To vastly better health

Healthier hearts and hopefully a year of more healing!!!

It makes me listen

I have the ability to breathe and heal
Are you making friends
I have earache
I have sorrow
I have a body
Are you making friends with the early morning
I have cramps and backache
I have ginger
I have pain
I have stuff to do right now.

Yesterday's Cool Carolina Moon

Ay, windmill crash

https://www.ocregister.com/2017/12/29/last-of-its-kind-windmill-falls-on-arcadia-dennys/

O sneaky radio

Girl ~ The Father
Too Late For Goodbyes ~ The Son
LaLaLaLaLa ~ The Holy Ghost

What happened here was...

I looked at some beach grass and felt like I heard the sounds of adults crying (because of loss) and a baby crying (because of rebirth).

Sure okay

Crochet, crochet, crochet through another wave.
Even if you believe people can come back.
Even after having a lot of fun in a library one day.
Felt as if we were looking at the books.

This must be why so many breathing exercises and stretches were invented. Way to feel like you need to move some feelings around.

To Caring Adulthood

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal

Sufjan Stevens:

To The Workers Of The Rock River Valley Region...

Wallowa Lake Monster
Casimir Pulaski Day

https://www.reddit.com/r/indieheads/comments/79yhpo/how_sufjan_stevens_writes_a_song/

The Hidden River Of My Life

Gingery musical dream

I sat by a quiet kid in class (this kid being an adult in a college class, however) and he kept offering me a treat from a bag of ginger candies and something flat, like albums or books. I would say no, that's okay but then still reach into the bag to eat the candies. I knew he knew I was eating them. At the end of class, he got up and played guitar and sang. It was quite amazing to see the switch between shy student and performer. Everyone clapped, although most people weren't familiar with his work, and he told us where he would be playing a show later. Afterward, I told someone, "He is so professional! It's like Elvis came back and decided to be more introspective and perform for smaller audiences." Then music from another group came on. "And I want to see them too..."

Bird skirmishes

Mockingbird and Mourning Dove.
He chases birds away.
She sits there and doesn't let him push her out of the feeder.

Ah...musing?

From The Futilitarians by A. Gisleson:

"Some of us in the room, especially the passionate and acerbic Ellen, were very attached to our distress" (19).

Ah...interesting.

https://www.fastcompany.com/3002168/8-signs-youve-found-your-lifes-work Maybe my life's work is listening to really good music? Ha ha. While cleaning.

Maybe it will be more fun if...

Cleaning the house can be like a chemistry experiment.


How To Convert Baking Soda...

http://naturesnurtureblog.com/how-to-make-washing-soda/

Still awake

I want my body to be healed. That kind of pain is not kind. I don't want my body to be like one of those women who is constantly making excuses for the men who are in denial about their lack of respect for women in work and social and domestic settings.

Here is reason to pray

Merciful mother energy.
Heal my pains.
~~~~~~~•••••••~~~~~~~
It seemed like forever.
But here we are better.

Impulse used book purchase

Fox Tracks by R. M. Brown

From a going-out-of-business antique place.

Ah ha ha...time to walk up to the music store? 

Beach creatures

Mhmm

I remembered some things. Things came back. People really do blot things out sometimes. Here's something for the future:
Times have changed. You do not necessarily need to give your friend away to some other life. If you have a friend, and they give you something, and you give something back, and it seems like your friend has to say goodbye to you in order to go on to do what she wants, even that is temporary. It seems like a sacrifice. There she is, giving you this look of admiration for the sacrifice you didn't even know you were making, but it was fine, because it was also temporary. Everything is so temporary. That's why there's almost humorous element to it all. Look, that month you paid all the money to see a healer who kept asking "Anything else? Anything else?" As if she was saying Well? Well? Have you noticed yet? You're gonna notice this pretty soon.

Ornaments of the Beach

And Jewel-y

Bright & juicy

According to comments...

Teachers like playing this song for their students.
S. Stevens ~ Christmas Unicorn

I have an idea

I'm going to make something with a POMEGRANATE tonight.

What a strange time of year

Somehow, this whole day ended with being stuffed with a roast. "There's still apple pie..."

Here we are again

Hospital stuff again.
Miserably laughing hysterically in the ER.
Sick of being here.
Want to be in bed.

Lets be more like...

https://www.hopefulhoney.com/p/about-me.html

Plantiful table

Green imbibe

Where is the alternate reality

where this woman is not working for a horrible boss, nor brainwashed into being absolutely terrible at diplomacy...

Hope she's not on her way to this level of delusion.
https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2017/12/trump-cant-believe-no-ones-thrown-a-parade-in-his-honor

If I want to learn to play a happy ukulele

I still want to learn Tiger Mountain Peasant Song.

https://ukutabs.com/f/fleet-foxes/tiger-mountain-peasant-song/

And Blue Ridge Mountains.

https://www.ukulele-tabs.com/uke-songs/fleet-foxes/blue-ridge-uke-tab-45376.html

Remember, kids...

You do not have to repeat this model of poor communication or these kinds of incredibly shorted-sighted decisions.

"'We'll save a lot. We don't care,' he said"

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/us-envoy-trump-vote-jerusalem-personally-51908256

Is it so

"Somewhere, the author of 'The Virtue of Selfishness' is smiling." The age of betrayal is back - E. J. Dionne

Before rain

A beach...

Tasks

Be happy...get people to eat and drink well...mindset of Queen-for-a-day before the operation...play healing music...be a good example...sleep and get on East Coast time...

Why do I read this for fun

Because the prologue was so intense I kept skipping around and then left and didn't bring the novel.

http://www.hwpl.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/readers.mybrilliantfriend.pdf

Plus this...so quiet after 5 minutes...


"Pluto" at Muziekgebouw Eindhoven, 7 April 2012

A...ble to hold in the mind...

A: my trauma

B: not always like that

A: oh yes it is

B: no actually it's not

C: A, my dilemma...

A:  for some reason, it feels like perhaps you should talk to B...

Made it

I said to the colonel's pullover, you will help me go through with this, so I will wear you. Then in the airport, the carolers seemed proud of themselves for singing Don't you cry I'll be back again someday...

Cookies
https://www.reddit.com/r/food/comments/7kkjcy/homemade_melting_snowman_sugar_cookies/

A feel well plea

Dear everything, healing energies, I want to feel well. I thought it was better but it happened so I  took 1/2 Xanax. This is so challenging please help. Prayers.

It may be helping. Wish my body didn't do this. I have to work on this. Maybe see some healers.

I have to travel soon

I like really calm travel experiences.
So I hope the Delta through Atlanta experience is good!

It's a ~~~~

Because I heard things...like *someone* ahem talking in my head, and reminding me of things...I feel I could say, Girl, you gave me a terrible shock and I wish things were different and I am still, I think I can say this, so shocked, for I had just begun to construct a certain kind of narrative about seeing you again sometime,  but if you want to remind me of some things to tell me that a few times I gave you some good advice and it helped, that's actually a pretty nice experience...I think I was just going on some feelings and "being a messenger" and it may be that sometimes it works well and I am glad. Even though I'm also still in disbelief...who knows why this happens...perhaps you would know...and have other plans...

This is good

Moon from Planetarium
The album version is like driving in the hills music...

There's also the distractions of....

Imaginary or not-so-imaginary conversations in a garden, interfering with suitcase packing goals... (Ask an interior person with no kids to raise.)

The world is interesting

http://www.healmyptsd.com/2016/04/seeking-jordan-matthew-mckay.html

&&&

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/12/16/569961321/reverberations-of-war-complicate-vietnam-veterans-end-of-life-care

&&&

https://www.npr.org/2017/12/17/568849541/post-mar-a-a-key-ecosystem-in-puerto-rico-faces-slow-recovery

Things to do

Read Dinner with Persephone (will you ever?)

Learn to make puff stitch ornaments

Watch Slow TV

Imagine a program called SuperBereaved.

There could be

the Lighthearted episode

You can have a super guardian angel now! What to buy for dinner

and the Depression episode

Gone, gone, gone...

and something in between.

I feel kinda good

Like some healthy living vibes are coming...

I am also still kind of sad and exhausted but at least my diet is a lot better.

Oh good

I was going to say I doubt he had all the sex the song implied...in fact he probably wasn't even capable of it, which is why he flirted with so many women and put so much energy into his correspondence...but what do the experts say...

http://time.com/5066646/lin-manuel-miranda-ben-franklin/

Maybe our cultures oversexualize sometimes because people want to run away screaming from their fragile, vulnerable, underdeveloped emotional selves.

"That industry"

You know

https://nypost.com/2017/05/27/hollywood-thinks-liberated-women-act-like-dumb-frat-boys/

this industry

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2017/dec/15/what-salma-hayeks-weinstein-story-reveals-about-hollywood-power-and-pay

can be like

http://deadline.com/2017/12/terry-zwigoff-peter-jackson-harvey-weinstein-blacklist-mira-sorvino-1202228593/

any other?

Time for new scenery

Where is your integrity if you are constantly making excuses for untrustworthy, sexist behavior which harms and degrades the experiences of people who could otherwise be having a much better experience? Both men and women continue to do this, and what could have been much better turns into a terrible experience.

If it is so harmful it alienates people who would have been successful if they had just gone along with the sexism, that is a toxic environment. It's gross. It doesn't matter if you are a woman who is fine with it or if so and so's wife was taught  to make excuses for him because "boys will be boys." That's not good enough  anymore, and it shouldnt have been before. "But its different when he does it because..." No, its not. You lost trust.

Have you ever met some people whose behavior made you think, Wow, even after time has passed, you are still not even a little bit trustworthy. Instead, you are amazingly unethical and ensconced in alarmingly sexist systematic scenarios in which you make excuses for mediocrity just to preserve status quo.

Maybe consider trying to make it better for the next generation when you get up the courage to do so.

O musical mind...

Uranus: The Planetarium - Sufjan Stevens, Bryce Dessner and Nico Muhly

Maybe we should train more musically...

Jupiter: Planetarium - Sufjan Stevens, Bryce Dessner, Nico Muhly

A whimsical work

The Lantern Bearers by Maxfield Parrish

Yarn stuff

I wanted Batik, I didn't want to order it online, I tried a different store, and now I have almost-Batik, which in another brand is called Valentine!

Actually, although Valentine could be very nice for another project, it is not Batik. So its either Batik again for this project or some other completely different yarn...

Well, sometimes you meet people and say things...

People are weird in college, and before college, and after college, too. Lately I am thinking I am pretty sure that during a car ride I told someone, when we were younger that if she ever tried to speak to me after she had gone, I would listen and she told me she would remember that. Earnest Person A and Earnest Person B have an earnest youthful exchange...Oh the earnestness of youth! But that was a long time ago. I didn't say, I will get nauseous and sad and shocked by the early departure. I didn't say, I will be all panicky and freaked out. Because, it's one thing to just say that...why is this worth mentioning now...Or that I would say, okay, maybe but I'm not doing some channeling thing, and I don't want objects moving around like they do in shows about poltergeists...and then I would go out of the room and shut the door and hear a clatter. And then come back into the room and say, what was that? And then pick up the fan which fell over and then, say silently, don't push it. And how long does such a thing last? And what about how I believe in reincarnation, too. I'm only halfway into this stuff. I'm also halfway not into it, because it gets very complicated. I know that there are presences and people's essences will come back, but then if they come back again in a new physical form, that's truly change. I mean, you could be awesome at math, come back, and not be a math person at all. So what's to be done? I still prefer for people I know to live a long life. That's my preference.

What to look at next...

Grimes ~ Butterfly

http://diymag.com/2016/03/04/grimes-is-a-genius-cover-feature-diy

Hmmm, music and everything...

Tori Amos ~ Bang

https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/lists/10-best-albums-of-2017-readers-poll-w513196/tori-amos-native-invader-w513197

~~~~~

https://art19.com/shows/the-president-ruined-my-week/episodes/acd89e11-4b9e-4304-ac84-d6e2c14e6eb9

I went away and a zipper on a jacket stopped working...

So maybe I need a different sweater...the woman who gave me one from her aunt, the colonel, also shared this as her aunt's favorite stanza, to be printed on her grave marker: “There is a destiny which makes us brothers; none goes his way alone. All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.” ― Edwin Markham

Coming-Down-The-Mountain radio!

Driver's observation: "It's like an amusing juxtaposition of deviance and spirituality."

Around one curve, a young man is saying it's much better to have an intense love affair with a flower than with a person....around another curve a woman sings angelically....back to the young man, discussing his "dysfunctional childhood" and what he wants to do in life...back to the woman, singing "O Emmanuel..."

(College radio vs. Christian radio)

See....

Stately Trees

Soldier Angel

Feel better

It would be so nice to have water at home. It is a time where you know you need to feel better. Soon we need to leave. They are turning off the water today and when we get back it may still be off. It's hard to be like this when they turn the water off. I want to absorb any healing vibes I possibly can. I hope I feel better very very very very soon.

O cinnamon tea

Thank God I live with a patient person. We are such people who can treat ourselves and each other so much better, with such great kindness, and I need to believe this. I also pray to get better at it. All my sad, sick, grieving feelings came back. I did not know it would feel like this. I seem to be taking some things very hard. I think am okay and then I plunge back into grieving. I need to get confident that I can get better and make much wiser decisions. Who knew this would happen.  One thing is connected to another. O society. Can we please get better at loving ourselves and releasing that which no longer serves us.  I don't love to wake up ill, but its a wake up call.  I want to be wise.  I'm so so so sad sometimes. Can we not forgive and heal old things to make a better day tomorrow. Surely we can do that.

So much better...

Wwwwwwow

May I travel better and feel better the rest of my life. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Now I need to change

I need to pray to be well.
My sinus hurts. I feel ill.
I feel tired. This wasn't smart.
I let things get to me too much.
I need to be better.
Maybe I can make flowery apologies.
And positive vibes. And breathe.

And

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2017/12/08/roy-moore-last-straw-you-can-now-call-me-democrat-kurt-bardella-column/930454001/

I really hope today gets better

They are jack hammering the street and I have a headache. Life has taught me there are really corrupt systems in place which make men self-centered, and treat women very badly, and include women who constantly make excuses for their corrupt and immature behavior instead of helping other women. It's just gross.

Women making excuses for bad male behavior and treating other women badly in the process is gross. What a gross and underwhelming and disgusting experience it is to see a woman prop up a mediocre ego just because she's been trained or brainwashed to do so.

I hope I get in a better mood soon. My teeth can't wait, either.

What has happened.

I get to see different scenery tomorrow. Sometimes I think I live this amazing life with another person and a cat, like we are three hermits, and it's almost scary.
And so I can almost imagine finding some other people to annoy soon.

A place and places

Meditation Mount ~ Before & After

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/dec/09/california-wildfire-ojai-ventura-week-of-hell

I'm so excited about learning puff stitch

There are too many good videos on how to make the Xmas ornaments...

I just do not have any answers, however...

This could be just funny or depressing to read, but probably, in a harsh way, kinda funny???? I'm gonna play the audio while I do dishes.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/12/11/cat-person



Sufjan Stevens-It's Christmas! Let's Be Glad!

This afternoon

I can admire this!

https://www.reddit.com/r/succulents/comments/7j2rnv/my_living_succulent_cristmas_tree/

A "living succulent Cristmas tree."

The other night

I watched this film...

http://www.indiewire.com/2014/02/metamericana-paolo-sorrentinos-the-great-beauty-is-exactly-that-133539/

Hello universe.

Before the Funeral

Wine.

Funeral

Dripping tears.

Young Artist

I'm sure to view it again sometime.

Love and water

I just really needed water. And then I thought to myself...people need to get better at taking care of themselves, on all levels, not just the fat-burning and muscle-building level. If more people were nicer to themselves on an emotional and spiritual level then the physical stuff wouldn't be as much of a struggle for the general population. There would also be more acceptance and tolerance of genetic differences, as there should be.

There's a lot I wish we could change about society and perceptions of bodies and distortions of emotional and sexual expression and it's especially something I wish would get better for girls because in this life I was born into this body and I felt and witnessed alot of suffering that could be ameliorated. Sometimes it's better to pray than get angry because it's adding too much punishment and not enough love to your body. There needs to be more healing.

It was a big sky...

Grand & Old Rt. 66

Idling on the corner...

https://genius.com/amp/Eagles-take-it-easy-lyrics

"And right there for a minute...."

https://genius.com/Tori-amos-in-the-springtime-of-his-voodoo-lyrics

And a nice quilt, too...

What if  you could have...

A cozy cabin....
A space to be healed....
A place to work and create and feel better.

Seems to fit

As I read the memoir I had avoided for years, the fires finally came to my town, but not my neighborhood, or backyard (patio.)

Looked like a volcano.

Wow...

Neighbor blasted music but I got out to the store and life got better. A girl complimented my shirt. She has it too. It's her favorite. A cat in space.

Something good about being surprisingly griefsick now means perhaps feeling not so griefsick in the future.

You never know what will shock you.

Rest.

I had a plan.
To go to the store.
I am not feeling well.
I may be sick with fear and grief.
How do you get so wiped out.
Rest and breathe.
Recover...

Horse stories

http://time.com/5057137/san-luis-rey-downs-fire-horse-rescue/

Let's consider doing the following....

Let's get spiritual, spiritual...
Not quite so severely interior...
Sorry.

More confident in connecting with nature and people who can help you...

More open to positive change...

Choosing wisely when it comes to eating  and drinking...

Finding energy spots that rejuvenate you on multiple levels.

I have a work idea now

How staying at home on a Friday night quietly crocheting saved my life

Oh-oh-kay

In another installment of "Sometimes I'm just really annoyed," this morning my half-sleepy mind was convinced that a certain person must have made someone break into a white SUV so an alarm was going off in the early a.m. ~ wake up, wake up, wake up ~ but a nice thing was that there was no physical pain to accompany it.

Later, I bought several bottles of cheap wine. What time period of my life does that remind me of.

Alright

I did not buy "50 Shades of Gray" wine.

The receipt said I was born in 1945. Maybe I should wear lighter clothes next time.

I feel like there's kind of a "before and after" factor going on right now. Before knowledge, and after.

Flower Press has a cute label.
Drank one glass and fell asleep.

There's things to do

So I am gonna do some things!!!!

It's good

Good
https://www.theguardian.com/film/filmblog/2014/jun/30/toni-servillo-the-great-beauty-role-model

Good
https://moviesovermatter.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/when-beauty-isnt-enough-paolo-sorrentinos-la-grande-bellezza-the-great-beauty/

Good
https://www.npr.org/2013/11/14/244542587/a-rome-portrait-and-what-a-great-beauty

Coin Toss

Too late for the Florida movie tonight!

The Great Beauty 

or

Strangers with Candy

****?*?

The Great Beauty!!!

Staring at trees

And houses and leaves....
Staring at trees
And houses and leaves...
Staring at trees

What a disturbing conversation

I want to watch the Florida movie.

https://m.sevendaysvt.com/vermont/kids-run-wild-in-the-gritty-joyous-indie-the-florida-project/Content?oid=10836870

So pleased

with

Herself

Yay, Plutoooooooo

I like this album...



PLUTO - Sufjan Stevens, Bryce Dessner, Nico Muhly - Planetarium (Amsterdam)

Sorry.

I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm a little mad again and I swear I had this conversation with a girl when we were younger.
She: I think I'm going to have an early death.
Me: Don't say that! If you say it, it will come true. You have to think positive.
She: No, I really do, I think I will have an early death and that's why I need to publish my book.
AUUUUUGH. Why the fuck is this the earth plane reality.

Okay. I'm not trying to be obnoxious.
I really don't think this girl wanted to abandon anyone. Especially not her own child.
I don't know. Maybe she knew her body better than other people.

But what if but what if but what if we did all the yoga and all the meditating and all the....
Yeah that stuff.

INHALE
EXHALE
OK

I'm never saying that.
I'm never saying that I think I'm going to die young.
Plus I'm not that young any longer. But still.
I think my spirit has been connected to bodies that died young and in this life, that's not what I expect.
NOPE.

Such shoes!

Kiwi kitten

https://www.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/comments/7i719t/the_indignation_of_being_labeled/

What does she not do?

Ha ha.

http://www.wweek.com/arts/television/2017/12/05/portlandia-takes-on-workplace-sexism-in-the-first-sketch-of-their-final-season/

She's not eating dessert and then writhing in agony with a heating pad clutched to her uterus!

Find intelligent balance

How. Can. You. Keep. Repeating. THIS.

Quest and Demand tion.

That thing where you suffer physically but you're probably not dying because remember that month when you stayed away from sugar, etc.  and this didnt happen.

Is that just a coincidence...probably not.

Excess sugar is not good for me. Yesterday I got pushed into a situation where women  were talking about sugar-related health problems and death. There I was, saying, how does always happen after I have made a less intelligent dietary decision, or rather, a series of decisions.

You were sad and stressed and you ate A.  Then you drank B. Then the next day....(Downward spiral...)

https://www.furtherfood.com/how-to-reduce-chronic-inflammation-by-limiting-sugar-intake/

sound-bathy night music

Tycho ~ Dive

Support Group II

"Misogyny rewards women who reinforce the status quo and punishes those who don’t."

https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/12/5/16705284/misogyny-trump-sexism-patriarchy-weinstein

Hi, I'm so and so, and I'm totally one of those women who may have inadvertently rewarded women who reinforced the status quo and punished those who didn't... 

"it hurts to know that the most incompetent, morally bankrupt, and ignorant white man can be elected over a woman about whom reasonable people can disagree, but who was obviously more qualified"

https://www.vox.com/identities/2017/12/5/16705284/misogyny-trump-sexism-patriarchy-weinstein

 The reason I did it was because when I was growing up, my father said, my mother told us, my pastor preached, my teacher demonstrated, my brother was, my sister taught me....

A Sound Bath!

Hmmmm....hmmmm....hmmmm.... http://www.health.com/anxiety/sound-bath-meditation-music-sleep-anxiety

P.S. ~ S.S.

I am gonna buy

One Grain of Sand

a record or some merchandise soon.


Sufjan Stevens, Bryce Dessner, Nico Muhly, James McAlister - Venus

Send love to my inner capitalist.

Is it possible to watch

the Baudelaires again soon?

I mean...

http://deadline.com/2017/03/lemony-snickets-a-series-of-unfortunate-events-renewed-season-2-netflix-1202042384/

It's true that change can happen

I was thinking about a girl I knew again and I feel less anxious about some things. It's not hard to believe her spirit could help me.

In these modern and nomadic times....the Christmas gifts are coming...

Living in cars, working for Amazon: meet America's new nomads
Jessica Bruder

But what about impressing the golf biddies?

J. FILOPOVIC: "For Mr. Trump, this sexism moves in two directions: Women who are young, slim, white and conventionally attractive are sex objects, while women who don’t fit his narrow ideal of femininity are dismissed as pigs and dogs. Either way, there’s one status no woman seems to achieve: Human being."

http://time.com/5047771/donald-trump-comments-billy-bush/

Charting meritocracy

What does the "Financial and Insurance..." category almost have in common with "Agriculture, Forestry, and..."

http://www.smh.com.au/business/workplace-relations/men-outearn-women-by-more-than-26500-wgea-2017-gender-pay-gap-report-20171114-gzl5jj.html

Oh yeah that's right

New Support Group.

"Yes, Yvette. You did fail."

http://www.cnn.com/2017/11/30/opinions/women-complicit-harassment-lauer-roxanne-jones-opinion/index.html


Hi, I'm so and so, and I'm totally one of those women who either defended someone like Matt Lauer or Charlie Rose in the past or looked the other way even when I had a feeling that something was wrong because at the time it was more convenient to do so. The reason I did it was because when I was growing up, my father said, my  mother told us, my pastor preached, my teacher demonstrated, my brother was, my sister taught me....

Not just...but also...

Sadly, they do.

Women enable men like Matt Lauer and Charlie Rose

It can be immensely frustrating to see that women will still too often make excuses for certain men and tolerate bad behavior from those men that they would never tolerate from women. Why? Did they learn it from their parents? Is it how just they get through life? You see them jumping through hoops, devaluing others and making excuses for that man's abusive behavior just because he is so-and-so. It makes you want to go elsewhere and not be there any longer.

If someone has a bad day, or even a number of bad days after something stressful, that's one thing, and everyone is human. But what if it starts to seem like some people just keep taking their pain out on others over and over? That's such an unhealthy behavior pattern that it can be downright sickening, and you know it's not necessary, because although Person X went through XYZ and was difficult to be around, when Person Z had to go through not only XYZ but also ABC and DEF, this was not the case. So why are some people like that? Did they learn it  somewhere, from cherished role models? Is it just how they get through life?  There are whole unhealthy cultures that crop up around people making excuses for mediocre behavior.  It teaches you more about what you don't want to emulate in the future.

Then I had the experience

On Sunday, I wanted to get in touch with someone and I got a shock. After reading what I read, I walked around and listened to one crow caw and thought of the library book passage. Really? Really? But it's the season to hear crows. They are everywhere. What do they all say...perhaps we should study crows.

What a fun occult bookstore picture!
It's good they're there.
Even though after seeing the sad ones, I felt like my brain would melt in a panic attack, at first. It's different now, I think.

I remember going over to her apartment and she came to where I lived, during cold weather. I remember that. I think we ate something, too. Yes. It was a POMEGRANATE!

So, this made me laugh

"Beatrice was puzzled..."

I read it on Saturday.

Page 228 of library book
http://momonaspiritualjourney.com/book-psychic-development-discover-psychic-type

Seals in dreams

Dreaming of seals dancing in a swimming pool and delighting onlookers means you find joy in this activity.

Dreamt about a girl in high school who was dancer, then gained some weight. Other girls got mad at a guy who called her "plump," and said, "She is a dancer!" The dancer told you to buy her dinner and gave you 4x the $$$ you would actually need.

Maybe this means you need to eat like a dancer, but not expect to look "skinny" and also invest in it with money.

Soothe yourself

I got this:

"The head to fluff ratio is adorably off"
https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/7hcgdt/the_head_to_fluff_ratio_is_adorably_off/

I am talking myself out of it. I am doing this. That kind of fear that is triggered by a combination of physical pain and terror of a very severe illness is such a dreadful place to be and I am grateful I am transitioning out of it. I am talking myself into transitioning out of it. I can't live in panic mode because someone I knew died young of a devastating illness and the news was absolutely sad and I am really trying to get over all the fear it brought up.

Time for sleep

I need to be simultaneously gentler and stronger because I have been touched yet scared out of my wits & also felt physically pretty bad and zero percent wish such pain on anyone, but heating pads are still magical.

What can I do.
I need to believe in angels.
Ginger tea.

Alot alot alot

Should I try a string instrument? I thought of getting a ukulele, but now for some reason a banjo is coming to mind. I couldn't go to any shows recently, but things got busy, so I guess it's for another time. Have "Jupiter" in my head alot.

https://genius.com/amp/Sufjan-stevens-bryce-dessner-nico-muhly-james-mcalister-jupiter-lyrics

I want you to wake up...

What if I am not good at waking up?
What if I am good at eating this tiramisu torte.
And crocheting beginner level projects.
And using a heating pad when necessary.

I wish I could describe...

A scent on the wind, like incense in a Catholic church💟😏

Brought tears to the eyes.

Clunky words for delicate things.

It's a supermoon

Here it is. Not looking so super, but it is.

Actually, I kind of like that picture anyway.

I'm mad about death and life. I'm mad by one definition or another. I read a book about what type of psychic you are and I thought I'd score lowest on the physical type and instead that score was MY HIGHEST. Apparently physical types feel lots of twinges and  have health issues. Also, I literally have to read this essay about women worrying about reproductive capabilites and age, as if the universe is GIVING ME A LECTURE. Oh. My. GOD.

I met this girl when she was pregnant, and I went out with her and looked at her work when it was supposed to be a novel, and she got a little offended but then told me "you're really good at this," and it makes me mad I can't just...I don't know.

It's weird.

http://www.myyearofmardigras.com/2013/05/30/thevoicepart-3/

xxxx

https://repeatingislands.com/2017/06/28/puerto-rican-american-margaux-fragoso-author-of-searing-memoir-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-dies-at-38/

Cute pictures.

I thought I would talk to her again sometime...

I felt the need to search for her, and then discovered that now I cannot.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/obituaries/margaux-fragoso-author-of-searing-memoir-of-childhood-sexual-abuse-dies-at-38/2017/06/27/01501a00-5b46-11e7-9b7d-14576dc0f39d_story.html

Ovarian cancer.

She got married to someone I used to hang out with, and I didn't know that either. We didn't stay in touch.

As much as my physical ailments have made me sad, they haven't killed me.

What do I do with my ovaries now?

As will happen sometimes...

I just got a little universe shock.

Hmmm, hmmm

Suddenly,  excuses are becoming less acceptable...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2017/10/18/saying-me-too-isnt-enough-women-have-to-stop-excusing-men-too/?utm_term=.e02965e03513

How to have....

a lucky adventure

Another perspective

She gave me kind words which made me feel better and then told me of a funeral, which will include a release of white doves, and how much her aunt, a colonel in the army, meant to her. She had given me her aunt's sweater. I said "Did I tell you about my connection to the military..." I had not. But she said she gave the sweater to the right person.

Tell your friends....

Paul Ryan's single mom story.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MurderedByWords/comments/7gycqh/paul_ryan_hoisted_by_his_own_petard/

Here for a time on earth

Well, I will not be going out to ashow tonight, although I might go out to walk around and look up...

It's a time to find comfort in solitary, low cost, no-cost activities.

Whiskey and dishwasher duties!!!!

Cats love when people stay in...

Meow meow meow...

Truth in a body

I love you, heating pad!!!!

"Dividing...

Canaan"


Datura ~ T.A.

What was known in a quiet country store on an island where cats left fur on merchandise...or twenty years later, in a swimming pool surrounded by wire outside a dark condo in Virginia...isolation (the good kind).

No, not solitude that is chosen. Isolation...for it also felt forced and lonely but strangely good nonetheless.

It a feeling...it exists in the in-between place. I wonder if there is a word for it in another language.

I have a feeling it's like what a monk who sometimes experiences regret but nevertheless is choosing the life of deep introspection might feel...

***

So interesting!!!

http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/music/tori-amos-boys-for-pele-amy-gentry-9873544

Gonna see this one!

http://www.refinery29.com/2017/11/182662/lady-bird-best-reviewed-film-rotten-tomatoes

********* :^)

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/31/movies/lady-bird-review-greta-gerwig-saoirse-ronan.html

Hmmm, another herb

Shatavari

What could be

A cleansing wind wrapped around a peach and blew through each hurting dripping crying tale of wounded betrayal.

& a Saturn video

By CandyStations


And the musicians...

Babies of the night

Pretty good, huh...

S.S. ~  The Hidden River of My Life

contemplatecontemplatecontemplate

+

buyingastringinstrumentandlearningsomechords

S.S. ~ Wallowa Lake Monster

Sometimes you go out

and encounter somethingzzz...

Fourth of July ~ S. Stevens

Seeking Jordan ~ M. McKay

Guess what

I stay up on Saturday night reading about chakras and GI health and that's what I do!

About some healers

The Long Tradition of Folk Healing Among Southern Appalachian Women

Oh maybe I will

buy an anatomy coloring book.

Is there one for emotional anatomy...

I know other people have worse things to deal with.

I'm not having the greatest time today.

Whine, wail, misery. That's what the left side of pelvis communicates.

Off and on
Off and on
Off and on

Today is sad music sometimes.

Hmm.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/chronic-pain-not-only-hurts-it-also-causes-isolation-and-depression-but-theres-hope/2015/01/12/db576178-7fe7-11e4-81fd-8c4814dfa9d7_story.html?sw_bypass=true&utm_term=.7612d7677f96

!!!!

http://www.onboardthereikibus.com/mantras-and-chakras/

Actually mantras and stuff

are gonna be my go-to.
This pain sucks. I am chewing on ginger.
Yesterday was better than today.
Maybe this is the worst part.
Sometimes you have to do more for your body than society taught you.
Or find alternate societies.

is a sign

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/7fexw6/after_sixteen_years_of_driving_past_this_sign_it/

Music for needlecrafting

Drawn To The....

Blood Like Lemonade

California

Jupiter

Bang

Cuerpo de mensajes

What is it this time? Intestine or fallopian tube? Shall I buy you an anatomy coloring book? I did spend some money to go swimming yesterday, you know. The pool was heated and it was the middle of the day so I had to figure out how to do the hot yoga version of laps and appreciated the foam kickboard.

Anyways, sorry about the carelessness with dairy, wheat, fructans, etc.

************************

Wait a minute. It's on the side where they found an ovarian cyst.

The Californians: Thanksgiving

Maybe the fructans aren't to blame!

Debbie Downer Thanksgiving

Or are they...

Fructans something something

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2152877-gluten-sensitive-it-may-actually-be-a-carb-making-you-ill/

Ppl who make me need merch t-shirts

DO

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sufjan_Stevens

RE MI

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tori_Amos

FA SO

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grimes_(musician)

LA TI

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skye_Edwards

DO

"Leisure" pursuits...