Today I was adventurous and ventured out but unfortunately I found myself fending off another terrible headache which an ibuprofen did not seem to be able to touch and was able to drive 40+ miles back thanks to a combination of a ginger shot and a turmeric shot (with pineapple juice! always) and a bag of beef jerky and electrolyte water with Himalayan salt. Also, I got a lot of extra encouragement to actively pursue a creative path from an enthusiastic person after I made a donation and perhaps I got overwhelmed by it. There was this whole thing where I felt like I couldn't deal with the rapacious pleasure seeking of the ones the greater culture has been accommodating for so long, and my headache went along with an internal dialogue about how I have health issues and can't work with the people who've helped create the conditions of a society that made my life miserable for so many years and oh my God how often it's felt like they're going to kill us and I'm going to go first. Then, as the pain receded more, I decided I really do want to feel more relaxed than that, and afterall maybe it's better to not get too overwhelmed with what's happening to those who are even more oppressed, because it's not really helping the oppressed when I do that, but maybe if I can pull myself together, I could help some of them more in the future, and now I just had the idea that it's good to take care of your health first, and maybe you'll do some other creative things later. Sometimes there are programs that don't want to quit in parentified daughters and they really are quite something. They can either push people over cliffs or put them on top of mountains, maybe? Maybe now it's better to relax and read a book or two.
"All About Love" by Bell Hooks and "Green Man" by William Anderson.
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