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Sunday, April 30, 2017

Well, it's still poetry month!

I was thinking about tapestry and had this weird urge to look up someone I met a long time ago, and I managed to find her even though I only remembered her LAST name. And so...Hélène by D. Poe (and aloud).

~~~~~
Prior to that...
https://www.theguardian.com/music/musicblog/2016/jul/01/carole-king-tapestry-album-live-devotion


Tapestry Thinking: Weaving Together the Unexpected | Nalini Nadkarni | TEDxSaltLakeCity

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Trees & Quotable....

"When I look into my heart, I see trees — this is actually an image of a real heart — there are trees in our hearts, there are trees in your hearts. When we come to understand nature, we are touching the most deep, the most important parts of our self. In these partnerships, I have also learned that people tend to compartmentalize themselves into IT people, and movie star people, and scientists, but when we share nature, when we share our perspectives about nature, we find a common denominator."

~ Nalini Nadkarni

https://www.ted.com/talks/nalini_nadkani_on_conserving_the_canopy/transcript?language=en

Life can be a song

ACCENTUATE


"In the past 20 to 30 years, American society has grown more intolerant of behaviors once seen as not only routine, but even positive."

~ http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/sexism-sucks-everybody-science-confirms-180961178/#AOquBpTYzfY2P2aI.99

THE


"'If you get huffy about it then it becomes a problem,' she adds, although is quick to explain that highlighting sexism and inequality is important so that others don't have to suffer."

https://www.theguardian.com/women-in-leadership/2013/jul/12/sue-biggs-rhs-director-interview

POSITIVE


"Despite the unrelenting bad news, the Kapor Center for Social Impact had an optimistic final takeaway. They found that tech companies can retain talent by taking proactive steps to improve workplace culture."

https://jaxenter.com/techs-diversity-problem-133663.html



Accentuate The Positive - The Puppini Sisters

So heavy

"Died of old age nerves." Reported to be written on an ancestor's death certificate, who is also purported to be a little bit Cherokee. Also, "Lost his mind." But that's no reason for a ghost to want any of his descendants to stay up 'til the wee a.m. hours googling medical diagnoses...

Whoever wrote

Uncle Fran - Repressed Memories gets to be a circus freak in his next life. In a rural and religious community. Where they lock the freaks in libraries with only Shirley MacLaine books. Said the ghost. Who also said, the mens of entertainment will write better jokes when...

That's life

Possibly happy X-ray day tomorrow. We shall see...

Early Friday evening activity

I felt better, got to go library-hopping, then found a messianic story.
~~~~~

The pain is not fake

I am intensely desirous of healing my own pain instead of dragging back over and maybe getting referred out for an X-ray.

Oh,

Old Life Call Commercial
I am hella tired of mystery chest pain.

Animals are important

I did not know I would say this, but I also didn't know my physical symptoms would return so strongly.

Caring about animals and the environment is really important.

I didn't know I would feel the need to say that, but I do.

Earlier, I was like, "Oh, keyboard."

"Be amazingly nice to your body," not "Be a Nazi fly."
"Need to find better ways of being," not "breed."

In a dream, I got trapped in a car with some girls.  Those girls didn't care about what I needed. The car was going too fast and we all ended up at a house with a sick dog, where I was the only one who cared about the dog's health. Then I woke up and I was relieved it was just a dream.

I looked up pleurisy and took anti-inflammatory supplements and made teas.

In real life, there's actually been some very helpful people in certain places and in certain areas. "I was thinking about you and I thought..." and they would talk about stress-related illness and hope I was feeling better. And in real life, there's been fun, too, with certain people and in certain places.

Be amazingly nice to your body

I need to do that.
I am sorry if I wasn't.
I will get better at this.
The chest pain on the left came back a little.
It's really -- it gets one's attention.

Yes. It does that.

Some of us received messages about being tough from society and whatnot and sonetimes that language seemed to work for some people but because of my body I am going to need to find better ways of being.
Behold, body, I will be better at listening to you...help me understand how I can change.

poquito recital

How did a person who is older than I am who likes music never hear 
Lucky Man or In The Beginning before tonight? Not sure.

But what is a something good he heard lately?

And also

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Charitably buying candy

It was an opportunity to charitably buy candy for a classmate's granddaughter's sports team but not eat it (squandered). It was also an opportunity to explain why baseball was not a favorite sport (seized)!
"I liked basketball and soccer better. I think I didn't like the plates. They're like standing on little stages. They make me nervous."  Also (ooooh, I forgot) what about when the coach for the boys took all the gloves over to their side of the field, so that the girls were left to play without any, until a little pinky finger got broken and dislocated! Painful. And what if this had been the case?

http://www.king5.com/news/local/vashon-island-left-without-a-medical-clinic/307075793

Any kid who got their finger broken in P.E. would have wait for a ferry or get choppered into Harborview? (Probably not the latter.) But, wait...

http://www.neighborcare.org/clinics/neighborcare-health-vashon

Good good good good good good good...

Fair to middling thoughts

"Boy have you gained weight this year."

(Before the electrocardiogram. Also, after the frozen yogurt sundae, even though you bought candy -- which you also ate -- for a woman's granddaughter's soft ball team. Also after berberine, and old picture of self from a wedding. By the way, will that dress still fit this weekend...)

Supplements you can love

A nice single mom gave me some suggestions.

I love vitamin sale.

Also, this has pretty visuals

to go with a poison warning.

"Under Barack Obama, the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) proposed an agricultural ban on chlorpyrifos, one pesticide widely used in her region, based on the growing body of research documenting the risks for farm workers and communities, including links to brain damage in children.

"Donald Trump’s administration, however, has rejected the science, announcing a reversal of the ban. That means that despite recent victories for families and environmentalists who have fought for more than a decade for protections from the insecticide, widespread use will continue in California, where a majority of the fruits and nuts in the US are grown."

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/apr/17/california-pesticides-central-valley-trump

~~~~~

"Pregnant women who lived near fields and farms that use chlorpyrifos experienced an increased risk of having a child with autism, according to a University of California at Davis study. Low to moderate levels of chlorpyrifos exposure during pregnancy were also linked to lower IQs and memory problems, according to researchers at Columbia and UC Berkeley. Studies have further raised concerns about decreased lung function and reduced fertility."

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/apr/17/california-pesticides-central-valley-trump

~~~~~

Less pretty.

For example isn't it weird

All those hours spent on hair removal techniques that your mom who does not have PCOS never had to worry about?

DIFFERENT GENES!
Different  lives.
Different choices.

Cat mom's meditation

"I acknowledge that any potential offspring I might have will own their own unique set of genes and will be growing up in a different type of environment than I did and they will not have the same life experiences as I have had."


AND THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN LIKE CATS.
oh god

that's a little much...

Reminding me that one size doesn't fit all...

https://www.romper.com/p/why-i-refuse-to-join-a-moms-group-2682

(Also reminding me of the woman who was a nanny who tried to be a part of of children's play group only to be told by the other women ~ "real moms" ~ that their group wasn't "the right fit" for them...the children's play group wasn't really for the children. It was for moms. Hell, it was probably only for "certain types of moms." )

SIGH

Do they say to their kids, "Don't worry, when you grow up, I'm sure you'll get to be a 'real mom.' Just like me! Just a nanny? Oh let's not even talk about that. It's too inconvenient for me."

Oh god, three more?

"It's worth noting that in the Handmaid's world (or at least in the book), women bear all of the blame for a couple's infertility issues. There's no testing or screening to see if the male in the partnership might have fertility issues, presumably because the men of Gilead have so much power, they would never even entertain the thought that they're shooting blanks." 

~ https://www.romper.com/p/what-the-handmaids-tale-gets-right-about-infertility-53736

*****

"Gilead, then, is a society built on right-wing Christian rhetoric that has gotten exactly what it wanted, thanks to a crisis that has enabled fundamentalists to label infertility as a plague from God."

~ https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/04/the-visceral-woman-centric-horror-of-the-handmaids-tale/523683/

*****

"I strong-armed my partner into watching press screeners of the show with me; when he winced at scenes of abuse and suffering, I kept promising that the feminist revolution was coming."

~ http://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/we-live-in-the-reproductive-dystopia-of-the-handmaids-tale

Take a break.

Just 3 here

"Atwood tells her story from the perspective of a woman. But that doesn’t mean her society is only a sexist one. It’s reductive of the human person across all pillars of society."


‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ Isn’t About Christianity Or Conservatives, It’s About Fundamentalism by Gracy Olmstead

"Keywords: infertile, monstrous, stereotype, witch"


From Greek myth to medieval witches: infertile women as monstrous and evil  by Linda McGuire

"If only Mike Pence would empathize as deeply with the millions of women faced with private reproductive dilemmas of their own."


~ Why It Matters That Karen Pence Pursued Medical Assistance When Trying to Get Pregnant by Ruth Graham

Body dream

I dreamed I went to a place where two parents and a woman who was not a parent were hanging out. The parents were okay with me being around and the woman who was not a parent was borderline hostile. She pointedly came over and stood in front of me and stared right through me as if she couldn't see me. I said "Hi" to her and she said "Oh, hi," as if I were an afterthought, and I was really surprised by this. Then I woke up and felt like I had a golf ball attached to the right side of my uterus.

I feel like what some people don't get is that being aware of different kinds of body situations is kinder to children as a whole than ignoring it and acting like everything is okay. Some kids are going to grow up with these kinds of health problems, too. Especially if the endo-disrupting environment keeps affecting people with different kinds of genetics. Kids know not everyone is born with the same abilities, right? Most kids are actually probably nicer to adult women with fertility issues than most adults are, but some adults are better about it than others.

This is what someone thought in 2010:

“Infertility is where breast cancer was in the 1970s — completely in the closet.”

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/38311820/ns/health-womens_health/t/many-couples-struggle-infertility-silence/#.WQIFw_nyuM8

Happily listening moments

Me and pater and partner at a restaurant -- I don't have to participate in every conversation -- I can be happy to chew on my food and let them talk about baseball math -- Or it could be us and sister the football fanatic -- I can be content to let them do the talking and maybe just ask a question or two (if I feel like it) -- It was really, really good BBQ chicken salad.

Be like ---?

you you you your ego your viewpoint your preferences your activities your favorite things why why why do you need that so badly?

"Right fit"

It seems to me that in some environments, there is a higher percentage of men and women with feminist sensibilities. I have good reason to like being around men and women who also like to be around, work with, and help out all kinds of  women (not just the women who are the most like you or who are most like your mother.) Sometimes it's disappointing to discover that some women (who you thought might have been helpful and fun to work with) can be derogatory towards certain kinds of women, especially if they find that flattering bruised male egos will pay off for them in a monetary or ego-boosting way. It makes you think that if you'd met them under different circumstances, things would have gone a lot better.

Sometimes I'm still sad that in certain environments, where I had otherwise been enjoying myself, there are barriers. It seems like it has a lot to do with propping up some rather old-fashioned male-dominated power structures. This is the 21st century. Men are not necessarily less feminist than women in certain places, and thank god. I also have good reasons to like being around people who have a reasonable level of sensitivity when it comes to health issues. Why not? It's not that hard, is it? We're not all the same because that's how life works. There are people out there who can be more helpful. I am happy about that. Maybe I haven't talked about them enough. I probably should do that more because they are nifty souls to be around. 

Is there a good cure for

"shell-shocked by man's mediocrity"

Something the majority would rather ignore

To elevate women who are mothers and to ignore women who can't be mothers is deeply misogynist.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

This is old, but...

It's closest to reminding me what the dream was about.

http://www.whitewolfpack.com/2017/04/happy-full-pink-moon-2017-what-you-need.html?m=1

(It was about a lover of animals telling me I could/ should/ would walk with/  take care of a white wild wolf and she would be good with me...and it was at night and I did walk with the wolf and there was a moon.)

Old singer

Why is he singing about Dixie

Glory Glory Hallelujah

Did he ever work through his teenage girl fetish

How Great Thou Art

Was he on drugs

FELINE

She made me clean up after her throw up because I didn't feed her fast enough. She threw up water. Oh my god. That's not good. What if she has kidney disease. Then she ate with gusto. And she ran away from a little kid and purred very loudly because I let her escape. I think someone who's not me should go out and buy paper towels. Someone who tried to make me feel excited about frozen yogurt coupons but that was not happening today.

The parents who make their kids be nice to the cats are the best ones. (1:20)

My feet are doing great

They're gonna send positive vibes to the others

Bees and bottlebrush

Bees and bottlebrush
Bees and bottlebrush
(The View)

I like ginger

Stress seemed to be the culprit (normal EKG) but I don't know if I should try for an X-Ray or what but now I just need to be home because the soul-trying cramps have returned. Chew ginger. Use heating pad. Castor oil. I dont want anyone to inherit this. I do want to get better. I do want to feel more positive. Yay...

Oh body...

I have to do fairy-healing love prayers.
Happily I could sleep.
Unfortunately, pain isn't fine.
Maybe lung. Maybe chest muscle.
Happily I can be more healing.
Please help me be more healing.
I am sorry, body.
I want you to forgive me.
Happy healing fairies inside of us.
Let's get better now.

Well time to go to bed

Weird chest pain on one side.
These health things need to be fixed.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

All-a-snit-and-a-snitter

Your unpopular aunt pays her monthly visit.
https://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/10/life-after-infertility-treatments-fail/

This might be because they're trying to appeal to suburban women who are still "so glad I'm having a boy and not a girl" at their their baby showers.

http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2017/04/handmaids-tale-hulu-feminist-elisabeth-moss

"Here's a box of Kleenex; it looks like you guys could use that."

~ Bellevue Lunch Meeting

Stayed up too late, came home, now doing laundry...

Even as you're mastering the career and financials and fitness and science...
COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE

MAIRZY DOATS ~ The Pied Pipers

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Mhmm

I am tired with a nausea headache and pet sitting and I want to be in my own bed but then again things are okay. I think I got too much sun or pollen. I will not be a person who works hard outdoors alot in this life.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Last bite

In one reality you just got to enjoy the most delicious frozen yogurt and whipped cream... And in another, it's time to take money down to dad in Tijuana...

"70 year old punks slam-dancing gently"

How an older aficionado of punk shows described a recent experience...

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Kind of a charmed song moment

scooping tea into baggies

https://genius.com/Aimee-mann-lies-of-summer-lyrics

also worthwhile:

photocopying
cutting out labels
taping them

======


~~~~~

I had this weird urge to talk about
conversations 
watching comedy sketch re-runs
with
progenitors

OH is that you again

Well, apparently it's time to do that ginger tea, heating pad, sniffing lavender oil stuff again. (And possibly castor oil pack?)
That's when the body is the baby.

Signs o' the times

Last night I was pumping gas and the news on screen was about missile strikes and it was fatiguing.

This morning I found CAPABLE WOMAN (S15E23).
At 1:46...confused by the palm trees....

Working verso

"How my brother who was scared of what I had to say began to be able to work with me"

Meshmesh

I was getting tired but it might be getting better now...the old stuff might be leaving...regarding the Renaissance woman and the 19th century man...the lighter aspect of the Renaissance story was that a wealthy older man and a younger girl hit it off better than expected for a politically arranged marriage, and they even had a creative partnership but their story also has unpleasant aspects...other lives were deeply disrupted...and sometimes it was like she was in a prison...the prettiest...and she had to be very grateful and she had no rights and since her duty was to bear children she was also in a sort of sexual bondage (even her own parents wouldn't sympathize with her...this was her job as a woman...) whereas the other story is different...it's more about the disenfranchisement of a man who felt like he had a child with his friend's wife and was not acknowledged as the real father, even though the child also began to think of him as the real father...so it was like his child was sort of stolen away from him...these are part of a story that wants to be told even though it's not easy to do so.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Everything is spiritual...

In it's own way...

Like the gift of emerging out of a crack den.

Well

Hanging out with people who care about the environment and all kinds of women is probably much, much, much better for your health.

It's a weird culture

It glorifies motherhood, yet it doesn't care about women's health.

I might have to watch it all?

Almost Live! vs The Northwest

At 0:37 he disses Renton and I lived there in a house by some neighbors with really mean dogs and the basement flooded when it rained and the landlord was Haitian and the Hispanic guys he hired never finished painting the house so it was white with brown streaks showing through and the blackberries were aggressive and the former shut-in left her old stuff there, like a book from the nineteen-teens on how to give a party and how to educate your kids about the pilgrims and how to sew and I would not be the same person if I hadn't of live there. HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT. Also my mom's boyfriend had a good CD collection.

This was just a minor interruption:
https://www.reddit.com/r/trashy/comments/65zfqx/mom_wants_to_get_her_5_year_old_child_a_fucking/

I made it past the five minute mark and it was worth it. 6:11 ~ The guy who made that tofu was my neighbor...

Like...what...

"In some developing countries, the consequences of infertility—which can include ostracism, physical abuse and even suicide—are heartbreaking. 'If you are infertile in some cultures, you are less than a dog,' says Willem Ombelet of the Genk Institute for Fertility Technology in Belgium. Women are often uneducated, so their only identity comes from being moms. 'It [infertility] is an issue of profound human suffering, particularly for women,' says Marcia Inhorn, professor of anthropology and international affairs at Yale University. 'It's a human-rights issue.'"

http://www.newsweek.com/how-women-around-world-cope-infertility-89405

2 pets

One dog with a male owner ran over to my blanket. "Penelope!" He called after her. Half hour later, two women were walking with another dog and once again it ran over and once again... Who was Penelope? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penelope Oh come away from there, Penelope 1 and Penelope 2.

Just...some numbahs

7.9, 7.8...


“'N-O-R-G-I-E me!' he chants orgasmically, 'O-G-I-N-R-E me!'”

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/22889-why-love-now/

Aaah...really???but I still liked it...

"Originally written about her attraction to a woman on the down low, her 1985 ‘Til Tuesday single 'Voices Carry' found its defining shape when record company meddling forced Mann to recast it as a heterosexual melodrama..."

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/22971-mental-illness/

Corporealness

Somewhere in the back of a small car there is a cooler with a nice layered fruit trifle in a clear dish accompanied by whipped cream and easter candies making its way to a beautiful destination in the mountains...

Unfortunately, the body which prepared the trifle last night cannot be traveling with it and is instead at home resting in bed...

Sunday MUSICAL morning

This is a funny gym video.
  https://www.subpop.com/news/2017/02/25/why_love_now_new_record_from_pissed_jeans_out_today

I'm not sure if these lyrics are right.  I change my vote to please my dad why should I care about my own reproductive rights the bar is low JUST KIDDING name changing is for the ladies & isn't is good to know you'd do it for him but he wouldn't for you the bar is low KIDDING, REALLY how to negotiate salary and still be womanly about it after the... HA HA.

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/pissed-jeans-talk-feminism-lydia-lunch-why-love-now-lp-w468193

It seems like they have fun though.

Speaking of weird humor.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/i-am-so-funny/Content?oid=401624

I have been looking at old sketches...in this old "Almost Live" sketch, she's the young one.

Menage a Maybe?

She's much more vocal in this one.

Marriage Counseling

Also this one.

Sexual Harassment Awareness Meeting

Saturday, April 15, 2017

That's the story of...

Love. KINDNESS. Gentleness. FORGIVENESS. THESE ARE THE BEST! I am not being facetious. I know they are...wonderful and powerful qualities that make life worth living. However.... http://www.patheos.com/blogs/sarahoverthemoon/2014/09/kindness-is-a-tool-of-empire-too-in-which-i-respond-to-sarah-bessey/ I wonder if people even know that sometimes they are using these words to shut people down. https://qz.com/956633/survey-nearly-40-americans-dont-think-its-always-appropriate-to-spend-time-with-people-of-the-opposite-sex/ Why do certain men (and women) inflict their hostile/benevolent sexist crap on others and why do some women (and men) continue to tolerate it? Because they can find a niche in which they can fit in, and doing so gives them some kind of temporal rewards? Where do these behaviors come from any way.

Friday, April 14, 2017

RE RE RE

Blah blah blah 

http://www.dummies.com/health/nutrition/the-connection-between-pcos-and-your-metabolism/

BAAAAAA

Repeat Reminder: 

"SALADS! Flowers in the middle, dressing on the side."

(2:55 - Almost Live's Guide to Living in Seattle Part 4)

~~~~~

Seattle Times has "Uff da!" and the Fremont Troll on their 404 error page.

Another forbidden story for you

From National Library of Medicine:

 "A study by the U.S. General Accounting Office finds that 4 of the 12 Indian Health Service regions sterilized 3,406 American Indian women without their permission between 1973 and 1976. The GAO finds that 36 women under age 21 had been forcibly sterilized during this period despite a court-ordered moratorium on sterilizations of women younger than 21. Two years earlier, an independent study by Dr. Connie Pinkerton-Uri, Choctaw/Cherokee, found that one in four American Indian women had been sterilized without her consent. PInkerton-Uri’s research indicated that the Indian Health Service had 'singled out full-blooded Indian women for sterilization procedures.'”

~https://www.nlm.nih.gov/nativevoices/timeline/543.html

Sometimes cute is...

kinda dumb?

And therein lies the problem. Lawson or White or any bra designer could, tomorrow, invent the world's best sports bra...But if that sports bra isn't cute, it wouldn't matter. "I think the biggest problem is that a lot of it isn't based on science," says Steele. "It's based on fashion and look. And that's what sells."

http://www.racked.com/2015/10/29/9631102/sports-bra-research

21st century's unique bodies

Among other things, lack of knowledge or perhaps curiosity resulted in unconscionable  bias against certain types of women, but isn't it nice to know that your ancestors were...

Sheee's

SO
Sleep...
Fast...
Shadowboxer
NINETIES!

So is this, sort of.



 Almost Live ~ Seattle Dining, Recreation, etc.


"I'll be your waiter this evening. My name is Brad, and I am an alcoholic"
"....made by a women's cooperative located on beautiful Vashon Island" 

(!!!)

"Look at those mountains! Look at that water! Now recreate!"

~~~~
"I feel..." (5:40)
"The Baron" (8:40)
Almost Live's Guide to Living in Seattle 3


Oh again

Over here, when I work with others, I feel encouraged...over there, even though I can excel in some ways, I feel penalized for not catering to some people's egos...over here, all of them are more feminist-friendly and it's subtle but it's real and important. It's a hard thing when you can love a subject area but not be treated as valued because of the way the culture operates...I want to ask...Why do you think this subset of people exists to cater to your ego (Or not?) Why do you seem to devalue people who don't cater to your ego? Who taught you this stuff...

Then I think about going to church as a kid, and the minister talking about men being head of the house. To my father it was the truth, but to my mother, it was offensive.

Welcome to the rest of my life.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Gingery

A song for when you're  chewing on some.
Martha's Foolish Ginger 

Oh for clearer visions

I heard prayers maybe outside the window in the morning and I heard about someone's parent getting deported.

http://www.latimes.com/business/hiltzik/la-fi-hiltzik-obama-silicon-valley-20161017-snap-story.html


Today can be good

Today I want sleep again and there is a sore throat and chewing on ginger and making tea and water and it can go uphill from here. Heal... Heal... Heal... Be like prayer...

I looked up anxiety and what I found is there's some guy who gives TED talks about it and he is friends with some other guy who makes a living out of being a blatant asshole. He admits it. Like, it's in the titles of his best selling books. These guys might know how to "cure" their anxiety. Theirs is the anxiety of the immensely overprivileged.

This is a prayer for me.
I am not you and I am not your boys club and I am not your cool girls tolerant of your stupid abusive self serving behavior that is damaging and harmful to other people.

Eeeeeeeyyyyyyoooowwww

I am awake and have eaten breakfast and not because I wanted to. Noise and sleep deprivation.

I never realized how good I had it sometimes. Those times of sleeping well.

O

Holy OK we really need all those higher power healing energies to heal us...

Peace, peace, peace...

My body is alive.
My uterus is a delight.
My imaginary friend is menstrual dilemma barbie.
My imaginary brother is tolerant and calm.
My car is good.
My cat is a joy.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Really a question

After trauma  triggers, how do brainwaves become more trusting again...And mellow...

Hmmm, resonance

"First, we must name this reality for what it is. It is not normal. Never in the history of our democracy have we had a commander-in-chief who gaslights, lies, and scapegoats as much as President Trump."

http://www.glamour.com/story/how-donald-trump-is-using-a-classic-sexual-abuse-tactic-on-americans

For the caring men of America who voted to better their own bread-winning status, and the caring women who voted to take care of their bread-winning men's emotional needs....even if they don't normally read Glamour...or NPR???

http://www.npr.org/2017/04/09/523184066/saturday-night-live-takes-on-bill-oreilly-trump-and-that-pepsi-commercial

Living by mountains

A little flock of birds flew diagonally up and across a white plane trail flying behind a peak. Wish I had a picture of that!

blahblahblah

Look it's a mostly good guy who opened his mouth and something tiresome came out.

"By comparison with what other prominent old men have been saying recently, Mr Buffett’s joke looks tame. Set against Donald Trump’s assertion that “If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her,” it hardly seems creepy at all."

http://www.irishtimes.com/business/work/lucy-kellaway-why-do-we-tolerate-buffett-s-lame-sexist-jokes-1.2998592

Oh well.

If I am in one environment, and....

If I am in another environment, and...

The differences
are almost like
health care choices.

Saturday, April 08, 2017

Be who you are

I learned something on Thursday. My need for healing is beyond everything. My experience on Thursday...I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. No one deserves to be in that much pain. I hope I can make good decisions about how to handle this part of my life. My need for healing is beyond everything. It's beyond stories, beyond past wrong doings, beyond will you or won't you be...We need more healing than we know. We are part of our environment and if my body is acting up I need to be kind to her and try to help her and heal her. I want to get better at this. I want to emulate wiser, kinder behaviors. Everyone has had better and worse days. People who made poor decisions have also made good ones. Be the person you are on the days you are happy and wise. (Even if it's a hard day and you have reasons to grieve, try to get that inner healer part to help you help heal yourself).

This is not always easy to remember, especially if you are in pain or kind of mad at your physical symptoms for making problems...I want to be smarter about how to heal myself.

Thursday, April 06, 2017

That pod is

Purple.

And there were purple crystals in my dream of going to a dark cave and seeing beautiful little coves or cubbyholes full of crystals but the environment was too dangerous so had to leave it.

Also in this dream there were people petting large bees and talking about them in soothing tones.

You need healing

So Ill today and such awful pain and throwing up. These are not normal.

Be quiet

First pain woke you up and then you realized you can't fix her problems or make him be responsible but you can deal with your pain. Easter is coming.

*You're this close to becoming more of a healer, and then? Well. What happened this time.*

Omg, why

YOU WILL LIVE PAPA YOU'RE GOING TO LIVE over and over and over...

Attack of the earworm. Maybe reading this wikipedia entry about Stockholm Syndrome will kill it.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_McElroy_(kidnapping_victim)

Learned a new word (bossism)

http://www.authorsden.com/visit/viewshortstory.asp?id=18836

For a pleasant change

I had a dream I ate a piece of bread, told myself I was going to stop eating bread, and then spontaneously  started running...laps? It was like I was out of doors in a place where you could swim or run.

That was it. I just woke up feeling good and in zero pain.

That was a good change...next thing...will I have a dream about bible verses or something, and wake up feeling happy and refreshed?

Ha-ha.

Tuesday, April 04, 2017

Yay sun

The morning was painful, the afternoon was good, the evening is semi-bad again but you have yourself. You have this moment of pain management and it is special and you LOVE the sun, and chewing on ginger!

What a life.

There should be

A Jesus for women often waking up in pain and having trouble going back to sleep.

Monday, April 03, 2017

I will do

Me and You (Tori Amos)

It's like the 80s in a way.
Girls in jeans and pastel eyeshadow.
Swimming pools I want to get back into...

It is two thousand teens and I have medical problems I am tired of having.

Is it that sometimes,

The ladies can be shy???

http://piecesofmargo.com/2017/02/rehab-ii-why-dont-you-have-a-child.html/

*****

That's what I thought for some reason...

http://piecesofmargo.com/2017/03/puberty-and-bra-shopping-shoot-me-now.html/

*****

I am sorry that "shy" can also be "mean."

"Shy" could be anybody in certain situations, but "shy" is not a word that seems to suit my reproductive organs recently.


Sunday, April 02, 2017

Don't forget to go outside...

Outside there are floral scents and stars and a moon and smears of clouds across a purply sky.

It's nice.

I miss a show.

It's actually strangely relaxing, and I remember it's not terrible to do light yoga stretching while watching it.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/195776-how-does-netflixs-a-series-of-unfortunate-events-compare-to-the-2004-movie

I remember shelving some of the books at a job when they first came out. I haven't read them yet. It would have been interesting to see the author and this venue too!

http://www.pressdemocrat.com/entertainment/6792509-181/series-of-unfortunate-events-creator?artslide=0

~~~~~

"Anthony Lane, one of the world’s most eminent film critics, also demolished it, saying: 'I screamed a scream as time went by.'"


HA HA. Back to that again. I don't know, my humor choices are probably  unhealthy sometimes.

Yeah...



Les Misérables Comparisons ~ Javert's Soliloquy


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/films/2016/07/10/why-i-walked-out-of-les-misrables/

It's hard to adjust to whispery Javert.

http://www.theonion.com/video/russell-crowe-praised-for-stunning-portrayal-of-ma-30839

"Misérable Singing" makes me imagine famous waif-face is disgruntled for very different reasons...

Nevertheless, I think "The Confrontation" scene was not so bad...Actually, I thought it was pretty good.

Sunday Crampy Sunday

At a park today there was a cute family, or at least, a group on a blanket which included a young man and a young woman, and an older man and an older woman, and an old-fashioned picnic basket. The older man said, "Most woman stop growing at...." then I assume he said something about their age, but couldn't hear the rest. "You might grow when you're sixty," he said to the young man.

I tried to study but there were certain physical distractions, so then I laid back to close my eyes and bathed  in Vitamin D. (The sun! The world's giantest heating pad / hot water bottle!) A blond woman in the park ran over part of my blanket and apparently rescued some of my papers before they blew away but I was out of it and didn't even know why she had done that until a bearded guy with a baby walked up and pointed it out to me. Sorry Good Samaritan! (It reminded me of a dream where a blond women in a park mentioned The Pilot's Wife to me...hmmm...I read the book long ago.)

 Two dude-centric film-induced ear worms:

You know nothing of Javert...

John Wayne's Teeth heya...

After the paper rescue I was able to enjoy reading the transcript of this podcast about cataloging and the Renaissance) even though part of me was teetering on the edge of pain/anxiety  (why, body) and then Beatrice ghost kind of came back. Her small teenage self was in a pleasant outdoor setting and surrounded by a little group. She was pregnant and approved of, almost as if she were the little princess enjoying a measure of the group's approval, and more special in the eyes of the man she married, who could show her love, but really, I thought, many of the women he saw were to him like beautiful fruits to enjoy...It was strangely normal to marry off a teenager to an older powerful rich guy back then...and her job was basically to be a dutiful, wonderful vessel....

Anyways. Back to the 21st century. Right?

Maybe this could get better!!!

Maybe???

Wildlife notes: The bees are still next door, and I'm getting used to them. The young dad across the way is still an odd communicator. (I think he mumbled something at me about how he's gonna attack the bees with a water hose next time we leave the apartment.)  Apparently his dad (who is not such an odd communicator) saw the swarm arrive. They made a big sound when they appeared and took almost no time at all to pick our neighbor's apartment, he said. (This was reported to me second hand.)

Hey hey I just ate something

I just dipped dark chocolate into unsweetened sunflower butter and it really did wonders for my racing brain.



Hey You Got Peanut Butter in My Chocolate

I'm going to make a big song sandwich again.

Okay, but also...

He makes clear that it is specifically Trump as president, not just any Republican in the White House, that has ignited his fury. “I would not be doing this if we were talking about President Rubio,” Lieu says. “We disagree on many things, but I don’t think ‘President Rubio’ is a danger to the republic.”

~ https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/ted-lieu-is-out-tweeting-trump-and-its-making-him-a-political-star/2017/03/30/a087d670-fec2-11e6-8ebe-6e0dbe4f2bca_story.html?utm_term=.8068336e7dce

What about if we end up with a 'President Pence'?

~~~~~~~~

OLD LETTER...

"Remember The Ladies Or We’ll Rebel"



~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing stops this guy:

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/01/business/media/bill-oreilly-sexual-harassment-fox-news.html?_r=0

Women coach?

Of course they do! However...

http://motto.time.com/4720834/number-female-coaches-college-sports-declines/

And then there's the challenge of who sees what and why:

"Let's begin with the fact that Auriemma is no deeply ingrained sexist — he's done more to create strong young women than any man you can name. But that's part of what's so exasperating: Auriemma is so landlocked in his own secure and winning world that this issue seems "quite simple" and easily answered to him.

Which makes him no different, really, from the other eighty gazillion nice, wonderful and utterly blind men who deny the employment numbers — and the accompanying female stresses, insecurities and resentments — staring them in the face."

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/college/ct-geno-auriemma-female-coaches-sally-jenkins-20170331-story.html

~~~~~~~

I thought of another question...say you're a coach and a man and you're a bit overweight but you really know your stuff and people know it and they pay you and praise you and you get the best out of your athletes, etc. So you not being the thinnest has no bearing on your abilities in your chosen field. Good, but would people discriminate against you more for not having a thinner body type if you were a woman?

"Researchers found even marginal increases in weight had a negative impact on female candidates’ job prospects."

http://fortinberrymurray.com/todays-research/women-face-weight-discrimination-workplace/

%%%%%

http://abovethelaw.com/2017/01/is-there-workplace-weight-bias-and-is-it-against-the-law/


Life lesson

When men *and also women* are taught to despise or push away anything that is "feminine" or seems "weak" they will not be very good to women *or men either, really.*

Womanhood is not painless

Sometimes I wake up with pain that's an emotional thing because there are people who think it's okay to devalue you just because you have a different perspective.

Sometimes I wake up and feel actual physical pain and that's in my ovaries or uterus and it's real and it has an emotional component to it, too, because this is not a culture that is nice to women with "female problems."

You have to find inner strength and find people who are wiser and more sensitive.

Saturday, April 01, 2017

So...if...

someone does eventually get booted out
does this one take his place

Bee-ness

From "The Blight of The Honey Bee" (David Wallace Wells):

They help each other navigate using vibrations in the air and, without any appreciable brain capacity, can memorize landscape features, allowing them to range 20 square miles without getting lost. They are the only insects endowed with symbolic language — in fact the only animals other than humans whose conversations would please Saussure. When they are not communicating through pheromones, they do it through an elaborate system of dances, namely, the “round dance” and the “waggle dance,” a figure-eight maneuver of at least a hundred circuits that incorporates the changing angle of the sun and allows bees to describe the precise distance and direction to a location of interest, usually a pollen site, water source, or new hive, though the dance can also be used to choreograph a defensive swarm. Since these dances are not just declarations of fact but also express intensity of feeling, a pair of political scientists in England recently suggested they are really a form of “quadratic voting,” a superior political model that, they acknowledged, real-world humans had not yet achieved. Of course, a honeybee colony is not a democracy; very noticeably it is also not a patriarchy. In addition to its queen, who personally picks the gender of each of her many thousands of offspring, all the workers in a colony are women

 ~ http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2015/06/bees-are-literally-worrying-themselves-to-death.html

It's simple

I am tired of people not caring about women's health and well being.

Also, the environment.