Feels far too unbalancing for me to go along with their programs.

I have thought at times that I would like to have fun with certain creative people, but there are definitely some loud ones who are still so focused on getting fawning feedback from a biased audience that they will do almost anything to get that feedback and to maintain the facade of being in control.

Being in control of the narrative as much as possible is what matters to them. They actually seem to feel oppressed if they're not in control of things. They seem to feel like absolute failures if their controlling behaviors don't make certain things happen in certain ways. It's like an addiction for them.

They will cater to audiences that do not care about a lot of different kinds of people. They will say "this violent or sexist person is the greatest" just get the approval of the audience.

They will continue patterns of acting like x types of people are more important (like, for example, Israeli soldiers are the really important ones, not  Palestinians in refugee camps) simply because they are catering to an audience that feels that way.

Their excessive need to please a dominant Patriarchal mentality & to go along with the status quo seemingly overcomes any need to question or challenge it. 

My actual nervous system is ill at ease with them because of this. 

Their survival strategies feel oppressive to me. The way I get triggered by some of their addictions gets in the way of my ability to relax or have fun with them.

I now know more about how it feels to me when I see there are some entertainment people and storytellers who clearly are far more interested in entertaining an audience than they are in having a real conversation with anyone who has a different perspective.

It feels like they are very used to excluding many others just to maintain a certain status among some very biased, prejudiced people.

Everyone has biases but not everyone has such an extreme need to control others or to go along with the ones who want to be controlling.

As such, it feels like it's really just not healthy enough at this time to even consider going along with them and with what they're doing.

So, it has been like that, sadly.