It is hard to describe an episode of intense anxiety. You wish you were not in your body, yet you do not want to die. I vowed to take medicine as soon as I was on the ground in Atlanta, but in the airport I bought dinner first. I kept spilling the chicken "Caesar" salad (no dressing) all over myself and on the floor, like an uncoordinated child.
As I pushed the rest of the salad into a garbage bin, more leaves spilled out. A worker pushing a large garbage cart was passing and he actually thanked me for throwing it away and wished me a happy new year. I felt so clumsy, I almost wondered if he was being sarcastic...no. I mumbled Happy New Year back in surprise. So kind. I think I ♡ him, I thought. I was reminded that MLK was helping sanitation workers in Memphis...
https://www.npr.org/2018/03/28/597308044/the-memphis-sanitation-workers-strike-kings-last-cause-for-economic-justice
Back in the air, the tiny dose of Xanax and flower essences did not seem to be helping with the turbulence. A man next to me wore headphones and unselfconciously enjoyed laughing at an episode of "The Big Bang Theory." I was grateful he was there. This was a part of the universe helping me. I was losing it. My upper arm was touching his, and I fervently wished his laid back attitude would somehow rub off on me. I wanted to be like other people in the plane who did not mind the "rough air."
I asked myself, why am I experiencing this? I began to remember a story I read about a monk who pushed a man's head under water until he was almost drowning, then let him come back up and told him that when he desires enlightenment as much as he desires air, he will find it. According to the flight tracker, we were approaching Memphis. I relaxed a smidgen. I thought, it will get better after we fly over...and shortly thereafter, music began to help me again...
Sea Song ~ Lisa Hannigan
And even a sense of humor returned...
These Boots Are Made For Walkin' ~ Nancy Sinatra
Maybe he liked her, too...?
https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/donald-trump-inauguration-frank-sinatra-nancy-who-is-performing-when-is-it-watch-it-a7514721.html
There was a little girl in the row behind me, and at some point she threw up. Poor kid. The flight attendants were very nice to her and to her mom, and the mom kept thanking them. After a while, the little girl seemed to feel better. The landing was quite rough, but for some reason no one was sick.
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