Kinda cool transition

Samurai
and then (started playing it about five sec b/f the end of the track, where they talk)
Walk to Dublin

Birds

Feeling ill? Google "peaceful"...
Peaceful Balance
Dreaming of Flight
Twin Souls
~~~
Also...
eBird migration map

Bitter Dancer

For some reason I am thinking of Toulouse Lautrec models, a little.
Bitter Dancer made me think more of Native American dancing when I first heard it but who knows, any dancer...
For some reason that was good to listen to while chopping up jalapenos.
I think I might have to hear more on that album.
It's a good thing there's music to accompany these tedious tasks.
Grating cheese is quite tedious. Save 50 cents, grate the cheese. Grate, grate, grate...
~~~~
So then I had to look up the Toulouse Latrec models...a vague thought got bigger...and when the browser opened, the artist's cover of Do It Again came on. Kind of sounds different now...It's also on an oldish post by a person...somewhere...in the world... "Yeah, I dislike a lot of people and things" (it says at the top of the post.)

Like this I think never heard before tonight

Why? Maybe because it has interesting electronic bell sound effects that make me think of living in the 80s and part of me looking up to older girls and wondering what gorgeous lives and loves were in store for them (and eventually maybe me?)

"Sugar" B side from the China CD

And yet the lyrics are self-questioning in some fashion
And the electronic bell sounds also make me think of kitschy German tourist stuff in a store on the side of the road in Michigan
Those silly little clocks and sounds
Which is somehow like the middle ages calling through the kitsch

~~~~~
Daisy Dead Petals is more like falling down on the hill and getting soap bubbles in my eyes at age four
staring at the cattails across the road
wondering what they are about
I think some people tonight get to hear Daisy Dead Petals live
I'll be looking for that one!

Clue

Another embed.



It's really surprisingly easy! That last one had a kind of wide frame though. Maybe should change that? Oh nevermind, this one's not as wide...I was thinking of something. When I was a sophomore in high school, a girl told me something brilliant that I've never forgotten. "I think people are made up of lots of different personalities." That makes sense, I remember thinking at the time. I also remember that she seemed to get very embarrassed or uncomfortable or didn't want to talk about it. Funny repressive school; changed a little bit later though. It seems like it's possible to have a personality that's shocked by some things and also have another personality that's totally blase about it. I think of other things. Like B.S. who had a tragic death. At some point I realized it was better to keep a lot of my ideas about that one to myself. But, why did I even have them? Why did I want to tell them even though it would be so inappropriate, maybe even offensive? What if you were sort of invaded by someone else's soul sometimes, but it was okay? Or what if...you were like "No, you know why it's like this? Because. It's just ME, okay. It's. Just. ME! What do you think happens to a soul after it left a body? Do you think it's just going to stay dead?" Arrgh. It is so so so not quite what's supposed to be said, and yet so so so what one of the personalities wants to say. It makes me think of a scene from a favorite childhood movie, Clue: "I'm not shouting! Alright, I am! I'm shouting! I'm shouting! I'm shout--" Clunk, goes the candlestick.

TA DA

Siren
First video embed.

Something interesting happened this weekend.
Well, first I got to go to a concert.
We got tickets I couldn’t afford because of knowing someone at Nike (goddess of victory!) It was funny because at the end I saw the artist’s husband at the back of the theatre. I swear, I was almost like, “Hey, what’s up.” He doesn’t know you! I stopped myself. That was odd. I also sort of had to say to myself “She’s not your mom,” when the artist first came out. It was great…got to see her live for the first time.
We got to see God/Tubular Bells/Running Up That Hill.
The second night I didn’t get to go, and maybe if I’d known they got to see Take to The Sky with the Datura bridge I’d have been jealous. But I was busy making my discovery.
Leather, they got, also. Leather…
So what it is, is this. You might decide, “Oh, why not” one night. That person you thought of from time to time but don’t know. Whatever happened to them? Distant relation, daughter of a parent’s cousin, who started out a life with some tragic circumstances. Well many things, apparently. Yes. Many things! A high school graduation. A couple of aliases. And some writing gigs. And something else, too. A career as a professional dominatrix? No kidding? Wow. It’s not necessarily to say that you should walk into a club and say something. That would be adventurous, obviously. (Like jetting off to the jungle!) Would you say, I saw that wedding photo when I was younger, and heard the story about you and I was intrigued by your name and now here we are, hey?
I looked at some other people, too. This girl was interesting. She wrote Hard Vanilla and about the weight of the heart. But that’s not her. This person was interviewed on NPR and also by her elsewhere. But that’s not her. They are younger. She’s older now (She still looks pretty young. She’s been on a magazine cover and in other things.) But, she even mentioned she won’t get as much work as she gets older. There’s a person out there who has decided to live in a suit of leather and a whip…I needed to get some air. Vanilla is probably something I am, I thought. Not like the girl that is “hard vanilla.” But the other kind.
Also, though, vanilla is something that is white when mixed with milk and sugar, and brown in a bottle.
I am going to use vanilla to make a scrumptious pannacotta!
I went for a walk in the evening. I walked by a house decorated like fairyland. (For Christmas.)
I was thinking of Siren and some tears came to my eyes but that seemed a little melodramatic and they receded as I walked home and I felt a little tickle in my chest. Like a fairy sits on my heart.

Pigeons!

Hatoful Boyfriend

Trees of the west, trees from the east

It occurs (to someone who grew up in colder climates)...it makes sense to see a star in close proximity to the silhouette of a palm tree during the Christmas season.

Twisted world

Listening to This American Life: Penn State and how people in town can't quite seem to process it. Very interesting. I was there a few times. They had good ice cream.
[And I think of the memoir Lucky. I know she went to Syracuse, but I thought she also might've mentioned Penn State in her book. I'm not sure. But how strange. There's a very old myspace page. It has photos. The captions say things like "Alice Sebold. Syracuse. The park i was raped in" And one says "Penn State, where i deeply regret going :("]
My own first memory of that place is from the 90s. Stuck inside, because stepfather's mother did not want me to go outside at night. Because of the rowdy fraternities. "Why not? How bad can they be?" my 14 or 15 year old self thought at the time.
Also, in the present, a fraternity is in the spotlight for a question about rape on a survey. Ok. BUT. What about all the times when date rape drugs got passed out amongst frat members and no one reported that? Or, even if it was reported, was it even followed up on?
Truly shocking how much that has happened.
It's a shame too.
Not everyone shares the same culture.

Finally watched

Manhattan, Kansas
The description sounds rather dire: the filmmaker returns to rural Kansas to reunite with her mother who five years earlier "threatened to kill her."
Really expected worse behavior from the mom--she seemed nutty but not all that bad by the time she got filmed. And actually, it's funny how things worked out kinda alright for the "crazy mother" at the end.

I just got so lucky

TICKETS ARE AT WILL CALL!!! SaturdaySaturdaySaturdaySaturday! I'm gonna be in a positively beaming attitude for the rest of the week.

Neem

Might be one on the property.
Very young. Needs to be verified.
Neem, Neem, the wonder tree

In which I rediscover

a writer. Omigosh, I bought this book, The Night My Mother Met Bruce Lee (that's not the same cover), when I was younger and thinner and in my twenties-er, from a temporary big box type discount bookstore and life was so different back then...As I read, it I was vaguely thinking about thinness and this ballerina figure I'm making into a circus girl for a project in Illustrator (so tedious, the shadows and color schemes, yet also rewarding) and thinking about drinking that ballerina tea...I was drinking a different kind of tea...and found this NPR story, It's called Along For The Ride...ack! they talk about food and stuff...it begins with her saying "The only time I ever hiked alone, I was attacked...ever since that day I've been terrified with nature and obsessed with survival...I had to learn to feel comfortable in nature..." Ack! Sometimes rediscovery is just so ACK! But it's a...pleasant ack? And also. If the world was different, there's some people who would be more famous. I didn't mean to sound like a Cathy comic. It's not like that. But for some reason it keeps coming out, that expression. ACK! So why...
~~~~~~
P.S.--Human Behavior

Trees

Mr. Twain & Tree Stuff

A tree

Coincidence Cause Effect

So.
Battle of Trees (the song) gets in my head...
And that night, maybe that very hour, Santa Ana winds rush through the neighborhood, uprooting them right and left, including the town holiday tree. (Christmas, Paganmess.) Nothing surprises me anymore. Actually I wish I'd gotten a picture of a certain lemon tree I drove by, for it was quite a sight to these eyes to see all that bright fruit strewn about. Alas, I did not.
Still wonder if I can get concert tickets...
~~~~~
Hmmm! And, there is a Welsh poem! Interesting...I believe that Welsh ancestry--buried under a strong veneer of German-- was discovered a few years ago, along with some other things...

It's so in my head sometimes

though it's wine that induces babbling about it
Our language of love
the battle of trees
the Satie piece was in a movie
it had an artist called Swoon in it
Hmmm...so...I wonder...do I get to get tickets?
Do I? Do I? Will they come?
Ogham it says on wikipedia
Who knows
among my web searches
I listened to a cheer
strange, eh?
my father's cheer could be on the president's webpage
the ol' class of 74
inducts a classmate
I took not one single poly sci class in school
and anyways
but anyways
Our language...
CATHEDRALIZE?
that one word in a talk by un autor given at my friend's school
(she was sick, she couldn't come
i don't think she'd have dug
digs against military families)
I like that superfaraway view
um also
irene and the moonflower keeps beating me over the head with it
i found another moonflower thing
a child scribbled the word on a brochure I procured
and I didn't notice it til last night
so maybe that's Irene again
and she's all like
MOONFLOWER MOONFLOWER MOONFLOWER!
shrieking like a character from Alice
Who knows how Lewis Carroll got those characters anyways
like thieves, authors are like thieves...
I used to be so underling
right next to the government
and drunkards
and people who stole paychecks
and potential date rapists
and almost minimum wage
and aching feet
and illnesses
and and and and
is it gone forever???

Musicalness

There's musicalness in language. It's interesting to think about the way it's evolved, how parts of English could be like parts of another language (like Dutch).

This was a kind of mix up/mash up in my mind, like swirling together two different kinds of ice cream:

1)The garbled English (Dutch accent?) of the narrator of this clip about the Begijnhof in Amsterdam

2)The album version of Edge of the Moon, especially the faster part that comes around the 3rd minute mark ("now i’m going back past that marmalade sky ’cause you’ve got me waxing and waning...")

Tonight

I'm going to write with some friends over the phone. A few years ago, we were able to meet and stay overnight with this really interesting poet:
Ruth Stone She enjoyed our visit, too. She liked hearing our stories. And we washed dishes.
I still really like this anecdote:
Elizabeth Gilbert on Ruth Stone's genius

Peacock dance

well-remembered from Nutcracker: The Motion Picture (by the Pacific Northwest Ballet)

The Arabian Dance

Drosselmeier & Clara at the party

Drosselmeier, Clara, Prince, Nutcracker

Can't I be certain parts of four

five, six, seven, eight?
The Great American Hero!
Wonder Woman...
The only thing that sucks about the 80s is I almost can't not think about how lousy some things still really were.
And Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue
No it did not! Though I spent some time staring in the bus mirror and wishing. Once they did turn blue, for just a fraction of a second.
HAZEL GREEN I'm happy with you now though!

It is true

J. Lo sells cars. I am shocked!
Some of those captions are rather funny.

I just got a yen

to watch this:
Waitress from 90s with Hang Ten
And also, to say, think of the ones you lost! Are they not great gifts to you?
Gib mir die Alten (Give me the olds)

Aaaaaaaaa

So if I did it over again I'd sing more!!!!
I miss my young little life.
I liked swimming pools (after I learned to swim) and Christmas.
I disliked feeling fat.
Also Liked:
Art and some parts of school and singing and music on the radio and leaves and crayons and stuff. Food. Reading. Rollerskating. Other things too.
Also Disliked:
Seeing a friend in tears when her uncle beat her for crossing the street at the wrong time. Other things...
But now, what to do to honor the 8 year old?

Friend's school's calendar

I'll get it when/if ever I have extra money...
Mildly Attractive Men of SLIS

Funny

This was the best status I read in the last five minutes:
John Doe: "just emptied out the contents of my digestive tract."

A strange day

One teacher tricks and humiliates a student and makes himself bigger.
A girl teaches and tricks and then admits "this was a trick" and downplays her trick.
She's better. Right? Though they both left an impression.
~~~
He was in a building and did it with words.
She was in a nature preserve and did it with pinnate leaves

Do you know

Right now....really, really, really, thinking this person did a good job, no, a great job, on a certain song, which probably won her fans who often skip it when they play a CD that has it there, but it's good it was put there, and that's because, for me, well, many songs won me over, but there is one that I do, deep down, feel bad about skipping a whole lot. I have skipped and skipped and skipped because you don't always want to hear it. And not every one has felt that way either. At one time, I was pretty discomfited when I read this: In Defense of Offensive of Offense Art:
"When I was fifteen, I prank-called a rape hotline...This is maybe the worst thing I have ever done...when I got bored at basketball practice, I would start singing "Me and a Gun"..." That person has been to more concerts than I...I've been to zero concerts of my...favorite artist?
Me and A Gun
Do you know Carolina...
Maybe at times I've even skipped and been "bored" by it. But truly this is my favorite artist, and my least favorite song to play, but she did a great job on this one. I feel very grateful. It's like carving giants paths in a deep, deep snowdrift for other people...little girls and boys who'll need it to help them...you don't always feel that way about an artist and you don't always even want to feel that way...really...how can you ALWAYS want to feel that way???...when you do though...it's verymuch how you feel you should be be, looking in the right direction....
Me and A Gun xerxes remix by somebody

What's the cure for SS

Someone bought me a big thing of organic salad but it's already past it's prime and it makes me SAD.
Ate some tonight but had to pick out so much (slimy stuff) and it was not so enjoyable. Please. I need a salad freshening container and why is everything so expensive when it's hard to make $ in this economy.
Want to eat healthy.

Mary's Boy Child Bom Bom Bom Bom?

What do you get when you cross the bom bom bom part of Mr. Sandman with Mary's Boy Child? I think a version sung by a either men's choir or a small group of men. (NOT female voices.) Like....Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom. Hark now hear the angels sing a new king born today....
SIGH. It just drives my inner second or third grade self CRAZY every season I cannot seem find whatever version I liked, which was bouncy and kidlike and simple too. Am I actually crazy, or what obscure little version did some radio station in upstate NY play of Mary's Boy Child in the early 80s?
Song, come find me sometime!

Truly salute you, universe of weirdness

I was expressing my annoyance with trying to get a browser to function on my old outdated Mac (as opposed to the sluggish but also more browser-friendly PC, but it also doesn't have the same software) when he of the larger and better computer said, "You don't want me to make you happy?"
"No, it's not that, I'm just annoyed with this thing...Okay, sure, fine, so what're you going to do."
Chair swivel. "I'm downloading this."
"Uh...okay. You're right. That does make me happy!"
(I do listen to it sometimes on Spotify now. And yes I entered to win tickets, too.)
"You have points to download it?"
"Yes."
"Okay, cool."
I went back to my task. For a typography project, I'm using some song lyrics, one of the ones I was considering was Datura. I went to this site to obtain the lyrics and then I scroll down...
I: The song Datura that I was having a listen to – I’ve been reading up on it. Now apparently you have a herb garden with a list that you run off in the song Datura as well.
T: Had.
I: You had? What’s happened?
T: You know that Hurricane Irene?
And then, if I actually had the ability to formulate a concrete sentence in my thought process, it probably went: Wow, sometimes the universe likes to fuck with you. Then I paced around for a few seconds with chills on my skin, which might not sound like a long time, but it's enough. I'm not even sure if I've never read that before, but even if I did, this was the first time I got the "shock of recognition" so to speak.
Sheesh.
So it's not that it's a bad thing, but yes sometimes I do have to salute the universe for these moments of weirdness.
Oh okay.
Since he said "Happy Birthday" at the conclusion of the download, I guess I should also mention I found out the other day that this was the "top tune" pick on my birthday this year. Weird and interesting. Like I said...

Cool discovery

Video about surfer Kelly Slater with music by Ben Howard
I have just now only heard one song. (Black Flies.)
I looked it up. It's by a 23-year-old musician? Wow! I feel like that person may be a young man but is a wise old soul?

You almost could be there?

That's how it can feel when you watch something!
Take To The Sky with bridge from part of Datura
And hah, its funny because when I read "In Russia thieves and murderers stupified their intended victims with a concoction made of the ground seeds, and young girls were procured for prostitution," in the part of the Health Plants of the World library book that talked about Datura, I did indeed think, hey...doesn't she sing that one song about Russia...

Battle of Trees

A while ago, I had a very striking dream of this musician, her younger self, and she was on this west coast and there were exploding redwoods. Either she was exploding them or they were just exploding for some other reason.
So Battle of Trees, of course, intrigued me.

Ack!

Apparently the Karate Kid is 50.

Beautiful flower put to bad use

From old library book (found while hunting for another book for class):

"Jupiter, according to the Doctrine of Signatures, governs the Thornapple (Datura stramonium) and it was therefore used against epilepsy, fits and madness. All parts or the plant are narcotic and the evil uses to which it has been put in the past account for it's old name of Devil's apple. In Russia thieves and murderers stupified their intended victims with a concoction made of the ground seeds, and young girls were procured for prostitution. The therapeutic value of the thornapple however, has been appreciated by physicians in both the Old and New Worlds."

Book: Health Plants of the World: Atlas of Medicinal Plants

We're in flower

Very happy with the words typed in the title box.
Though I've yet to determine what they have to do with the thoughts that preceded typing them and so, an intentional ramble! Tried to read the old speech given to the class of '74. It was weird how I found out about this speech. It's because of a photo on my phone. The wife of my relative who graduated back then took a snapshot of two men. How well do they know each other? Eh, who knows. They look rather brotherly in the photograph. I decided to try to look up the one and somehow got to this old thread; it said two things: 1)With all the talk about war of ideas and morality, this is well put. http://gos.sbc.edu/r/rand.html Martin 2)Just a disclaimer: I don't agree with her view on selfishness and a few other things (based on the little I've read). Still think it was an okay speech. M Um, okay...am KUNG FU ZED..."They might say: 'Consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.' They got it from a very little mind, Emerson." Honestly that's the most interesting it's gotten so far. Goodness though, the woman seems like she'd be fun to pelt with small hard apples.
~~~~
Off to chauffeur someone who locked himself out.

Oh, honestly

Accidentally found this: Philosophy: Who Needs It--Ayn Rand talk (USMA 1974). Good grief. Is THAT why there was a big thick hardcover copy of The Fountainhead laying around the various homes/apartments of my childhood when I was a kid...shall we peruse the web to see if we can find that old school copy? Alas, it seems not...vaguely remember that it had a woman's face on the jacket (I think) and looked so big and important, Like That's What The Grown-ups Read...I think the first few chapters of it were as far as I ever got...probably was too bored with (yay) Howard Roark...my only exposure...now I feel like thinking about wine glasses...I wonder if a wine and Ayn Rand novel club could be funny or just painful...probably painful...but who knows...

Ha

This amused me and resonated:
Giving The FBI What It Wants
Partly because I now have to go over the minutiae of my own life to protest a ticket attributed to my vehicle and given in a city I've never even been to yet. I looked it over while listening to a playlist of bf's called "xenophobia." It's all songs he's unfamiliar with, such as #44: An Eluardian Instance - Of Montreal - Skeletal Lamping - Alternative
~~~~
Holy...does the video have trumpet flowers????
The universe wants me to learn more about plants!!!!

That flower

Ever since I was 16 (or younger), for over half of my life, I've been thinking about a person and it was always about the girl and the garden and the flower and the upperclass guy and the confusion and the suffering that was trapped in that little story. And yet, all this time, why was it so important that I had to identify the flower, and I could not do it, and when I did it was like that's it.
And I looked under Datura and someone goes (in a comment):
"Big day today....Tori played the bridge of Datura LIVE tonight. :)
-- lionessdollposse 1 day ago"
The girl I know who is working as a maid now, she does not listen to the same music, but she likes lions very much.
Maid Flower Night
That story is like a secret (that needed to be told). It is like something about the world that is disturbing. Like why there is attraction (or attractiveness?) to erotic violence. There is something to do with that.

Funny day. Like a treasure hunt

Get up in the morning and drive to school. The southern left coast is quite nice in the morning. Then go to class and be entertained by a somewhat sardonic British guy whose actually American but his father, who was in the service, "buggered off" when he was a kid so he was raised by his mother, and later, go on a treasure hunt for the books for class. One of the books is hard to find but there's this little hole-in-the-wall library, kinda shabby, you didn't know about before, it's got a tiny parking lot and is close to a psychic, and they have it! And the librarians are surprisingly friendly, and there's little kids eating popcorn and taking over the library and ducking behind the "haunted house" curtains thrown over the stacks and a dancing electronic skeleton that sings "The worms crawl in the worms crawl out..."
The book, the object of the treasure hunt, is Sin and Syntax.

You know how it can take years?

To put two and two together?
That happens sometimes.
Oh man. It just happened again.
Oh MAN
~~~~
O kay so.
First...Irene, photograph in photography textbook blah blah long time ago stuff okay.
Irene maid garden flower guy weird not good stuff weird unhealthy affair abuse flower okay. Tea is whistling now.
Okay...Part TWO: Modern day bad economy. Emails about a maid job. Make a portrait for a class and the teacher says it's very dreamlike and it's based on a photo taken in a garden and has a big purple swirl. Okay Part THREE: Muy bad day and trying to come back from the brink of awful thoughts. Seemingly connected with OLD STUFF. LIKE OLD FEELINGS. How to explain? Some other time maybe. Part 3 1/2: Next day is good, better feelings, but then find out someone committed suicide in front of an antique store like two blocks away (read about it in a story). Okay Part Whatever: Garden visits, Irene (not as maid but as a book character? to turn into musical, maybe? nevermind, no musical, um, for now...)
Part FOUR: Garden visits for years and music and strange attachment to song Datura.
Part FOUR point FIVE: The last 24 to 48 hours have been filled with fits exhaustion and needing to dive into a room and turn off all the lights and be really quiet.
Part FIVE: Drift Away from that story about the guy who killed himself and look at a story about local flowers. A flower that is here. She (the maid) went out to the garden at night and was entranced by a flower. Then the aristocrat guy came and the disastrous stuff...
A flower at night...a flower at night...equals....
The Moonflowers Bloom At Night
Also called "Devil's weed."
It was DATURA.
Oh you wonder why it takes so long. So many years.

This

Crystal Bowl Healing

Whoa awesomeness

I just remembered some books I read, probably at a daycare center, when I was a little kid. It just kinda came back to me. Wow, have I even thought of those in decades?
Rather a good way to come down from a long brutal panic attack...
Seem to recognize many from a google search of book images and such:
Sixteen and Away From Home
Eighteen and On Her Own
Nineteen and Wedding Bells Ahead
Stories From the Growing Years
Treasures From Grandma's Attic
At Home In North Branch

Selections

Library books with titles and contents that are more fun than having a crazy morning after waking up from dreams about drifting around in a foreign country trying to find a safe place to sleep...
(But, maybe not more fun than going crazy?)
(If it's in a FUN way?)
Anyway
1) Eat My Words
2) Stronger Than Dirt

How nice it would be

To work at something I truly enjoy that seems to help people
To pay all bills efficiently
To learn more about nature and plants
Wouldn't it be nice? YES!

Zzzing

Phone buzzing in the morning. Obligated to get up to check it. Did someone call about a job?
No!
"I heard on the radio today that Evenflow by Pearl Jam was recorded 20 years ago...ugh. We are officially old!"
That's a nice way to wake up. (After another dream about the tidal wave coming...) Officially old? Not really though. It's Fake Old! When you get older, you'll talk about how young you feel! (Hopefully?)
When you get old hopefully you won't care so much about being old.
Cry Me A River was playing a lot when we were still young and it's not 20 years old. It's not even a decade old!
But damn, there was a lot of money back then.
Just like it seems in the video.

Sometimes wish

That it was spelled
SOEMTIMES
and to see weird spellings all the time like in the old texts
and that weird stuff happened more
like when the Virgin of Guadalupe Channel would come blasting on in the middle of the night
and then we figured out it was the weird coincidence of the TV coming on by itself and the antenna tuned into that channel
and um...
then it wouldn't do that anymore and then I got a Virgin of Guadalupe calendar
I made an altar to her once when I really needed someone to live
and they did
and sent a calendar later with her on it
just by coincidence
she looks on me all the time now even if I don't notice her at every moment

Although

Although there is an acerbic comment about Target beneath this video
Do It Again
the funny thing is that I can't get a job at Target! Even when they're hiring!
Hilarious.
Although I can't get a job at Target, this cranberry apple rosemary sauce is delicious
and can be made with honey... Although Honey and others would be nice to hearslashsee
(Daisy Dead Petals!)
I can say who cares, who wants to support a plastic surgery habit and wine cellar when there's way more important stuff anyways
but Waitress gets the replay button a lot and some of it's probably just because of the money...
And I like stretching a can of tuna, I really do...Tuna Melts, yum! And, I want to learn to sew my own clothes!

To read!

Juniper
kinda hard to find in the local library...
setting a goal!

In a life

There was book that described guardians who talk to you after you die and they explain what you need to go back and do again, because you didn't accomplish it this time. Is there a point to being someone who thinks she kinda, like, inherited memories from the ROTC guy who got shot down by the National Guard? Or to being the offspring of someone who goes to the party of the retired classmate who is now the head of the intelligence agency of a country? Or to being the unmedicated one? So what, why do those things matter? Flowers seem to matter...and they seem more interesting when they are growing in the earth...
Journey of Souls was that book.

shapes

are in plants
and this book:
Botany in a Day
The author has an interesting story...

Hearts

Plants, flowers, trees!!!!

Le FB share

is fun. So it seems a friend was just on Kojo Nnamdi to talk about protests.

Loved this!

Just saw it.
Unoffical video for tune-yards - gangsta
Meow
And then
Real Live Flesh
Bizness
Maybe more later, I have to go read

Entertain us...

Evening's Netflix was Zack and Miri Make A Porno.
"Oooooh, snow....remember how cold weather felt? Oh wait, nevermind, you never lived in a place with that weather."
Hmmmn, songs from when I worked either as a waitress or in a cafeteria.

so where are you

hum. are you in that state of your life where orange juice is good, because, yay, healthy O.J., diabetics drink it, or are you in that state of your life where it's bad and caloric and you should eat and peel the orange instead, and also what do certain persons' energies (i'm looking at you thoreau&emerson beatrice&ludovico elisabetta dante ben christine yada etcetra whatdoyouwantalreadynow?) are things to think about when eating almonds in the morning (that's the night-morning, so, it is healthy? caloric? terrible to eat before sleeping? that's pretty lame, not the part about peeling an orange, but saying it's just "bad and caloric" ugh why do people do that and then drink gallons of diet soda, FTS) hum. went the brain.

Fact of it is

there's people who scan the want ads in sickening panic on Sunday night and then drink cheap bourbon and ginger to feel better, and cheap isn't bad, and (even if you have relatives who can't drink because they've been to rehab) it's still a medicinal tonic!
~~~~
Also it's a drink for a four year old to sneak out of the adult's glasses in the livingroom.
~~~
Also the adults could've been in the army.
~~~
Also Army Dreamers was out then but probably none of them knew it.

A Thing To Try

Now In Rainbows (which I'm not so familiar with) is playing and it reminds me...
Driving in the hills (mountains) of Pennsylvania while listening to Koyannisqatsi.
Haven't done that in a long time, but I remember...

Intriguing things

So there was a dream where a guy drove around and lived in a big house in the hills somewhere and I talked to him a little? In his car maybe? Then he went to his house. I didn't go. It was secluded and nice, in some California far-off hills somewhere. That one looked a bit like Jon Stewart (wtf? dreams) And yeah I noticed his resemblance to James Stewart in this movie he was in with Ginger Rogers which I caught on TCM at a house when I was feeding some cats HMMMMMMMMM...
I like this and it's superaffordable and I'll see if housemate buys it...
A. Palmer sings Radiohead on Ukulele

Spritz

"Martin and martini," Mrs. Krueger said again. "I wish I could think like that but I just don't have a creative bone in my body. Now, Nancy." She turned to me again. "You're lucky. You're creative."
"I am lucky," I agreed, spritzing the countertop with 409.
--A Broom of One's Own by Nancy Peacock (pg 43)

Mr. Cash $$$

Sometimes, Cry Cry Cry plays in the background, and wow, it's appropriate. In a way, it's cool, actually, to have a good solid reason to feel slammed into the ground. It's not as crazy, like if your mind is suddenly going to pieces, thinking about folks hurling themselves over bridges, because of being overwhelmed with A B & C hitting the mind all at once. Just one solid reason...it's calming. And all because of A Solid Reason. Funny that! Get Rhythm...
~~~~~
Big River...

Pas de deux

Kind of like, beauty & also
this is how people can live.
Interesting to watch in the dark.
Norman McLaren's Pas de Deux

Happy Day!

Delicious and healthy lunch.
Well wishes.
Got stuff accomplished.
Beautiful Day.

Interestin'

Monsters! complimented by old scary commercials

What come first

money lack or cynical mind?
hmmm
it's like
oh well probably can't see the artist
$ reasons
whatever
about people who blow money on unneeded cosmetic surgery
and get criticized by fans for it?
yeah, whatever, and also I loved looking at Moon Over Corn Field. I looked at it and felt all ~mystical~ BUT the guy whose lucky enough to live there said he looked at it and "cannot stop my head building nightmarish scenarios no matter how hard I try."
Ugh. Is that because today's Shakespeare choose to put so many of those into print?
Whatever.
Off to maybe shower sad attitude away.
Cat of Doom was cute though.

If

If sometimes I feel sick because of living in the same place far away from anywhere I "grew up" and almost no money to leave it and
Okay that's enough right there.

so! not on task!

Wikipedia told me a member of Lucious Jackson was once in the Beastie Boys. Huh. Doesn't that guy in the Naked Eye video kinda look like he could be one of them? Arrgh. Sooo blurry. Hmmm...

To consider

What Cha Want?
Are those guys old now?

1) A person got letter from family advising her on how to approach the next step to take in career path/life. Its hard to move to a new place. Who will help you if there's a flood or your car breaks down? (Clears throat.) There's a reason why most people are born, live and die in a 3 mile radius...

2) Another person never got such a letter. Family members were scattered to the four (eight, sixty four, googol) corners of the wind. True, all those things (moving to a new place, etc.) were hard to adjust to sometimes. But, trying to stay pinned to one place was almost impossible, like trying to keep Pangea from seperating into seven continents and a bunch of tiny little islands. MOST people does not equal ALL people. And, A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE are NOT in the MOST PEOPLE category.

Flower plants its own seeds

Happens sometimes.

~~~~~
(teeny p.s.: u know those things ppl did that pissed u off when u were growing up? they r not any more charming when other ppl do them later in life)
Sabotage was entertaining

Big O

Onion giant

Keeestion

Why
is it kinda like sometimes even or especially the more photogenic people don't like their own pictures? Are there too many airbrushed magazines taunting the masses or something? Why does this little snafu maybe have to interfere with a struggling out of work freelancer's ability to get paid for something? And universe, this sort of thing could be fixed, somehow, surely?
cue Bye Bye Miss American Pie

Because

It is almost 2 o'clock in the morning.
And because, in other parts of the world, there have have been floods.
And on the weekend, there was an almost full moon and one could see it move across the sky in the silent hours of the morning, and there was a closed (to the public) Zen center somewhere down a long road into the mountains, and although the anniversary of 9-11 was not what it was for some, and there was some cynicism about the media coverage, truth be told, it was still something to many, and there was a sorta not so good kinda day, but then there was an appointment to look forward to. And then the appointment was canceled. And a text that meant "search" accidentally went out as "death" and then the resilient side kicked in because it's still a SEARCH for an autistic boy who went missing.
And there is a full moon on the calendar.
It seems like a time to be prayerful.

Watermelon

Watermelon sadness. Watermelon happiness. Perfection when chilled, even when it's not at it's best. The countess doesn't care. The scullery girl gorges herself. Watermelon hating page pokes fun. "You're disgusting!" "YOU are disgusting," she says. Wait, did he say it to her, or just to the melon? It doesn't matter. She's a champion defender (and consumer) of watermelon. How it humanizes and restores sanity. Slurp chomp drink and drip.

living off a $7.25 wage

things to think about

There have been floods

A grad school friend sent one link; another posted the other.
Binghamton Flood 2011
Owego Flood

It's mysterious

To know what it is that you're supposed to do???

plus plus plus

Old SuperMario, Here Comes The Rain Again, Here It Comes, Marionberry, plus boysenberry, dewberry, loganberry, olallieberry, youngberry, phenomenal berry, Olympic berry
Stuff that had to be looked up recently.

You go...

This song crept into the mind of a person sitting on someone else's back steps, watching the dusk take over everything. Green leaves, evening shadows, birdbath, cats on the steps, cooler temperatures, quiet among people who move about in lighted houses. It could be playing somewhere in the background on lots of nights, many seasons, decades, regions. Someone sits in a backyard, feeling the place and the world at dusk, and someone else is sweeping the streets with headlights and driving past lit-up billboards. You go back jack do it again And this is a very different version by the artist and although it was not floating around(?) it's interesting: Do it again cover

On a list...

Of things I love is when I allow a song to drift into my brain
and it just seems so perfect
while walking down a hallway
or driving
So yesterday, this one was for walking down hallways:
Peach, Plum, Pear or maybe
Peach, Plum, Pear
This one was for driving:
Virginia or maybe (but gosh, audio) Virginia
And today?
Hmmm. That didn't happen today for some reason.

Bye t-shirt

Back to school...JC Penny has dropped a t-shirt for children that said "I'm too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me." I read about that right before I watched two videos on a YT channel (Boyleheightsfilms.)
The first, Homeboys until the end, is a touching tribute by the homeboys to themselves and the priest that helped them. And maybe even to God. I watched it last night.
Today I felt like listening to Marys of the Sea. And I also watched the Homeboys...video, again, and then the second one on the channel, which is called I DO IT LIKE I DO IT. I thought, hmmm...well, maybe it's satire? A commentary on how it's not cool to view women that way? I kept waiting for the indication that there was some self-reflection going on about that, but it did not come. (Except for "Fallen Angel" scrolling across the screen at the end, maybe?)
Why is it so hard to integrate the idea of respect for all? And make room for females to have actual voices and not just be viewed as possessions and side kicks?
So, since I was listening to Marys of the Sea again, I also think that as much as some people have made fun of the artist for her attentions to Mary Magadalene, Corn Mother, etcetra, (especially in The Beekeeper and Piece By Piece) that level of discomfort seems to not just be a question of taste. It's also a reflection of how hard it is, for some reason, to change the centuries old structures in church, and government, and life.

Luck!

Be a lady tonight...so the song goes
How funny is it, that in the passage of a few short hours, outlook on life can change? Life's a bitch and then you...but one can feel trapped and choiceless, and LUCKLESS, and then one can feel open to the possibility that maybe there are some choices, and not feel so horridly unlucky, because, well, a change has come about.
Consider: a person, reading a paperback book on a bed.
Person B observed this and found it a bit of a gloomy scene.
What to do?
Flop down.
Tuck chin down then up.
Make the eyes wide.
Some flailing of arms and legs.
Reader person looked up
And with a slight touch of sarcasm, inquired:
Can I help you?
No! said B.
And then left, somehow pleased
with how the situation had been handled.

Some things

Some things about today made it seem like a sad panda kind of day. A girl called and gave sad news and cried and that was a part of the sad aspect.
I thought this girl's voice was pretty strange sounding but it seems to fit somehow so there's something good about this.
The Book of Right-On

How did I find?

This is rather amusing duo...I've only watched a few minutes
Why We Shouldn't Be Together

more petals

And sometimes the "falling down, falling down" and "on my back" parts of daisy dead petals seem kind of like a four year old or a kindergarten girl
falling on the hill
banished and running away from a neighbor's yard, with bubbles
soap gets in her eyes, blurry and smarting in pain
a terrible new feeling, falling on her back, no one comes to save her
was it really that traumatic? geez, it was only falling on a hill
but yes it was to that child
interesting
a new way of survival
a time to make one's way alone
time to get through it and get back home
~~~~~
But also, dead petals, that's like loves me loves me not, and falling down all over the river and wishing she could feel like this forever seems to be about love or creativity, and the difference between personal feelings/experiences and outer world scenarios
~~~~~
it's a good little song
not often commented on
like a quiet child in a bakery
like a child staring at an ant with intense concentration
maybe even a masterpiece

petals...

A lyric goes around my mind like this

daisy dead petals
that is her name
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmm hmmmm...
these dead petals, honey, brought me here
got a crack in
got a crack in some strange places
these dead petals, honey, brought me here
--daisy dead petals

~~~~~
and maybe that makes me think of
a field (edge of a backyard) of black eyed susans
and a little girl sneaks away across the street
to the catholic church playground
who knows how she knew it was there?
and why she was not missed
did it really happen?
did voices collaborate?
well, not when she tried to sneak her younger friend over
and the window opened
you get back here right now
******
oh wrong memory?
maybe it was actually a methodist church!
was it?
no no...
probably it was a catholic school
there was a direct road
to our lady of hope, by little sisters of the poor
yes
thank you internet maps
does it still have a playground?
does it still

Mountain songs

Are among the necessities in life!
Really. Lord knows there are some times...
What are some I'm sure I've posted before?
I can immediately think of three.
Big Rock Candy Mountain...
***
Ain't No Mountain High Enough...
**
and...but of course...
*
Mountain.

Because

Because it is dreary
when the jobs aren't plentiful and the TV digital converter box stops working
I found this to be quite cheery
Stop Coddling The Super Rich By Warren Buffett
And this:
At Vacant Homes, Foraging For Fruit
I know someone who applied for a maid job today.
Two friends were enjoying lobster and wine and Long Island beaches today and called me. One told me that she heard there's going to be a law that hotels have to have fitted sheets because the flat sheets are difficult for many housekeepers. They have to lift the mattresses over and over. It's probably very bad for their backs too. But she thinks it's because more people who wouldn't have worked as maids before probably have taken on those jobs now and they complained.

Sometimes

Sometimes, it just so happens, that the people you meet give you a little glimpse into something like, wealth or abundance. And maybe, even, opportunity? Maybe even a nice glimpse. A healthy glimpse? Maybe? Maybe it can happen. I still do not know, however, who turned this particular song (Amie)on, in the radio station in my head recently. But there it is. And then sometimes it gets warped at the 3 minute mark of course.
~~~~~
Also interesting: Kids Bedrooms

BB

Oh...I don't know why I let it get to me, but...I wish Ms.Back To Black could've gotten old and has-been with papery skin and a cheesy tell-all bio but still hanging on, aging, and not in the "27 Club." There's been a time or two when she has made me feel so deliciously cynical. She's always looked like she's from NY to me. Maybe even not from the city. Maybe Pennsyltucky. There's icky stuff in the background. Bad weather macho bullshit. She goes to school and vegan guy at her college co-op beats hospitalization into someone after getting drunk at a dive bar, thinks a girl deserves whats she gets, or doesn't care enough to get beyond that mindset. The girls strive hard to look pretty as if its a safety net insulating them from something worse than what they're already living. Older people have been stuck in the same town their whole lives, reliving the same crappy winters, kids are beating up other kids just to do it, manipulative conversations in all night diners where cranky waitstaff spend their tips on unhealthy substances. I seem think of that kind of stuff when I see that video/song. But, she has not grown old, and she wasn't from the upper East Coast, so I kinda just wonder if she'll come back as a singer or musician, in any part of the world again, and if so, what kind?

Come sit on my wall...

THIS song came into my head for NO apparent reason!
Amie come sit on my wall and read me the story of O...
Beautiful songwriter. Ex-girlfriend & ex-bandmate a really beautiful songwriter, too
Sea Song
And they can't hang out. Pity, but it's how it goes sometimes.
I did just wonder what was up with the picture on the cover of the "O" album.
~~~~
Prague! Honestly. I feel like the first impression this song gave me was literally of a man getting dressed as a woman. And something about it was transgenderish to me. Now I can see it as a guy seeing a girl getting dressed up and being in agony because she's leaving for someone else and that seems real, too. She's going on a train to Prague, to see her lover, who's not him. But that seems almost secondary to my first impression which was more to do with a man getting dressed up like drag queen. Like they're both performers, artists, models, dancers, whatever, going on stage, and getting dressed up to get approval from someone out there in the audience, and also, (maybe even more so) just in general, in life. But she thinks he doesn't do it, and he's saying, yes, he does it too.
~~~~
Kind of like "Mother."
Tuck your ribbons under your helmet, be a good soldier.
~~~~
It could be:
Him vs. them getting married and he's getting dressed up because he's going to their shindig (probable original meaning) But also: He's so involved with her he feels as if he's getting dressed up for the other guy, just because that's how she feels. Like an "every breath you take" kind of thing. Borderline obsession. All dressed up for him too.
Or: They are both performers getting dressed up for some guy in a suit. They are like actress-artist-hookers seeking approval. Really dressed up. Like drag queens. Seduction through looks if nothing else. Or maybe through dance or performance. And: They have to dress up to please someone else. Whether it's in a soldier's uniform or a slinky dress or any number of other costumes. So some guy gives them the big ticket to whatever. Approves of them. A paycheck. Survival. Or maybe even just for approval, or for love that they seek. They each kind of have to prostitute themselves, just in different ways. All of that. It seems multilayered. Whether that was the songwriter's intention or not.
Is that enough on "Prague?" Well, you just never know what you're going to type about sometimes, do you...
~~~~
Or he's singing about different parts of himself. He has to leave the girl because she wants a part of himself that exists but that is not freeing enough for the other parts of him. She wants to marry the other part of himself. And he can put himself in her shoes and see how she wants to dress up for that one. And he dresses up, too?
Mmmmkay, time to go to sleep already...

Gato de Bodega

Bodega Cat!
"Bodega" (as used by the general English speaking population) is more of an East Coast word, apparently.

Top Ten Repititious Thoughts

1)Whyyyy does it take so long to get even a little bit good at graphic software. Even if its the old out-dated stuff? 2)The future will have more healing from hands types of things in it and people will be more chill, in some places. 3)Half a beer could be the poor person's anti-anxiety remedy at present. 4)Life is mysterious. 5)Dreams are mysterious. 6)Thoreau and Emerson were mysterious. 7)Ben Franklin 8)Christine 9)Irene of Lewis Carroll's photographs 10)Strange Little Girl

Old Song

California Dreamin'
This song is actually very profound. I just never knew it before.
You know the preacher likes the cold...he knows I'm gonna stay...
*flute solo*
If I didn't tell her...I could leave today...
But now I see. Thanks, public television fundraising special.

Funny Fizzy Grape Juice

This is funny. It calls to me. And makes me want to drink the fizzy juice. Some person (I don't know who) put the lyrics of the not-so-very-loved "500 Miles" in a chipmunk voice with some kind of organ music, like I might've put on my answering machine tape in college. While asking a friend in my dorm to blurt "Leave Vun Vunderful Message!" in imitation of her father's Russian accent. The person who did this imagines that it's what a song called "Cactus Practice" will sound like. "We must do something about your obsession," someone said to me somewhat recently. "Shut up," said I. (Something I would not have said, if said person had said something about purchasing concert tickets...) For better or worse, now it has entered my life. Because not all of life will be fine wine! Sometimes it will be fizzy delish juiced grape. ~~~~~ Now the Mamas and the Papas are singing "California Dreamin'" on TV. The thin girl, she's older now. It's not unkind to say, she looks like a person who could be in a dentures commerical. And there she is young again! Oh man. Some part of me is in denial. Do I think I'm still 8 years old in the 80s. And people who were young in the 60s still look young as adults? Maybe sometimes I do think so. Also. How funny to long for the opposite of the song. I mean, stepping into a church on a snowy day and longing for warm California weather sounds awesome. Especially the snowy church part.

Literally

After I read a write-up about Marys of the Sea I was listening to the song and then I went to volunteer with some people. Marys of the Sea & Intro Jam. It was me and some guys. By a skate park with a bunch of boys. I was feeling a little weird. The song kept coming back to me. But then the hours passed. Forgot song. Did other stuff. Then I had to stand off to the side because some stuff was going on and I would be in the way. I was only temporarily going to be standing there. And all of a sudden someone came up to me. He was a bit rude. And physically pushed me. (Not painfully, but not respectfully either.) He said could I move, I was in his way. It was rather sad and wounding but I didn't know why. And I went elsewhere for a while. And then I came home and the computer opened up and the song came back on. And then I was like...wait a minute...is this coincidence?
Heyyy...I am not in your way....

Looked

So, hmmm. I wanted to find this jazzy lounge singer version of a song I swear I heard in Michigan countryside at night at the end of a road trip. On the radio. But I don't think this is it, but it's the closest thing I could find. Maybe it's really it, and I remembered it wrongly? Did my memory slow it down? 'Cause it's more, I don't know, jumpin' or whatever than what I remember. But anyway. It's interesting.
Bjorkestra - Hunter

Dear

Dear
Dear?
Dear Prudence

Y'know...

While other people were taking that next perfect step in building their career...
Maybe I wasn't.
Maybe, I was:

stuck in some job that made my feet hurt and didn't pay enough
dealing with or figuring out the voices in my head
running away to parks
traveling to other states and hoping tragedy could be averted (by me)
making little altars and praying to them
or buying Pedialyte for grown people.

But, especially....
RUNNING AWAY TO PARKS!!!!!!
Y'know...

Little Auk

"They never knew what became of that strange little bird that came in the dark with the storm from the far North and went southward in the sunshine. They never saw nor heard of another bird like it. They never found out what kind of bird it was."
--The Long Winter
The Little Auk.

Again

I don't even think I liked this song the first time I heard it. But, you know, maybe some moments are good ones to listen to She's Your Cocaine. LIKE NOW! Look for something live...we'll see if "live" happens in real life this winter...

Mao

Mao. Because how often do cats actually say "Me-yow"?
Mao. Because it's almost time to feed some cats.
Mao. Because it's Caturday.

Aw

Aw, jobs that girls do! Aw, jobs that boys do! Aw, pay discrepancies! AW. It's interesting because if you say "I worked jobs as a receptionist/waitress/cafeteria worker/library assistant/office assistant and took out student loans in college" it somehow just lacks the panache of "I worked in XYZ manly muscle job to get through college." It was probably higher paying than those little customer service jobs that more girls do, so maybe that's why, because as everyone knows, boys jobs matter more! Even though they still want secretaries and waitresses and receptionists around for some reason.

But its even stranger when you take it further. When you are like "SOME people worked in a LIBRARY but I WAS DOING A REAL JOB." Apparently, something like working in a library at a lower level, (which is also a highly female profession, according to a person I know who is working on an MLS) just doesn't count as much, like actual jobs involving upper body strength and bigger paychecks. I'm also thinking of something I heard on TV the other day. Middle-aged women are at the highest risk for suicide these days. Are any of them laid off librarians?

Personally, I have loved libraries so much in my life. And I know they can have funny shenanigans and the job isn't always peachy and full of shelving books (thinking of the coworkers and bosses of college library I worked in, who could be rather unpleasant in various little ways, who told me I didn't look like I was really sick when I had severe weakness and anemia from crazy blood clots/bleeding, who left me nasty note in my mailbox threatening get me fired because someone thought I looked at them the wrong way--and I might've, because the girl in question was horrible to be around on numerous occasions, especially when she said she was a psychology major with no sympathy for the suicidal. "I'd probably hand them the gun and tell them to do it," she said. And, there was the person who sent me packing up a long windy hill to carry packages when I obviously had bronchitis and really wanted to be curled up in bed. Really? you couldn't have chosen one of the other peons who wasn't coughing their lungs out? And all for a minimum wage.) But that doesn't mean I don't love libraries, or think their employees' jobs should be trashed as unimportant.

It's also sad when they cut all the librarians and teaching assistants from schools. In first grade, I had a teacher with a really nasty attitude. There was a teaching assistant in that class. She, in comparison to the truly wretched woman, was nice. I mean she wasn't THAT nice. But still. Nicer. Thinking of someone eliminating her job makes me sad. If you're stuck with an embittered teacher who likes to dole out punishment and humiliate you for your accent and gangs up kids to pick on each other and will shove you in front of the class and make you cry because you were staring out the window during the math lesson, and then yells at you for being so embarrassing as to cry about being humilated in front of the whole class, then it's nice to know there's at least someone else, who you can tell feels bad for you, by the expression on her face. Boo for cutting teaching assistants. BOO.
Boo for people who need to put down others in order to make themselves seem awesome.
Not awesome.

Eh

Boy, sometimes forums are depresso. Thanks to so many disliking a certain song (which I wasn't all that fond of to begin with either, actually) the song pushed on my brain and now I actually like it much better, and also the video. Like! like! like! 500 Miles. Sometimes that's the side effect I get out of feeling overexposed to that silly groupthink stuff.
Next time I procrastinate and it's day time I will not internet stuff. Please.
I will be off to a park.

Darn

Well, apparently not everyone finds the same amount of humor in My Name Is Mr. Dollar.
Oh well. Maybe it helps if there was more of a nutty religious element to your childhood.

Bellisimo

Almost forgot Dante. Humanity really is like a family. Dante thought they were very silly to move his bones, centuries later. In a kindly way. He thought, with love, that they really were quite silly. He SHOWED me so.

Hallelujah...

Isn't life good sometimes? Just because it's crazy. I think so. Here's some crazy stuff I can ponder! Ha.

Not long ago, I was on a beach talking to the bellisimo friend who is good at tolerating my craziness. I decide to confide one bit of madness. I think I might've met the artist's parents. When I was at the old restaurant job! So, yeah. I totally believe it could've happened. And I didn't know it at the time. They were just nice older people. With a funny sense of humor. It's a nice thing to encounter when you have a job like that...and you know, I can't say so for sure. But I think if it's not true, then, at the very least, Jehovah on High sent similar people and little entities whispered things to make it seem so! (And not at the time either. But later on, upon reflection.) Yay...well, I was trying to explain to skeptical bellisimo friend why it could be so. I said "it could be!" Because of this and that. Church people, people who do certain things for a living, etc. I think I understand some of them...I don't have ministers in my family but I have zealots, people who read the Bible in Greek and Aramaic, people who proselytized informally, and people who (I've been told) almost called the cops on each other after fighting over the interpretation of a Bible verse. {Oh and another thing. Off topic, but related, if you're me. If you're me, and you saw a story-teller, and then you got flashbacks of seeing the storyteller moping around in a different life all the time, that's not crazy either. So there. So no lying. Maybe no broadcasting, okay, fine whatever, BUT, no lying either. Lying is BAD KARMA I think. Um, not to be too negative though.} Anyways. Even if they were a bit overly harsh about the poor Siamroot girl, I think some forums have been fun places for discovery this month. And so...Hello Mr. Dollar. The creator also tweets. I was intrigued by a tweet back in January: "The tragedy is the youth have closed their ears to the wisdom of the patriarchs." That doesn't apply to me at all. Hello, B. Franklin and Thoreau, hijackers.

Unsung hero?

Never heard of him growing up. Didn't give my full attention to the documentary on Olmsted because it was on public TV when I was trying to work on something else, but it kept distracting me. Really, tears came to my eyes. The guy created parks and wanted people to have psychological relief from enjoying them. He suffered from debilitating depression and dementia, and spent his last years at an asylum where he had designed the grounds. He also published Thoreau and Melville in Putnam's Magazine.

wants

A car with A/C in it again, and
another road trip but this time with Mountain

Poulsbo

I'm watching some Seattle news. Oh! City and region unseen by these eyes for twelve whole years! Why does it seem I can never live or even visit where it feels like I grew up? Like some people can... The name of a community in the area triggered a well-entrenched song memory. 80s Bread commerical.
"They baked in the oat bran so there's oat bran in your toast, yes there's oat bran nutrition in Poulsbo..."
Can't find it though. Bummer.

Interesting bit of knowledge

Brought today by the internet. Hurrah for economically feasible entertainment!
(Actually I did get to listen to a concert out of doors over the weekend and it was really lovely. People should listen to music in a natural environment more often! Under the stars is the best.)
The discovery was: now I know there's an actual BULL on this song: Professional Widow
Didn't know that. Don't have the album cover/liner notes to that one.
There she sits on the porch, child of her Appalachian ancestors.
So people from all over the world have listening parties online. They pick a time and an album and comment rapturously on each song. Of course I must have known this, in the back of my mind. But maybe in the front part, I didn't KNOW know it? Some of those people are all ready to gleefully and mercilessly trash the poor Siamroot girl when she debuts on TV tomorrow. I'm suppose she'll have a learning experience ahead of her...

Crazy

I always liked "Crazy" and I like this rendition at Rockefeller Ctr., ending with some lyrics by Moby (forget what it's called.) The all-female back-up band is kinda cool, too.
~~~~
Natural Blues, that's what it is.

Aw $ you brute...bah

Around here, it seems that if you're a librarian or a teaching assistant in the schools, there's a horribly good chance that you no longer have a job. If you're teacher and you're still working then it's likely your class size has almost doubled, you got a reduction in salary, and there's a big increase in what you pay to have health insurance. Kids need extra help but where can they go to get it? Even that is a question, unless more volunteers can be found. Yesterday this person at a place where I've volunteered for the past 6 months told me that for the last job opening they had there, which I applied to, which was a part-time job, paying WAY LESS than $10/hour, they actually got well over 100 applications. Sometimes, hearing things like that...I.just.want.to.scream!

Many of my friends who are lucky enough to be working full time have had those salary reductions and health care increases and must also deal with the stress of seeing their coworkers get laid off, not because they're bad workers, but because the company is making cuts again. Who is next? That's in addition to those other little curveballs life throws at them.

While occupying my time in rather more frivolous ways instead of filling out still more applications yesterday, I found this sheep on twitter. I'm not some person who is jealous because she thinks she's sooo much better at playing piano (I know I'm not! I can't even play it!), but for some reason, as I was telling someone about the twitter sheep, I suddenly found myself in hysterics.

He looked at me, mystified, inquired as to whether or not my state was alcohol-induced (it wasn't) and then typed in "meth lab dog," to show me an example of the kind of humor that he finds to be funny. (At first I thought he was typing it to show me how I look when I get hysterical.)

I see there are people now making fun of a new artist, who is coming out, kind of under the wing of the people who are working with an artist that she (and they) admire. I don't think the girl is at all bad and I hope she does well. I like the Siamroot song, myself. However...People that are stressed are sometimes more mean, I guess. All those little factors weigh on people. (Is this why I found suddenly found myself hysterical about the twitter sheep? "Baaaa.")

Maybe the peanut gallery's not that mean, then (even though they are); they're probably stressed. Life was mean to them! Its way too tempting for them to blow off some steam about someone who looks to them like a prissy person who got some easy breaks in life. Sad perhaps. But other stuff is much sadder! Such strange times...Ay yi yi yi. And hopefully the country's credit rating won't get messed with. Off to dentist! Hope I can acquire dental insurance again in the near future, too.

lizards and snakes...

The part that goes "I've got lizards and snakes running through my body funny how they all have my face..." from Sweet Dreams off Tales Of A Librarian..."he gotta be strong if he want to be a man..."
At the old restaurant job, girls never were barbacks. A girl asked. The manager said as a joke, "Your boobs would get in the way." Surely some fit girls can do it. If it was so hard, why did you have to listen to the guys who did it say it was easy for them compared to waiting tables?
Too much slow business at the bar those nights?
My friend who is going for an MLS said but this is worse...even though most librarians are women, most in library adminstration are men.
Here's a slide show about women in library administration...
"Gender is a troubling factor in the ratio..."
A different version of Sweet Dreams.

Fried egg

This is you
This is you not making enough $$$
This is your brain on all the stuff that gets said about the economy and all the times you hear about jobs you might have liked that are now getting cut and layering despair thickly on top of despair and despair and despair
~~~~
Change the channel.

Hey what happens

What happens is, sometimes being the kind of person who gets too motion sick at the last Harry Potter movie and needing to leave for 10 minutes. What is it. The camera work? Inner ear? Too much noise for a HSP (highly sensitive person)? Too much gigantic screen? Too much noise in the head? Not eating properly beforehand? Poverty anxiety? Today is the first day of the rest of your life of not going to pieces because you haven't figured it all out and this weird agoraphobic person occasionally or often takes over your bizarre physical form including the brain which is swimming with clips from or about lives of other persons & etcetra.
After staring at the carpet for a while, nausea can finally dissipate. Hey this song comes on: Third Nature - Lost For Now. Surely someone thinks it cheesy. Who cares though...it helps a sick person. It betters a theater goer. It grants the ability to return and enjoy the last portion of the movie.
~~~~~
Oh and now I'm happy because I had to totally click on this little film about Guess Who. Just because it was an important game, some years back. And it was sexist! I didn't remember that but now I do. (A commenter says "You always lost this game if you got a girl.") I am strangely happy whenever I find another little innocuous evil having to do with gender discrimination from childhood. I mean not forever, but when I first find it out. It's like a little light bulb goes off.
Before that I watched this movie about cupcakes and stuff for almost two minutes. Before that I watched Lost Things and it was interesting.
Okay, maybe back to the cupcake one ("Sweet Dreams") now.

Cheery

What's cheery about the clip of the artist playing Jackie's Strength on The Tonight Show and the interview afterwards is her reaction to his "You used to live here, right?" Ha ha.
Reminds me...the other day a checkout lady told me she'd love to live in Seattle because she loves the weather up there. Yesss!!! With an inward smirk, I thought "Not every single soul living here is a sun worshiping freak. Please let me meet more of these people."
Actually, I worship the sun, too--in OTHER places. I just love the sun more when there's a little less of it to go around!

What was...

On a certain night, a girl's life came back. So there are details, again. She gets sent away to be a maid, some stuff, some feelings, some other stuff, she gets knocked down by a guy, and she leaves the body, floats around the room, but she didn't die. Mmmmm. It was very sad, but not so much just because of the details, it was the feeling that was sad, the feeling that went with it at 3 0'clock in the morning, crying about some other person's life, which got implanted into your head for some reason, or it was just the feeling, that touched on the details of something else? But then, it has to be let go of. There's lots of people that didn't know what to do when they faced something dreadful. There's that older documentary, Maxed Out, that talks about people, even college kids, committing suicide, seeing debts piling up and seeing no way out. There were all those dreadful things. They happened to your family, to you, to your neighbors and friends. There was all that PTSD and suffering. But then the sun came up and went down, and came up and went down, and came up and went down again, and what was it going to be again, the next thing you did, on the next day, what was it going to be...

Fun Side-by-Side Viewing/Listening

Lisa Hannigan covers Personal Jesus
Couple Sees Jesus IN Walmart Receipt

Sewing

Sometimes it seems hard to sew together so many pieces of a life.
The life is meant to be lived, apparently.
But it seems...like...why oh why could it not have just stayed in the same spot with the same people? After all, some people have had that.
Probably that would have been a comfort?
But it was not so. And anyway. What if it's not even that which is troubling.
What if it's just the lack of funds to go back to anywhere?
That is so challenging.
But. What if there were funds to go, and it still didn't even help?
Although it usually does help. Moving is refreshing. It's hard to be stranded. But there it is. Sometimes that's where you might find yourself. Stranded in one place, seemingly far away from the others. And staring into your hands, which are holding so. many. pieces. Of A Life.
At such a time, what else is there to ask of such a life, but to gain more knowledge of sewing?
~~~~~
There was that one piece that had a song called One Grain Of Sand.
~~~~~
And much later on, there was Sea Song from Sea Sew.
~~~~~
Hopefully, the pieces will start to feel more sewn together soon.

Stones

Inuksuit: Silent Messengers of the Arctic

writing

So it would be so cool if all of it was like the happy end. The yay! Happy ending of writing! So happy! Oh so happy.
Sometimes other stuff is needed. Like music in the background. To get through the writing drudgery.
I have a fantasy. Either the writing is going to be happy or the music in the background will make it better.
Today's end reward: getting to learn about Yvonne Rich!

It came up, so

watched it and felt amused. Yup.
Day n Night (set in a drugstore type place)
Maybe it was the Spicy Rosemary Lemonade.
Day n Night - diff video

sounds I like

sounds I like are like sounds from the bottom of gray pottery bowls filled with water

Cosas...a freewrite

The word is Spanish. Brought by them. In their Biblias. It's not English. Not cosset. Or closet. Or coax. Cosas. Affect. Una Vida. Que Cosas? Songs. Sad things. Tragedies. Painful things. Happy things. Ch ch ch ch ch ch ch...a sound to make with the mouth. Maybe if you are a varon man in sudamerica you should make that sound or else kissing sounds at a stranger, a crying gringa girl, or even more often at your very own countrywomen. A woman might also make a joke about una americana como...white frog soup! What? Sapo. A slang term for girls's private parts. A funny joke to make when borracha, no? Um. So much confusion yes in the various countries of the world. Abortions? Are they legal in this country? Rapes? What is done with the kits if they are even supplied? And genitals are to mutilate? Why are these things so important? And yet so not important to the Real People who have the other type of private parts? And RULE the WORLD so it appears but in fact...there is a question that they actually do that...and if so if they do it very well, at all? Hmmm. Hmmm? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. MMMMMMMMMMMMMM. mmmmmmmm. m. M. M. M. M. m m You know it's good when people make that mmm sound in their mouths...So. What a chore. Chore? Is it a Chorus? Kore?
Freewrite finished to the sound of...You and Whose Army?

Why so?

Songs have the answers! So select some...

Oh boy

I love filling out applications. Love, love, love. It is so character building to reiterate employment history over and over again. Hot dog. LOVE IT.
Thus I employ a rosy POV. Rosy rosy rosy rosy rosy rosy rosy!!! ;-DDDD

Mmmm

Laura in Bulgaria. I like that one very much. It's nice it's still there. I like the featured dancer, I like the trumpet player and I like the group in a circle around them. She is a good teacher; I got to see her teach a class some years ago. Life was pretty different a few years ago. I lived in a different place. Although I still didn't make enough, I wasn't as in debt. Well, I will just have to find some way out of it.

so beautiful!

The World's Greatest Outdoor Bookstore
Yes, it is.

Geez

I was doing my usual little youtube surf of looking for the artist, but something came up about writers on the Daily Show, and hey, since I'd recently been looking at a clip of her appearance on that show, I thought I'd click. And holy whoa. The 11 humans on stage all have the necessary appendage. You know the one I'm talking about. I wonder if it will be normal to have closer to half of the group of writers for some type of comedy show (if not that one) who can not only be funny but also in possession of skills with tampons (for their intended purposes) by the time I'm 60? Sooner would be even cooler.
And they ought to actually call themselves band of brothers, or at least boy cousins, 'cause they all look alike, too.

Bright insights o' the mornin'

Okay, so I'll also put this one in since it amused me a few days ago:
Artist on Daily Show in '99 or something.
And, this morning I found:
Colbert's dancing & NorthernLad/BakerBaker/Cooling.
How fun, darlingdarling blog.

Dreams

I respect a lot of things about dreams. I respect that artists can convey certain strengths to you in dreams. I respect that you can be friends with a person you don't really know in "real life," in dreams. There's flying dreams, there's travelling to other lands dreams. Real life often can't encompass everything that you can experience in dreams...which are, sometimes, something to savor.

Part of a morning

Listened to some old Gorillaz songs.
Clint Eastwood & Feel Good Inc.
Those songs I'd heard before but never knew who the artists were but someone else did.
Looked at Caturday
I like the one with the frowning cat not looking at smiling sidewalk chalk cat and the cat on the airconditioner.
Now watching The Extra Man. We'll see if it is funny.
~~~~
It was. ;-)

For some reason

it's kind of like you have to have a penis to be a recording engineer! Weird huh? So funny. Music industry, movie industry...so friendly to penises. It wouldn't seem like that was a necessary component for mixing music for a living, eh? It's just so bizarre! Well, it's just looking at wikipedia. (Out of 79-80 "Recording engineers of note" one was a woman.) One! One! One! Better than none! So. Do recording engineers generally like their jobs and also make enough $$$ to pay the bills? It seems like there should be more than just ONE woman on that list! Ahem. I SUPPORT WOMEN GETTING OUT OF POVERTY and into more creative occupations.
Including in music and film.
Aw.
Maybe watching Can't Hug Every Cat can make you feel better.

Friends with...

She was not poor, only not rich enough. She was not on food stamps, only sometimes there were holes in her clothes and the preppy girls laughed. (It was before grunge became popular.) Pretty evil. The holes would not be there forever. Some of the girls she felt most comfortable with, for some reason, the preps called them "the hos." Friends with the hos. That could be a title. She was a bit too nerdy to be a ho herself. But she didn't make good enough grades to be a smart kid. Just always reading books. The hos saw in her the potential for a makeover.
Don't Make Me Over - Sybil (1989)