Learning that a body is deserving of healing.

I think my body under this castor oil pack and heating pad wants some truly feminine energy for my healing. I have found some before but it was too mingled with patriarchal beliefs and about what motherhood is and motherhood as a superior role and that is actually very patriarchal and not healing and not nurturing, and it's awful and it's insensitive and it's degrading. A terrible thing to experience. 

I have to calm down and really truly allow the nurturing and healing energies to heal me and I never want to go through the hell that I went through in this lifetime ever again. 

The only way I can go forward is to get better at forgiving because people are childish and sometimes they don't grow quickly. They hold on to very childish belief systems and very damaging patterns. But instead of feeling oppressed by this, I want to get so much healing and nurturing energy so that instead of feeling oppressed by the childish and patriarchal, offensive and sexist attitudes, I want to be so much in a real nurturing energy that I no longer feel like I have to fight with those people anymore.

I don't have to prove myself to those people. I don't even have to convince myself or them of anything. I just need to put myself in nurturing healing spaces and I don't need to feed their belief systems and I don't need to feed their egos anymore. They will suck you dry with their nonsense and their insensitivity and very shallow attitudes towards what motherhood means. There are men who have more nurturing motherhood qualities than some women who've had multiple children and choose to use that as like their badges of honor. I don't see that as being very nurturing at all. It's very egocentric.

It's the kind of thing that you get in a culture where a bunch of mothers ended up voting for a sexual predator and allowing terrible draconian laws are making their daughters less safe than they were. It's absolutely atrocious.

But sometimes the body is not in the best shape to fight and argue. Now it needs healing. It needs good things to calm the pain and calm the hormones and calm the anxiety and calm the body and tell the body it's deserving of healing.

It hasn't been easy at all, but it's good to know that some blessings and more of the energy of healing is getting through now.