I hope I feel better about this real real real real soon

For nearly seven hours I have been drinking water and I am waiting to prick my finger for an at home blood test. I need to do it early so it can dry and be sent in the mail. Then I will hopefully get information from the test within a few weeks. But I have not even performed the finger prick test on myself yet. Why am I living this life? Why does no one else in my family have this thing I have? Why is it so hard to exist sometimes? Why did I even order this test. I guess I am curious. I felt I had to order it. Why now and not seven years ago. How does a handful of years go by so fast. Yesterday I made plans, left the apartment, got in the car, realized I couldn't drive anywhere, called to cancel, and then came back inside to change my clothes. I was wearing too many layers, I thought.  It was unsettling to wear so many layers. I put on a t-shirt and loose pants. There. That made you feel better, didn't it? There is going to be something good happening in the future again somewhere down the line.