There's too much that happened in my life that made it known to me that this was not for me.

I would have to have an anvil dropped on my head to be like I'm just going to be another white skinned mom who is content with raising a white skinned baby who came from my white skinned body and being such a docile servant to the white supremacist patriarchal horror show that's currently treating so many people so freaking badly. 

Kidnappings! Concentration camps! Lifelong traumas! Blatant oppression of people's bodies! Because of the racism and the sexism! I don't have the ability to be fine with that. I don't know how to ignore it and just focus on my own house to take care of, or whatever.