlotte-perkins-gilman-on-why-she-wrote-the-yellow-wallpaper/

Doesn't it ever feel like the suffering ones deserve better and they got to get to the next level somehow?

(Brothers and sisters participating in a more compassionate kind of love energy / mentality.)

"The Edges"

Rachika Nayar

https://youtube.com/watch?v=__jGvjJU4Mw&si=-XJjMdL54yVi_3O3

Tuesday, April 14, 2026

"Around here, hard times don't silence people"

 

"... they give them something to sing about" - Tyler Childers 

therapist.in.the.woods

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWgbDcukR75/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==