SCHOOL

A professor walks into
the lecture hall.
He tucks an arm
inside his jacket
(like Napoleon)
and gestures
flamboyantly
as he asks for
a show of hands

"How many of you are 17?
How many of you are 18?"

After a cool assessment
we get down to the text.

"You know what I like
about the girl in this
story? She's lost. Now
in my time...I've known
many women." Rustle,
rustle. Suddenly,
they're paying attention!

"Yes, I've known my share
of lost girls. And who knows.
I was just as lost as some
of them, perhaps.

When you're with
a woman
you think
you're going
to get

Mmmm hmmm...

But instead

you get

Uh uh...

What comes out?

Baggage. Guilt.
Problems with Daddy.

There's all kinds
of guilt, you know.

Catholic guilt.

Jewish guilt.

I know because
I've experienced
them all.
That's because
I have no soul."

(all nervously laugh)

"You know what I have
in place of a soul?
A fascination with women."

The students laugh
(nervously) again.

I get self-concious
because I'm sitting
right in his line
of vision.

"And I bet a lot of other
guys would say the same."

I uncross my legs
and zip up my jacket.
He sallies forth.

"Do you believe
in closure? Sometimes
closure is just a nice
idea. Sometimes your
heart is broken and
just keeps breaking."

And we're onto
the next topic.
The death
of one's mother.

Hooray for tenure.