Waking too early

1) old ways and mourning
2) wanting a hill

1) almost but then for some reason
2) the hill would still be there

1) unnecessary machismo ruin
2) the hill has none of that

1) one
2) two

entertainments

after rewatching
http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2016/06/24/watch-leslie-jones-give-seth-meyers-her-epic-game-of-thrones-commentary/
I thought
given the current cultural climate
what could the guy do
reincarnated as a woman?
and I decided
probably not Samantha Bee
maybe Samantha Brown

It just came to me...

How many of these must-have-my-masculinity-affirmed sorts
would dress as Stephen C. did?

Stephen Tells RuPaul About His Drag Persona "Raven"

dustbowldustbowldustbowl

there's a band...
The Dustbowl Revival ~ Holy Ghost Station
I think they're from Venice(?)

Lines that pop out

from reviews of a movie
I rather enjoyed...
however...

"A windfall came to him essentially through no effort, and now he expects the Muse to dictate another perfect novel immediately."
~ http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/ruby-sparks-2012

"I can say that the film’s tidy denouement lets Calvin off the hook too quickly for his often troubling behavior"
~ http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/movies/2012/07/ruby_sparks_from_the_directors_of_little_miss_sunshine_reviewed_.html

"When he succumbs to the pressure to write her back into being the perfect girlfriend and it backfires, we aren’t supposed to fret for Ruby as she suffers extreme mood swings, but rather for their effect on Calvin."
~ http://www.btchflcks.com/2012/12/where-ruby-sparks-goes-wrong.html#.V3Scd_krKM8


Oh my Lord, the mother in that movie!
A rich hippie living in Big Sur with Antonio Banderas.
At least he's not like guy in this real life scary hippie cult story...
http://www.kcrw.com/news-culture/shows/unfictional/something-cant-be-everything

And reeeeally...

Is it any wonder this singer was beloved by a babysitter?

Stevie Nicks ~ Gold Dust Woman
Stevie Nicks ~ The Chain

As the daughter of a single parent, I think of my old babysitters more than the average person does, maybe.  I had one who was red-headed and a bit boy-crazy and loved music and a passion for David Lee Roth and was a little free with the details and she made me memorize song lyrics. And I had another who was more reserved but super fun and she was blond and kinda resembles the singer in a way. Feathered hair decade. Maria and Missy.
M & M! Oh! They never met each other...

progresso?

telefono e il cloud comunicano di nuovo ... forse un buon segno ?
ah...the lovely translator tool...

Pools and more

I believe I've been missing a pool I used to like to swim in. Unbelievably, it only cost fifty cents to swim and apparently it still does. That park was built by a man who employed many in his shoe factory. He built carousels. There was so much energy from another time in that place. This reflecting pool I'd sit by. This sign I always used to drive under. I thought of this because while reading Obscene...I was intrigued by Caroline Decker...She was imprisoned in California. But before that she was from upstate NY..." helped organize cigar workers and shoe workers in Binghamton, N.Y. and became a speaker at such events as International Women's Day." Oh, these little known women in history...

something I noticed

This band...not all people like them, and sometimes people think their songs are overplayed...but I like them...and something else? They were good at sharing song-writing responsibilities. I think so.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumours_(album)

dear device

maybe you and the backup cloud thing can work together?
maybe? maybe? maybe?
positive vibes
sunshine

well. oh. Technology.

A phone is giving me troubles and I'm rather some word that is a combination of tired and a bit sad.

Seems like I am drawn to reading about Dust Bowl history. But then, there's also little modern technologies to attend to.  I walked without a phone. The cloud and the phone are not getting along because of a networking problem...I got that old song Gold Dust Woman playing...thinking about some Dust Bowl stories...

Maybe the phone will have to be replaced.

what's possibly fun

maybe?
http://www.gq.com/story/game-of-thrones-leslie-jones

Ds

Delightful deer
Delightful dolphin

3 & more

Amazing sculpture powered by bees...
http://www.cnn.com/2016/06/20/arts/the-hive-wolfgang-buttress/

*****

Does this have anything to do with...
http://www.motherearthnews.com/real-food/food-policy/gluten-intolerance-from-roundup-herbicide-zw0z1402zkin.aspx

*****

This person's ever-so-interesting lifestyle...
https://carrotquinn.com/  & https://www.instagram.com/carrotquinn/

~~~~~~~~~~

Hmmm...this was referenced here: https://carrotquinn.com/2016/06/01/updates/
http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/why-america-hates-fat-women-feminist-take

and from reading that...found...
I Take The Long Way: An Unlikely Hiker Blog
https://www.instagram.com/unlikelyhikers/

news news

I can remember when I lived alone in an apartment in Illinois. I would faithfully watch BBC news every evening...I had no cable or internet in my apartment and was super-tuned into every PBS station...that was a different world back then...can't imagine having only library internet access now...I am only now learning more about Brexit...how the vote was super close, how most younger people voted to remain...

~ http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-politics-36616028
~ http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2016/06/brexit-scotland-ireland-reconsider-ties-uk-160624130431341.html

Cool new things

"The nonprofit was launched in 2014 by current UIUC students and UIUC female engineering alums who were frustrated with the lack of women in their STEM classes. They host hands on sessions with 3D printer where girls learn to imagine, design, and 3D print a creation that they get to take home."

~ http://chicagoinno.streetwise.co/2016/03/01/stem-startup-makergirl-will-bring-3d-printers-on-the-road-this-summer/

*****

Also: Library uses 3-D printing to give a helping hand

Something I love

I love that I can access so many stories on the internet. REALLY.

A lot of times (esp. recently) I have skewed towards an indignant feminist's perspective, but that's not the whole of me. I also believe people can have multiple lifetimes. So I know I haven't always had this perspective. I wish I could just feel like I could be as feminist as I want with no backlash but that's like a pipe dream, now. It's just that life gave me a certain set of experiences and it tended to make me feel more quietly feminist. Like being in highschool and being "that feminist chick" without trying to be but being different anyways...

But I love both men's and women's stories and I'm so happy there's an internet with a rich treasure trove of them. We didn't always have that. Now there's so much more acceptance of different kinds of people and I love that.

There's still a lot of work to do but I just felt like being less sour about this stuff so I'm in the positivity mode now.

Viva las...

New experiences...
Could be for everybody...

"Another thing that wasn’t familiar? The on-set vibe provided by having not only a female director, but a crew that was evenly split between the genders. “There was a really, really different kind of vibe on set,” Siff said. “It was one of those things that once you’re inside of it, because it’s just not the status quo, you’re like, ‘This is amazing!'”
Subrin’s sensibilities and sensitivities permeated every part of the production, something the filmmaker made clear to her performers early on. “She said to me, ‘Just so you know, this film is not going to have a male gaze,'” Siff remembered. “Usually, the camera is operated by a guy and it’s something that’s written by a guy and directed by a guy, so of course the camera is the male gaze. When she said that, I was intrigued."

~ http://www.indiewire.com/2016/06/feminist-film-a-woman-a-part-maggie-siff-elisabeth-subrin-cara-seymour-1201689145/

Maybe some people need to be educated

Ugh.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/20/upshot/as-women-take-over-a-male-dominated-field-the-pay-drops.html?_r=0

Really?
http://www.hngn.com/articles/186962/20160309/body-predicts-yearly-income-tall-men-thin-women-make-more.htm

Really.
http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/how-body-fat-helps-this-elite-athlete/

Breakfasty musings

Is this flaxseed wrap really a healthy breakfast...you know that being healthy is Very Important for you but in some ways, old situations kept making you feel pushed out...so you found new environment...it felt so much better...but why did the old one's potential...continue to haunt you so...do you really like tofu in your breakfast burrito...why is this song still playing in your head...

Older / Mick Jagger / Heartbreaker

Role model from a different time.
Role model no more.

She fit many of the standards.
But now she's gone

 L'Wren Scott

"Live goes on."

Bless youth,
superior genetics,
a good upbringing,
and of course...
 an excellent workout routine.


"I got my man. Who could ask for anything more?" ~ Gershwin

~ http://www.npr.org/sections/ablogsupreme/2011/02/19/133590208/evolution-of-a-song-i-got-rhythm

Gershwin didn't live in the time of tofu in breakfast burritos.

"Less well known, but closer to home, is Canadian jazz artist Denzal Sinclaire’s ode to healthier eating, called "Tofu & Greens." 

~ http://music.cbc.ca/#!/blogs/2012/8/George-Gershwins-I-Got-Rhythm-spawned-most-famous-jazz-chord-changes

wowwowwowow

masculine woman
feminine man
read some of a thesis on the 'net
I'm procrastinating (it's been like a 24 hour thing) because I'm supposed to contribute something intelligent to an online discussion and I can't think of anything it's painful, truly it is, this happened last night too, oh oh oh oh oh
Noccalula
all the sad songs
maybe i'll finish reading the thesis for FUN

"john malkovich was there for some reason, knitting, 'cause he was a good friend of julian's" ha ha
helena bonham carter room with a view interview

wheee

http://celebritytoob.com/celebrity-news/five-things-didnt-know-john-malkovich/
no knitting pictures, that's lame

Celebrities knitting

por otro lado

If you think a future could be better, you should keep your standards high so that people know you expect better...and so that future to get here more quickly...and yet, the need to be more flexible can whisper in your ear... "Do we bow or do we cut them dead?"  Tibby in Howard's End...
(one of Forster's "feminized" male characters...)

Hmmm, 3 background stories

http://www.kcrw.com/news-culture/shows/unfictional/crack-up

1) dude smashes office and the ending is so American (by alias Davis)

(...
the
end
ing
is 
SO
...)

2) change of attitude (by D. Finkelstein)

(he
gets
en
light
en
ed)

3) woman  or girl (I can't tell what age she was when she called) drives man beserk just by talking (by Shaz Bennett)

(ju
st by 
talk
ing)

Shortcut consequences

The other day I took a "shortcut" to avoid some traffic and it meant driving through a town with multiple men's club entertainment billboards. What was most annoying were the signs that say things like "Barely Legal." Like, hello, she's 18 now! Everything's magically okay as soon as she hits the "legal" age...running into my head along with the woman's comment about how they're getting their "chi-chis" younger and younger these days...who designs these billboards? Maybe they're exposed to the same chemicals that make the chi-chis appear sooner. Designer of Barely Legal billboards, are you by any chance a victim of selfish narcissistic personality disorder? If so, and you are 18 or older, please dial 888 FLWRGUY, operators are standing by....

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/early-puberty-causes-and-effects/

Anecdotal

THE PAST

"There is an infamous rejection letter that has been circling the internet for the last eight years. 'Dear Miss Ford,' the 1938 letter to a would-be animation trainee begins..."

~ https://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/creative-work-in-connection-with-preparing-the-cartoons?utm_term=.efbavkkAO#.umGd2RRA1

NOW 

"Fogel, who specialized in crowds animation at Pixar, said the studio is 'very clique-y in general.' She described herself as 'a bit aggressive for a female' and said she fit in with her mostly male co-workers because of that. She felt she got preferential treatment because of her ability to fit in to 'the drinking culture' and hold forth on whiskey. Other women, she said, could be put off by the 'culture of bros.'”

 https://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/creative-work-in-connection-with-preparing-the-cartoons?utm_term=.efbavkkAO#.umGd2RRA1

NOW 

“'They’re really good people, and they would be horrified to learn that they’re excluding people,' said a production manager who worked at Pixar and who, along with Anastasia, initially wanted her name on the record and later asked to be anonymous. The production manager made it clear that she loved Pixar and was worried that her words would be perceived as derogatory, although the most divisive thing she said was that she had worried about losing female artists from the studio and proactively sought to mentor them. Several other women in animation noted that it’s a small industry and they didn’t want to be seen as troublemakers — as Chapman put it, 'There are those of us who are free to speak a little more abrasively about how things are going.'

But there are many who are not."

~  https://www.buzzfeed.com/arianelange/creative-work-in-connection-with-preparing-the-cartoons?utm_term=.efbavkkAO#.umGd2RRA1

Environmental humor, sorta?

Rushing out the door, overheard a lady talking about how when she was in 6th grade she "barely had chi-chis, and now they're getting them younger and younger..." I assumed she was mostly referring to girls, but who knows???

Kid's movies

 Too much D?

http://bust.com/entertainment/16511-5-harmful-lessons-boys-learn-from-disney.html

Studies show

At this time, both men and women overall favor male athletes. Male athletes are your favorite athletes. You pay them more. You forgive them all manner of transgressions. You get a thousand times more excited when they win. You're a supportive supporter of a system of favorites.

It's an ubiquitous thing.

U

"Ubiquitous."

~ http://news.utexas.edu/2013/10/10/favoritism-labor-markets

Really.

It's only favoritism.

Lean plus

Notice how even as one culture (boys club type) seems to exclude you, another is much more welcoming to you? Lean....

(Was this the less appealing way to lean?

https://www.scu.edu/ethics/focus-areas/government-ethics/resources/what-is-government-ethics/favoritism-cronyism-and-nepotism/)

Did you know...

It
Feels

"We respect women who conform to certain expectations of how women should act, look, and behave. We will reward those women and exclude other kinds of women."

Amazingly
Degrading.

"No one will be able to say we don't help women, just as long as we help the ones who conform to our expectations of how women should act, look, and behave."

Wow.

Size issues

What is Really
Skinny women and overweight men earn the most
Important
589: Tell me...

We're

very nice

we can be

delightful

also

delighted

to relax

and heal

Stacked

Rotation

will we do the same thing again
Tori Amos ~ Zero Point
let it be baby 
La Luz ~ Brainwash
if I only could
Kate Bush ~ Running Up That Hill
girl you need to look out for
Grimes ~ Oblivion
the man who stole your water
Tori Amos ~ Do It Again
they gather round
La Luz ~ Big Big Blood
and I do what I can
Grimes ~  Kill V. Maim
is there room
Tori Amos ~ Datura
in your path
La Luz ~ Call Me In The Day
underneath the shade...all over the river...
Tori Amos ~ Daisy Dead Petals

To do

Sit in 21st century a/c and get stuff done.
Be outside with nature later.

;-)
;-)
;-)

Physicalities

This is a tough read.

Old ghost things.

There's a story about a woman in your head? Yes but some of it is vague and not as detailed. It's just like a far off sound of screaming (because she died in childbirth). There's also the feeling of sadness before and afterward. I think it's important to heal that...

This is a bit more specific:

You are a tall attractive Nice Guy. You see an attractive woman running. Wonderful! What an opportunity. Go up and start a conversation. But this time, this one doesn't want to talk. She's trying to be nice about wanting to get away. You are so confused. Women almost always like you. They at least give you a chance. What was wrong this time? It's perplexing. Maybe you will have the opportunity to figure it out in another life.

Running is in the Bible.
http://biblehub.com/1_corinthians/9-26.htm

Everyday has...

...an outside world to enjoy! It has birds and grass and sky.  So...going to take some inside work outside today to enjoy the fresh air...

Everyday has higher points and lower ones.

What if it seemed as if your genetics made you outsider. What if your history was good at pushing you upstairs. Maybe others could think you are overly critical / sensitive compared to some. But maybe others could be more sensitive and constructively critique sexism and exclusion a bit more.

Getting wrapped up in it again. Little things seem to have larger implications.

Wondering if people can try to fix the little things so the bigger worse things don't happen?

There were bigger and worse things...that's why the little things don't seem so little now.

Onto another topic: Swimming! That will happen again someday. People of all body types deserve to swim somewhere. Typed "swimming and larger people" into a search, and what came up was not a happy experience. What did I expect?

What. Did. You. Expect.

Did it get to be too much of something?

Maybe it's not too much.

Everyday has something....

Today's Quiet Pretty Wanderlust

Had some time this morning.
What did the universe hint I could be learning about today?
It was a lot.

Descending into a cave...

commons.wikimedia.org

First, a few historical characters:

Pruett, Camp, Steinbeck, Knief, "The Rock of Ages..." because of Grapes of Wrath and The Politics of Book-Burning

(Excerpt from Obscene in the Extreme)

*****

Next, watching the first part of this talk:

http://foodfirst.org/monica-white-and-eric-holt-gimenez-at-the-food-sovereignty-conference-in-the-university-of-michigan/

Stopped (but will return!) and learned a bit more about Washington, Dubois, Carver and Hamer...

Sidenote: a little bit of speculation:

"...Carver was bisexual and constrained by mores of his historic period."

~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington_Carver

*****

Quiet 

http://www.writehanded.org/blog/2014/08/04/quiet-activism-what-is-it/

Pretty 

http://prettypixbylaura.blogspot.com/2015/04/plums-of-plenty.html

Wanderlust

http://inwanderlust.weebly.com/blog/the-national-parks-carlsbad-caverns

Humorous (?)

But also ?
http://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt/2016/06/16/482051190/-locally-laid-a-hilarious-memoir-to-cure-you-of-farm-fantasies

Three morning songs

Wednesday a.m.

Margaret Glaspy ~ Somebody to Anybody (Ah-ha)
Moses Sumney ~ Dwell in the Dark
Radiohead ~ Deck's Dark

it was good

this book

http://www.npr.org/books/titles/139809152/the-language-of-flowers-a-novel#excerpt

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/books-and-media/the-language-of-flowers-by-vanessa-diffenbaugh/article629659/

hmmm....

https://www.pinterest.com/explore/language-of-flowers/

Be the

Peace you seek
Brother
Sister
I have met
Quietly wise people
I am grateful
I am sipping a remedy
For a sore throat

2---

about nature!

Beauty

"As I walked toward the trestles, the train tracks disappeared under raspberry brambles and huge maple leaves."

~ http://www.wweek.com/outdoors/2016/06/07/abandoned-railroad-oregon-epic-bike-path/

Necessity

"Nature called, but rather than yielding the floor and ending her filibuster, Smith's aides came down and surrounded her with a sheet, quilt, and tablecloth..."

~ http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2013/06/peeing-during-filibusters-explained-wendy-davis

A thought

If you can't disagree or ask difficult questions of people you like, where does growth happen, exactly? Conformity is where growth goes to die. Or (pleasanter) maybe it's to take a little break, for a while...

Yesterday's curiosity

Two young women in black pants and burgundy t shirts were holding up a poster of the movie Joy against a mural. Hmmm, some kind of art project?

Joy review
Joy review
Joy review
Joy review

It was just a sandwich

He says he will put pickles in the sandwich and then adds "I am not gonna lie, that sounds like a horrible combination."

"Really? Then why are they good with the combo then?" "I guess you're right. Actually a lot of people do it that way. I am just giving you a hard time."

("Maybe this sales tactic will make another customer buy the combo.")

Heartache is just giving you a hard time, hypermasculine behavior is just giving you a hard time traditional gender roles are just giving you a hard time ladies and gentlemen uninterested in feminism are just giving you a hard time conform or else you will suffer is just giving you a hard time. Perhaps he was just trying to warn you. It wasn't a great sandwich.

I am really

thinking about waterfalls now for some reason.

Day to evening

Ah....the good change. In the a.m., this body felt like the wrong amusement park and it was distressed. But it got a lot better. Ginger tea. Car was good. Oh, at 8:30 I heard the radio DJ on the classical station say something about people at work or going to work later and he hoped people were feeling good. The day was filled with peaceful activity. It was good.

For today

Peaceful feelings overall. Better physical feelings in my back. Gratitude and stability. Relax and allow healing. All of these sound good. I hope these can happen today as I go out into the world.

Good

There's goodness in the world and healing in the universe. I might have some suffering feelings but I am getting better at healing too. Healing is the best outcome for all situations.

O

O
Om.
I was feeling so good last night. I appreciated it so much. I had some physical pain. But I felt better. Now this a.m. alright ady was challenging but even my action of feeling and saying " thank you" because of some true healing vibes last night...it's helping...

I didn't know I would go through this but I am on that line between suffering and grateful. I feel grateful because I know there are benevolent healing forces around nd. I don't know why I had to get to such a place of suffering to encounter my need for healing but maybe I am getting better at accepting healing. People deserve to heal and get better.

differences

positive and brave

uno:
http://www.theprettyplus.com/2015/02/27/looks-like-pcos-to-me-a-visual-guide-to-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome/

dos:
http://hypothyroidmom.com/when-the-hashimotos-hard-life-turns-into-the-healing-good-life/

tres:
http://www.ask-angels.com/spiritual-guidance/self-healing-you-can-heal-yourself/

These are

alllll the angel clouds pictures...
(on pinterest)

Poems are around

I read a book with a poem in it. (It is at the end of the book.) I found that online, along with another.

"The Importance of the Whale in the Field of Iris" by Pattiann Rogers and "Nomad Exquisite" by Wallace Stevens

And if it were different

It would be...
More crossover
More acceptance
More blending
Less tradition

I still don't know why it does that

It gives back pain. It makes me think of decades passing by. Men sitting on couches eating and watching sports games. Women in the kitchen. Certain women suffering too much. Other women ignoring the woman who suffers and sucking up to the patriarchal system because that is survival. Some of these systems still exist. It feels as if a female who does not fawn all over the male "leader" figure is almost useless in certain circles. Why does it repeat. Someone with different ideas could have been worth something but so many indications were given that she was not wanted. What was wanted was something else. What it caused was pain. Different ideas were not welcome. It's a burden, now. It would be optimism to say "It will get better."

Blending

https://pixabay.com/en/insect-butterfly-summer-flower-1439742/

creative epilation thoughts

"I'm very concerned about Thomasina. She hasn't expressed any interest in joining the Childless Women Who Need Epilators Quilting Circle"

"Oh, it's just a phase. I'm sure she will grow out of it."

Watching

Minions

I had a short fantasy about becoming a nun today.
Or maybe just going on a monastic retreat would suffice.

songry

somewhere a snowy flaky video of "I can't tell you why"
crashed into
T. York doing what T. York does onstage with "You and whose army"

or on another day,  maybe it was even the Incendies opening version
and it was particularly ominous...
Oh, but there's also an  a cappella college kids version of that one...
Really good!!!

ladies and everyone

already
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-06-08/caro-time-to-celebrate-hillary-clinton's-victory/7489398
old
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/12/opinion/sunday/who-gets-to-be-angry.html
now
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/06/12/opinion/sunday/how-to-fix-feminism.html
because
http://www.wcvb.com/news/5-investigates-orlando-shooter-legally-bought-guns-days-before-attack/40026424

so new, so old

so new: that guy at the park
flying his drone type thing
sir, maybe you can put that away
or fly it elsewhere?

so old!
http://blog.openlibrary.org/2016/05/07/not-just-scanning-thoreaus-cape-cod/
so
old

and

I 

can't

tell 

you

why...

or 

who...

what is and what should (???)

what is and what should?

experience:
did you know about that time I had to deal with...
you never had to deal with that, did you
so you don't understand my viewpoint now

sorrow:
to think someone could've helped you
but then some things happened
and it got messed up

trying to be funny:
ode to beauteous visage...
oh I was all ready to be complimentary
but i just kept hallucinating
a gigantic glass of cranberry juice

fairness:
does that even concern you at all?

behavior:
maybe some people give up on themselves too easily

question:
where do you go now

It is very pretty

https://pixabay.com/en/chamomile-chamomile-tea-tee-829487/

~~~~~

http://www.herbalteasonline.com/chamomile-tea.php

Tea for the living

Now they are saying it's the worst shooting in U.S. history and I wish...cups of chamomile tea...could fix...so much...

Follow the musical roads

http://m.mentalfloss.com/article.php?id=73142

http://m.nydailynews.com/autos/street-smarts/musical-highway-road-car-sing-article-1.2187845

http://davidsd.org/2008/12/honda-needs-a-tune-up/

Whose on home plate

I hear men outside talking. It's more fun to clean with a cat around. She watches like it's a game. Then she goes away, put off by the spritzer. Come back, cat. It was more fun to amuse you! Now I am tired of cleaning. Because I haven't heard women's voice outside all morning, or afternoon, I imagine the women of the complex all cleaning as the men sit outside and feeling entitled to do so. I think it's possible that cleanser made me itchy. Can you imagine a mom trying to tell her family how much she's been cleaning and they just zone out and act like it's nothing? Ah, mothers and cleaning ladies of the universe, I am sorry! Saaaaaaank uuuuuuuuuu.

Rocks...

Rock of Ages hymn
Rock of Ages review
Agates by...
This gem

Why is a question

A body in pain will make that question happen. People have told me their own mothers did not feel the same pain they felt. Your mother does not have your exact genetics. Or maybe she dealt with her pain in a certain way but you cannot do the same as she did. That could be.

Have you ever had to be the one cut from the herd...it happens. Why? Maybe your pain is different and it created a set of circumstances. Maybe its timing. If you had been a different age...if someone else had been a different age...if we had lived in a different time...

Or in a different place...

Accidentally...

Girls Take Photos of Things They're Banned From...

For health...

Healing healing healing healing healing healing healing healing healing ...be be be better better better ...woke up because of a sorrowful dream: A woman on a trail on a cliff, disoriented. She was crying for help, but no help was happening. Then, being told that a certain medical treatment was in the future...I was alarmed because I didn't want that. After a few minutes of slowly waking up, I thought, well maybe that dream was just because I read this article last night. In it, the woman contrasts how she was treated as a cancer patient vs. how she was treated when suffering from endometriosis. She says she got a lot more support when she had cancer than she did as an endometriosis patient. But then she did say she found a smaller group of women to support her. So, silver lining there. It seems that many women are taught to shut down about their problems. I'm sorry about that and I wish it weren't that way. But of course, men are taught this too. I don't know why we are like this, as a society. I guess it's because of fear? People will do a lot to feel like they can have control over certain situations. I had some moments of grieving. But then, I had some moments of reacting to the external world when these thoughts came out of my head:  for some (not all) the first thing you should do to succeed as a man is to find a support group of both men and women who are completely satisfied with your behavior and way of doing things. It's best if they in no way expect you to change or progress or do anything any better. This will turn out much better for you if you are a man working in a group of mostly male peers, with female supporters who don't challenge you or expect anything better out of you. Toughness and toughness and toughness again! Is that a way to survive? It doesn't work so well for everyone. My background / genetics have created a certain...life situation. A set of circumstances to be dealt with. When body was not being happy with me, I stayed in bed for a while. Eventually, I got up and went downstairs. Outside, I watched two sisters touching a rose. They were poking at it's thorns, Testing it. I was tired on multiple levels but I did go for a walk later in the day. It was rainy. I stood in front of a fountain as tears ran out of my eyes, but I also watched a man make giant bubbles and children in the park ran up and played with them. I did some walking. It helped. The walking is good. I will be better at listening to my body. Body, I must listen to you! I will be better about that. I will I will I will I am starting to be better about it. I can do it.

sigh de vivre

Off / on background noise
La Joie de Vivre 1934 par Anthony Gross et Hector Hoppin
Career Change

readed

http://www.clickhole.com/article/still-think-print-dead-womans-home-contains-over-2-4440

reads

aren't

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/06/08/in-brock-turners-hometown-were-raising-kids-who-are-never-told-no/

isn't

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2015/01/07/schools-arent-arent-teaching-enough-about-sexism-its-the-best-way-to-end-dating-violence/?tid=a_inl

reading letters

Here Is The Powerful Letter The Stanford Victim Read Aloud To Her Attacker

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/open-letter-dan-turner-mkdn/

you did not mention the victim. Not once. Do you have any idea how continually and brutally rape accusers are degraded, harassed and dismissed? A quick review of high-profile rape cases over the past decade-plus will acquaint you: Kobe Bryant, Steubenville, Ohio, Baylor University. Is there any way to dismiss a person more contemptuously or completely than how you did, by simply not mentioning her? - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/open-letter-dan-turner-mkdn/#sthash.pU4BtChd.dpuf

you did not mention the victim. Not once. Do you have any idea how continually and brutally rape accusers are degraded, harassed and dismissed? A quick review of high-profile rape cases over the past decade-plus will acquaint you: Kobe Bryant, Steubenville, Ohio, Baylor University. Is there any way to dismiss a person more contemptuously or completely than how you did, by simply not mentioning her? - See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/open-letter-dan-turner-mkdn/#sthash.pU4BtChd.dpuf

"Flower in the sky"

Paratrooper rides 
Some look like flowers
"Stamens" (center) & "petals"

another time, but close

I was perhaps 6. I wanted to ride an amusement park ride. It looked like a flower in the sky. And then, I got my wish. I was in the seat. The flower in the sky twirled at night. She (that six year old) could see the flower in the sky. Then she could sit in the flower and be closer to the sky. It was the 1980s.

There's much to admire...

on a short walk tonight. The moon is overheard, a perfect crescent. The temperature is in the high 60s. The soothing sounds are out, too. It's very quiet. Paused by a white fence and looked up at the sky, touching flowers in someone else's yard. It's so quiet tonight. I wonder why there are still these social constructs that do so much to please some and so much to alienate others. Boy's club things...I don't get them. They do nothing for me. Yet for some people, that's how they feel at home. That's their circle of friends. They are welcome there. I get frustrated. People say, "Oh you can come too" but it only means, your presence is tolerated. It doesn't mean they want to listen to what you have to say. Why is it that some people cannot ever be quiet and just listen? Not only to human voices, but to  other voices of nature. There is worth and value in listening. I plucked a flower. The name almost came to me, and then I thought, I don't know what the name is. I walked under a tree with a string of lights in it. Whimsy. I walked under a palm tree and the tendrils against the dark blue sky and stars and a moon give a message: the world is still very beautiful. I looked up the flower when I got home. It was the name I had thought it was and then told myself I didn't know it...Bachelor's Button.

happy cat checkup

Funny and cool vet
Negative for FIV/Feline Leukemia
No microchip
Already spayed????

Maybe these people helped...
http://fixnation.org/

They were

disappointed.

Men of Soccer Don’t Get It, as Usual

complicated financial etcetra

"A difference of 3.8% is not insignificant, and the argument the women are making is that there shouldn’t be any difference. But more importantly, many argue, you must examine the pay of the entire squad, not just the top stars. Once you expand the sample size, as the New York Times did, you find that the 50th-highest-paid man made $246,238 in total since 2008, nearly 10 times the $25,516 that the 50th-highest-paid woman made. That is a staggering gap."

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/gender-pay-gap-dispute-in-womens-soccer-uswnt-discrimination-complaint-has-big-business-implications-164404392.html

and just think

this stuff used to happen
and people never really
even tried...

~ http://www.vox.com/2016/6/7/11866390/brock-turner-stanford-sexual-assault-explained

well, it's not like he was a professional athlete who can sell a bunch of shoes for people

healthiness quest

Typed in "women's health"

This was at the top...
http://www.vox.com/2016/6/7/11871604/womens-health-obesity-suicide-maternal-mortality

This is next...
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/weight-loss/bedtime-drinks-for-weight-loss

Early politicky

"My thesis just felt so obvious at the time."

~ http://www.vox.com/2016/6/8/11866664/clinton-gender-2016

a work of fiction

I'm happy-go-lucky fellow who runs a bakery. One day, after hours,it's me, a bunch of yeast, some old friends, The next thing you know, someone's got a bladder infection. Whoops, that was an accident! But I'm a happy-go-lucky dude It's not like I'm a woman who runs the bakery. Oh, that would be a different story.

very...vintage...

ginger drink
recipes 

alleluia

last week, being on the receiving end of news that a person who had really liked her place of employment except for one superior who was being very inappropriate was so depressing...this week, the news that this person found another place of employment and will also get a raise in pay was much more satisfying... 

a little layering...

Why might a person with a certain set of experiences be more open to learning about things that are non-mainstream?

***

"While preparing to write this I came across a scientific journal referencing a number of studies which all reported an average lag time of 17 years between what is known by the scientific community to be commonly applied in clinical practice. (Morris et. al 2011) Seventeen years!!"

~ http://www.smartfertilitychoices.com/about

***

"Science is just now beginning to study things like collective consciousness, the pineal gland, and blind sight, and making the links between the physical and the nonphysical every day."

~ http://www.amandalinettemeder.com/blog/2016/5/30/the-morning-thoughts-of-a-psychic-medium

That boring wine dream

Dream: drinking multiple glasses of wine, explaining that I do this every few months, and then getting ready to eat a lot of bread.

Yes, that was the entirety of an actual dream.

Waking up: Oh my god, I'm so glad I didn't do that.

IRL did buy cheap wine, but it was to lure fruit flies. Maybe that's what triggered the dream...

~~~~

But these are more interesting.

http://www.amandalinettemeder.com/blog/2016/5/30/the-morning-thoughts-of-a-psychic-medium

http://www.eckankar.org/Harold/Story02.html

Balm-ish things

Sometimes I feel like it's too bad I'm not a more perfect poster child for some of my interests (oh I listened to this great talk, and now I've magically overcome it all, magically) but nevertheless, I find gifts sometimes.

Kristin Neff: Overcoming Objections to Self-Compassion

and also, that speaker was referenced here...

http://www.smartfertilitychoices.com/low-self-esteem-pcos/

Regarding the second link, I am happy to have found that site. I will also note a personal reaction...the person who posted there has had her own struggles due to PCOS, and it also appears she probably doesn't deal with some of the cosmetic issues as much as some who have PCOS. (I don't know for sure, of course.) Nevertheless, in her words, she is still able to show a great deal of compassion for those PCOS sufferers who do, which is something I can appreciate.

D...design

Like this?
https://hbr.org/2016/06/what-design-thinking-is-doing-for-the-san-francisco-opera

This?
http://i.stuff.co.nz/business/small-business/80612082/Design-thinking-a-top-global-challenge-for-workforces-worldwide

I prefer the first article.

A weird place to be

It's sunny out. I am inside tho.
Now I want to go out for a walk.
I went click click click click...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Collective_narcissism

I need to go for a walk.

I will...I will observe and appreciate beauty...I will go for a walk and let my senses teach me about new things...

waw

waw 

happens 

sometimes?

From Feminism and Women's Rights Vol. 1 on Google Books

weird

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%22Women_are_wonderful%22_effect

Identifying...

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
A religious holiday for some.
A workout day for others???

Oh exercise. If you want to get better at it, you need to identify what is useful. Everyone can benefit from it, but some people are motivated differently than others.

Sometimes I feel like America is a culture where women are supposed to be motivated to exercise so they can look great in a bikini. And then, that only works for some genetic types. Some people lose weight more easily than others. And even then, what if you're just not a person who really thrives off of that kind of attention? That's one thing. Then there is the idea that you are an older woman and you're not as thin, but that doesn't matter, because you're a mother. You made the world babies, so that's what your physical and social and societal worth is based on. Well, that works for some. It doesn't work as well for others. So what can motivate one group of people can have quite the opposite effect for others.

Exercise just for looks/ conformity: not so useful and actually more like a depression trigger. Exercise for endorphins and feeling like you are respecting yourself and developing your abilities: that's much more helpful. Feeling like you are genetic freak who doesn't fit in: not very fun. Feeling like you are unique and lots of people have their own sets of physical challenges: better. Despairing over the cost of gym membership: not helpful. Finding ways to exercise that do not include paying large fees (at the moment): much more helpful. Rigid routines: blah. Routines with some creativity and flexibility and variety incorporated: much more motivating.

And now, for something completely different:

https://hbr.org/2016/06/what-design-thinking-is-doing-for-the-san-francisco-opera

Funner

https://catit.com/en/digger

It's like

This is annoying.
http://www.themarysue.com/college-professor-gender-bias/

But the fly that flies around the room is even more annoying...

Gnats bite.
Fruit flies don't.
OK.

listen

There are growing living things in the world that are wonderful but a fruit fly in the room is not one of them. Well. Other bugs are not so great either. It feels like there are wells of knowledge. And different people have access to different types but not all are equally valued in certain places. Small flies are not what I want around me right now. I smashed one against the door of a closet. I feel a bite on my neck, so...fear there is more than one type of fly to be dealt with. Oh. Warm wrath weather. What if I bought traps at the store (instead of just home remedy stuff). The car is not exactly reliable, but at least the second opinion didn't charge me for not finding anything, plus I got to see the work ethic of the indomitable Alex. "Alex! Alex!" Everyone there was calling his name. Young and running around and being efficient. Not at home with a worrisome car / bite / looking up all the small bugs for solutions. Please. There must be some better solutions.

again?

I was so tired in the evening and just ready to be all "eh...whatever..." Because I really needed rest. And then, this morning, my interest in changing societal norms resurfaced...like the phoenix
...rising out of the ashes...

what you find when you can't find what you're trying to

Let's see, yesterday, June 2, I heard something on the radio I was only half listening to but I wanted to find it. I can't find it. I don't know why. It was between 10 and 11 sometime. This is what I remember:

Women's roles in either films or a play
Women in combat and the military
Dialogue from a play or film where a woman was a "lioness"
Women asking what do we normally not see women do in film or plays.
An actress (?) describing various roles she's been asked to play. For some reason I remember two: torture victim and mother, and she said the mother role was very challenging...
Women being in "less traditional" roles and still growing as a character.

I mean, I can't find it anywhere! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I CAN'T FIND IT.

I give up.

Instead, here's some other stuff I found:

http://www.npr.org/2016/06/02/480487259/women-held-to-higher-ethical-standard-than-men-study-shows

and

http://www.npr.org/2016/05/26/479598105/kickboxing-director-lexi-alexander-uses-activism-to-bust-out-of-movie-jail

Early bedtime

Is necessary. I had planned otherwise but so it is. I heard  some noises outside that scared me. I know that people want to heal more. So...I want to go back to focusing on that. And I hope for quiet and peaceful sleep. Restorative. Good. This is better.

For tonight

I want my essence
to be
Nap.
Naptime...
Yawn.
Yawntime.
Existing in a happy to not be agitated state sounds really good.
Good. Good. Good. Good.

Yea

It's here
Complete
Zonk out
Zzzzzzzzz

Songy

O come
all ye
Peace
Full

...snore...

O just be peaceful

It's better for your health.

O O O O O O...

Strange, but

I think I get why people don't want to listen when some women share stories of degrading treatment. It's because they don't want to. Because it's tiring for them. And they are not interested in fixing problems when they feel they have enough of their own. And society has raised some people to believe the 24-7 job of the opposite sex is to constantly be sweet, smiling and affirming and take care if their emotional needs. Hmmm. Well. Time to sleep.

A joyful noise

Wildflower: first new album in 16 years!


The Avalanches: Frankie Sinatra

dude, phone...

phone brought me more stories of bad behavior
women suffering under clueless male "leadership"
well, there were some definite low moments
this has been a hard period of time
I guess if my marks suffer
I can look back and say...
oh it was struggles