I truly hope all people get the healing they really want and deserve. But I can see that some of them don't want a lot of healing or change at this time. And I am not the best person to administer healing with some people who give me many indications that they were trained to not respect somebody like me.
There's a lot of internalized sexism and misogyny going on that people still are not comfortable talking about. More people in the younger generation are willing to talk about it, and some people in my generation and some people in older generations are willing to talk about it, but not the majority of them.
Because I can get affected by their feelings of resistance, and I feel more sensitive about the damage that some of their attitudes are causing to some of the more vulnerable populations of people who they were also not trained to consider or respect, then I start to feel like I need to push back, like there's some warrior part of me that needs to fight against ignorance, and then I find myself too exhausted.
And that's not really beneficial for my own healing.
So maybe in the future things will be different. But for now I don't need to be around those people. I need more space from them.
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