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Big Lesson of Adulthood

Lots of families don't care if their kids read books, and may in fact discourage it.

My 3

XY Influencers

(Or, we put up with each other as I grew)

Military / Religious / German
Standoffish / Scientific / Norwegian
Controlling / Musical-Loving / Irish

They ALL LOVED BOOKS!!!!

Thank goodness.

Teenagers in a park at night

"Come get your girl, whoever's dating her! Three fucking boys..." Two girls are standing together in a park looking at their phones...texts? dating apps? They looked at their phones some more, laughed, walked around, and joined a third girl. I think the boy-girl date is not happening tonight.

Doses

Of Reality.
Large Ones.

Amusing moment

Listening to a woman and her mother sending zingers at each other in a department store dressing room.

Unusual

Dreamt that a woman in the midwest was getting some kind of squiggly line test and then getting elaborate pictures painted on her belly.

Look at how hot

https://www.forkly.com/recipes/one-minute-keto-mug-bread/

these mug breads look.

https://www.forkly.com/recipes/one-minute-keto-cheesy-garlic-mug-bread/

Oh histories

A comedic situation with a lecturesome administrator before the #MeToo movement got famous.

"Think about it from my perspective."

"As long as you're having fun"

A stepfatherly thing to say on a congenial day.

Universe humor

Is when you get attracted to some numbers on a white board that turn out to be a wedding date and then at home you become curious about a topic and the date comes back in a different way. And. Thoughts like "If an out-of-wedlock mother from the 16th century came back and experienced that situation again, I hope she would at least enjoy some covert visits with the kid this time."

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Did that

you ever say to yourself I feel like I am in college / maybe that's because you work at one & then walk downstairs to find 2 girls discussing several combinations of 0's & 2's & they ask which one looks the best so you point to the bottom one and the girl with the marker adds a zero so now it's
02.22.20
very symmetrical 

Tree-addict

Well that was a tall order. Excuse my 5 ft 3 & 3/4" frame for it needs to buy some non-holey t-shirts.

Who knew anything about this

old song from college before recently?


Cornershop ~ Brimful of Asha

Not I.

I loved this song when I was a little kid

But I never noticed any of the men in the video before.



T. Basil ~ Hey Mickey

 And now I am noticing ALL of them!

Oh wait, that's because they're in this other video.



Toni Basil Show ~ Mickey


Sumtymes

♡they♡kid♡because♡they♡luv♡

D...dandelion

The tea is good for kidneys.
I know because today a girl told me she couldn't wear jeans that hurt her kidneys and pulled a packet of dandelion tea out of her purse and gave it to me.

EFG

A: sometimes think it would be fun to work at store with jocular cashiers

B: knew a girl who worked at one, went away, got a degree, got married. Now has x amount of kids and a full-time job.

C: & here I am wondering about that job she had years ago

D: wrist is sore from pushing the shopping cart

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

I have to do some p~a~p~e~r work

One of my favorite things about my parents is how chill of divorced parents they were compared to lots of other parents, always welcome to come over at Christmas and Thanksgiving and for other holidays, like friends ANYWAYS THAT was enough wine. I wanted to watch the "Brilliant Friend" show and told myself to do work and then just drank wine and accomplished nothing. But now...now things will be different. I mean. Key and Peele: Search History, A History (Fan Remix). I liked their attempts at various time periods. SOON. I might have to wait an hour. I wonder if people who flaunt wine are doing keto stuff & I hate that because I don't want to do a low carb diet right now. I have to go clean up after the cat.

Sometimes "wasting time' is for a good reason

Even though time goes by surprisingly quickly...maybe it's for zoning out and processing things...

https://hyperallergic.com/460526/jill-magid-luis-barragan-the-proposal/

Sip wine...how did two hours go by?

not a fleabag


uncomplicated
sometimes smug

Heads hold imagery

Maybe a show like Fleabag would be interesting sometime.

It was 2019.

There were some smug brothers out there.

Some things are excessive & unnecessary

Like, standing next to the guy who knocked up your mom as he cries in church while the pastor gives a lecture about the evils of divorce.

Feelin' kinda sororal

Someday you might have to give your bf a talking-to about unusual alcohol consumption  u  r not 22 anymore u guys have to find a healthier way to spend time together and is it too soon to say only x amt of days bf a day honoring that a-hole who knocked up our mom btw i watched his video & i think they shot one scene just so he could show off his butt u tell u yr bf's to stay hydrated and remember yr liver in yr 40s is not what it was in other decades

Reminder Dos

X's have potential to be here next time

hydrate, you're age what now???

here

water bottles

anti-nausea tea

reminders

etc.

fine enough on the laptop

life is short
https://www.vulture.com/2018/11/my-brilliant-friend-recap-season-1-episode-3.html
someone had too much to drink and needs to find healthier ways to enjoy a friend's company imo...we lead exciting lives too in our own way
anyway, a new genre of show could be
"watching this will make life in your apartment seem more artistic"

D = distractable

So I did decide to start watching a very cute movie before I get a phone projector to watch My Brilliant Friend but due to circumstances I have to also mention just think about how much amazing karma you get to whoosh through by choosing to have a dad like this!!!!

I am sure I will be a better communicator in the future, whatever form that takes.

I keep pausing the movie because I used applesauce in something I'm baking and it won't...it takes a while to finish.


★bux stories

Ran into my supplier of infrequent cat-sitting / dog-walking jobs @ ✩bux & was told a story about a bear killing a goat on a pet-sitting job.  Nature is savage.

Disagree with this oldie

See...

https://genius.com/Jaynetts-sally-go-round-the-roses-lyrics

"There's worse types of pain than the kind that's from your boyfriend having another girlfriend."

So I get to stay here a while longer

S (es
O o
C si
K que
S es)

It's closer to a lot of libraries.

Nice event

Worth the ride & walk and this is a cool stardust quote!

I am pretty sure I saw this guy cutting past the line, getting extra helpings of collard greens and pointing out insufficient cornbread in his portion. "How dare I!" his server exclaimed and fixed that problem.

Also, there was interesting art on the walls.





CBD song

Baby goats baby goats bay bay bee bay bee goats BABY GOATS

Bah dum bom bom.

(To the tune of "Lollipop," lol).

Fragile inner ear

Very queasy after x amount of Metro stops.
Might get back on the train soon.

I can't retrieve it now but...

There was this essay. It's like, comparing really straight forward famous quotes by famous men and re-imagining a nice woman saying them.

"Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death!"

vs.

"Um, guys? I think, you know, liberty would be, like, kind of a good idea? Or do you think that's weird?"



Dee-ah-Logs

X: You know, Y is acting mad about Z, but I think Y could be even more mad about something else.
X:
X: What! I am trying to be helpful.

New aerator on upstairs faucet

It's gonna be, like TWO DAYS of BLISSFUL GUSH.
Then the grit will start clogging it again.

q/a

Q: 
do you feel like humanity's got some kind of spiritual crisis going on lately

A: 
yes

Two influencers

What about a moving visual medium depicting how in a way it was sadder to be Ben since he broke up with his kid's mom in deference to Deborah and got separated from both of them and his son was super angry with him and he (B.) took all that opium at the end of his life. By contrast, even though Henry didn't charm the public and wasn't officially a dad, he got in lots of quality family time plus this:

https://archive.vcu.edu/english/engweb/transcendentalism/authors/thoreau/youngfriend.html

Began "My Brilliant Friend"

I like this show; it shows how girls in another era are discouraged from schooling by their families.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/12/10/the-sweet-linearity-of-my-brilliant-friend

Sometimes I help people who are discouraged by their families from attending college.

Or

Sometimes people tell me that their families discourage them from attending college, and I encourage them to continue their studies.

Q. inspired by HGTV mag High-Low list

If you're in the not so poor class at this particular point in history, do you have to be on your guard, or is it like "your ridiculous thousand dollar candle stick holder is my ridiculous thousand dollar candle stick holder" sublimely aligned.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Performative

Polite and mellow on a plane.

Know what's weird

These apartments are looking nicer!
What's going on.

Perhaps I should read E. Welty this summer!

She had an effect on people...

"Before my move to the remote Yaak Valley in Montana, I had lived in Mississippi. One summer there I attempted to become Eudora Welty's yard man. It was one of the many summers when I was writing, but had not published anything, and did not believe I ever would. I am sad to say this was not when I was a teenager; this was when I was a grown man: twenty-four, maybe twenty-five years old.

I just wanted to be close to her was the thing. It seemed like the perfect world. I could be close to her, but I wouldn't have to say anything. I could just stagger around in the Jackson heat, shirtless, in her front yard, and perspire: trimming the hedges, mowing the lawn, sweeping the sidewalks and the driveway like some sort of yard savage. Standing guard is what I imagined it would feel like, protecting her, but more important, just being around her.

Why? I hesitate even to try to explain what the work of Eudora Welty, the best American writer never to win the Nobel Prize, has meant to me."

~ R. Bass pages 4 & 5 The Traveling Feast

https://www.outsideonline.com/2326696/rick-bass-art-living-traveling-feast

He also talks about shyness a lot after that.

Here is Eudora Welty...

https://www.neh.gov/humanities/2014/marchapril/feature/the-quiet-greatness-eudora-welty

Something I sometimes like about dogs

They are just so into barking at you. They put their whole being into it. You could go your whole day without being as into something as that dog is into barking at you.

& that's why families are hilarious

Bf has a half-brother I have never met (lives all the way in San Bernandino!) despite living here since 2010, but when I was away I heard he made an appearance at a gathering to meet a very special baby.

More feminist historical topics

Just imagining legions of women over the centuries who got pregnant but were "lucky" enough to have a kind  but "already taken" man take care of their kid as they faded away all wallflowery...

The complicated brother

Sometimes I want to like the things he makes but all of his emotional issues are overwhelming and also it is as if chaotic energetic forces are literally hijacking harmonious communication.

Wealth* looks like a trap. Masses of people will push you in an unhealthy direction and shower you with accolades. Ignoring yourself is encouraged if there are short term materialistic gains. It looks so damaging.

*Maybe is better to say wealth/fame.

Friday, May 24, 2019

Teanight

Teanight
Be nice to your health
Teanight

Relaxation technique

Other people's families already like you A LOT.

It's good for roadtrips

I like this album.

https://www.albumoftheyear.org/album/9958-morcheeba-big-calm.php

The Sea
Big Calm
Shoulder Holster
Blindfold
Music That We Hear

& more good songs on YouTube not on the only CD of theirs I still own (but where is a C.D. player nowadays? The one in my car is currently broken.)

"Middle way"

"In an isolated system..." https://genius.com/albums/Muse/The-2nd-law Sometimes I think things like why didn't I come from a bunch of liberal people instead of nice but conservative types and we end up having conversations about volunteer work advocating for dads at pregnancy care centers and then I think but you know maybe there are some advantages to being caught in the middle and then I get a song in my head.

And also yoga.

Sosososososomuch.

The list of things to do with the finite number of days left in this body on this earth...

*~*~*~*~*~*

My apartment feels cleaner.

Morning machismo...

“Today we are deeply environmentally illiterate. There was a time when you had to be a good naturalist or you died. We’ve traded our mammalian vigilance for comfort and security"

~ R. M. Pyle 

http://www.camasmagazine.org/blog/2017/10/20/reintroducing-winter-2017-featured-author-robert-michael-pyle

1 Corinthians 15:55

Sometimes I think thoughts like "Imagine if the cool kids in our fabulous internet culture were like 'Get thee to Quaker Meeting' half as often as 'You go girl you hit that'" & then I type them.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

I can read

Had a dream the apartment burned down and I had to save...well, we all had to save...um...
Hopingyrbfdoesntgetbeatenupbythejealousbfofhiscrushagentlereality

My wish

is to collude with wisdom.

Sometimesnotallthetime

I walk in and get feelings and then I find something that seems like it could be useful.

https://bust.com/general/10343-chore-wars-a-role-playing-game-that-gets-shit-done.html

Okay, gloom

They shut off the electricity.
I will go outside and find a good space.
This is kind of beautiful in Spanish:

Pequeñas corrientes subterráneas de los celos.

That is tragic

"Too bad you can’t hear what happened After the show when he spent 45 minutes trying to explain singularity and AI to me."
(from description of Ep. 4)
https://melaniehamlett.com/smashing-stories/

//////

I have heartburn because I decided to take 1/2 Metformin after breakfast. Experimenting with medicine again.

Reallll

This mentions a woman who was in the army.

"When Army surgeon Rhonda Cornum regained consciousness after her helicopter crashed..."

~ M. Haas

https://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/mental-health/7-strategies-to-turn-trauma-into-strength-20180903

The army is a trauma magnet.

Optimistic POV

Everything is 
a teachable moment.

You
Youth
Your patience
Your patient's crisis
Etcetera.

Leaving a waterless facility

I am going to go back to a kinesiology healer because grad school taught me there were grey area, rapey, physical pain with no apology afterwards, "feminist" dudes and they are still out there making more money than anyone else,getting great recommendations, and treating certain feminists way better than the rest of the women they interact with. Put together, they have all the appeal of a group of smug drunk frat boys unbuttoning their pants and getting away with everything, all the time, again.

I am not using a toilet I can't flush while I am bleeding. I live with two nice guys.

Early experiences with waiting tables

The first time I wasn't a shadow, I was 19 and waited on two men. One was having a birthday. His friend made a joke about him deserving a kiss. I just gave them a free slice of cake. The end of lunch involved a credit card machine that wouldn't print a receipt. The manager couldn't get the machine to work. He finally just signed the original receipt to say the transaction had gone through. The birthday man was very upset. He yelled at me, something about needing proof of his airline miles, and said he was never coming back. He needed that piece of paper to have a good day.

This was before you could access a lot of those transactions online...

Awake again

This is a story about how two little kids looked at a wild place which was off limits to one but not the other and the latter tried to convince the former to take a chance and go explore it but she could not. We'll see how things turn out for them later in life.

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

I have another idea

I can take pictures of all the holey, Les Miserablesy clothes I still have with the high-heels I was gifted before I donate the majority of them to a thrift store.

(The wearable shoes, not the holey clothes).

And then I will go to one of those kinesiology healer people again.

Yes, that makes me feel better.

I think I should take some music lessons

It would be fun to take some...There's a lot of music online now. This man singing "Cornflake Girl" is funny and kind of also chilling. There's stuff I once found in the library and listened to right before I moved here and it was a long time ago and yet not even so long ago at all...

Elsewhere

"Someday, you will grow up and learn about how terrible some of the policies the adults make are."

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/both-parents-are-american-the-us-says-their-baby-isnt/ar-AABGXbe?ocid=spartanntp

I like this memory

Kids looking at a big abyss of nature.

serendipitous greens

During meal prep: Wish I had bought cilantro instead of parsley to go with the wonton miso soup.

5 minutes later: How about that, I accidentally did get the cilantro.

Non sequitur?

Bf thinks Midsommar looks like The Wicker Man. I think, "I wish there would be a Christine de Pizan movie."

Monday, May 20, 2019

This is just to say

I...
https://www.vox.com/2017/12/1/16723210/this-is-just-to-say-plums-twitter-baby-shoes

am going to watch S2 of Dead Like Me soon & I liked S1 a lot

~~~~~


I did watch it...1, 2 & 3!!!

Ep. 1 ~ I said, Roxy is an officer in Mandeville??? Oh it's set in the Pacific Northwest...


Brains

Does a Founding Father's son's mother need something? I liked the ice skating 19th century guys.

Next time this topic reoccurs (again)

I'm going to ask the student

https://www.mhtf.org/2017/01/18/the-burden-of-infertility-global-prevalence-and-womens-voices-from-around-the-world/

Does anyone ever think of taking them out to dinner?

From https://www.mhtf.org/2017/01/18/the-burden-of-infertility-global-prevalence-and-womens-voices-from-around-the-world/ :

“Sometimes people will say, ‘ah, she’s like that, she doesn’t have children…you don’t have the feelings of a mothers so that’s why you say what you do.’” – Cameroon

“My brother-in-law said to us once without respect that we won’t know how to teach children since we do not have any. We felt insulted.” – China

“Hmm the people in my community are real gossips. They talk too much. They gossip a lot about it. Sometimes I pass by some places and all that I see is people pointing fingers at me.” – Ghana

“I like to be alone at home and do not like to go anywhere. A woman who does not have a child must stay at home.” – Iran

“Our culture demands that, for a woman to be socially acceptable, she should have at least one biological child.” – Kenya

“Now whenever I go to any family gathering, right away they ask me this question. It feels very strange. When someone comes to meet me at my house they ask the same question. I feel very hurt that why do people say this thing.” – Pakistan

“My depression is [primarily] because of my neighborhood. Whenever I socialize, they ask me questions like, ‘Don’t you have a child?’… If I say that I am trying to get a tube baby, it will fly around immediately and we will become a subject of gossip.” – Turkey

“My maternal instinct is being denied. It’s a slap in the face. I feel like I’m isolated in a prison; I have no one who understands how horrible this is. People don’t know what to say to you … I think I’m alternatively dealt with as either someone who has died or that [I] have a handicap.” – United States

~ S. Hodin

https://www.mhtf.org/2017/01/18/the-burden-of-infertility-global-prevalence-and-womens-voices-from-around-the-world/

Sunday, May 19, 2019

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

X: I bet if you were such a connoisseur of self-compassion we could have already sat down in a coffee shop and talked about cool stuff.

Creativer

Less obsession with pregnancy and more interest in health and well-being. "But that's not how our masochistic culture raised us to be." Who cares?

Weird, old-fashioned behaviors

Some of your brothers are gonna know what its like to wake up from a potentially nice dream and feel like a shovel is digging out your organs.

I think there's humorous potential

A musical with "I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar..." sung in a screeching All in the Family-esque voice...my uterus gave me that idea when the song came on the radio because she's been screechy lately.

I have to train

My sister sent me pics of a 6 mile hike.

Eso si que es

It is possible I shouldn't have eaten ciabatta toast at this time (but it was tasty). I guess U. will be dictating my schedule today.

~~~~~

U. is being nicer to me so maybe I can go on an excursion away from the apartments, which look even more like purgatory in rainy weather. 

Sigh

I went to a coffee shop recently and I saw two people who seemed to be getting along so well and they were talking about everything and I was like wow, they are really great friends, or a relationship, or a creative partnership, or maybe all of that. They kept saying "I am so glad I met you" to each other. So then I was surprised that they said very noncommittal goodbyes. What was that? Are you kidding? Then I went, okay. That is okay. Life is not like a movie...something is making them separate that way but it is not permanent. Isn't it okay and maybe even better that they have a more interesting, less cookie cutter path to travel.

Time effect

Immediately after a painful experience:

That was ridiculous. Your body deserves wholesome food and soothing entertainment, like nature pictures and children's books.

Hours later:

Pain is easily forgotten so we are for some reason watching "Unedited Footage of a Bear" before moving to a nice house & will probably eat an unhealthy snack again at some point.

However

I know this sounds nice, but what if she were different and unnicely shrieked "climate emergency" at him?

Very nice scene


It's a photo. 
It's not the real thing.
It kind of makes me think about the one featuring a boy and a harp in The Mysteries of Harris Burdick.

Here is the attention your body ordered

"You ate sugary stuff at the wrong time and forgot to take your supplements before you fell asleep so once again you had the worst cramps since Xmas."

"Or it also might be stress."

Wisely, because...

Mine today. YOURS tomorrow.

If you eat any of these at the wrong time, the icy hand of death is coming for you.


Of course they did

They were rich, they were powerful, they were talented....they wanted to know more about her medical problems.

Could be so much better

Might be appropriate to pray for the woman who tried to ram her car into mine, which mostly struck me as a very disappointing and childish decision (hello, misogyny) and also pray that the sugary snack I consumed afterward won't be too much of a punishment later if I take the fish oil, etc...

Superinfluences

Sometimes I think thoughts like if I were a guy working amongst a lot of other guys would I be the girl and then I type them.

https://www.bl.uk/shakespeare/articles/shakespeare-and-gender-the-womans-part

This is pretty interesting

She lost all her jobs when she became a woman.

Paula Stone Williams ~ "I've lived as a man & a woman..."

Around 3:30 she says men don't have to worry about anything they are wearing dropping into toilets.

Also weird

Like 20 pairs of shoes with really high heels came into my life recently. I did not buy them...they were just gifted.

Anyways, it looks like there are lots of people who are unhappy with the Alabama law.

https://footwearnews.com/2019/influencers/entertainment/emily-ratajkowski-alabama-abortion-law-protest-nude-ig-1202783062/

It is enjoyable

Discussing literature with students.

Maybe that's part of the reason why I ordered a book online last night.

I would like to see these:

https://variety.com/2018/film/reviews/woman-at-war-review-1202808656/

&

https://www.vulture.com/2019/01/the-last-black-man-in-san-francisco-sundance-review.html

Over

Only 15 minutes but what a difference it makes.

Pain should please go away now

I am not passing these genetics of agony to any beings. I NEED TO PRAY. Be good, be anti-inflammatory, be kind, don't die, be in tune with your body, take your fish oil. Oh Mother Nature. Help Me.

I can be good

For all the rest of the weekend... Indulgence has painful consequences. I forgot. Well. Love a good heating pad. However. It does not work immediate miracles. In this case, I can pick up a phone and order up an herbal tea with ginger. That does feel kind of special. It's not that bad. I did drink a lot of water before falling asleep.

Tomorrow and the next day and the day after that

Good times to stop ignoring all the ways the various industries are reeeally fascist towards women. Why not.

It was indulgent

I think I need to gulp water and go to bed instead of watching anything.

I'm curious about this show:

https://www.eater.com/2018/10/24/18014782/salt-fat-acid-heat-samin-nosrat-eating-cooking-food-tv-netflix

Moderation is okay

GFR has fluctuated from 61 to 69. Isn't there some TCM stuff that could improve those numbers.

Maybe not so fond of Campari.

Big ice cubes though...

They make me think of 1920s iceboxes.

Ha, have to show this to someone

"You Are A Shark"

https://www.cracked.com/article_22188_7-choose-your-own-adventure-books-clearly-conceived-lsd.html

I never read any of those. The whole reason I liked them was because of one I read about a medieval girl and a unicorn on a quest to purify water.

https://seanmunger.com/2015/06/01/retro-book-review-the-magic-of-the-unicorn-choose-your-own-adventure/


“'We had heard from fans for years who are now adults that 'The Magic of the Unicorn' was their favorite title from the first release of Choose Your Own Adventure in the 1980s,' says Melissa Bounty, Associate Publisher."

https://www.prweb.com/releases/2017/04/prweb14288118.htm

*****

Some food/climate change stuff

For later???

https://gastropod.com/bonus-introducing-science-rules-with-bill-nye/

Well that was a preview.

I am sauteeing tomatos, kale, dandelion greens, 1 sausage and 1 garlic clove in a pan.

Plus, I think I can have some wine if I have a glass of water with it.

Space king

One state will win!!!

https://m.washingtontimes.com/news/2019/apr/28/alabama-california-colorado-vie-space-force-center/

I wonder if they take their bunny to the vet for reproductive services or is that interfering with God's plans too much

https://www.politico.com/story/2019/05/16/mike-pence-pet-bunny-1329384

A lot of people would like it

When is G ("c") gonna collab with A & P on a piece about one of E's enormous impressive rockets?

What would the protagonist do

If someone very important came back in a different way.

Some things take time

Some things take time
Some things take time
you know!

Nature is good

I have felt very bad sometimes, sweating with rage, like storms were happening inside, but I know nature can be very healing and I would love to go to a pond sometime and see some ducks. Thank you.

Ideas for ways to deal with holey clothes

!) put them in a throw away pile for when you move

!) make interesting photos of them

!) wear them all at once: tank top, skirts, t-shirts, pullovers, jackets... (no pants)

One thing leads to another

"billionaires are so obsessed with space colonization because they see it as a solution to climate change that doesn't involve confronting capitalism"
https://mobile.twitter.com/nataliesurely/status/1126594637169401863

BROCCOLI GRAPHIC

https://splinternews.com/the-revolution-will-be-cooked-1834479916

Other sides observed

Okay, what do the pain-causing organs have to say today? Can it at least be about something creative.

Organs: Remember when The Great Beauty arrived at the exact right time, after finding out about a death.