It's kind of weird that people keep telling me that I seem like I'm doing better and I look healthier when I currently weigh more than I've ever weighed in my entire life. Perhaps health is more nuanced and complicated than we've been led to believe. I think it could be so.
Friday, April 03, 2026
How I feel about looking at dresses...
"I know, but I'm bored now,so it looks like I probably will." - Derry Girls | Clip.Cafe
Mourning is a part of life even if you think people can come back and do things better.
I had to put a wounded or dead bird on the other side of the wall and it made me think about humans being very fragile and then the mourning feelings came back and then I went to the park to visit the flowers.
It's quite tragic that this still happens so often.
Also, the freeze out response is not exactly impressive, either.
"When women disclose abuse..."
drjesstaylor
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWoADMSK5MM/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Nature's nice sometimes.
"The art of sunbathing and birdwatching"
heyitsbanesa
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWCqYwgDpCP/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Maybe I'll be able to get better acquainted with etymology this weekend!
I love etymology!
"Ēostre" - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C4%92ostre
Name
Etymology
The theonym has been reconstructed as *Ēastre (Old English), *Ôstara (Old High German) and *Āsteron (Old Saxon).[4][5] These are cognates – linguistic siblings stemming from a common origin. They derive from the Proto-Germanic theonym Austrō(n),[4][5] itself a descendant of Proto-Indo-European (PIE) *h₂ews-reh₂ (cf. Lithuanian auš(t)rà, 'dawn, daybreak'), extended from the PIE root *h₂ews-, meaning 'to shine, glow (red)'.[6][5] The modern English east also derives from this root, via the Proto-Germanic adverb *aust(e)raz ('east, eastwards'), from an earlier PIE *h₂ews-tero- ('east, towards the dawn').[5]
According to linguist Guus Kroonen, the Germanic and Baltic languages replaced the old formation *h₂éws-os, the name of the PIE dawn-goddess, with a form in *-reh₂-, likewise found in the Lithuanian deity Aušrinė.[5] In Anglo-Saxon England, her springtime festival gave its name to a month (Northumbrian: Ēosturmōnaþ, West Saxon: Eastermonað),[7] the rough equivalent of April, then to the Christian feast of Easter that eventually displaced it.[4][8] In southern Medieval Germany, the festival Ôstarûn similarly gave its name to the month Ôstarmânôth, and to the modern feast of Ostern ('Easter'), suggesting that a goddess named *Ôstara was also worshipped there.[9][8] The name of the month survived into 18th-century German as Ostermonat.[10] An Old Saxon equivalent of the spring goddess named *Āsteron may also be reconstructed from the term asteronhus, which is translated by most scholars as 'Easter-house', which would parallel the Medieval Flemish Paeshuys ('Easter-house').[11] Frankish historian Einhard also writes in his Vita Karoli Magni (early 9th century CE) that after Charlemagne defeated and converted the continental Saxons to Christianity, he gave Germanic names to the Latin months of the year, which included the Easter-month Ostarmanoth.[12]
The Old English Ēostre is therefore a distant cognate of numerous other dawn goddesses attested among Indo-European-speaking peoples, including Uṣás, Ēṓs, and Aurōra. In the words of the Encyclopedia of Indo-European Culture, "a Proto-Indo-European goddess of the dawn is supported both by the evidence of cognate names and the similarity of mythic representation of the dawn goddess among various Indo-European groups. [...] All of this evidence permits us to posit a Proto-Indo-European *haéusōs 'goddess of dawn' who was characterized as a 'reluctant' bringer of light for which she is punished. In three of the Indo-European stocks, Baltic, Greek and Indo-Iranian, the existence of a Proto-Indo-European 'goddess of the dawn' is given additional linguistic support in that she is designated the 'daughter of heaven'."[13]
O tea he he!
"Mother is a straight shooter"
dilpreettagger
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DUXsnkNkihh/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
This, too, seems more feminist.
"Studies from 2016 onwards..."
drjesstaylor
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWqxTWBKAq7/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Stuff like this makes me feel like Society is getting more feminist in spite of who the hell is running this country.
"the tea on CATCHING PRINT 👀"
therealmanifestelle
There's an article to read, too!
"The Queer Gaze"| Substack
https://thequeergaze.substack.com/
"the tea on CATCHING PRINT 👀"
therealmanifestelle
And I still need to catch up on the other ones she posted recently!
Being good when being bad is rewarded?
"the tea on CATCHING PRINT 👀"
therealmanifestelle
Mind the cortisol though.
"Forced gratitude elevates cortisol"
kyleinspires1
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWmcAFejjfE/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
This is very creative!
"Had a coffee with myself at 16..."
adam.floatinghome
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWqlkVijLuv/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Okay, and just one more thing...
I feel like audiences at ballet performances are filled with people with dashed dreams and eating disorders and they will be using the toilets. So I hope there's not any sexist long lines at the restrooms, but there will be. Okay, so this can be funny!
Hi bird, you're on a wire!
That's a bird who's never had to worry about PCOS or its psychological ramifications in a patriarchal culture or any of the various cosmetic remedies, which are never covered by insurance! Even if you have the good insurance which doesn't have the huge deductible.
Oh and I also want prescription sunglasses. Because I don't want to get Lasik.
"The only thing we should be moulding is..."
tetyanawrites
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DWq3bU1AMgK/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
X: Do you know how long it's been since I've gotten prescription sunglasses?
Y: What if you wait two months and then get prescription sunglasses?
X: I have not gotten prescription sunglasses for more than a decade. I don't even remember when I got them. I might have gotten them when I lived in Illinois. I don't even remember.
~~~~~~
Also, I am not happy with the way the gum feels on one of the teeth which looks too big to me now and I wonder if it's affecting the gum.
So many problems come with living in human bodies!!!!!
Maybe moving around a lot made me easier to amuse?
My interest / other writer's interest (which I also find interesting.)
"Sheila Campaign"
pitchfork
https://youtube.com/watch?v=UH7dreFAiBQ&si=uqUPIRWSqMg6r5oz
"Seems unbeleivable until..."
u/LowNo175
My cat is bothering my phone again; I wonder why?
"🔥Desire gets a bad rap and I wonder why?"
yumisakugawa
https://www.instagram.com/p/DWj5wKzEmrg/?igsh=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
Thursday, April 02, 2026
I felt like talking about something else.
Death! I find it really weird that the Universe did its best to convince me I was this other person and when I was a young adult I even tried to contact the a couple people that this other person knew when he was alive and it was a total disaster. Either it just fell apart or it or the letter got rejected and sent back. And I didn't and I only said I was interested in his stories. So if somebody who died comes back and tries to send you a letter, you're probably going to reject them, huh.
I have to sing for the cat.
"Some cat you are, to continuously beg..."
(She does. She's a very food-oriented creature. And yet she's also picky and doesn't want to eat pate or certain kinds of wet foods. I didn't really know what a finicky cat was before I had her. My other cats were certainly not so choosy!)
Tori Amos - "Never Seen Blue Lyrics & Meanings" | SongMeanings
Did you like this one? 🎶
Tori Amos - "i i e e e (Live Sessions 1998) + Lyrics"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=41OgbLr86DY&si=CyzTDihrbVfmELEU
Yes.
And this one?
Tori Amos - "Jackie's Strength"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=C7WET8khBc4&si=jHaLsIwtZAlmEieI
Also yes.
And this one?
Skating Polly - "Camelot (Official Video)"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=FbFoX8SvaKI&si=lsnaCCD9cBbLlyPV
Yes again!
Because some of society is advancing when it comes to acknowledging things...
Pointing out the kind of music that makes me think that some people who have survived certain kinds of trauma have had to go deeper inside of themselves in order to process their trauma.
"Never Seen Blue" ~ Tori Amos
https://youtu.be/8WB_V2puco8?si=vqynVLor5TDXHUmT
This song bothered me when I first heard it because it made me feel like I was missing out on something during a period of my life when I felt I needed to be very insular and didn't even try to have a relationship with anyone for years and years.
One way that romance was impressed on a small child's brain.
I remember when I was a child, and I was on a train with my mother traveling somewhere, and maybe she was busy paying attention to my little sister, I don't remember, but there was a teenage girl, a young woman who was sitting next to me, and she was on the train because she was running away from her mother and she was going to go live with her boyfriend who really loved her. I was just a child (perhaps I was eight?) but I was a good listener. So I was considered mature for my age and the teenage girl needed someone to listen to her and what she was going through and it was fascinating. And my mother just let that happen. I was the one listening to her, not my mother. I don't really know if my mother believed in it or cared much about what the teenage girl was telling me, but she didn't stop it from happening. The funny thing is that my mother didn't get along with her own mother, so it would seem like maybe she could have listened to the teenage girl's story, but it just didn't happen that way, in my memory. I was the one who was the listener. It was not censored. Maybe my mother was taking a nap or something! As a matter of fact, I think I might have tried to talk to my mother about it later, and she might have scoffed at the story. I'm sorry if this makes her sound insensitive. Yeah, there wasn't a lot of messages about how we all need to take care of the teenage girls when I was growing up. Teenage girls were on their own. They were pretty much mini adults. They could run away with their boyfriends from the mothers who didn't seem to care about them.
People don't always know what's going on.
Some people think if you're nervous, that's a sign that something's bad. But what if the nervousness leads to an experience that feels like a sea green wave of grief, tears and calm acceptance, and then you feel more cleansed, calmer and more like your real self. How can that be bad?
Maybe some people are just more complicated and have deeper wells of feelings, or they're on a journey to get more in touch with all of the emotions inside of them. It's literally what they were supposed to do when they came here. It's part of the plan.
We live in a society that values things based off money. Nobody's going to give you a paycheck for that emotional processing experience, unless maybe you create some piece of art or song and distribute it and find an audience for it. So unless you do that, society doesn't seem to value the process very much. But it's real, and it's part of their life's work, for some people.
Anyway, someone who doesn't care very much about most kinds of people just got fired.
"Trump fires Pam Bondi, a loyalist and ally, as attorney general" | Pam Bondi | The Guardian
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/02/trump-pam-bondi-attorney-general
People are learning how to pay better attention to themselves.
"Sheltered, petted and constantly entertained by the endless novelty of life, I was a madly gay little girl. Nevertheless, there must have been something wrong somewhere: I had fits of rage during which my face turned purple and I would fall to the ground in convulsions."
Simone de Beauvoir page 11
"Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir"| Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/164006.Memoirs_of_a_Dutiful_Daughter
It's good they don't stone certain kinds of people as much anymore.
I feel bad about how things getting weird can just drive people apart. Maybe it feels like I got a message before and it wasn't listened to and then stuff happened and it kind of felt like if my message had been listened to then perhaps the outcome would have been different. And I was very sad about what happened, too. But I was in a completely different region and perhaps also headspace about it. I cried and I warned and I mourned, but I did it differently. But anyways the messenger definitely does get a cold shoulder sometimes, if not outright stoned. But sometimes people have to process things the way they have to process them. I feel like drinking coffee right now!
*At least my Grandma cared* ABOUT US
What if your grandkids marry somebody whose existence depends upon somebody who's locked away in a detention center right now?
It's good to do the balancing activities.
Maybe I'm going to get very light-hearted and run off to a winery in Temecula or something soon! 🍇
I feel like I'm the kind of person who, when it seems like someone's being too hard on themselves, I think they need to soak in a pool or have a massage or drink something nice and pamper themselves. Or listen to some beautiful music or make some beautiful music. Or enjoy beautiful art or create beautiful art. Or pet a beautiful cat. Or quietly admire a beautiful cat from afar and get to soak in good 💖 energies from the universe.
But then, sometimes if seems like people are just being ignorant in a way that's ultimately going to bite them in the ass, I don't feel that way anymore.
Working out the kinks and the personality; its a lifelong process.
This musician had his mother's last name.
"Chris Cornell" - Wikipedia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Cornell
If I ever had kids, I don't necessarily think they would need to take my last name. It's awkward to spell and pronounce it when you're not from the particular little region...you have to explain it all the time and answer questions about it...you'll go to Europe and they'll correct you on the pronunciation...I think it would be interesting if there ever were a study on the effects of all those accumulated conversations over the course of a lifetime.
Cooking three kinds of dishes in my oven!
Two kinds of vegetable dishes and a starchy protein dish. It's more like dinner than breakfast.
"Slaves & Bulldozers (Remastered 2016)"
Soundgarden
https://youtube.com/watch?v=wgqLAlFKtXA&si=nl3rPdOYxKqPWdCa
I threw away some heirloom tomatoes because they had bugs in them. Of course, if I were really starving, I would have picked out the good ones. They just did not look appealing at all, but I had some other tomatoes I could roast.
Dear Diary, this is not the 1940s!
Did we really need to know that Patriarchal White Supremacy still wants people excelling at self-absorption to the point of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual deterioration.
I get to read...
"Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter by Simone de Beauvoir" | Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/164006.Memoirs_of_a_Dutiful_Daughter
"Simone de Beauvoir's 'remarkable' letters to Violette Leduc"
There's people out there surviving all kinds of things...
"Girl who went missing at 13 years old in 1994 is found alive"
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/girl-went-missing-13-years-old-1994-found-alive-rcna266333
There's a provocative thought, too!
"Maybe this would have worked out better, like A LOT better, for your genetics, if our genetics had been more like yours!"
That's almost, like, family dynamics.
One on hand, it's very hard for us to consider this category of people. On the other hand, it's also hard for us to consider that category of people. In the meantime, why don't you go into debt and struggle with living in your body some more?
Maybe it's supposed to be impossible to ignore some things.
Your body wants you to pay more attention to when certain dynamics and situations and people seem to leave you feeling more unsure and depleted.
Better is possible.
Is convincing yourself that what you want is what's best for another person and then coercing them to go along with it the best way?
Yes, it seems really sad to me right now.
Is being really good at caring for the already more appreciated and well-loved, and not so good at caring about the not so appreciated or well-loved, kind of like an addiction for some people?
Wednesday, April 01, 2026
I wonder if the unwell patriarchy could crumble more efficiently sometimes.
Is this really necessary?
"Big Bear Lake siblings heartbroken as dad is detained by ICE, mom in hospice with stage 4 cancer"| abc7.com
This is a really good song (in my opinion). It's been in my head all day off and on.
It feels timeless already.
Angelo De Augustine - "Mirror Mirror"
We are living through irresponsible times.
"Ms. Rachel details conversations with children in ICE detention"
Being overly focused on the external is not optimal.
I think there's too much coercion that gets normalized sometimes. Tonight I felt like a front tooth is weaker now than it used to be because I tried to bite on something chewy and it wasn't pleasant. I think I could bitten into something chewy more easily before. But perhaps it will be better in the future, and maybe it just needs time to heal. But I don't really know, that's the problem.
Being on Earth is a health situation. Maybe it can be a healing situation.
It's important for people to learn how to advocate for their health instead of just going along with the stuff that other people think is best for them. "I guess I can live with it" is not the same as feeling heard or having a deep feeling that the outcome truly was what was best for your health and your healing and your situation.
🎵 1. 2. 3. 4. 🎵
beabadoobee - "All I Did Was Dream Of You"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=qV91x2YT9zI&si=dNgcf65-u15w6xAl
Kawehi - "Somebody That I Used To Know Mashup (live)"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=pqdeLVApnak&si=MkNfTf2c12v40r2I
Castanets - "You Are The Blood"
https://youtube.com/watch?v=VJhgwxSTHDs&si=0ARTRtTzRjuTe5k-
Angelo De Augustine - "Mirror Mirror"
What not-so-kind training did you receive as a child that you're now repeating and role-modeling?
I'm glad I had the kind of childhood that set me up to say, the white moms and the white dads got trained to act like they are the absolute worst at getting outside of their survival bubbles sometimes. I don't think you're doing that for the benefit your kids either. I think you're just doing that as a survival strategy because you don't want to investigate the programming that was poured into your brains. Because some of the people who "loved" you probably are the ones who did it, huh?
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