Where is wisdom

it is apparently harder to talk about it... than almost anything else...

Sunday soundtrack

Slapdash Era ~ Beats Antique

This evening's life goal

CRUSH THE BENEVOLENT PATRIARCHY

Also

When singing guy who probably meant no harm but annoyed me anyway crossed the street, I noticed there was a cop car. I thought, hey, maybe the cop car encouraged him to quit it. So then I thought, "Tonight I am Team Cop Car." I don't know what it is in the soul that can be pleased to be grouchy sometimes...

An evening stroll

Some guy broke out in song behind me and made me nervous. There she was just a walkin' down the street singin' do wa ditty...now you're tired on your feet singin' do wa ditty...blah blah blah. He was right behind me and then he jogged across the street at the light. "Have a great night!" My outside self went "ha ha" but my inside self was annoyed that some guy with zero history or sense of night street harassment was being so carefree. I wished I was light hearted but I just was not. Also I walked by a bunch of people networking outside a bar on a sidewalk. "I'm waiting for my editor to call me," glasses of wine in their hands. My soul went "Ugh." The happy part was admiring liquidambar trees (education is good for something...now I can name them) and petting an orange kitten that acted afraid but quickly warmed up to me. At least I have good rapport with orange kitten.

For fun...

Petting pretty kitty again...people ask, "is that your cat?"

For comedy:
http://www.ifc.com/portlandia/videos/portlandia-season-5-epic-trailer

For poignancy:


Tori ~ Wild World (Cat Stevens)

otravezotravezotravezotravez

Having a thing for hits from Odelay again. For some reason, can't believe they're from 1996.

Where It's At
+
New Pollution

Que se yo, que say you

The cat I love, I have to leave

for we must move, and she's not mine

Que se yo

A baby is born and must be transferred to the special care nursery

Que say you

Love! Beauty! Etc.

http://www.neverletdown.net/2014/12/dante-can-be-agile-too.html

I went online and looked around and in the midst of everything I found people talking about this...

http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/i-have-never-turned-heads-what-its-when-youre-not-object-desire

And I went, "Hmmm."

So maybe there is this thing in their relationship where he loves her but doesn't deeply desire her.

She may think that's about her looks...but I don't necessarily think so. Maybe that's just because that's the kind of marriage he wants, and it would turn into that no matter who he married, regardless of how old she was or how attractive she looked...because being "in love" all the time...that's actually kind of sick, almost. I mean, the stuff where you feel breathless, like you got the wind knocked out of you and all that...it's great...for short periods of time. But if you walked around feeling that way constantly, how would you ever accomplish anything? That's why it's also scary. People can choose to turn off that feeling, and they do. I don't necessarily know what I'm talking about in regard to other peoples' lives. I'm not married, either. But that's what that article made me think of.  Also, it made me think of this song I heard two guys singing in a coffee house (and they did such a great job with it that I'm kind of sad I can't find an acoustic version online like that...)


Vic Damone ~ Do I Love You Because You're Beautiful

A fair evening

There were two people standing next to the crazy guy I avoid when I see him raving on the sidewalk. He's the one who sits with all the signs about sin, hellfire, homosexuals, babykillers...underneath all that is "Jesus is the light."

The young woman was blond and wore jean cut offs. She touched the man's arm and spoke earnestly as he listened. A pale young man stood beside them, head bowed.

I watched with fascination across the street, touching the rosemary bush. Then I crossed back over. I didn't want to get involved, but I was curious.

"Well, we could be here all night," Hellfire signs guy told the girl. "I'm 60 years old. I like to live each day as my last."

I couldn't quite hear her. I stared into the window of the travel agency. The rosemary oil on my fingers was very strong, like incense. I kind of felt as if I was having a religious experience. I realized that the ornate building on the poster in the window was probably some sort of church.

I crossed the street again. Now the girl was touching the older man's knee. The young man prayed earnestly, fervently, with deep concentration.

(Remember when you were just four? "Pray for Missy." She was an older girl, perhaps ten or twelve. She had been injured in a car accident. Her father carried her. In your house, you prayed on the steps to the basement. Then you went to church and watched her stumble toward the front, crying. She was re-learning how to walk.)

Oh,,,,again???

Driving along at night, I came into the middle of a Moth story, and I was quite enjoying it. Kindness, love, open-mindedness towards blended family situations, etc.

http://themoth.org/posts/stories/my-post-nuclear-family

And then this sentiment popped up AGAIN.

"The love you have for your children is like no other feeling, and until you have children, you'll never know."

The father/storyteller thought this after he accidentally fell down a flight of steps and dragged his son with him and his only thought was he didn't care about how much he got hurt as long as he didn't hurt his child.

(This is what I thought: Well, first of all, you don't need to have a kid to feel that way.What about being an older sibling? Taking care of your younger sibling? What about being an aunt or an uncle? What about being a family friend and taking care of a child?You don't have to be a "parent" in the eyes of society to feel that way!And yet, the insistence goes on. Despite the fact that abuses occur...that loved ones hurt loved ones...this insistence that parenthood is the highest, best, most love-filled calling on earth, BAR NONE.)

He also credits his mother for feeling that way because of what she used to say about being a parent...at the beginning of the story, he says:

"When I was a small child, my mother used to sometimes say, the love you have for your children is unlike any other feeling in the world, and people who don't have children never get to know what it's like. And I took it as the greatest compliment that she so loved my brother and me and so loved being our mother, and that she thought so highly of that emotional experience."

Well, I might have felt that way too, once upon a time. But now my feelings have changed.

Now, I don't see saying something like that as being very sweet. I don't even see it as being very motherly.

I think it is a value judgment, with especial implications that are degrading to women, since women are the ones who are biologically programmed to become...well...mothers.

I don't think making judgements about the amount or lack of love that others are experiencing is very compassionate towards women who either  1) can't get pregnant or 2) don't choose to become mothers (which is supposed to be the highest calling.)

I know I always seem to see things mostly from the "woman with fertility issues" perspective...so I will attempt a different approach.

Let's say there's a woman who easily gets pregnant. Let's say she chooses to give the child up for adoption, and that she never sees the child again. Even though she carried a baby, and gave birth, she never got to experience "true love" as a "real mother."

How the hell do you REALLY know why she made that choice? Who are you to judge her, or her ability to experience love or lack of love, for making that choice?

Because society tells us people like her are not supposed to be our ideal, we don't consider things from her perspective. Even though she provided a child she herself could not take care of to another person who wanted to become a parent, she is not the one held in high esteem. Oh no...the judgment against women who aren't mothers is very strong...

That's what I think is disturbing and damaging and dehumanizing.

Wow, that's what happens

I am reading a library book / memoir(One Good Egg by Suzy Becker) in which the protagonist undergoes multiple fertility treatments, finally gets a positive pregnancy test, and then begins bleeding just as her sister has a baby. She goes to pick her father up from the airport.

"I was sobbing over my windshield by the time he got there. 'How much is it Sue?'

I looked. 'Fifteen dollars.' He handed me the twenty once we were in the car and said, 'Linda told me some of what you're going through, which helped me put everything in perspective. She explained how when you undertake this kind of thing, the thing you're undertaking, you mentally prepare yourself, you're psychologically prepared for anything.' He paused. 'I am here this weekend to celebrate being a grandfather.'"
(page 113)

Welcome to the real world.

Baby girl.

Hope your body functions exactly the way it's supposed to, and if it doesn't...

Tough Shit.

~~~~~

Wait, wait, wait! WHAT???

Finally, finally, finally they get pregnant with a boy baby, and....

"I looked at Lorene; her face had clouded over.
'Wait, what about your vision? I thought you knew it was a boy!'
'I know, it's--I guess I was still hoping we'd get a girl.' She looked at the nurse. 'I already have a son. Daughters are supposed to take care of you..."
(pg 146)

Boys are from Mars and Do Whatever You Want...

Girls are from Get Pregnant or You're Not Good Enough, and Take Care of Your Parents, Because Boys Don't Do That?

~~~~~

Oh. Well. Sometimes, people do get what they want. At least in some corners of the world, being female is the preferred gender. For whatever reason....

Music I liked (3)

AM radio in car: Jason Forrest ~ Sperry and Foil
http://www.allmusic.com/album/lady-fantasy-ep-mw0000702008

PM radio in car: Reporter ~ Geronimo's Bones
https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Reporter/Reporter_-_Live__KEXP_872010/GeronimosBones

PM not on the radio, just floating around in my head for some reason...


All I Want ~ Toad the Wet Sprocket

In this life

having to leave a place is hard...
really can use some bubbles of light.
Figuring out where you can go next can be so challenging...
need some bubbles of light!!!!

Beauty and money!

Right here. http://www.ohpluckthis.com/

(Tweeze. Pray. Love. Ha-ha.)

~~~

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/monica-leftwich/100k-student-loans_b_7968752.html?utm_hp_ref=business&ir=Business


http://www.thepennyhoarder.com/how-i-bought-all-my-kids-back-to-school-clothes-for-38-16/

For fashion

"Completely unsustainable."



The True Cost Documentary Trailer

STEM is for kids

http://www.bricks4kidz.com/california-sanfrancisco-noevalley/2015/06/30/why-i-read-stem-books-written-for-girls-to-my-son/

"Most of the teachers in the Tel Aviv classrooms at sixth grade - most of the teachers are women. So it's hard to imagine that these teachers actually have conscious animosity toward the girls in their classroom. Much more likely these biases are operating at an unconscious level."

~ http://www.npr.org/2015/09/01/436525758/how-teachers-unconscious-bias-play-into-the-hands-ofgender-disparity

*

 http://laschoolreport.com/la-unified-board-unanimously-approves-girls-only-stem-school/ 

*

http://www.wired.com/2015/08/qcamp/

Can I like the internet sometimes?

"Because you can't and you won't and you don't stop."


Beastie Boys ~ Sure Shot

"And, while I haven’t been able to find any evidence that the Glen Ridge case was a deciding factor, the timeline sure seems significant: The trial ran from 1992 through to 1993. “Sure Shot” came out in 1994."

~ https://medium.com/matter/pc-comedy-and-paul-revere-dc2541356851

 ~~~

This article was good for me to read.

~~~

"And it’s not the people you hurt that you really need to worry about."

~ https://medium.com/matter/pc-comedy-and-paul-revere-dc2541356851

~~~

It was good for me to read...because when I was much younger, I read about this case at a very particular time, and then I flipped out. Unfortunately, a few people witnessed it. I know I maybe hurt their eardrums when I screamed and lost it. I flipped out because the details were horrible, and they were interacting with something else that was horrible in my mind, and it snowballed. 

Afterward I apologized, but I felt I was not forgiven...I was still treated like a dangerous creature, for flipping out like that. I always felt icky and ill when I thought back on that time. So that's an old wound, and I feel like I got some help today.

~~~

"And it’s not the people you hurt that you really need to worry about. It’s the people who like you. The ones who laugh a little too loud, and listen a little too well. The ones who lean forward when you get vicious about some group of people. Almost as if they’ve been waiting for permission. For someone with power, and a microphone, who agrees." 

 ~ https://medium.com/matter/pc-comedy-and-paul-revere-dc2541356851  



Beastie Boys ~ Shambala &  Boddhisattva Vow

Bibliothecally unpopular?

It would seem so, from resent searches in World Cat. Book after reader-friendly book on the topic of women and childlessness are difficult to access from any sort of library.

http://theroadlesstravelledlb.blogspot.com/2011/01/book-im-taking-my-eggs-going-home-by.html

But I did have a nice surprise. It looks like one of the libraries I petitioned acquired this book!

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23213642-the-female-assumption

(Alas it is multiple states away. But still...nice surprise.)

~~~~~

Highlighted comment from a mom (on Silent Sorority):

Wow! This book helped me understand my daughter's infertility, May 26, 2011

This review is from: Silent Sorority: A Barren Woman Gets Busy, Angry, Lost and Found (Paperback)

I am deeply greatful to the author for writing this book. My stomach turned when I read some of the stupid comments made to encourage and give hope, the insensitive things said in ignorance or impatience, because I was guilty of saying them myself to my own daughter. I have a much better understanding of what she is experiencing. I have felt puzzled and helpless when I have seen her lose it with pregnant friends and family members, but knowing that every blasted 28 days she receives another reminder of loss and failure really brings it into focus. This is a cross no one should have to bear. It is more pain than anyone should have to endure. I now notice all the constant reminders that are all around us every day, all the time. A ceaseless reminder of the one thing she desires so much being behond her reach. But the hope that Pam gives for finding her way out of the pain is beautiful. There is no recovery from this. How can one recover? It isn't possible. I am going to send a copy to a family member who has been especially insensitive. She should have to go through the Twilight Zone.

http://www.amazon.com/review/R1V6CSAVN09E0N/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=1439231567&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=283155&store=books

cool names, content...

...yes...

http://creamcrackerednature.blogspot.com/

...i...

http://blackcloudsandsunflowers.blogspot.com/

...shall...

http://bystargooseandhanglands.blogspot.com/ 

...return...

http://roysnaturelogbook.blogspot.com/ 

Oh well, change of plans

I was gonna watch a music video, but had to watch this Febreze commercial, in which the ideal of life is that the man gets his "man cave" while his sweet attractive wife is busy doing their laundry.

"What a toxic message."

Hey, wonder if the product is also actually toxic?

Hmmm....

http://www.sustainablebabysteps.com/febreze.html

fishes...niches...words...wishes...

Wish: a shift in attitudes about women and worth.

http://blog.silentsorority.com/the-invisibleness-of-infertility-to-pass-or-not-to-pass/

"Just as my asthma is a disease, not all infertility can be cured. Some 12% of the population (male and female) have fertility problems, regardless of age. It’s time society recognized that. We shouldn’t have to apologize or be ashamed because our bodies weren’t up to the job. We also don’t need society judging us harshly because we’re not living up to its false ideals."

~http://blog.silentsorority.com/the-invisibleness-of-infertility-to-pass-or-not-to-pass/ 

~~~~

"A mother's perspective By book lover on October 1, 2014

Format: Paperback

 

I have daughters: two of them. It seems as if Melanie Holmes wrote this book to help my daughters. Becoming a mother was a wonderful choice for me, but I realize that it isn't a wonderful choice for everyone and for some people, it really hurts their lives. In this book, Ms. Holmes says that it's okay to NOT be a mother, and points out how our society (including me) often gives women a totally different message.

With this book, Ms. Holmes helps guide women of all ages to make a better choice for their own lives - and it helps guide me to raise my daughters in a world where they can make the best choice possible for themselves."

~ http://www.amazon.com/The-Female-Assumption-Mothers-Motherhood/product-reviews/