Healers

Who else, maybe, are healers of the planet?
Alison's Heart Sings.
Artiste Nouveau.
A Stitch In Time.
Eastern Oregon Desert.
This Interview.

Words on women by women

"As far as I knew white women were never lonely..." by Maya Angelou
Helen by H.D.
Hanging Fire by Audre Lorde.
Diving Into The Wreck by Adrienne Rich

Writing something kind of blah

I'm going to extend nanowrimo, because there is no way I'm meeting this word count. Maybe it will just be a collection of micro-whatever. Personality A observes Personality B, and, in spite of the fact that A continously thinks that B has so many things which could be improved upon and fixed, like really a very long list, A will still recognize that B's need to be likable, liked, and yada yada yada is so...annoying...but also knows that "annoying" could actually be quite a relief to feel, in case there would be much worse options of other ways to feel (threatened! traumatized! ridiculously angry!) but also questions self, and wonders, what is that feeling, "annoying," really? Maybe it is only a little part of an unevolved personality that is denying a basic part of it's own humanity. Perhaps it is just flailing around, still trying to figure out the proper amounts of food, air, water, and sunlight it needs to function properly in this current vehicle, in this current reality.

Heya, artist

Alison's Heart Sings
I found it after looking at Artiste Nouveau, after looking at A Stitch In Time. That first person is from Oregon. I was just looking at pics of the Eastern Oregon Desert because that was, according to this interview, the setting for The Tombs of Atuan.

Searching for gainful employment

So, yesterday after somewhat dreary exposure to relatives' cynicism, combined with questions about career and personal life, I decided to resume the job search. When I looked at a posting about being a program assistant for the American Bar Association on domestic violence, I thought, wow, I'm sure that is a very good cause, but honestly, it was almost too depressing to look at. But, another one was on ethical practices in health care. I felt much better. I liked the word "ethical" in the title.

That Old, Cheery Favorite From CHILDHOOD!

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Hollydaze....

Hello, life. Relatives: "I still love you, even though you voted for someone who is going to tax the hell out of me!" Better to acknowledge the love you can muster... Joking in the kitchen about how many descendants of Charlemange it takes to make gravy. Considering applying for food stamps, possibly selling one necklace, a pair of earrings, and the bike (?) but not the car, and not the laptop. How to manage, how to juggle, how to negotiate, how to relax, how to take care of self, how to flow, how to be happy, how to be really productive, how to apply, how to, how to...

Something(s) to try, someday

A pumpkin smoothie.
"Quinoa Pilgrim Hat" Cute. Nice Peruvian grain.

Nice, positive thought

I hope this will make me feel better. I was thinking about working something into Nanowrimo. There could be a little part where a girl has a dream that ends in a really positive way. Let's say it was about about a successful magician went to this really great academy. It loved and nurtured him and gave him great insights into how to properly utilize his magical powers. Then he moved on and had a life. Sadly, after he left, Academy O So Wondrous fell into hideous disrepair and ruin, and it's attendents began to practice a series of satanic initiations involving vile evil concoctions which were poured down unsuspecting throats, thereby triggering a hideous cycle of violence, repulsion, horror, despair. Well, what if the beloved magician went back, and because of his superpowers, immediately detected all the rotten things that totally needed to be cleaned up there, and then waved his magic wand, and everything was all wonderful and restored again! Wouldn't that be great. I wonder if anything like this was ever on the Smurfs?

Hmmm...

"...during the first hour everyone did needlework--knitting crocheting, embroidery, needlepoint--in silence. During the second hour, all continued to do needlework while speaking deeply to the others about their lives...Handcrafts belong to an earlier world, the slower pace of preindustrial life where one had the leisure to sink deeply and profoundly into the rhythms of nature within and without and to feel a connection with the earth as a living spiritual entity. We make things by hand to express who we are...Handcrafts throughout history have often been fashioned with the aid of prayer, one prayer for each bead or each stitch, while keeping good thoughts to enhance the spiritual purpose of the object. It is no accident that some of the finest lace in Europe was fashioned in convents; like the counting of the rosary, the motions of needlework are singularly well suited to the practice of contemplation." The Knitting Sutra (Pages 3 & 4.)

Va a mejorar

Today held another disappointment about a job-search related thing, so that was what it was. I also spent some time feeling sick with worry, but, I really don't ever want to feel any more upset by this sort of thing than I already have, and I mean, ever. Negativity is too counter-productive right now. Things must get better!!! So, I am going to read some positive things about manifesting good things. And maybe work on knitting, because I like that. Also, as opposed to just reading some pep talk stuff, feeling good for 10 minutes, and than sliding back into a depression for an hour, I am going to work on feeling positive for a long and extended period of time. That should be better. Yes, even if I have to sell (or if it won't sell, give away in the spirit of abundance) certain items to scrape by, I will be happy. (Oh no, is using the phrase "to scrape by" too counterproductive?) OK, I am not going to waste time writing any more on this topic right now. Tomorrow will be a nice holiday, and enjoyment will rule, and I will allow it to start right now.

De punto

One of my creative knitting friends even knits sushi. That looks tasty.
I want to ride a train and knit a cool project.

Quintessential Repast

I enjoyed my dinner of tofu, vegetables & rice! I feel like making a bunch of recipes. (They're so old! Like from the 90s!) Also, I want to experiment with bitter melon. Lately, I have been experiencing wishes to visit places like monasteries, or else more spiritual/sacred sites in nature. I recently read that there is a fruitcake fueled monastery near here. I think that is in the region where my sister found Welsh ancestors like "Sir William the Extravagant." Meyow, cats. I have visited the Lady of Lourdes grotto, though not recently. (I am strangely entertained by this person's cooking channel.) Why am I so interested in the sound of southern accents? Oh, yeah. When I was in first grade I was tormented for an entire year by a teacher, in part because when I first arrived in NY I had, apparently just from a little summer vacation, a tiny bit of a southern accent & maybe b/c I wasn't Catholic like everyone else (supposedly.) That was a LONG year!
* I just had a sweet craving and to assuage it I made a strange concoction of tahini, cocoa, agave nectar and rose water.

Hooray for Energy Efficient Innovation

I found this photo of one of my environmentally conscious gardening project friends in quintessential cheerleader mode. Anyway, another friend gave me an idea for what I can do with my beginning knitting projects: make them into draft dodgers! Or, what is more important to me right now, keep the cold out of my room (which is located right at the corner of the building where the wind always hits.) I just fastened an old pair of black stretch-y pants to the bottom of my bedroom window with painters tape. But soon, no matter how twisted or how many holes are in the stitches, I expect that all sorts of colorful knitted pieces will cover various portions of it. Since a tiny heating vent sits right above the monstrously large, drafty window, I'm hoping that this will help my room feel less like the temperature of a cheap hotel in the Andes. Ah! I feel warmer already...(thank you, extra sweater).

Songs and Context

Songs like Cinderella Under My Umbrella and Get Low (ha, penguins) sound a lot better at a place like Lace. Maybe when I am there, I feel like I'm getting the same amount of pleasure from that music as an average guy gets in the "normal" world. Because it's a different energy. Because a lot of girls are dancing and they like each other and are not being lame. Because a few guys are in there and they also seem pretty happy. (By contrast, on the way home, I almost drove into the middle of what seemed to be a fight between two groups of young men while I was turning around in a suburban mall.) I really enjoyed myself. Good, too, because on my way there, I was feeling nauseated and kind of in a foul mood. I felt a little weird at first when I got there, & I was definitely not one of those who was getting all crazy on the dance floor. But everyone was so nice and friendly. Very diverse mix of people, and a very warm and personable lady just opened it. I looked in a mirror and saw one personality that is a white girl with a weird thing about Thoreau and some other people and that is okay. I felt as if I were knitting together shreds of self-esteem. Often going out seems like a frivolity, but I am more motivated to make money if I can spend it in that kind of environment. And I think my everyday life should be more like that! Happiness.

Joys in Life

Hair dryers in swimming pool locker room.

Why I am so pleased with myself

I made an important phone call I'd been putting off.
I did it, I did it, I did it.
God, what a relief that it's done with.

Knitting book...and other...

I. In addition to the many "how-to" books I also have checked out Knitting Heaven and Earth and I am enjoying reading that one.
II. Random thoughts! I showed some of my knitting friends the Dear Deer video which I originally found here, and I thought of All in Green Went My Love Riding, and they went "what the..." and then we resumed cheerful watching of Monty Python and Flight of the Conchords, but still I thought it was appropriate, because we were in Ohio, and one of them had just shown me a real photo of two deer touching noses...so I would have never tried knitting but I may have caught the Stitch n' Bitch virus; we shall see...the book I checked out is set in Northern CA, which reminds of me visiting my father when he was stationed there, and of listening to various R & B songs on the radio, like Back to Life, and the public library there was so cool, too, and I read a book I really liked called A Stitch in Time by Penelope Lively. (That cover is nice but it's not the same! I remember a sampler prominently displayed.) Probably read it while we ate at Carl's Jr. And we went to Nepenthe (most gorgeous views ever!) a few times. And I remember as well staring with incredible longing at things in a "Hello Kitty" store in the mall where the lady was rude and I felt that it was because I looked poor and parentless. Oh and there was this store in Carmel that had the most perfect, albeit ridiculously expensive (for us) hand-knit sweater that I tried on when family was there, and we talked about it for a long time.
XX Question about life:
Did - you - ever - feel - like - some - girl - you - might - have - played - with -on - a - playground - when - you - were - like - four - now - disdains - to - interact - with - you - because - YOU - DON'T - HAVE - A - MOTHERFUCKING - DICK?

Just stay at home with mom...

I was just half-watching (not really, because I was wrestling with yarn) a video on "Marco Polo's Shangri-la" and I caught some information about Mosuo women. (That's a different video.)

Meh

Beginner knitter.

Little House as Economics Lesson

The Long Winter

Controversial

Helen Mirren and Vera Baird.
Interesting. It reminds me that once I was speaking with someone who seemed like quite a nice person, but she told me that she would not be able to view a victim on trial without thinking that she must've "asked for it" because of the clothes she was wearing. "I don't agree with you," I told her. "Well, I'm not necessarily saying I agree with me either..." she replied.

I guess the holidays are coming...

So, soon, some people will be caroling! Once when I was little (perhaps 8) I went caroling in a nursing home with a brownie troup. I remember it gave me a beautiful feeling. I felt like we-and I-made some sad people happy. I think it was my first act of community service. I really like that custom. I liked listening to Come they told me parapapumpum... on record. It was hard to be in Peru, the one Christmas I was there (was I perhaps 20 or 21?) because I missed the customs. And yet, now I always notice the panetone in the grocery store around the holidays, in a way I never had before. It makes me wonder if there is a way to consolidate all the good that ever came out of any experience? There might be. Good grief. If my younger self could see me now. Well, it does. And I guess that somehow I found myself in limbo. I was once young and adventurous. Now I have to read more of those books on prosperity and abundance. I looked up a poem I used to read in college. It is a carol. The Corpus Christi Carol.

Practicality Expanded/Encapsulated By Idealism

Fill out job applications and apply to jobs. Apply for student loan deferment. Be wiser and more educated about finances. Be happy about the more enjoyable work you've done so far (most recently: researched grants-will continue to do more of that!-for friend's community garden project, helped a friend paint his living room, participation in Nanowrimo and other writing activities with people). Educate self more about feminism, women's health, and ways to heal trauma issues as they are expressed by a variety of kinds of individuals. Make room for more fun activities in life like learning about knitting and other needle crafts, swimming, painting, massage, music, maybe learn to play an instrument like flute or guitar. Make health more of a priority (skin, hair, better diet, exercise, maybe some form of mental/emotional therapy). Practice more wise exposure to what puts you in positive/optimistic frame of mind, and to decrease stress, worries, or depression, remember to indulge more in love of nature, and to notice and get better at practicing all forms of love.)

Books can be tools for navigation

I think that when I was a kid, reading a book like The Tombs of Atuan was pretty disturbing to me. But now I really think that this book could be used by many people, especially girls and women, as good tool for healing.
Tree By Leaf was another one that I appreciated for that purpose.

O, random change of mood and attitude

Thought processes: "I had a strange dream last night that one of my friends went sky-diving and then I went after her and our other friend was laughing..." Later: "How nice of you to successfully work through some of those stickier, soul-trying moments..." Later: "How much easier is it to just be chilled out and laid back, about, like, everything? O, can you have taken so long to occur? Are you permanent?" Sometimes I feel that it can be a great challenge to feel content or relaxed in this area. Even if something bad happened to you in another part of the country, all you'd need to do would be to move here. Then the memory of all the rotten parts of the bad moment will become that much more finely honed. Sometimes I am cynical about this supposed center of power. But it could pass. I suppose there is some reason I keep ending up in this part of the world. (And, floating around in there somewhere, imagine where one could apply the following statement: "You are too intelligent to engage in that kind of behavior.")

Practical Accomplishments

Knitting, working on resume again, job searching, eating an apple.

Tree!!!

And falling leaves...

Of Towers & Textiles...

Fortunately, I was educated by experts on the textile part, but alas, they are camera-shy (at least for internet purposes) or I'd have some more exciting tower pictures to post...

New thing

Visual

For some lighter-hearted musical car driving...

But, there's beautiful things that spring from these rows
With their musical names, and musical sounds
--Memories
Telescope Eyes
I Wasn't Prepared
Golly Sandra
Marvelous Things
Brightly Wound
Lost At Sea
My Lovely
Just Like We Do
And oh my love
We can live on the sun
and wouldn't we be attractive
Riding in our shiny motor cars
With eyeglasses full of stars
and plenty of paper for scenery paintings
'Cause we found all the dire dreams
of men and machines and
Turned them all around to
Enjoy them and benefit ourselves
Our paperback books, our charming looks
Our identical hands
Composing our commands
--Plenty of Paper
One Day I Slowly Floated Away
Out one day
Walking one day
Out one day, with you hallelujah
We found a wood and then we unfound a wood
And then we cried, "Oh No"
And, please tell me will we ever find it again?
In the depths of Trolly Wood
Do trollies still drive?
Gone for the day to the Trolly Wood
I've gone for the day to the Trolly Wood
I've gone for the day to the Trolly Wood
The Trolly Wood is taking me away
Out one day
Walking one day
Out one day with you hallelujah
--Trolleywood

Current Project

Friends are teaching me how to knit!

Today's voting experience

I just voted at a local elementary school. I decided to look it up online and found out it has a blog with library book wishlist. Hmmm. Maybe one day, in the not-too-distant future, some schools will actually have things like art classes in them again! (I just thought of that because a friend of mine who is working the polls today is also studying to become an art teacher, and because I heard that the public schools around my grandparents' house no longer offer art classes.) As I was waiting in line, I stood behind a girl reading a book called Tehanu and a guy reading a Spanish/English short stories text. It took less than an hour to wait. Just before I voted, I saw a friend (E, I think?) on his way out. "They've got the paper ballots working in there." "Hey, did you see Univision?" "Yeah, I talked to the lady inside. I think she thought I was hitting on her. I was just looking for a job!" Ha-ha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other brushes with election-related television fame: my aunt, who lives in Wasilla, was on the news because (she says) Sarah Palin CUT in line in front of her to vote, and my friend's boyfriend was shown on Jordanian TV playing guitar and singing with a McCain supporter polls worker.

Written from a nice, relaxed state of mind

Which I did not necessarily possess all day long. Illustration: At one point, as I was crossing a street, I heard a quiet, sinister sounding laugh. I tried to see where it had come from and turned to look at a large image of Jesus on the side of a van. (What's the matter with that juxtapostion?) Later, I resorted to utilizing a little tune about loving yourself, which I heard the other day. I think it helped. At first it did not, but I made myself listen to it in my head. Maybe I was even singing it aloud, who knows. I did this even though a big part of my mind could have found it to be very silly or narcissistic. If you are really really down at the bottom of a pit for some reason, it might help. It went, in part, I love myself/I love myself/I I I/me me me. I got it from a phone number which a friend and I called when we were looking through a book called Juicy Pens, Thirsty Paper. ***insert musical notes***
Also, I found out the other day that playing with the kinds of toys that kids use in kindergarten class can be beautifully stress-relieving and FUN.
The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, a book which my friend spontaneously gave to me, has actually been very interesting. Even though some of what I read in it can trigger stress responses, it has been helpful in negotiating a sense of how to be in the world.

Quiet a mind

when were you a brave man or woman
when were you a wise woman or man
and when were you
most apt to be walking
in the footsteps
you most wanted to walk in?
1)stress
2)dis-ease
3)physical ailments
4)mental/emotional ailments
5)clutter of things or thoughts
6)screaming and pounding a steering wheel
7)lay back on a bed
8)problems don't do anything
9)quiet a mind