Unfolding

"La nueva chamba" has not technically appeared. Yet. And after the prospect of a good one disappeared recently, I thought, "Wow, every time this happens it's like I have a little less motivation to appear 'respectable,' whatever that means." I tried to feel like maybe it was a "freeing" thought. Am a bit rattled when I hear people say words like "hiring freeze" and also distressed by the fact that my foot is still playing painful tricks with me and now I have to pay for my parking. Last night, though, I talked about writing with a friend at a cheap diner (with atmosphere!) and it felt artsy and fun to go out to eat and drink coffee and talk about ideas in books, etc. But maybe using all of today to read up on the topic was overkill, because I ended up feeling fairly low. Going to meditation class in the evening seemed to make me feel a lot more centered. In this life, some people can seemingly quite easily play the role of one of those classic successful artistic people with lots of behavioral quirks and issues which are apparently endearing or marketable to others somehow, but alas, my "direction in life" (which I hope is ever unfolding) seems to not really "go" that way, and probably for good reason, too. I think I should just become one of those people who is much more focused on things like healthy eating and yoga and meditation... (Q: Why do you keep forgetting this? Remember!)