It's too hard to try to communicate with people who have to act like some really racist stuff that they've been going along with their entire life is still what they're willing to go along with now. I wonder why this bothers me so much. I mean it seems natural that it bothers me, but why is this happening? People are being cruel, and they think that their cruel ways are the normal ways, and to me, I know they're not the normal ways, but I don't understand why they feel like they're the normal ways, for other people. I don't know. I just feel like I have to encounter some kind of Truth. Like maybe a part of me is just not old enough to be able to accept how bizarrely and devastatingly and harshly prejudiced a lot of people are. I mean, am I reverting to a child's state of awareness or something? I mean, if I revert to a child's state of awareness, will that give me some relief, and I won't feel so much pain about this? I mean, can I zone out and just like, not feel so much pain about this stuff anymore? It's unreal. I don't want to have a nervous breakdown because I'm letting other people's attachments to a very prejudiced way of living destroy how I feel about having a life on this planet. I cannot let what they do and choose destroy how I feel, and I need to find a much better way to get through these days than getting thrown off so badly by the pain and suffering that I feel. I at least feel a little bit better to be able to acknowledge how bad I feel and that I know I need to help myself get better and not feel so bad somehow.
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