Some of me thinks:
I want and maybe need to be around people with higher standards.
I want and maybe need to be around women who support other women.
I want and maybe need to be around men who are trying to make it better.
And also:
Maybe if you weren't the greatest in the past, you could do better in the future. Maybe you don't need women making excuses for your mediocre behavior. Maybe you don't need pats on the back if you're not as great as you could be. Maybe you need to be doing a lot better. Maybe you are supposed to be exceptional.
And also:
Went through plenty of days and nights of trauma and anxiety and such and it's enough. It needs to get better. I bet it won't happen overnight. I bet it's a process. I bet there's still backsliding. But maybe I can at least believe the overall trajectory can swing into more of the right direction.
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