I think these are like some past life things that I feel I don't want or need to participate in this life at the moment:
Being shaped by a Patriarchal Society to act like a jerk the moment something triggers my insecurities but still being charming enough about it so that I get accepted.
"I was a jerk but at least I was still charming about it" gets perpetuated as if it is an art form.
Oh and then when it gets revealed that I acted like kind of a jerk, do most people ever actually challenge me or talk to me about it? Or do they just sort of arrange their lives in a way to accommodate me being a jerk? Oh, why do they feel that it's better for them if they have to do it the second way?
Behaving like some kind of manipulative church pastor or professor drawn into a dynamic where the followers are feeding off of the leader, and the leader is feeding off of the adoration of the followers.
The reason why I don't want to act like either of these characters is because these are the kind of people that mess up other people's lives and perpetuate harm. And it's really unnecessary and I don't think people should continue to accept it as good enough.
People feel entitled to be insensitive and boorish, and it permits them to survive in a way where it's like they're wearing blinders on purpose, and they are refusing to see the harm that's a result of the things that are happening now, and those are things which will be talked about a lot more in the future.
But in the present they're still operating in survival mode, and they're just trying to pretend that it's not that big a deal and that they don't have to care, because apparently, that's the best they expect from themselves.
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