Saturday, February 14, 2015

Dear Sir &/or Madam

I'm so sorry I couldn't make your reading. I meant to go, but got tied up at home in my newly remodeled shower with it's shiny massage wand from BB & B. I was just gonna relax in my homemade steambath, but found myself succumbing to a fantasy blond triage composed of Iggy, Joni, and Gwyneth. Probably it was all those herbs. I must have used something noxious. Just when things were getting a little crazy, Beyonce and what's-his-face ran in and ate Anna Mae's cake. Oh god. It was all so wrong. But really good, too. It just sort of happened. Please know that I have every intention of showing up to your next event. I didn't mean for it to turn out that way. I will probably even buy two copies, to atone for my unseemly behavior.

Signed,

Your fan forever

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