Why do some women and men seem to think they need to turn themselves into bullies in order to fit in with other people in a Patriarchal Society?

Women and men who have felt they had to turn themselves into bullies in order to fit in with others and survive are not going to be helping you because they're going to expect you to do things the way they did it. And the way they did it was to cut off their emotions and turn into bullies, and now they seem to expect all the other people they know to be as bullying and callous as they are when it comes to dealing with problems in life. But that is not possible! Also, making excuses for sexism and violence in order to fit in and get access to money and property and vacations and paychecks is not going to be what everybody is going to be able to do to get by in life. It is literally not possible for some people to choose that path. People cannot all choose that same path in order to survive in this  life. It's impossible! Different paths are possible though.