I have a sort of lingering flu feeling and I don't want to today.
'Purple People (B-Side Version) (2006 Remaster)"
Tori Amos
https://youtube.com/watch?v=lf-RdvLu3sk&si=A7O-DG5-WbsepyRh
πππ§πΌ♀️⚓π π¬
"Pandora's Aquarium"
Tori Amos
https://youtube.com/watch?v=s9JSGABVd3k&si=6wlPAc6zDttPy5JR
So music's much better for me right now.
"Hey, do you want to know what a what a convicted rapist has to say about the Cornell 7?"
" I don't know, do I?"
"We functionally have legalized rape in this country."
"Dozens of men were in that group chat."
MonteMader
https://youtube.com/shorts/fRxYaYuqXHU?si=l1RQIWLlLylAwUUI
"We functionally have legalized rape in this country, cause what's the point of having the laws if they are never enforced? They are never enforced. Especially on rich white men."
Paul Schwartz - "Ave Maria (soprano Rebecca Luker)"
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=HGNnKRXsZlg&si=ray2AvkXbeQkvooe
I really enjoyed watching this one; the music was set to the scenes from some sort of Korean drama.
"Stairway To Heaven (μ²κ΅μ κ³λ¨) Opening Credit"
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=xkSlDl9I59M&si=Y99nfoyivKjKaKkN
You are so f***** up. You are such a f****** little peon of the f****** patriarchy. I cannot stand what a peon of the f****** paychecky you have trained yourself to be and I am disgusted and that is all you need to know right now.
Of course you probably need more than that. Of course you probably need healing practices and whatnot, but the most important thing you should know is how disgusted I am and you should stay away from me unless you heal yourself.
So stay away from me unless you heal for yourself because all you're going to see is a girl crying and throwing up.
Actually not even a girl now it's like a middle-aged person with graying hair crying and throwing up.
Oh is that not what you asked for? Too bad!
I don't know. Go fix your own problems or something.
Maybe even a little bit right now. Yes, maybe even a little bit right now. Oh God! Can it really be so? Can I really feel better. Can I really? This has been a truly terrible morning. It's so bad. But okay we can get better now. It's going to happen. It's really going to happen.
Maybe I'll be able to feel a lot better really soon. Oh my God please let me feel better really soon. Please please please please please please please please please. Please tell me what to do. I mean really I am asking the higher healing source. Please tell me that was supposed to do to help myself right now. Please please please please please.
Got to at least like release toxins and poisons and stuff. Oh Lord, what a time. I'm dying. I feel so awful. I want to get better now.
I cannot believe these assholes who are responding to certain societal situations by trying to sit it out completely ignore it, and then on top of it all, you're supposed to know exactly what they were trained to expect of people who are expected to date somebody like them. Oh my God go f*** yourself
"If I wanted to shorten my lifespan, I'd date you."
~ Judy Tenuta
ππππππ
And the broth with garlic in it. You horrible horrible horrible brothers!
ππππππ
I'm going to take a shower. Water is a cleansing element. I just can't deal with her nonsense anymore. It's not going to happen. I just cannot deal with their non-sense anymore but I do have to help myself because unfortunately my body is very sensitive and it gets very ill very easily and I don't like that and I need to help it so I got to go.
ππππππ
Nothing compares to the broth with garlic...πππ»ππΆ Idiotic albatrosses!
"How Great Thou Art" | Official Music Video
Jesus, to wake up this way. My favorite thing in the world is just the broth with the garlic in it and that's it. I don't care about anything else right now. Never finished watching the movie last night. Needed sleep more. What a ridiculous life.
Even if I look at zero content of a certain subject matter today, people are still going to be making it out there. And do you know why they're going to be making it? Think about why they might be making that stuff. Think about why you're bad at processing this b******* right now. Think about it.
I'm doing my nice broth with garlic for myself, though. You losers!!!!
They're like a dysfunctional family. I got to get the humor flowing now too. I do. I will do anything to help myself stand back. Stay out of my way. I will do anything to help myself. You've been warned!
I can be nice to this body. I can be nice to it. I can be nice to it. I can be nice to it. I can be nice to it. I can be nice to this body. I can do it. I can do it. I could be nice to it. Let's be nice to this body. This poor little body who's always so empathetic and always so suede and sensitive and etc etc. Let's be nice to this body right now. Let's just be nice to this body. Who cares? These guys can just go f*** themselves right now. Let's be nice to this body right now!
Take care and find yourself something nice and brotherly to do with yourself today! Agape yourself.
But I love love love love love love love love love. Love the broth with garlic in it. Love love love love love love love love love love love love. I'm going to listen to The Beatles now. Love love love love love love love love love love love love!
You're not my nice healing broth with garlic in it.
"You done f***** up son!" There's so much that's going to be collapsing. Get ready. You're welcome! Glad to be of assistance again!
I really love that I made myself some broth and put garlic in it though.
Oh well, this is what happens when illusions fall away. Take care of your body as best as you can right now.
You help yourself. That's the best you can do. I feel so sick right now. I can't believe my body is doing this to me. I have got to do something good to help with body right now.
You poor old sad man! Too, you're breaking down the patriarchy. You're already doing it. You don't even know it yet. I am not going to indulge your ego anymore because the universe won't f****** allow it. Probably you won't even allow it. Probably you don't even want me to.
No, I do not want this gnarly cold. I want to get well.
I can't bear it anymore.
"Overcome Grief & Sadness | Find Consolation & Inner Peace"
Oh God, help me and help my body heal from their myopic versions of success and their deranged alliances with the most insensitive supporters of patriarchal nonsense. I can't deal with these stubborn people anymore! I can't make excuses for these people. My body is breaking down right now. My body will throw the protest for me. My body will override everything. I need to heal π!
I woke up feeling sick like coming down with a cold sick. I don't want to go anywhere today. I really really need to help my body heal and get better. I need angels to heal my body now.
I'm also really sad and I'm also really really angry because I'm also done making excuses for certain kinds of men and other patriarchal people who got trained to be insensitive assholes. So selfish, myopic and sexist. I cannot deal with their immaturity one single moment longer!
The brotherly friends from other times are going to help me and I will make them look good for helping the feminist one!
Watching the film Hamnet now. Only watched a little bit of Cornell 7 content online after dinner.
In a rare instance of a work shift ending before restaurants close, I'm going to use my birthday money to take a man out for his birthday (at a restaurant I chose but I know he will enjoy.)
"What do you think of Fein / Schneider's book..."
"Some larger context..."
Hari Kondabolu
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6xeQOu14Y/?stkn=MTI4ZXJ5MmtsczB6MA==
I went to this fun little one-room schoolhouse that's not normally open most of the year and then a big train got stopped on the tracks and blocked me. And now I'm taking a long route and it's the same area I was driving around back when I was thinking about some Thoreau / Emerson type stuff in the winter months. Kind of weird.
I feel a lot of anxiousness and illness feelings right now. I really have to take care of this right now.
I planned to go somewhere this morning before it got too hot since there's a heatwave, but as soon as I got in the car anxiety made me turn it around. So now I'm staying here for a while and taking supplements and flower essences and otherwise seeing what my body prefers to do instead. Also there's this weird thing going on with one of my on the upper left side so I have to take care of that now.
Don't forget to tune it!
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow Iz Ukulele Tutorial Easiest Version"
JJMilare
Currently estimating that some people's friends will be better at behaving in ways that are a little more empathetic and compassionate towards other people's children in about two years, just based on some simple observations.
Here's a sound bath created by a man! Not all men are... whatever. The Cornell 7. I guess.
"Brain Massage - Vibrations to Lower Cortisol (1 Hour)"
@HealingVibrations
"Activists are pressuring Buffalo corporations to kick ICE out of the office building where it is imprisoning children."
By Derek Seidman , Truthout
Published October 3, 2026
"A Growing Movement Is Working to Evict ICE From Its Buffalo Command Center" | Truthout
"My fraternity used hazing to reward obedience"
themutualman
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9sjddvLKL/?stkn=MTFuNnd3YWs5b3M4aw==
"Maybe the rage was never the dangerous part."
cozychaosrebellion
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DeAqNcwvzxy/?stkn=MW91dnA0OGxxMWlpcA==
"This study is so ass."
nathan_ing
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd_itLKRBIR/?stkn=bzFjMzE1dmlxbjhi
"We're done."
c. b. runko
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd_v1s0uj-k/?stkn=MWV0cjBpeTkyODQ5NA==
"In case you are a person with a brain"
toninagy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6vFUjvb4f/?stkn=ZG40YXJ4c213YWc1
Billy Joel - "Pressure (Official Video)"
"In case you are a person with a brain"
toninagy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6vFUjvb4f/?stkn=ZG40YXJ4c213YWc1
"Sometimes math is hard."
toninagy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9Y3q9y3UJ/?stkn=MTA4NGdxZXlpdWt3Yg==
"How I healed ππΌ"
laurenoflove
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd_x-sUsJzV/?stkn=MWt6emw4bmprc3J5Zw==
I cannot tell you how much I think surviving or trying to help someone else survive the aftermath of a gang rape, a violation of your body in the worst way, torture that happens for hours, is different from recovering from somebody cheating you out of some money. As much as I'm sure that probably hurt! It is not the same.
"Flughafen Tempelhof"
By Beth Ann Fennelly
https://www.americanacademy.de/berlin-journal/flughafen-tempelhof/
AND
The "My Indiana Muse" documentary
https://youtube.com/watch?v=UdVy3t6ZbAk&si=X_jUyhJK_V6IIqYd
pair quite nicely.
I don't ever hear about podcasters pressuring people about how to succeed in life by holding up Anne Frank as a role model, but she's been very influential!
Julia Jacklin - "Pressure To Party (Official Video)"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=CZFyqzTCt-I&si=wDsQ08HrUmXEDVx3
Billy Joel - "Pressure (Official Video)"
And the Vicks VapoRub and the Herbert Rowbarge book that I'm taking forever to finish.
I also have Vick's Vapo Rub, the collected works of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Lucy Maude Montgomery, and a cat that's whining on the other side of the door so I am going to let her in.
https://www.reddit.com/r/CatsBeingDramatic/s/bvUQBW2QGL
"The customers will tip better if you wear makeup and the boys will find you a much better dinner companion if you don't bring up rape."
I'm going to drink my sage in some blackberry herbal tea and go back to looking up my digital oracle card workbook.
I got my headache today after I tried to look at both MIT Technology Review and Times Literary Supplement. It was a lot.
But then my chickpea cookie dough recipe helped.
Charles & Eddie - "Would I Lie To You?"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=G_UXvcr22rM&si=gnGY4e7SxQIrQyrV
Siouxsie and The Banshees -- "Kiss Them For Me"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ij6mFkZU8T4&si=_t83qn7PbmM0T9Qi
I just know this is really important. It's a pivotal moment in the history of human rights.
"My fraternity used hazing to reward obedience"
themutualman
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9sjddvLKL/?stkn=MTFuNnd3YWs5b3M4aw==
"The fact that none..."
custom.made1968
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DeAln3UOR1G/?stkn=ODUwNWlzdXpsODcw
"How I healed ππΌ"
laurenoflove
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd_x-sUsJzV/?stkn=MWt6emw4bmprc3J5Zw==
"Chickpea Cookie Dough Recipe" - Mama Knows Gluten Free
https://www.mamaknowsglutenfree.com/chickpea-cookie-dough-recipe/
I made it with sesame seed butter (tahini) and date sugar instead of brown sugar, and dark chocolate chips, so it wasn't as sweet. When I went to the store, I honestly didn't feel like buying anything sugary because I could tell my body preferred the chickpea cookie dough to any of the desserts that they had in the store. But I did want to buy berries. And apple slices? Yes, the pre-cut slices I never would have bought when I was younger. But I've been tired and I have a weird front tooth and I don't like biting into full apples. So for some reason I felt like buying the pre-sliced apples was what I needed.
However, they do not know how, and sometimes the situation is beyond what they can do, but they can offer prayers so that the person who is wrestling with the complicated situation can find the ones who can provide the help.
I'm going through a rough patch and I know that U need to learn how to be better at accepting the healing gentle energies. And I don't need to prove to myself that I'm tough enough by watching a film that traumatized me when I was younger. These are silly things that I created in my mind because of our culture encouraging us to surmount tough obstacles and whatnot. My body is what I need to listen to the most right now. Sometimes my body is going to give me a far more information than my mind can, and then I have to ask the universe to help me know what to do with this information, and that's what's happening right now. Maybe this is why music helps some of us so much.
I did some reading, and got sleepy, and now I have a headache. I no longer have a goal of watching that film today. But perhaps some other day.
I feel like if I stay nice and calm I might be able to finish that movie today. The one that's been unfinished ever since I was in 8th grade. But I don't know yet.
Healing music playlist plus a workout out on the floor in a compassionate environment π.
My internal organs sometimes disagree with whatever is going on with my brain, and they think that I need more of the healing music.
"Justice for Jane Doe"
blckbrdquitter
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd-EXUlBwHS/?stkn=NHhraXFtbTJpYW5j
"It's so easy to forget."
elazie
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9rV_mzDNN/?stkn=YTdpZ3RpZjNjczFq
"If you can't feel anger and empathy"
chuckforqueens
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9kCfRvdk9/?stkn=NGd5emEzMnJ0NDdr
"Wouldn't it be sick to be a person"
jordanjensenlolstop
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9eQr7gdDR/?stkn=MWs3NzBncWU4bTh6aQ==
When some people act like they can't be bothered to care about horrible things happening to human beings, it reminds me of Nazis because right now I'm thinking about how the mother of Anne Frank's step sister (Eva Schloss) who became Otto Frank's second wife was recalling her time at Auschwitz in one of her daughter's books. She said that at one point, she was put in with a bunch of other people who were about to be sent to the gas chambers even though she wasn't supposed to be in that group, and everybody was freaking out and they knew they were all going to die.
But for some reason, she was able to keep her cool and when she had the opportunity she calmly told somebody in charge that she wasn't supposed to be on that transport, and the person in charge actually believed her and took her out. Then, the senior person scolded the other Nazi person who had put her on the transport. So she kind of saved her own life. Meanwhile, the two female Nazis bickered with each other, and the less senior woman was whining that she was just trying to meet the quota!
Oh the humanity, and you would think we would have been better than this by now!
"Overcome Grief & Sadness | Find Consolation & Inner Peace | 396 Hz"
Inner Lotus Music
Grieve. Who needs to be efficient for the ruthless machine that is the carelessly violent and sad Patriarchy?
"All around the porch the lilac bushes were in bud, with just a few blooms among the branches, so that their delicate scent reached us only when a breeze picked up, but I remember the smell of lilacs in conjunction with Stephen's words, and the combination was such a generous offering in the mild weather..."
'The Family Heart"
https://archive.org/details/familyheartmemoi00dewr
Perhaps they're just a very caring family. Going through a certain situation, in a certain era of time.
What a drastic mother!
"I wandered up and down the stairs, in and out of the rooms, trying to reconcile all the disparate parts of our new situation. Finally, I made coffee and sat down in the kitchen. I had only managed to conclude one thing; I had decided we should move to San Francisco."
"The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew"| Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1123976.The_Family_Heart
Mind you, they're living in big two hundred year old house in Massachusetts. But now that her son has come out to her, she feels she must move the entire family to San Francisco.
Stephen must have been a very special son.
"Our house is sometimes very large and other times overcrowded. Locally, people often refer to it as big, sometimes as huge, but a friend of mine from Charleston, who lives in an antebellum mansion, summed it up as 'cozy.'"
That passage is on page 14.
Would have had a lot of fun with Nutella & GO!
Sooo easy to pay attention to, but sooo difficult to actually fix any of their problems...I know something about those types of brothers.
"Judy Tenuta (2/15/89) (RIP Love Goddess)"
It's very next level to go to the next level like for instance to wonder about the circumstances that created the situation if you suffered...
"Wouldn't it be sick to be a person"
jordanjensenlolstop
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd9eQr7gdDR/?stkn=MWs3NzBncWU4bTh6aQ==
"I was rolling around in my head just how many high profile men are abusers"
mysterenygma
The best one was about saving cats, because I got to pet cats and tell them I love them. The guy who was supposed to be helping me save the cats was being super flaky and non-available though. I was very frustrated about that part but I was hoping that he was going to come back soon. Another dream was just about a bunch of throw up being all over a hallway and needing to clean it up. A mother figure in that dream said she didn't mind. I repeated the phrase after her. I didn't mind.
It's time to take my special hormone balancing supplements, which I've gotten kinesiology tested for, and I get retested for. But I neglected to take them this morning.
"Wow. Listen to this. This IS a thing
love.ismyonly.energy
https://www.threads.com/share/BCLmx3jiPX/
...
@allisontaskcoach
@morganstrehlow
...
"Interpretive dance"
karen_elizabeth67
https://www.threads.com/share/_22dLajiD/
"The wrong people are being detained. This is Trump's America."
kikimaro
And also, the pastime of watching sports!
"Stephen must not have known what to do next. Charles and I were relentlessly chipper and incurious over the few days following the day he told us he was gay. We didn't ask any questions at all, apparently less interested than if he had told us he had read a good book, and I don't remember that Charles and I even discussed these new circumstances with each other.
In the evenings we sat with books before us, but we didn't read; it requires reflection. We watched any sports we could find on television. There was no refuge in anything else on TV, because we discovered right away that, in 1991, the most innocent of sitcoms almost invariably had a passive but definite anti-gay agenda. Trotting out a stereotypical gay man-- although rarely ever a lesbian-- was apparently always good for a laugh. Or at least it filled a little time in those generally mindless scripts. How had we not noticed and been offended by it before? We watched a lot of baseball."
~ Robb Forman Dew
Page 15
"The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1123976.The_Family_Heart
I'm reading the physical hardcover book I bought for $1, but I might have to put it down and tend to the headache if it gets worse. I also read a bunch of online stuff earlier.
"It's been adapted by Zoe Kazan, who spoke of her wish to approach the source material in as 'personal' a way as the original author, John Steinbeck, did. And that's the thing about historical fiction; texts written long ago, at a time and place we no longer have any real comprehension of, can still speak to us on a visceral, relatable level.
For Kazan, there's a very specific and unique connection. The 1955 film adaptation of East of Eden, perhaps the most famous on-screen depiction of the story starring the late Hollywood icon James Dean, was directed by her grandfather Elia Kazan."
~ Laura Jane Turner
"Florence Pugh is phenomenal in Netflix's East of Eden"
https://www.digitalspy.com/tv/a73924186/florence-pugh-east-of-eden-review/
Kind of fun to think about solitary, unprincessy Thoreau sometimes, though.
"There are men making reels like this one"
claritywithclint & callifindingjoy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6dp_BRp-l/?stkn=MW40NTNqYjQ0N2Fudg==
"I didn't expect my son to get emotional"
driven.byjamie
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd6Y238MFSU/?stkn=ZHVoZHczMzd6aDBt
"Oh, and by the way"
rey_philosophy
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Dd8D2srR9v9/?stkn=bnMyc2J2c3N2eHFh
I felt like my ego can't deal with how flawed I have decided to look for hopefully some higher purpose to serve the greater good and now my cat has decided that I am the best person for her to purr on and cuddle up with now. Maybe I'm here to help the cat ladies of the world. There's a lot of them.
I feel compassion for my younger self who was already in the middle stage of life and didn't know what to do and was looking for healing and community.
Tonight I was just by myself and I went to the Disneyland of pumpkin patches, and on this particular day, I could get in for free because I was a local. And now my curiosity is satisfied. I didn't feel tempted by any of their food because I had chocolate cake in the middle of the day. And I walked around for several hours.
I actually think I have more peace of mind now than when I was younger. And remember when I went to an event featuring Amma, the hugging saint. The entourage that was with her seemed not very friendly, so I decided I was only visiting their community. But I remember thinking I just don't know what to do or how to feel better.
Sometimes I would go to a free meditation class, with optional donation, and I actually felt like going to this class was helping me preserve my sanity. A lot of traumatic stuff was happening. But even there, the guys in charge would sometimes make these weird jokes. And I noticed that some women in the class would look at each other and frown, and I didn't really care for the jokes either. I was thinking things like, I'm trying to heal from some very serious stuff and you have to ruin the peacefulness with your joke even though you have all this wonderful meditation knowledge.
But some sexist humor was coming through even though the meditation man was with a spiritual girlfriend. But it's possible that somebody else talked to them about it or else they picked up on it psychically because then at another subsequent meditation session they were confessional and shame-faced about the sexist thoughts they'd had in the past. They said that when they were younger they used to look at women as makeable or not makeable, and then they realized that they were not well in looking at women that way.
Well, that was a long time ago but I was thinking about it lately. Even as I was walking around the pumpkin fair with my thoughts. There were some very young people on dates and two couples at two separate places asked me to take their picture. I'm kind of glad I looked like a safe person to them.
Back to my thoughts about the meditation guy, back in 2009 or so. I remember when he said he and some friends were on retreat and then they went out to get an ice cream cone and the sound of police siren went off nearby and they were in such a strange state of mind that they ducked under the car dashboard to hide because they felt like they were going to get arrested for indulging in an ice cream cone.
That was a funny story.
Polyphonic Spree ~ "Light and Day ~ live Kimmel"
She also gives a very non-sentimental account of childbirth. Oh, this book is going to be good for me!
"The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1123976.The_Family_Heart
And they are talking about this song!
Duran Duran - "The Reflex (Official Music Video)"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=J5ebkj9x5Ko&si=5I9JGqJe4usk2W58
I'm going down corridors to childhood today.
Cost two quarters and five dimes.
"The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew"
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/1123976.The_Family_Heart
I think it's because it's from the '90s...
And their mother is such a character, too.
"Herbert Rowbarge by Natalie Babbitt" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/449892.Herbert_Rowbarge
"Herbert Rowbarge by Natalie Babbitt" | Goodreads
