Food thoughts

This morning I lay in bed and looked at myself through little snapshots of my life. A lot of them were food-related for some reason.
1) I'm fourteen and in the back of a car that my friend's father is driving and the friend and I are giggling hysterically over the ripeness of some tomatoes in a brown paper bag that he just bought at the farmer's market. He looks at us weirdly, as though we are on some kind of substance. We are, but it doesn't really matter, because he regularly smokes up with his daughter.
2)I'm fifteen and I'm in a new, shiny rich kids public high school with almost no official friends. I don't seem to fit into any clique. Every lunch period, I buy muffins out of the vending machine and hide in a study carrel in the library, where I eat them carefully, trying not to make too much noise with the cellophane wrapper, and I look at art books.
3)I'm sixteen and two guys I met through a new friend at school are coming over to my parent's house. I just got out of a yoga class. When they arrive, they tell me that Kurt Cobain just died. Even though in Seattle, all I ever did was listen to "old" music from the 60s and 70s, I have been just been listening to In Utero. My heart is broke / but I have some glue / help me inhale / and mend it with you / we'll float around / and hang out on clouds / then we'll come down / and have a hangover. They take off their baseball caps and eat hamburgers at the dining room table and talk about how we can't believe he just died.
4) I'm twenty and I'm in a cafe called Dulce Espera in the rainforest and my boyfriend is snapping his fingers and calling out "Amigo" to the waiters.
5) I'm twenty, in a restaurant in the Andes mountains. After I thoughtlessly seat myself in a chair directly across from the one that my boyfriend has pulled out for me to sit down in, he scowls at me and says "The American boys are not very nice to the American girls."
6) I'm twenty-nine and I'm on a "date" and the date feeds me food from a fork and I go along with it. Later I will tell my friends about how awkward it felt to go along with it. By the end of it, I'm saying "I'm not really into dating right now" and he says "you're really hard to read." A few weeks later he text messages me after he gets back from Europe and I type "I hope you had a nice trip." Twenty minutes later: "It was great! When can I see you again?" I stare at the message and decide not to write anything back and feel like I'm kind of being a jerk.
7) I'm twenty nine and I've been lying on the linoleum floor on top of my jacket in a hospital emergency room for the past hour. The morning breakfast cart rolls around and the guy wheeling looks in the room and I try to read the expression on his face. I decide that he can see suffering and stress, but then again, he probably sees it all the time.
8) I'm twenty and I'm trying a bite of one of the non-vegetarian and delicious "papa rellenas" which a woman has come aboard a bus to sell to us.
9) Yesterday I tried "Synergy," which is "Kombucha" which is either really revitalizing and delicious or just a little weird and vinegary. It comes in a very cheerful bottle with rainbows on the wrapper. It kind of reminds me of either umbrella-shaped rainbow popsicles or riding in the back of a station wagon with kids. Which reminds me of walking on the playground of a campground at age six, singing Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This.