Oh,,,,again???

Driving along at night, I came into the middle of a Moth story, and I was quite enjoying it. Kindness, love, open-mindedness towards blended family situations, etc.

http://themoth.org/posts/stories/my-post-nuclear-family

And then this sentiment popped up AGAIN.

"The love you have for your children is like no other feeling, and until you have children, you'll never know."

The father/storyteller thought this after he accidentally fell down a flight of steps and dragged his son with him and his only thought was he didn't care about how much he got hurt as long as he didn't hurt his child.

(This is what I thought: Well, first of all, you don't need to have a kid to feel that way.What about being an older sibling? Taking care of your younger sibling? What about being an aunt or an uncle? What about being a family friend and taking care of a child?You don't have to be a "parent" in the eyes of society to feel that way!And yet, the insistence goes on. Despite the fact that abuses occur...that loved ones hurt loved ones...this insistence that parenthood is the highest, best, most love-filled calling on earth, BAR NONE.)

He also credits his mother for feeling that way because of what she used to say about being a parent...at the beginning of the story, he says:

"When I was a small child, my mother used to sometimes say, the love you have for your children is unlike any other feeling in the world, and people who don't have children never get to know what it's like. And I took it as the greatest compliment that she so loved my brother and me and so loved being our mother, and that she thought so highly of that emotional experience."

Well, I might have felt that way too, once upon a time. But now my feelings have changed.

Now, I don't see saying something like that as being very sweet. I don't even see it as being very motherly.

I think it is a value judgment, with especial implications that are degrading to women, since women are the ones who are biologically programmed to become...well...mothers.

I don't think making judgements about the amount or lack of love that others are experiencing is very compassionate towards women who either  1) can't get pregnant or 2) don't choose to become mothers (which is supposed to be the highest calling.)

I know I always seem to see things mostly from the "woman with fertility issues" perspective...so I will attempt a different approach.

Let's say there's a woman who easily gets pregnant. Let's say she chooses to give the child up for adoption, and that she never sees the child again. Even though she carried a baby, and gave birth, she never got to experience "true love" as a "real mother."

How the hell do you REALLY know why she made that choice? Who are you to judge her, or her ability to experience love or lack of love, for making that choice?

Because society tells us people like her are not supposed to be our ideal, we don't consider things from her perspective. Even though she provided a child she herself could not take care of to another person who wanted to become a parent, she is not the one held in high esteem. Oh no...the judgment against women who aren't mothers is very strong...

That's what I think is disturbing and damaging and dehumanizing.