Mmm hmm

www.calm.com

"Timed Meditation"

Yes to this

Zinfatuation Zinfandel 2014

*****

https://cheapwinelist.wordpress.com/2017/04/24/zinfatuation-zinfandel-2014/

Culinary, creative, and...

Beachy!
Bowls, bowls, bowls
Book as bedside ornament...

Womenfolk on film

Finished The Patience Stone. I believe it to be to re-watchable! Up next: The Other Woman. The Invisible Woman.
That's what I meant to type.
But maybe all three?

Calculated humor

If you consider Pilates, decide against it, then open your calculator and find abs)abs) Is that a hint?

More...

Is This Eight-Hour Sheep Epic `The Dullest Movie Ever'?


http://www.reddirtreport.com/rustys-big-screen/%E2%80%98baa-baa-land%E2%80%99-touted-most-boring-movie-made-could-help-insomniacs

Cool.

Super vitamin-fortified

Before:

I'm the man...Jeeeeeesus Christ ~ Alice in Chains

After:

https://www.thestar.com/entertainment/movies/2017/07/29/eight-hour-sheep-movie-is-meant-to-put-you-to-sleep.html

All the management is needed

I like feeling lack of pain, because pain is not fun. To celebrate awareness of women's health, I have tea with raw ginger, a heating pad, castor oil to soak into towels and apply as a pack, vitamins, pain killer, and a cat.

A woman at one of my jobs has something worse (cancer). How dreadful. Sometimes people have said they felt more support for one type of illness than another. (But all deserve support...)

Fears can come with pains.
Family member had....
But that's different.

I love lack of pain. That cramping feeling was 10 minutes ago. Now is bliss...

Nevermind.
It just ended.
Oh why.

Come back, bliss.
(It will come back).

Okay to just go with it sometimes...

Will finish The Patience Stone another night.
www.oregonlive.com/movies/2013/10/the_patience_stone_review_conf.html

The universe put A Long December in my head.
Then I felt like looking up the singer and read this:
www.menshealth.com/guy-wisdom/adam-duritz-interview
Aw.

Not mad about today's simple, expansive joys...
(a swim! taco tuesday, grocery shopping with un camarade merveilleux...)

But pain is back. Heating pad and ginger and liquid vitamin D. Crying inside because of being tired of it. Viva la healing powers, because this stuff can sabatoge a lot. And it eats up time and it is not fair. But it will get better.

Whoa....

Just before I am considering watching the rest of The Patience Stone (without coffee! Can I finish this good film?) I found this....

http://www.leefromamerica.com/blog/2017/1/25/life-with-pcos

"HOW I FOUND OUT I HAD PCOS: Stress + Anxiety: I first noticed this change in my body in November 2014. It started with coffee. "

-- Lee From America

She goes on to say she could tell it was not "normal" feeling of stress to her...

If I have coffee...I must be very mindful...

I really like this part:

"Things I Do To Keep PCOS at Bay."

What a good and useful post!!!

Mira!

https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/72jj9z/chicag

When? When?

Tomorrow
https://twitter.com/BabbleOnBrooke/status/912709262060642304

Tomorrow
https://twitter.com/PCOSGurl/status/903337766179753984

Something's happening...

"AL:  The hardest part for me has always been justifying what I have is real. "

http://jessicagimeno.com/ashley-levinson-on-her-29-year-journey-with-pcos-polycystic-ovarian-syndrome/

Hmm, say hmm...

Could be a problem

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/24/opinion/dying-art-of-disagreement.html?mcubz=1

Also, why aren't more people hooking themselves up to labor pain simulators with every worsening healthcare bill?

LABOR PAIN STIMULATOR! HILARIOUS!

(Is it hilarious? Did they get paid for that, instead of getting their pay docked? Did they just do it once and then never try it again?)

Doesn't look like it was a long term study.

Also lacking - the depression and anxiety factor - coupled with maybe at least a few months worth of messages about women's greatest deed in life = giving birth to a child...

Also, the nausea. (From hormones or anxiety or whatever. Auugh! So mean.)

I think then they should have a heating pad and raw ginger and other nice things!

Also, they could go on a lower setting since even really bad dysmenorrhea is not as severe as real childbirth...but then again, what do I know?

UH- OH

https://www.babble.com/pregnancy/10-pregnancy-simulators-that-arent-like-pregnancy/

Oh no.

Oh....dear.....

AUUUUUUUGH

http://khn.org/news/meet-the-republican-men-secretly-reshaping-your-health-care/

It can go now...

www.nytimes.com/2017/09/25/us/politics/obamacare-repeal-susan-collins-dead.html

Dear app, thank you for the countdown to dates of less pain...

It's okay to say no....

www.techly.com.au/2017/09/22/the-smm-debate-heats-up-in-tassy-with-billboards-and-a-headbutt/

W is for...

Whoosh
Yes, you can see her outside of grand building on a manicured lawn and she probably did seem spoiled

Whoosh
She was insightful and guided and had a love of nature

Whoosh
Should have told him more about how she felt and her health

This is the song that will not die...
Yes it goes on and on and on...

Imagine you've got a brother

He could be a good person, but he also gets scared and then he acts like an impulsive narcissist. So sad! You could detect something better underneath, but it was more about what had the potential to be than about actual habits and practice. What happened, brother...Were you emotionally mutilated? Hope brother gets help, but sister needs support, too. Sister should not have to sacrifice herself on the altar in order for brother to get better.

Woke up from a dream

Maybe it's partly because of this:

"First amendment and boobs."

https://www.gq.com/story/brooke-baldwin-kicks-off-clay-travis

The dream was about environmental catastrophes (like hurricane flooding mud flows) and some young women only valuing themselves for their looks and using them to make money.

Maybe it was about how sad it is when people indulge themselves in certain tpes of behavior and get paid to be that way, they seem to have no reason to change just as long as they make money.

SaturdaySundaySongs

Charlotte Gainsbourg ~ Deadly Valentine
https://www.kcrw.com/music/shows/anne-litt/saturdays-latest-show
genius.com/Charlotte-gainsbourg-deadly-valentine-lyrics

Beck ~ Dear Life
https://www.kcrw.com/music/shows/raul-campos/sundays-latest-show
genius.com/Beck-dear-life-lyrics

Surely there are better ways

To begin the day than by reading this in the dark...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/powerpost/seven-ways-the-latest-republican-health-care-effort-is-impulsive-and-chaotic/2017/09/24/4451aaf4-9fa1-11e7-8ea1-ed975285475e_story.html

Impulsivity

The Funerary Procession of Elisabetta Sirani

What is Cosimo (1:29) doing here?

Ah, a different Cosimo.

Ha, Elisabetta!

Also I want to look at Isabella's life.

Wedding Banquet with the Archduke Albert and the Archduchess Isabel Clara Eugenia

Beatrice d'Este & the patron of Leonardo don't get all the attention.

Oh, look

Something to watch while chopping up ginger.

BBC How to Get Ahead Episode 2: At Renaissance Court

We have so much to entertain ourselves with these days!

I Don't Remember

Continuously suggested by the mobile phone.

Whoa, the contrast in the Cosimo portraits from 16:35 to 22:05...

Healer, help us...

Another thing you might learn, if you feel beset by certain health problems, or by the sufferings of loved ones, and if you feel those challenges have interfered with attaining some things in life, is that love is important and love is a great healer.

"But why I am not..."
Maybe you should ask, why aren't you loving yourself more? Like, in a real way, not just a superficial, ego-indulging way. (Ex: now I can love me because I have a 4.0, because I got a nose job, because my bank account is...) If you don't have those things, are you not still worthy of love? Don't you especially need it in these times, even more than ever?

Healing love is beyond what the system provides, esp. when the system is extremely flawed or broken.

Healing love is the BEST part of what some religions contain but sometimes people have ignored or left it out, but perhaps they can bring it back.

Healing love does not have to brag or boast about itself or try to make you feel small in order to make itself feel worthy.

People are actually scared of healing love. Why? They are afraid to let defenses down maybe. They are afraid of getting tricked into believing in something false.

Healing love is real.

Hmmm.

Tribal Society

https://www.dinnerpartydownload.org/sebastian-junger/

I will finish this

Probably not tonight, but I will.

THE PATIENCE STONE

Things come into your life when you live with someone.

Art.

Noticeable

I have noticed  that a certain writer has a tendency to make me end up finding out about what I might not have otherwise found, so that's kind of interesting

DeVos Should Want To Educate...

Wow, he got that published on his birthday! Brave.

Along the way on the radio...

https://m.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/626/white-haze

C ya

http://www.precisionnutrition.com/coffee-and-hormones

Wow, a genetic thing

https://pcos.com/pcos-and-panic-attacks/

PCOS

https://www.caffeineinformer.com/caffeine-anxiety-and-panic-attacks

I occasionally just have small cup and keep it black

https://www.bustle.com/articles/99636-7-foods-that-may-make-your-period-worse-because-nobody-wants-more-cramps


Did it make it worse to add half and half?
And a bagel (auugh, white flour!) with cream cheese?

https://www.floliving.com/3-reasons-why-women-cant-drink-coffee/

Vitamin D for...

Pain. Dysmenorhea. I feel sick.

Now my body is suffering.
I swallowed liquid vitamin D.
Chewing on ginger.

I don't have this just to be annoying to anyone. I have a medical condition.

I might try to get herbs in a pot.
I might buy a milk crate to sit on.

The only thing good about this is, when recovering from a wave of pain and nausea, I feel as though something about the experience truly does clear the brain and make you think: life is about being compassionate.  Peace is everything.

(And also a heating pad).
I will avoid caffeine.

To finish in the day time?

Without caffeine jitters in your system?

http://www.reorientmag.com/2012/10/golshifteh-farahani-the-patience-stone/

Pre-existential

Pregnancy is pregnancy!

https://www.latina.com/lifestyle/health/6-things-every-latina-mom-needs-know-senate-health-care-bill

Still too much coffee

Only hope it doesn't become a clip in a very ominous documentary...

https://www.avclub.com/south-park-doesnt-blame-you-or-itself-for-obsessing-ove-1818607497

Too much coffee why

Read an article in PlayBoy

http://www.playboy.com/articles/devos-sexual-assault-guidelines

A lot of people don't care this much.

http://time.com/4954158/betsy-devos-title-ix-sexual-assault-guidelines/ 

Person X: Well girls do lie sometimes! I totally knew this girl in high school who made the whole thing up! You know, I've had guys grab my ass and I didn't make a big deal about it.

Person Y: violence against wo-wo-witchhunt? men real danger danger DANGER WILL ROBINSON

It was a good encounter

A nice, good, kind woman in the coffee place. I might pay to see her again.

It's not simply about one thing

I read all afternoon. I put upsetting things at a distance. I drank wine and coffee at night. I read more. I tried to watch some of The Patience Stone. Maybe the room was too dark. Caffeine is bad sometimes. No more. No more. No more pretending. Panic attack. I made a tamale to try to settle my stomach and swallowed herbal remedies and an essence. It helped. I am not keening. I was internally fried. I am getting better now. No more pretending. No more...other people's unhealthy standards...No. It's done.

Baltimore Consort!

Love someone who just accidentally picks out nifty music!




Baltimore Consort ~ Green Grows The Rashes

Someone says~

You can get better at

community
commitment
communication

in the future
in this life
now

Sea? Sea?

Beach~beach~beach

Hopefully going back soon...

In a teal tutu!!!

Yes...

http://wjbf.com/2017/09/17/csra-makes-trek-for-pcos-awareness/amp/

Maybe I should move to the south...

http://wjbf.com/2017/09/01/september-kicks-off-pcos-awareness-month/

And there and there...

Shoulda walked 5k this weekend...
http://www.pcosaa.org/events/pcosstrides5k
Maybe there will be more soon...

Alternative: Let's just weep a lot 5k

Remember prayer

If you ever hit that bottom place...
Life is like a bookmark -
"It is more important to be kind..."
Add to this -
"It is more important to be healed..."

Oh, okay

The nature-loving peace workers who are attending to the anvil wounds advise you to turn off your phone now.

Auugh! Anvil!

https://www.fertilityauthority.com/blog/jessi-wallace/2015/7/07/second-chapter-harder-my-infertility-reality

So apparently, even if you have one child, she will find a way to guilt-trip you for not giving her a sibling to play with, like all her friends' moms gave them.

Really.

Why is life such a womanly vale of torment, pain and suffering!

Imagine changes

All those spots the anvils pelted have little nature workers who want to repair and heal the wounds...

It's happened

Abandonment of women culture: your own (mother, father, friend,  etc.) clueless about your situation, opened her/his mouth and accidently rained sharp, pointed anvils all over you and you had to pick yourself up and keep on keeping on.

My own little private 5k?

This was elsewhere...

http://www.jogrunrace.com/Race/View/273610/pcos-strides-national-5k-walk-modesto-ceres-california-september-17-2017


"Ceres."
Aptly named...

What the body may say

I need what it says in books about angels, compassion and healing to become more powerful in my life because they are energy forces that can be supportive of soneone who has a number of things throwing her off at The moment. The corrupt government and institutions and old fashioned beliefs and most of all, lack of stable, good medical care...all of this needs spiritual assistance. In another time, maybe I would have had kids. I cannot have them now. This is another grief. It's mingling with the knowledge of women who were valued only for making babies and did not have enough choice in the past about reproductive rights. The pain is real, and its physical, emotional, everything...earthly institutions were not very helpful recently.

What dreams may say

I need to look at the books about angels, compassion, and healing again. I really do need them. Others may not think they need them. I at least want them because I know they have kernels of spiritual wisdom. I think they can help me, if I keep more of what they say at the front of my mind.

I had one terrible dream about being taken hostage by a soldier type of person. Then I had a calmer dream about sitting in a car with a nice girl who was eating an ice cream, recovering from an eating disorder, and waiting for some kind of museum or building to open. She was quite nice, but by the end of the dream, I wanted to ask her if in a former life, she had been the soldier to take me hostage in the earlier dream.

Isn't it a tragedy how people who could have helped each other out just don't because of...well, it's probably fear. Useless, needless fear. When fear takes over, things can go sour so quickly.

Even people with very different viewpoints and life experiences and understandings of the world can help each other out of they operate out of some basic principles of compassion and respect...

Dreams reminded me of these things.

Here it is...

Compassion for Snarky Women! When sexism slowly saps strength...all the little things trigger all the worse things and the teeth grinding and breaking the filling and the going to a different dentist which insurance doesnt cover because of running away from a bad dentist who let the anesthesia wear off because trying to do too many things at once to make money... Compassion for Snarky Women!  and the lost sleep and the hiding under covers and the nausea and cramps and bad memories and even the nice doctor had a listening problem.... for any good memories of people who taught you how to respect and listen to women, I suggest reaching back to childhood...

Compassion for Snarky Women!
Hey isn't complaining and being snarky healthier than feeling sick and quiet like the sexist paw of death is gonna smite you..

But not all. But some.

"Men think conversation as equal when women talk 15% of the time. Men think women dominate when they talk just 30%. "

It would be so weird to be in that position.

For guitar (strum)

Mad a nice doctor didn't listen.
Don't want to call any doctors now.

(Chord change)

Different one:

If some man who likes to lecture at you and talk a lot tells you you're the one who is"bad at listening" then you know who is really, really, really bad at it?

http://www.thefrisky.com/2016-07-26/use-this-website-to-track-how-much-more-time-men-spend-talking-than-women/

Oh

http://www.businessinsider.com/why-so-many-men-in-silicon-valley-behave-so-badly-toward-women-2017-7

This hurts men too...

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/daylightatheism/2014/05/male-entitlement-is-a-deadly-drug/

Reflection from afar

Not the only one to wonder why

There is still such a twisted patriarchal society which has both men and women suffering from its casualties, and both men and women supporting it. If someone needs to heal, to recover from trauma, and does not take to the streets, that seems understandable. But apathy is what can become more dangerous. It invites robbery. Some of its casualties include rape survivor death and childbirth death. MAGA? But the old ways were terrible. Why do some seem to want them back?

Also...

http://thehill.com/blogs/in-the-know/in-the-know/351103-stephen-king-trumps-hillary-tweet-illustrates-f-up-mind

Sometimes I wonder if the inept guy in the white house killed off a lot of himself a long time ago.

Should I read this book?

https://qz.com/1079617/hillary-clinton-tried-to-take-on-sexism-now-shes-facing-the-same-critique-women-always-do/

humbug

Not true

http://www.theonion.com/article/exhausted-john-kelly-parks-president-front-episode-56942

Golfing

http://www.theonion.com/article/democrats-unveil-324-million-new-slogans-appeal-ea-56836

Wickedly feminine perceptions

Amber Tamblyn: I'm Done With Not Being Believed

Don't worry if your dad's too busy to read this stuff...this is the 21th century and the universe does not entirely revolve around his comfort level.

Shebah is the women-only ride-sharing service we should not need...

Fascinating...why did people vote for an inept man with the mentality of a third grade bully?

http://www.abc15.com/news/national/president-trump-retweets-gif-of-him-hitting-hillary-clinton-with-golf-ball

Hmmm

http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow/watch/clinton-to-trump-get-over-the-twitter-stuff-get-with-diplomacy-1047113283554

Comfort levels...

Wow, this is...

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2017/09/was_trump_s_pardon_of_joe_arpaio_unconstitutional.html

So different from this!

http://www.azcentral.com/story/entertainment/dining/2016/11/02/chopped-fernando-ruiz-joe-arpaio-tent-city/93171982/

Healthcare and cultural views of women

So, being around people of any gender, age, etcetra who do not respect women or their bodies is not what I want in my life at all right now. Some people act with callousness. I do not want to be around them, or their bad jokes.

A few days ago I had a sad dream and as I woke up, a voice asked "What's wrong with this?" It was about a woman in much distress (perhaps childbirth pain?) and her male partner was also very concerned for her, but a little boy was pointing at her and grinning with apparently no regard for her as a human being.

What was wrong about it? A lot of things.
If you are either male or female and you somehow get satisfaction from putting down women because "It's just a joke" to you, stay out of my life.

https://www.bustle.com/p/these-2017-attacks-on-womens-rights-are-difficult-to-relive-2351028

Future life go!

Staying up late

with

http://www.wxbrands.com/our-brands/wine/

an investigative

http://www.northbaybusinessjournal.com/northbay/sonomacounty/5308428-181/winery-exchange-wx-wine-beer-spirits?ref=related&artslide=0

person

wine, wine, wine

how...where...

http://winejudging.com/medal-winners/2016-medal-winners/2016-460/

This was such a good idea

Song discovery...

Where is your head, Kathryn...

Never heard before this evening.
And it was from the 90s?

Yes, songs...

Where did you come from? Oh, the radio...


PJ Harvey ~ Send His Love To Me

So good...sing it, take an exit, look for a bottle of wine in Studio City!
(Wow, no place carries that Arrow Creek red blend that I sampled at a gathering in June, it seems.) Studio City looked cute and expensive.
Sure, it's on the revisit list.

And the old Eve Six "Inside Out" song has been hanging around like something that played when I was stuck working next to a smoky bar...was a learning experience and now that the place is completely gone, I have occasionally felt sad I will never be able to visit it again. Wow. Time.

She says...

Peaceful healing vibes for the rest of the day

Think its worth listening to...

Megan Rondini Act Special Order 
Though of course that takes some time...

Transcript

Occupational hazards

It's easy to make extra money as a...oh, sure....

https://www.buzzfeed.com/briannasacks/oklahoma-state-senator-resigns-after-being-charged-with

Wow, that's a lot of resignations.

http://kosu.org/post/sen-bryce-marlatt-resigns-amid-sexual-battery-charges

next...

https://onartandaesthetics.com/2017/05/05/the-delight-of-being-ordinary-by-roland-merullo-a-road-trip-with-the-pope-and-the-dalai-lama/

Couldn't take it

If a wealthy man in the Renaissance got captured by a political rival and was forced to live in a castle instead of ruling over his land, was he essentially just sentenced to being a woman?

Ha ha ha ha

Point/Counterpoint: Twitter Is An Echo Chamber That Causes People To Create A Community Of Like-Minded Users Repeating Their Own Viewpoint Back To Them vs. Yes!

Rain-Drenched Cat Announces It Ready To Stay Inside And Be Part Of Family

 Los Angeles Painting Streets White To Offset Climate Change

After so much time deciding, this can be the fourth ha.

http://www.clickhole.com/clickventure/get-fucked-gin-and-build-gazebo-your-neighbor-6410

Cult-ural

How do you know when the culture is not right for you? When it's making you feel sick to make excuses for people...if they do not show any awareness of how unnecessarily alienating and harmful their behaviors are, then they have no reason to change or make it better. Who even knows why they are that way. Possibly they were raised to be sexist or turn a blind eye so long as its convenient for them to do so. Maybe one day some people will get it. Who even knows. Sometimes it's just time to get out of dodge.

The day you meet a very special fountain....

A better version of life

Shopping for cat food at night and listening to a piano sonata on the way home...

Olga Jegunova - W.A. Mozart: Piano Sonata No 11 in A - Major, K.331

Every Wednesday...Wow.

Nightmares Must Be Told by Jessie Kindig

"Sunghee Oh and Hyo Jin-kim know a comfort women museum will infuriate hardline Japanese, who believe comfort women were prostitutes who voluntarily gave up their freedom to serve the colonial military until the end of World War II."

"'It's not ancient history'...Hyo said."

~ South Korea: World's longest protest over comfort women
by Adam Bemma

Sometimes I thank god....

for the man upstairs...just because he doesn't answer...

Patton's grandson doesn't slap around soldiers with PTSD, does he?

https://www.csmonitor.com/World/Making-a-difference/Change-Agent/2016/1115/How-one-of-Gen.-George-Patton-s-grandsons-helps-vets-with-PTSD

It is so helpful to remember the good things.

What?

Betsy DeVos Ends A Campus Witch Hunt

Yet another reason the desperate and oppressed flocked to vote for a president who is a sexual predator.

A little more of a brain challenge...

http://www.scpr.org/programs/airtalk/2017/09/08/59047/analyzing-devos-plans-to-review-the-way-sexual-ass/

Unfortunately, it was also a TIME CHALLENGE!

Might have to re-visit later while cleaning.

Meanwhile, these take much less time to skim.

DeVos Ignites Backlash ... Betsy DeVos Is Right

Oh god, is this really true?

Gillibrand: Military sexual assault 'as pervasive as ever'

Hello good story

http://www.cw.ua.edu/article/2017/09/have-courage-be-kind-memorial-for-megan-rondini

Six toed cats!!!

Love love love love six-toed cats!

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/11/us/hemingway-cats-irma.html

Have a perspective or two

Or

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/grade-point/wp/2017/09/11/lawyer-betsy-devos-took-away-my-moment-of-justice/

More

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2017/09/betsy_devos_is_right_that_colleges_trample_on_the_rights_of_accused_sexual.html

???

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2017/09/10/betsy-devos-backwards-campus-rape-editorials-debates/105474086/

~~~~~

http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/letter-from-a-georgetown-senior-betsy-devos-sexual-assault-reforms-could-fix-current-title-ix-morass/article/2634052

♡♡♡♡

Breathe, embrace your experience, read angels books. Dear body, I am sorry you are suffering from trauma. It's sick. I am sorry. It's a challenge. You got burned out. It's okay if you take a break. Take a break. You need to take a break, so you can heal. You can get better. You can live a better life. Love. Accept love. This is why there are those angels books. When humans don't want or know how to help or get scared or get in denial and it makes it seem worse, remember there are a few who can still help, and also, those angels books are going  to help you. We can heal. It's good to be calm. This is what your purpose is right now. Embrace calmness and healing. Healing = love. It will get better and you will even have fun again.

La nuit

I ma gine

Some of me thinks:
I want and maybe need to be around people with higher standards.
I want and maybe need to be around women who support other women.
I want and maybe need to be around men who are trying to make it better.

And also:
Maybe if you weren't the greatest in the past, you could do better in the future. Maybe you don't need women making excuses for your mediocre behavior. Maybe you don't need pats on the back if you're not as great as you could be. Maybe you need to be doing a lot better. Maybe you are supposed to be exceptional.

And also:
Went through plenty of days and nights of trauma and anxiety and such and it's enough. It needs to get better. I bet it won't happen overnight. I bet it's a process. I bet there's still backsliding. But maybe I can at least believe the overall trajectory can swing into more of the right direction.

I hope it will change

I need to change something.

This was a dreadful time on several levels. I need to get a positive outlook /The people in the world who are like Betsy DeVos and those who were so awful to Megan Rondini...if they would weep, I would feel hopeful. Like maybe they would be caring human beings instead of cold-hearted oppressive forces who kill beautiful life forces. Sometimes the worst thing for a victim of a crime is how society treats people.  There is so much evil in people just sweeping stuff under the carpet and pretending it's not there. If they would know and acknowledge the horror that is there, then healing would begin.

I still need to take essences. I said I would, and then got distracted. I need to stop letting my mind distract me. I was so happy after I cleaned a bit and washed my car. Those were the best things that I did for myself today.

Home again

This could play a little Mavis Staples ~ The Weight. I hope tomorrow is better...oh yeah, this one too again... How Can I Cry ~ Moira Smiley and VOCO... Hope I don't need to wake up from a nap that way again. I am going to do the essences and breathing stuff.

Chemically speaking

Going to sleep feeling good and waking up feeling awful is one of life's great hurdles. Too sad to even finish a taco. Look at all that food your stomach doesn't want. But the cleaning was so beneficial.

So tired

Woman cleans and washes car, feels pretty good (yay!), falls asleep while reading, wakes up feeling LIKE CRAP. Oh god. Just like real life! Random Idea: Golf player who is totally okay with his status as a dude in life gets into a car crash and comes back as Drop Dead Diva. YAWN

Good Art

Art art art art art art art... https://introvertdear.com/news/illustrations-introvert-living-alone/

After a nap, it came back

The pain in the heart returned. This still needs work, doesn't it? Here it is again, and it hurts. It's that amazing phenomenon of being shocked by people you expected to be so much better. What's even worse than knowing an insensitive person who had the potential to be great is when such a person has followers who go along with patterns of unscrupulous behavior for personal gain. It really is like selfishness, narcissism, and greed can corrupt otherwise good people beyond words. Of course you already knew this was a problem on this planet. But didn't you think it was a problem elsewhere and not with those people, at first? Cruelty is in the behaviors, deeds, language of people who do not care enough to make good changes. Maybe there's still time in life to recover and rebuild some faith in humanity. Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I ever come back as a guy, I will not need to create a little society, That is based on selfishness and degrades women, Thanks, Jesus.

Sea Silk Seamstress

Chiaro Vigo

Wow Wow Wow

http://www.bbc.com/travel/story/20170906-the-last-surviving-sea-silk-seamstress?ocid=ww.social.link.reddit

"On several occasions after Vigo extracted a thick tuft of fibres, she ordered me to close my eyes and extend my hand. Each time I felt nothing. After about 10 seconds, I’d open my eyes to see Vigo rolling a weightless cloud of sea silk back and forth on my palm.

Next, she twists the silk manually around a small wooden spindle, usually singing in Sardo – the closest living form of Latin – during the process. When the fibres form a long thread, she grabs a jar of cloudy yellowish liquid from the shelf.

“'Now, we’ll enter a magical realm,' she said, dropping the thin thread into a secret concoction of lemon, spices and 15 different types of algae. Within seconds, the thread becomes elastic and she excitedly ushered me outside to show how it shimmered in the sunlight. Vigo has an encyclopaedic knowledge of 124 natural dye variations made from fruits, flowers and seashells."

~ Eliot Stein, "The Last Surviving Sea Silk Seamstress"

Beautiful.

A strong opinion

If you're going to say it's a video of a dog rescue, you should show the part where the dog gets rescued, instead of just showing a video of a dog in peril.

Clean, rest, love

That's life!
Ha.

It's here

That big hurricane in Florida.

Sorting through old papers after listening to people on YouTube (like when the video just picks up on another video...and another...and another...and I don't stop it...finally stopped...) and also finding myself wondering if Bernie would have gotten elected, which is not what I normally do...But hey, I put off sorting through the old medical documents long enough...

(Healthcare is a human right.)

What a sad headline: Pets Left To Die...

On the other hand...

"According to The Washington Post’s Karin Brulliard, 'One 2006 poll found 44 percent of people who chose not to evacuate during Katrina did so because they did not want to abandon their pets.'”

~ https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/capital-weather-gang/wp/2017/09/07/hurricane-harvey-recovery-continues-and-irmas-just-starting-displaced-pets-need-our-help/?utm_term=.28a2622913d1

Visualize...

ENCHANTING CABIN IN THE FOREST

Yep, me too...

Nice note

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/to-mr-donald-watkins

In the course of searching for another perspective...

I was referred to an author, who, along with a musician, is featured on this podcast from a school I attended...maybe I will listen to it later as I do chores or go through more old papers?

What I read so far...(before I found the podcast)

How Dan Allender Broke on Through (to the Other Side) 

Understanding Your Story - An Interview with Dan Allender

Because of behavioral patterns...

"I grew up among evangelicals. I know the rhetoric."  - Tim Suttle

~ http://www.patheos.com/blogs/paperbacktheology/2017/09/nashville-statement-evangelical-parents-gay-children.html#VYKsDueFcMEzuBmH.99

~~~~~

"An older pastor said that it is impossible to separate the Nashville Statement from the massive support white Evangelicals gave to Trump. Impossible to separate, I mean, in the mind of the young.

'But Russell Moore signed it, and other Trump critics among Evangelicals,' I said.

'I know, and I’ve tried to tell people that,' said this pastor, a conservative Evangelical. 'It doesn’t matter to them. All they see is a bunch of leaders of a movement who voted for a sexually corrupt man like Donald Trump are now trying to take a public stand on sexual morality for gays. It’s totally hypocritical to them. I don’t know how the Nashville Statement drafters and signers didn’t see this coming.'” -  from Rod Dreher's post

~ http://www.theamericanconservative.com/dreher/is-the-nashville-statement-a-surrender/

There will be other things to read...

A March for Megan Rondini
http://www.tuscaloosanews.com/news/20170908/marchers-honor-memory-of-late-student

Colleges Respond to DeVos
http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-california-sexual-assault-20170907-story.html

Mothers Want To Protect Sons
http://time.com/4926979/campus-sexual-assault-mothers/

For I am human

I warched a mama bird and a baby bird and suddenly burst into many, many, many tears.

I came home and cleaned out some papers.

There's still more to do but the area feels lighter now, at least.

I hugged a soft pillow to where I felt wounded (my heart) but somewhat better, and then I went to sleep.

Love.

Time to go outside

Outside
....
...
..
.

Better

Could be better

Certain people have seemed like they were
capable of doing more than just shutting out the stuff that is challenging to deal with in favor of focusing on selfish trivialities...

Sometimes that form of so-called "positive thinking" looks more like someone just sticking fingers in ears and going "La la la...what hurricane...don't see it..."

Is it

climate change?

http://www.newsweek.com/harvey-irma-hurricane-season-climate-change-659844?

A lawnmower.
https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/09/hurricane-irma-closes-in-on-miami/539217/

I was just there, too

Are hurricanes hitting both the airports I flew through this summer?

https://www.cnbc.com/2017/09/08/hurricane-irma-on-track-to-hit-worlds-busiest-airport-atlanta.html

Okay then

http://www.latimes.com/sports/usc/la-sp-devos-boermeester-20170907-story.html

Betsy

http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-matt-boermeester-petition-20170822-story.html

¿♡?

https://www.governor.pa.gov/governor-wolf-asks-secretary-devos-preserve-federal-victim-protection-policies/

********************

http://wcfish.tributes.com/obituary/show/Megan-Elizabeth-Rondini-103342009

I even found a Christian book...

"People like Betsy DeVos enable men like Donald Trump"

~ https://johnpavlovitz.com/2017/09/08/betsy-devos-sexual-assault-victims-dont-come-forward/

From A Bigger Table:

"Chapter 3: Going Against The Family"

"It didn’t take long before I became more and more comfortable with the personal compromises I began to make as a pastor and family member, of hiding both my flaws and my fears. The sacrifice felt worth it, because this highly edited version of myself was cared for and affirmed and loved in our community. That’s what the church of the small table looks like in the flesh: a group of well-meaning but carefully managed impostors, all sharing only those things they believe will secure their spot and sustain their inclusion—no one ever able to be fully real. That’s what the family can do if we’re not careful. You want so much to be a part of it that you’ll stay silent when you feel compelled to speak, and you’ll turn your head if what you see will be too painful or costly to confront. For a while I was OK with this. For a while I was a good soldier. For a while I was safe on the inside."

~ https://johnpavlovitz.com/bigger-table-sneak-preview-book-excerpt/

Random Quotables

"you know what's tight about Betsy DeVos rescinding sexual assault protections under Title IX? Literally nothing"

~ https://twitter.com/CrigBididman/status/906182608010215424

Well, I guess the silver lining is, thanks to some people being horrible, I at least get to find out about cool people I never knew existed!

https://www.craigbidiman.com/bio

~~~~~~

"DID U KNO:"
~ https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/906167898686853120

http://aparnacomedy.com/

~~~~~~

"Thanks to Betsy..."
~ https://twitter.com/meganamram/status/905945968339697665

"Betsy DeVos wants..."
~ https://twitter.com/meganamram/status/905907104396984320

~~~~~~~

"Weighing in late, but the response to DeVos is an ex of what happens when you give people no reason to believe you're acting in good faith"

~ https://twitter.com/qjurecic/status/906182665493204994

Who says women don't ever contribute

to perpetuating rape culture?

http://www.npr.org/2017/09/07/549250129/blurred-lines-author-criticizes-pullback-of-campus-sexual-assault-policies

Betsy DeVos Signals Rollback Of Obama Policies On Campus Sexual Assault

Hmmmm.

https://www.gq.com/story/betsy-devos-campus-sexual-assault

Good to read

"Levi and Lillian Watkins would expect me to stand up for Megan Rondini and other women who have been disrespected and/or abused."

http://themeck.blogspot.com/2017/07/levi-and-lillian-watkins-taught-me-how.html?m=1

Body language &

Megan Rodini interview
TJ Bunn interview

Language, language, language...

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/university-of-alabama-wrongful-death-lawsuit-megan-rondini-rape-claims-suicide/

https://thetab.com/us/2017/07/28/megan-rondini-70341

https://www.mxlawfirm.com/

Character matters

 Who is this.

POV: Good Christian Pillar of the Community
https://www.bamacarry.org/meet-sheriff-ron-abernathy-tuscaloosa-county/

POV: Not So Much
http://themeck.blogspot.com/2017/07/sheriff-ron-abernathy-ordered.html

Has he been talking to Jesus anytime recently
(to prepare for his sexual assault forum for example.)

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/how-our-country-handles-rape-victims-is-not-okay

Megan Rondini Act

What is the Megan Rondini Act?

It's something....

http://carolynmaloney.com/this-bill-could-change-the-way-hospitals-handle-sexual-assault/

It is...

https://www.buzzfeed.com/katiejmbaker/how-accusing-a-powerful-man-of-rape-drove-a-college-student?utm_term=.joz26gN63#.dl9G7Wg72

Hospital...police...school....therapist...

The day she died, he got another DUI...

https://themeck.blogspot.com/2017/07/was-megan-rondini-victim-of-drug.html?m=1

If this is true, that is horrifying....

Was Megan Rondini’s Accused Rapist Tied To The Underworld Of “Date Rape” Drugs ...

This too?

http://themeck.blogspot.com/2017/08/adam-baileys-murder-shed-light-on-role.html?m=1

Feelings

I feel...grief....
And a pain in the hand...
Well, it is true...

Physical pain
Human behavior
Storms
Sadness

Thought cold would help
Now the heating pad
Oh my poor hurting hand
I know you do a lot
Did you feel underappreciated
Did you need kindness
Are you like some people...

Longer and Shorter and Ashes

Hilary Hahn ~ Godot . . . Halo of Honey . . . Ashes

Goals...

Jessica Fichot ~ Le Secret in Crested Butte

https://www.abqjournal.com/97261/chanteuse-connects-in-most-any-language.html

NO LYRICS ~ OH WHY NOT

I want to know the language.

Amika ~ Grief

It was late dinner background music.

http://thequietus.com/articles/21531-watch-new-emika-video

It's a shame I cannot guess...

Amika ~ Letting Go

It makes me feel like a uni-lingual American and I hate that.

"Go back to Prague..."

(A clue. It was recorded there.)

http://www.classicfm.com/composers/emika/news/emika-melanfonie-love-stream/

Garlic and monster basil leaves and a quaffable cabernet-on-sale.

Perhaps Czech?

I know.

I'm going to have to go to Italy.

Wow

There are so many beautiful, beautiful, beautiful places to see in this state...
(I know because of Air BnB...)

Okay. Maybe I will share.

I want to go a certain place.
I think maybe I dreamed about it, not so long ago.
I found it because I had an impulse to revisit a site....then I went back and then again, and the site was updated!

(Where does spirit want me to go? I think it may want me to go there.)

This was a silly video.
I am forever influenced by love of a certain Pacific northwest island.
(It's mine. Me, my childhood, mine!)
Oh well it's others' too.

I am so grateful to have lived there. I was so lucky. I could sit on the roof of a house, enjoy magnificent views at any time, and feel like a Native American elder must be watching over me and the earth.

In this earthly life.
I was there
and now I am here.

Maybe I will find out more about Ali's Bees.
It reminds me of the bee neighbors that were here earlier this year...

reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally....

First Moon Party

"I used to like marshmallows."

Here she is...

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/03/upshot/to-understand-rising-inequality-consider-the-janitors-at-two-top-companies-then-and-now.html

One brave uterus takes a heroic stand...

https://www.cartoonstock.com/cartoonview.asp?catref=rmcn138

Vitamin D probably still helps.  Pain is of a milder tho still compelling variety. A sense of humor is present. Perhaps make it more like wine-tasting. Can they have a nose and vintage?

This is the latest thing to roll around in the head...

CRICKET FLOUR????

https://www.rodalesorganiclife.com/food/how-to-bake-with-cricket-flour/slide/1
Omg, omg, omg, omg, omg....

(discovered on a list...
https://selfhacked.com/blog/elimination-diet-safest-foods-people-sensitive-everything/)

Isn't it beautiful

“We tell them to come on in and get a library card,” stated Leo. “We have cold water, restrooms, and with a library card, visitors can get up to three hours of computer and Internet use.”

~  Taking advantage of ‘cooling centers’, Inland residents escape heat
by Anthony Victoria

D & D!

D is a vitamin, and it may help with dysmenorhea (very painful menstrual cramps)!

https://www.hormonesmatter.com/vitamin-d-menstrual-cramps/

Thank you, universe.

I want to get better at listening to my wiser self.

Because sometimes people with chronic illness can get into a cycle that feels punishing and I want to LOVE the good days...and also, because I can get better at it!!!

It always comes back

You need healing above all other things.
Peace, peace, peace, peace...

We come to the world imprintable...
I want more of the health and peace imprint. Peace, health, and wisdom. We deserve more of these good qualities...

Another Saint Joan

Discovered here...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_of_France,_Duchess_of_Berry

Because of...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_XII_of_France

And because of...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ludovico_Sforza

Because of starting to read Machiavelli...
http://www.constitution.org/mac/prince.pdf

Sorta childish 80s music memories

Occasionally, teenage girls 

Naked Eyes ~ Promises Promises

liked to tell me about their problems

Bonnie Tyler ~ Total Eclipse of the Heart 

'cause I was "mature for my age."

Interesting jump

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/09/01/why-violinist-glen-donnelly-jumped-out-of-a-plane-naked-playing-the-lark-ascending/?tid=a_inl&utm_term=.9b6207506a9c

What is your job?

I read this aloud...

"Rather than automatically rejecting the men as sexist oppressors and pitying the women, children, and servants as helpless victims, I was able to see a moral world in which families, not individuals, are the basic unit of society, and the members of each extended family (including its servants) are intensely interdependent. In this world, equality and personal autonomy were not sacred values."

~ Johnathan Haidt - "What Makes People Vote Republican?"

...to someone who pulled off his headphones and just looked at me...
Me: Were you watching a show?
Him: No, I was witnessing an injustice.

It was the video to this New York Post article:

Nurse dragged out of hospital, arrested for doing her job

Why was the officer so easily triggered?

Hmmm...

http://heavy.com/news/2017/09/jeff-payne-salt-lake-city-detective-wubbels-arrest-blood-draw/

Where else

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/09/01/this-is-crazy-sobs-utah-hospital-nurse-as-cop-roughs-her-up-arrests-her-for-doing-her-job/?utm_term=.e08d7783a85b

have I heard

http://www.sltrib.com/news/2017/08/31/utah-nurse-arrested-after-complying-with-hospital-policy-that-bars-taking-blood-from-unconscious-victim/

about "implied consent"

I found HOPE!

Delicious expensive Kombucha... BLACKBERRY MINT (!) And Ayurvedic herbs. Because is the doctor at the mysteriously closed clinic gonna prescribe you those? Hell, no.

Also a chicken that will be turned into Crockpot broth.

I keep seeing people walk around with pizzas and soda and I feel absolutely revolted.

This is not a reflection on them. Clearly, my body cannot handle that stuff right now.

Things need to go uphill soon

This is a spiritual time...Go uphill Go uphill Go uphill...I cannot believe the fatigue This is a spiritual time Also why did that tooth feel like that again Everything needs to change for the better I can hardly believe this is how it is This is a spiritual time...Grow, grow, grow...even in sleep.

It's what it is...light and color will help?

The doctor's office is closed again...every time I try them. It's interesting. It's a certain level of what's going on... Read a bit of an old book about color.

Sing something nice

I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart...in your head if your throat isn't well enough...

It's clear

I need to get better, throat. I am sorry I was looking up viruses. I need to get better. Getting better is my priority. I need sleep. Also maybe a doctor? After sleep.

I want to work with color

Heal thyself.
Step into healing places
Happiness  happiness happiness
For my knee my knee my knee
(don't have any $$$)
Mouth uterus knee
Mouth uterus knee
One a penny two a penny
Mouth uterus knee
Needed

What if, if things are falling apart, it's braver to acknowledge it (because then you can be truthful, maybe even find new solutions) than to be fake tough like a man who was taught to be hard and cold (many men are not like this, but many have said they are taught to be that way )???

Its earthly

It's that isolating, wake up in pain in the middle of the night experience.

In addition to physical pain, which is one thing, the phenomenon of some people treating you as a nuisance or a wimp that they would just as soon be rid of because your health condition is so inconvenient to them is an even sadder aspect...

Physical pain would be easier to deal with If there was more emotional support.

It's very sad when people you thought would be able to help end up being the ones who shun you.

It seems like a more advanced society would have more healing attitudes, to try to bring out the best in all of us, notwithstanding genetic differences and illnesses that might be curable or at least more manageable in a more compassionate society.

Layer: Physical pain
Layer: Emotional pain (outcast, societal isolation)