And it was post-worthy.
Vanessa Bayer in 50 Shades
But before chortling at that, I was in an art store, listening to sassy music over the intercom, thinking crazy thoughts, like "let's all fight sexual assault by becoming sluts said no group of humans in the universe ever, especially not during medieval times" ho ho ho! And then I got some weird text messages. And then I bought stuff at Whole Foods. And then I ate it in shock and every person that passed me was just a pulsating ball of energy, not even remotely, faintly sexy or anything, and probably harmless, but still INTENSE. Like being a four-year-old enraptured by strangers.
Only people that find my very secret online diary will ever truly know the real me.
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