Well, I figured out that a part of me needs something extra that maybe some other people don't need when it comes to a mindset like: "It's okay to put yourself first. It's okay to take care of yourself. You don't have to think about all the world's problems. You don't have to worry about all that; you should put yourself first. Blah blah blah blah blah."
The thing is, I think some people are wired to feel putting others first is also like putting themselves first. Like, they're actually doing a better job for themselves if they're considerate of more aspects of humanity than the average person has been encouraged to be in this lifetime.
And then things start glitching because you're trying to put yourself first by also putting others first or at least making others as important as yourself and then you're suffering because others are suffering and then it's compounded by knowing other people are not listening to you, and maybe that's really the worst part of it, huh.
The worst part of it is when it feels like you're trying to get others to listen to you and they don't want to listen to you and you feel like they're contributing to the disrespect of all of humanity when they're disrespecting you!
So it feels like it's about something that's bigger than yourself. It feels like this big tragic loss is occurring, and multiple lives are being affected.
It's like, if they would listen to you, you could stop the Titanic from sinking, but now the Titanic is sinking right in front of your face and you can feel the agony, and all because they're not listening to you.
Anyways, I'm being a little bit dramatic about it and maybe I'm not exactly being accurate but I'm trying to figure out why it's so agonizing or why it was in the past. I'm just trying to figure out a way to portray it, so that it might get through somehow.
So maybe some rewiring needs to be done around that issue.
Anyways. To be continued.
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