Chapter 9, "Heat"

"A few mothers seem happy with their children all the time, as if they're sailing through motherhood, entranced. But up close and personal, you find that these moms tend to have little unresolved issues: they exercise three hours a day, or they check their husbands' pockets every night, looking for motel receipts. Because moms get very mad; and they also get bored. This is a closely guarded secret; the myth of maternal bliss is evidently so sacrosanct that we can't even admit these feelings to ourselves. But when you mention the feelings to other mothers, they all say, "Yes, yes!" You ask, "Are you ever mean to your children?" "Yes!" "Do you ever yell so meanly that it scares you?" "Yes, yes!" "Do you ever want to throw yourself down the stairs because you're so bored with your child that you can hardly see straight?" "Yes, Lord, yes..."

I Love It

"This is how Sam started telling me about one ten-minute patch of a school day, while I was trying to watch the news: "So Alex says she didn't draw it, and then she goes like she did draw the picture herself, and then he goes like, 'Oh yeah,' and then she goes like, 'Yeah, I asked her to but she said I had to,' and then he goes like, 'Oh, yeah, riiiight,' then I go..."

Bret You Got It Goin' On

"I am not an ageist: If, while I was watching the news, Jesus wanted to tell me in great detail how he runs the fifty-yard dash, I'd be annoyed with him, too: "See, most kids start out like this--the first step is a big one, like this--no, watch--and then the second is smaller, like this, and the next--no, watch, my child, I'm almost done--so see, what I do is, I start like everyone else--watch--but then my third step is like small, and the next one is bigger, so like, this P.E. teacher who sees me do it goes, 'Whoa, Lord, cool,' and then she goes..."

--Plan B by A. Lamott

P.S. -- Karma?