A situation with a tooth has taught me I need to learn more about self-care vs. self-harm.
There was a root canal tooth that needed a crown. Before the first crown, I coincidentally found out that Anne Frank had a root canal done on that tooth too, when she was in hiding, sharing a room with the dentist that lived with their families.
Oh humans, and their medical needs!
When the stress was constantly too much (and maybe it still is sometimes), and compulsive chewing on fingers and clothes finally led to a horrifying snap and broke the tooth and the crown, it was time to go to an emergency dentist, back in August.
And there another strange situation occurred. At first, the dentist and his assistant were getting along so well. It was nice to be worked on by people who seemed in harmony with one another.
But then the boss of the place, or somebody like that, came over and took away the assistant.
And this threw off the younger dentist, and it showed. He got someone else to work with him. Maybe she was a female dentist. He apologized to her and he said the other dentist always takes away his assistant.
Really his mood was not very good after this happened.
The female dentist said she didn't mind helping and said that when she was hired, she was told that she was going to have to help out a lot and it was like "serving many husbands." That's what her boss told her in the job interview.
Interesting. Kind of sexist.
Anyways, the dentist thought it would be better if I had an extraction and what's the thing that goes along with it. Bone graft. And then eventually an implant. But he also said we could try to do a crown.
As I am not making money at the moment, I asked him to please try to do the crown instead. I still had to pay out of pocket for the crown; insurance wouldn't cover it. But it would be less expensive and less invasive than the other work would be.
Well he was more depressed now, and as he was designing the crown, he was a bit gloomy about it, but he said he thought he could do it.
And then, when we put it in my mouth, it seemed a little big, because it is bigger than the other tooth, and maybe the color was a little off, but he said it was good enough. He said he would be surprised if it lasted very long, anyway.
Honestly, I was very stressed out and I just decided to believe him, but I wish I pushed back more on this.
After he decided that the crown was good enough, he dropped something. I almost wondered if he dropped the crown, because what else would it have been that he dropped?
And I wish I'd asked him. And then maybe he would have made a different crown.
He went into the other room and cleaned off whatever it is he dropped, and then came back and then put the crown in.
Anyways, the problem with the crown is this: the gum swells up around it. And it does constantly seem more swollen, but some days are worse than others.
I've been back several times and it seems to be like the gum is not so swollen, if I eat well and use a mouthwash and then it's not too bad.
And there's no infection, according to x-rays.
But it's bothersome. So now I'm left with a kind of inferior feeling about what I have in my mouth. And it will take another, different procedure to fix it.
Nobody else notices, of course. I notice it all the time, though.
What am I to learn from this?
We must build up our strength, and be able to advocate for ourselves and not harm ourselves further. And we must get the best care we can get for our bodies, now and in the future.
Also, cultivating gratitude and fun helps make a lot of things better.
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