When in retrograde

I guess that sometimes there is a self that does not want success in the sense of making the money, winning the awards, getting followers to stroke my ego, etc....I get disgusted by the idea...as if that happened once for me also, and it is part of what made things out of balance...it's too seductive and it is part of why the "haves"can so easily ignore exploited people who make their food and clothing available to them...it seems like some people are only demonstrating that they care about the suffering who are convenient for them to care about...like a victim of war in a far off land...if you have no guilty connection to them it is more convenient for you...but you are in a system of consumption and exploitation and you refuse to acknowledge your role in that system and how you constantly make others invisible...I am a consumer in that system, too...I feel like I get frustated and stuck, so I will not be "successful" in a sense because it is not an option for me this time...who knows, maybe that is not the best way to be, according to some people...but there it is...